I own absolutely nothing to do with Twilight. I just like to play with the characters.
This takes place just after Edward leaves in New Moon. A word of warning, if anything overtly Christian offends you, please back out now, because that is exactly where this story is going- and why it is listed in the "spiritual" category.
It is sad at the beginning. But that is where she starts out. We have to understand and feel her pain before she can start to deal with it. Angela is going to be her "sun" instead of Jake. I do not intend to make any of the Cullens "evil", if it happens later it just does, but that is not the intent. Jasper will probably not enter until Bella is at least on the way to finding herself. I may be slow, but don't give up on me!
Kris
Bella
He is gone. He is really gone. This thought, and this thought alone races through my brain. After trying for so long to follow him, I have finally given up and laid down in the dirt and debris of the forest floor. I think I have scratched myself while running wildly through the forest trying to catch...him... because I do feel stinging sensations over my body. My lungs burn due to the way I ran after...him... as if even if I were not the clumsiest human alive I would ever be able to catch up.
My heart hurts. This pain in my chest, that has nothing to do with any physical pain I may have acquired while pursuing my love, this pain just hurts so bad. Who knew that heartbreak was a true, physical pain? I always thought it was just emotional, never having suffered it before. But it is not. No, it feels as if a cannon were right in front of me and just blasted a huge hole in the center of my chest. I look down expecting there to be some visible sign of my pain. Surely if something hurts this bad it will be visible to the eye? But nothing is there. Just my beat up jacket, which has several more rips in it than it did before. Alice is will never let me wear it looking like this.
Alice...
The hole in my heart opens up more now. If anything, it has gotten bigger. He said that they were all leaving. Actually, I think he said they already left. He alone stuck around to humor me with a goodbye. My best friend. My love. My life. My family. My... everything.
Curling up in a ball and wrapping my arms around my legs I stare up at the canopy. I do not know exactly how far into the forest I am, but I can not hear any cars or other noises so I assume I am far from my home. He left me close to the house, I guess he intended that I go back to my house when he was done. Stupid me, I can not even do a break up correctly. No wonder it was so easy for him to leave, for him to pretend to love me, for all of them to pretend to love me.
Through my sadness, a brief flicker of anger coursed through me. Was I just a joke to the entire family? I guess that would make more sense than to think that they actually cared for me, especially if this is the way they were taking themselves out of my life forever. My second 'parents' really did not need another child, after all, they had the others. What I had thought were bonding experiences with Alice while shopping, though I loathed it, might have just been her attempt at either having a life size dress up doll, or getting to dress and tell someone what to do since she herself would never have a child. Emmett, with his joking and carefree attitude, was he really laughing 'at' me and not 'with' me all of those times he got such a kick out of my humanness and unnatural clumsiness? I suppose I should be grateful for Rosalie and Jasper, they at least made no attempt to pretend to like me. I thought they were the snobbiest and scariest of them all. However, looking back now maybe they were actually the most truthful of the entire family. At least they did not pretend.
Somewhere in my subconscious I realize that although I can not see the sky through the leaves, it has gotten significantly darker. With the dark came the cold. Shaking in my light jacket, I can not help but wonder if it is from the cold, or just shock that he always expected me to go into after dealing with mythological creatures.
Ed... him... even after everything he said it still hurts to think about him. Scrunching my eyes I try to ignore what I see, but there is no way around it. All I can see is his hardened eyes, his cool demeanor. Was he that good at pretending to love me? I know I have never done this before, but was I really that easy to confuse? Then again, he did have weapons on his side that any other mere boy would not have.
His love might not have been true, but mine was, mine is. How do you force yourself to stop loving someone? How am I supposed to let go? How do I forget?
No matter which emotion I choose, the sadness or the anger, either way this hole in my chest is still there. Rain begins to trickle down through the leaves and land on me. It is cold, but I feel colder inside. Shivering, wet, eyes shut, I just keep thinking...
He's gone...