The third night after April and Jackson move into the house Meredith hears crying coming from Izzie's room.
It's just past 1 AM, and until the crying started the house had been silent. The occupants of the house had all retired to their rooms hours earlier, Lexie first, then Jackson, then April, then Alex, and finally Meredith around midnight. She had changed into her pajamas, turned off the lights, climbed into bed, and stared at the ceiling. The bed felt too empty without Derek next to her. She missed his warmth, his smell, even the way he'd sling his arm a little too heavily around her sometimes so she'd have to squirm out from under it to breathe.
So she's not sure when she turns on the lamp and gets out of bed whether it's because she really cares about the crying in Izzie's room, or because she needs some excuse to get out of the too big, too cold, too empty bed. Either way she finds herself leaving her room, shuffling down the hall until she reaches the door and pauses. Should she knock? Just start talking and hope April hears? Flee back to the relative safety of her own room?
She knocks. The crying continues. If April heard, she says nothing.
"April?" Meredith tries quietly, "Are you okay?"
She waits a moment, but there is still no response. Her head is telling her to leave it be, to go back to her room and get back into bed, and stare at the ceiling until she falls asleep. But April keeps crying, and Meredith can feel the younger woman's hand in her own- the way it shook as they sat on the floor of the scrub room and April tried to tell her that everything would be okay even as she cried for the best friend that she had lost.
In seconds she opens the door, and her eyes take a moment to adjust to the darkness before she can make out the room properly. She realizes then that April, curled tightly on her side in bed, is asleep. All the muscles of her body are tensed except for her eyelids, which flutter lightly as tears pass unnoticed from beneath them.
Meredith pauses, a statue in the doorway of the bedroom. This all seems too personal, too intimate. She has no business seeing April like this, after all she wouldn't want April to see her like this. The only one she would be okay with seeing her like this would be Cristina, but Cristina is her best friend. Cristina is her person. Then she remembers that April has no best friend. That April's person was shot. That April is only here crying in Izzie's room because Reed was April's Cristina, and Reed is dead.
So she walks into the room, hesitating for only a second by April's bedside before perching lightly on the edge of the bed and gently grasping her shoulder.
"April," Meredith says softly, shaking her a little when she doesn't rouse, "April wake up."
April gives a quick intake of breath and the crying suddenly stops as she stirs, confused.
"Reed?" Her voice is thick with sleep, her eyes still shut, "Was I snoring again? 'M sorry."
Meredith's own voice catches in her throat. April is only barely awake, she could just tell her that it's fine. Pretend to be Reed just for a minute and let April go back to sleep without having to remember that her best friend is dead. Give the poor girl a moment of feeling like nothing has changed, that she's still safe and sound in her apartment and the whole shooting was just a horrible nightmare.
"Reed?" April asks again, her voice clearer this time.
"April it's Meredith," Meredith says finally, "Reed's not here."
It takes a second to sink in, but then April's eyes open and she takes in her surroundings. First the room, then the bed, and then Meredith with her hand still on her shoulder.
"You were crying," Meredith offers when she sees the look of fear and confusion in April's eyes. Beneath her hand she can feel April beginning to shake again.
"Oh, I'm sorry," even April's words shake as her breaths start to come fast again, "I didn't even realize..."
She's getting the same look on her face that Derek and Alex had when they first woke up. It's the look of recognition, of waking up and realizing that it wasn't all some bad dream.
"Hey, it's okay. Why don't you sit up," Meredith pauses to grab April's arms and help her shift so she's propped up against the headboard and now it's definitely too intimate, but she presses on, "and take a deep breath, and I'll get you a glass of water, okay?"
"Okay." April says, still shaking but breathing better than she was as Meredith releases her arms and goes to retrieve the water. When she comes back April has turned the lamp on. She's breathing normally, and her body's shake has turned into a slight quiver.
"Here you go," Meredith says, sitting back on the edge of the bed and handing April the glass of water. She waits until April has taken a few small sips and set the glass on the bedside table between the lamp and alarm clock then asks, "Nightmare?"
April shrugs and gives a sort of cynical chuckle, "I don't know. I guess so. I don't remember."
Meredith nods, not sure what to say. April is calm now, but she'd feel wrong just leaving her alone. She'd be leaving her to stare at the ceiling and think about the moment when she realized, while soaked in her blood, that Reed was dead. Or the moment when she ran out of the office and watched the gunman shoot Derek in the chest. Or the moment when she stared down the barrel of the gun and pleaded for her life.
"I'm sorry," April says finally, jolting Meredith out of her thoughts, "for waking you up."
"It's okay, you don't need to be sorry."
"But I do, because you let me move into your house and I'm keeping you up crying, and we're not even friends, and-"
"Hey," Meredith cuts in, turning and placing her hands on April's shoulders, "we are friends."
"We are?"
"Yes."
For a moment April's eyes scan Meredith's trying to decide if she's just saying that or if she really means it. Then her eyes fill with tears as she sniffles and manages a small smile.
"Thank you," she says quietly, "I was afraid with Reed gone that I… I wouldn't have anyone. She was the only one who cared about me before."
"Well now you have me," Meredith replies, returning the smile, "And you have Jackson."
April laughs, "I don't know about that."
"It's true. When you fell asleep on his shoulder waiting at the hospital for Reed and Charles's families to get there one of the nurses suggested admitting you for shock and they almost called security on him because he freaked out and started screaming at her that there was no way in hell they were going to take you away from him. You were out cold."
They can't help but laugh a little, Meredith at the memory and April in surprise.
"He never told me that," April giggles. Even in the dark Meredith can sense that she's blushing.
"Well once morning rolled around he was denying the whole thing."
April's cheeks are burning now, but she's smiling a little, and she relaxes against the headboard. She scrunches up her nose and shakes her head, both touched and embarrassed by the story.
"So see," Meredith says, "You have people who care about you. You're not alone April."
"Thank you," April says again, and before Meredith realizes what is happening she's being wrapped up in a hug. Normally she's not much of a hugger, but this time she doesn't hesitate to hug April back. She even lets the hug linger for a moment before pulling back.
"Are you going to be okay if I go back to bed?" She asks. April nods, adjusting her pillows and snuggling back down under her covers as Meredith stands up and turns the lamp off.
"Goodnight Meredith," April calls softly as Meredith reaches the doorway.
"Goodnight April." The door clicks quietly behind Meredith as she shuffles back down the hallway to her room. She turns her own lamp off, crawls into bed, and closes her eyes. Derek may be in the hospital for a few more days, but as Meredith drifts off to sleep she is just grateful that she's not alone.