Chapter 1:
"You can't leave me. I won't be able to live without you; you're the only one keeping my heart beating. You see, before I met you my life had no real purpose. I had no real purpose. Now you're my purpose, and if you give up; if you leave me what can I do? I need you, Rei. I need you more than I need the air that I breathe. Our meeting wasn't chance, Rei. Don't you understand that? We were and are supposed to be together. Forever. What am I without you? You can't leave me Rei! You can't. I know you can hear me, and I know that you're not trying to hold on. You were never a quitter! And I can't believe you're giving up now, when you need to fight the most! …I'm here, Rei. And I'm not going to leave your side. I'm helping you; and I'm not going to let you go!"
His words echoed in the private hospital room, unheard by anyone but himself. He let out a weary sigh and ran his thumb over the soft expanse of skin in his hand. He held the limp limb loosely; could feel its lifeless weight in his palm. He studied the slender fingers that curled gently around his hand and allowed a ghost of a smile to curl his lips.
"You've always been by my side, Rei. You've stood by me through the hard times…and you've laughed with me through the good. I know it doesn't sound like much, but it meant everything to me; that you cared enough to put your own life on hold for me. You had such great expectations, and I just let you put them aside for me as if they meant nothing to me. And I know it's a bit…late to say this now, Rei but your dreams were what kept me going when I wanted to quit. You probably don't remember but I used to sit and listen to you talk about what you wanted to accomplish in the future. I know you thought I wasn't really listening. But I heard every word. And I can remember every word too."
He lifted his saddened crimson gaze to rest on Rei's face. He trained his eyes on the flawless features and fought the stinging tears that formed at their lashed corners.
"I'm not going to cry, Rei. No matter what you say…or do. You're the only one who's seen my tears and I refuse to allow anyone else to witness what you…created. Yes, Rei. I'm me, because of you. I cry because of you and I laugh because of you. And I breathe because of you."
He heard the grating song of a cricket just outside the closed window and slowly shifted out of the armchair that he'd moved closer to the exclusively-broad hospital bed earlier that day. He hesitated a fraction, not wanting to release Rei's hand. But as the song grew frustrating he knew he wouldn't have a choice.
"I'll only be gone a moment, Rei," he whispered to the comatose youth, allowing the slack hand to slip easily from his loose hold. He felt momentarily alone but it was passing. He hadn't released Rei's hand since he'd arrived at the hospital three days ago. Now he felt…abandoned, as though Rei had really already left him for good. He hurried to the window and opened it enough for him to stick his head out. The song stopped at his appearance and he scanned the bushes below him, glaring at any possible nuisance that might've been there.
When he was satisfied that the bug wasn't going to annoy either himself or Rei he moved back inside and closed the window, drawing the dark curtains together, hindering the moon's bright light to enter the room.
He turned back around, but didn't return to the armchair. From where he stood, with the lamp's pale light, he watched the slow yet steady rise and fall of Rei's chest as he breathed; the mask covering his nose and mouth offering him fresh, sterilized air.
"It's not fair, is it?" He asked the room, as it seemed to be the only one really listening to him. He took one step forward and stopped, his head lowering. "They always say that it happens to the best of us, but in truth it only happens to those who really don't deserve it." He continued forward until his hip touched the bed. He clasped his hands in front of him. "You didn't deserve it, Rei. You don't deserve to be lying here, helpless. Unwillingly paralyzed, imprisoned in this room. They come and go, Rei. But you stay." He paused. "…You've always stayed." Slowly he slid into the armchair and took Rei's hand in his own again, this time holding it with enough to pressure to show how much he really cared.
"I'm back, Rei. You don't have to worry anymore. You never worried, did you? You floated through life, flowing with the changes that happened around you. Did you know that you were the only one who affected me, out of everyone? Including…the others… They tried; I know they did. But it wasn't them I wanted, was it?"
He heard a slight gap in the soft beep that repeated in the room. Almost instantly he felt hot, before his blood ran cold. He turned his head swiftly to the machine that stood a few feet away and followed the zigzagging rise and fall of the scope as it read Rei's heart.
It appeared unbothered, but as his gaze focused on it he saw the straight line. It was short. But it was still there.
His grip instinctively tightened and he held Rei's hand, moving his free hand to the armchair's armrest. He clenched it, keeping his eyes fixed on the scope, and his ears sharp. But as the minutes passed he realized with hopefulness that it wasn't going to happen again.
Releasing a great breath he looked at Rei and slowly shook his head.
"I know what you're trying to do, Rei. Please…don't…" He was caught off guard when a new, familiar voice filled the room's silence. He was momentarily startled but quickly covered up by turning his head away from the owner of the voice.
"Is it wise to keep him alive?"
The simple question tore at his heart, as it had many times before when he'd asked himself the same thing.
"Is it fair to force him to suffer?"
"He is not suffering, Tala," he answered the redhead that stood unmoving by the door. Kai hadn't heard him come in and he berated himself for being distracted. "He is simply…giving up."
"Giving up…or surrendering to the freedom from the pain? Ask yourself this, Kai. Is it fair to Rei?"
Kai closed his eyes. He had asked himself. And always came up with the same answer.
"What he's doing to me isn't fair, Tala."
"And how did you come up with that?" Kai could hear the frown in Tala's voice. He sighed.
"I need him, Tala. I need him…and without him nothing would be how it should be. We were together when it happened. I'm sure you heard the story." When Tala said nothing he went on, "Rei and I were coming back from a quick walk to the store. He had wanted to go alone but I insisted that I go with. He didn't mind. Rei never complained about anything I did. Or didn't do. I see now that it was my fault. I dropped a bag and…this…stupid tin…rolled into the street." He sounded incredulous. "I didn't see it so I just repacked the bag and…stood up. I saw the bag Rei had been carrying on the pavement in front of me and I turned to see where he had gone. He was kneeling in the street, barely a foot from the pavement. As he straightened up, and turned to look at me, I saw the car. Its like…it just appeared out of nowhere. And I could just watch." He stopped abruptly, the tears he'd held back earlier now flowing freely down his cheeks. But he didn't dare brush them away.
"It wasn't your fault, Kai," was all Tala said, his voice soft. He'd heard the story, but it had been slightly vague. No one had known the real story. But Kai did…and he would never forget it.
"If I'd stayed at the apartment, I wouldn't have dropped the bag. That stupid tin wouldn't have rolled away and Rei…" He sighed. "Rei wouldn't have stepped into the road to retrieve it."
"It could've happened anyway, Kai. Rei could've dropped the bag. The car could've swerved onto the pavement. It was meant…to be…"
Kai finally looked at him, crimson meeting once cold now bleak blue. When he saw the pain in Tala's eyes he softened his voice.
"Maybe it was meant to be, Tala. But its clear Rei isn't supposed to die; otherwise he wouldn't be here now."
Tala nodded slowly, a small, sad smile forming. "Maybe you're right Kai. But its clear Rei is hurting. He was released from surgery barely three days ago. I spoke to the surgeon before I came to see you and he told me that Rei had suffered severe internal damage. He was surprised to see that Rei was still alive, and still holding on."
Kai returned his gaze to Rei's face and sighed. "He'll never be the same again. If he…does wake up. The surgeon spoke to me as well. Rei's heart stopped twice during surgery, and he warned me about possible…brain damage."
"That doesn't necessarily mean that Rei will have any permanent problems, Kai."
"I don't only mean that, Tala," Kai sighed. "Rei is an athletic person. He strives to remain healthy and before the accident he used to do special exercises. With the damage his body has received he won't be able to do them anymore."
"Not straight away, no. But one day." Tala tried to comfort his friend to the best of his ability. He hadn't moved from the door, and felt he had no right to. He'd already imposed by entering the room. He knew Kai needed as much time alone with Rei as possible. Though he wouldn't admit it to anyone, he didn't think the Neko-Jin was going to pull through. "I'm sorry Kai…"
Kai closed his eyes at the words. He knew what Tala was saying to him, but he wouldn't allow the redhead's pessimism to drown his own confidence.
-
Tala left shortly after, leaving Kai to his thoughts. He shifted closer to the bed and rested his head next to Rei's hand, never releasing it.
"You never gave up on me, Rei. And I'm not going to give up on you. They don't think you're strong enough. And I'll help you to get strong again, I swear! Because you made me strong."
There was a lengthy silence as Kai allowed the sleep that had tried to pull him in to finally take him. Every now and then he would unconsciously give Rei's hand a soft, reassuring squeeze, notifying the unmoving youth of his unwavering presence.
It was a slight shift that brought him back to reality. He slowly lifted his read, a tired frown forming between his brows. He glanced around, searching the room for any signs of possible intruders, threats. But save for himself and Rei the room was unoccupied.
Another shift, this time felt rather than sensed, made him gasp out loud, his eyes widening as he slowly swung his gaze to the hand in his own. He stared at it for a long time, and gasped again when he saw the fingers straighten out slowly, as though Rei were actually trying to gain someone's attention.
"Rei?" He called softly, disbelief evident in his voice. The fingers curled around his hand, offering an answering squeeze. His breath came out fast as he looked at Rei's face, searching for any type of clue to prove that he was not dreaming.
Behind the mask, he saw the slow movement of Rei's mouth opening. But no words came out. He stood up and cupped Rei's cheek.
"Ssh, Rei. Its okay. I'm here! I'm here…"
The heart monitor's tone increased slightly and Kai hastened to calm his love.
"No, Rei. Relax. You're alright. Just take it easy. I'm not going anywhere!"
It was almost too good to be true, and Kai had to bite the inside of his cheek to make sure he wasn't indeed dreaming this miracle. Rei was awake. And responding to his voice.
As gently as he could he ran his fingers through Rei's soft hair, lulling him into a calmed doze, all the while murmuring reassuring words.
And before the morphine and the sedative the doctor had given pulled him back into his deep slumber, Rei used all his strength to pull Kai's hand to his chest, where he held it against his heart. He ignored the pain it caused, simply grateful to have his savior so close to him…