I attempted to write this story as an actual episode of The Office US (well, who here doesn't?). To place this in the timeline, let's squeeze it in as a potential episode for the second season. While I've seen The Office many times, I do not pretend to know everything. Also I've never been a contestant on Wheel of Fortune either and I took some liberties with the show itinerary; I merely researched some behind the scenes stuff and then rolled with it. Enjoy!
"By some sheer luck and a little networking through Meredith – of all people – Wheel of Fortune auditioned two people from our very own little Scranton, PA town AND—"
Pam squealed, "From Dunder Mifflin!" She bounced in her chair. "Sorry, Jim, but you weren't announcing it fast enough."
"Oh, Beesley," he chimed at her, grinning like he won the lottery. "Yes, two contestants from Dunder Mifflin are going to be on Wheel of Fortune. I wonder how Dwight will act around Vanna?"
Pam's cheeks radiated. "That is a good question, James. Also follow up question," she held her finger in the air. "How will Pat and Vanna react to Michael AND Dwight? In the same room?"
Jim checked his trusted wristwatch. "They have now taped the episode and the two should be back in their hotel either celebrating from winning big or complaining they didn't get enough screen time."
"Or that it was all rigged," Pam snickered. She pretended to hold a microphone at Jim. "What do you expect to see when the show airs?"
He took the pretend microphone and announced, "I bet my dignity and pride that either Michael or Dwight will profess their love to Vanna."
"James, how will you strip yourself of this dignity and pride if it doesn't happen?"
"I will eat an entire buttercream cake with one of my mom's dresses on."
She snorted and reached closer to the pretend microphone still in Jim's grip. "What if they edit it out?"
"Oh I have connections," he teased and felt her warmth so close to his face. "You can take that to the bank, Beesley."
Their giggles and laughter from the conference room could be heard from the annex.
Chapter 1 - Toss-Up Puzzle #1
As Marcus, the contestant coordinator, explained the play-by-play of announcing a particular letter, spinning the luminescent Wheel, and clapping for the other contestants, Michael Scott was visiting an imaginary island with Vanna White in his head. He barely heard anything Marcus said.
Dwight leaned over after Marcus left and whispered to Michael, "Are you thinking of a naked Vanna turning the letters on the board in your bathroom too?"
Whipped right out of his fantasy Michael hissed, "You can't have Vanna in your serial killer bathroom. She's on an island with me in mine. Not. Sharing."
His pride deflated, Dwight was tired of choosing Pat Sajack in his fantasies. When he and Mose were kids Mose always chose Vanna first and pretended to stand in front of their analog Tv, pushing the letters to appear. Dwight never spun the wheel either.
Michael ran his fingers through a lagoon of gel in his black hair. "By the time we finish the show, Vanna and I will be on a cruise sipping mojitos on the way to Hawaii."
"Can I go?" Dwight's mood elevated from defeat to determination. "I promise to give you your mojito first and keep any and all guys off your Wheel Lady."
"Wheel Lady?" Michael's eyebrows furrowed but he realized something cute about the nickname. "I like it. You know what? I'll even let you hold her tennis racket and retrieve my balls."
The studio lights bounced off Dwight's glasses as he jumped with glee. A young female intern peered curiously at Dwight's excitement. "I will be delighted to hold your balls, Michael. You won't regret having me there."
The two beamed at each other.
Marcus appeared in front of a dark heavy curtain partitioning the studio and the audience seating. "It's showtime, super stars!"
"Did you hear that, Michael?" Dwight, ecstatic as a kid on Christmas morning, tugged on his manager's sleeve. "We're going to be famous."
Michael didn't answer, for he had visions of dancing Vannas and Ferraris in his head. Marcus had to remind Michael to watch his steps on the platform to the Big Wheel. Dwight caught a flailing Michael on the last tricky step, but Michael popped away his friend's hand, shuddering in quick embarrassment but mostly aggravated that another daydream was interrupted.
"Mr. Scott, please stand on this taller platform; Mr Schrute will take the smaller one. We like to have everyone level on camera," Marcus instructed, pointing between the two.
The arrangement ignited more of Michael's anger. "I feel, Coordinator Marcus, that my managerial position at Dunder Mifflin dictates I should..." he waved his hands around to mentally catch the right word, "...maintain my managerial status even on television so that people will know I am the manager and he-" presenting Dwight into the conversation, "- is the assistant to the managerial status."
Dwight mumbled with a tight smile. "Assistant managerial status.."
None of Michael's declaration made sense to Marcus, and he patted the taller platform, beckoning Michael on it. "Everybody is equal here until you win, Mr. Scott. So forget the real world and submit to the Wheel. It knows all!" he whispered with the delight of a deranged employee who sold his soul one fateful night to a Wheel gremlin. Dwight blinked a couple of times but remembered what the show meant to him as a child. He shall spin the wheel and make Michael and the world proud!
To Michael, it might as well be doomsday or the end of a big sale he missed at Macy's. He thumped on the taller platform and stood head-to-head with a grinning Dwight. "You look like you're squeezing the world's biggest hernia. Stop it," he scowled across the flashy studio, hoping it explode into a million pieces. Dwight softened his diabolical expression into a smirk.
While the four other contestants joined the Wheel party, Dwight and Michael surveyed the glitzy atmosphere of spotlights as pretty as diamonds, a floating cascade of sparkly colors blitzing from the Wheel below them, and the letterboard in the distance, ready for its star. Michael felt his skin hot, and it wasn't from the lights.
Taping for the show began and Pat Sajack graced his presence with a winning, homely smile and an acknowledgment at the contestants. Dwight swore he heard Pat say, "Heil Wheel" and even keeled behind the platform; Dwight tried getting Michael's attention but he shoo'ed Dwight away and mumbled incoherent babble. Marcus mimicked his hand grabbing the buzzer, urging the contestants to do the same. Dazzled by Vanna walking across the studio and standing near the letterboard, Michael stood motionless. Dwight shoved the buzzer in Michael's hand.
"It's Best Friends week and here we go with the Toss-Up puzzle," Pat announced; five contestants watched the letterboard like hungry hawks. Michael, the sixth contestant, stared at Vanna with hearts in his eyes. He was shaken out of his fantasy, again, by his 'assistant's' need to yell an answer like they were at a charged political rally.
"God, Dwight. That was my ear!"
Pat interjected after the audience's applause and chuckled at Dwight's boisterous display of achievement. "I like your energy. Welcome, buddy."
Behind the camera Marcus celebrated for Dwight and promptly reverted back to a more reserved manner as his colleagues stood confounded. The lanyard around his neck swung to a half-hearted stop, and he gave a thumbs-up to Dwight, who didn't see it, or chose not to.
Pat looked at his notecards. "We have two friends from Scranton, Pennsylvania with us today. They work at a regional paper company-"
"Dunder Mifflin!" Someone shouted from the audience. Michael wondered how Meredith sneaked into the audience; Dwight shouted 'yeah!' and 'Fangirls!'
"We'll have to edit that out, sorry..." Pat said with a hint of discipline. "Please don't say specific company names. The Big Wig doesn't like it." He waved it off with a chuckle, and Dwight perceived it as a silent nod to the real boss: the one sitting beneath them.
"Say hello to Michael Scott and Dwight Schrute. Tell us about yourselves."
Michael waved across the studio at his crush. "I love Vanna."
It was an old joke to Pat, but he took it in his stride. "She's our golden child. We all love her."
When Michael said nothing else, Dwight hesitated to talk out of turn but Pat and Marcus nodded at him to take over the conversation. He fist pumped the air and declared, " I love the Wheel!"
Michael grew tired of not having Vanna in his arms. "I am a successful man in the prime of my life, ready for the right woman and I do believe I will meet her soon." He felt satisfied that Vanna heard every word; however he looked straight into the camera during his confession and hadn't noticed Vanna slipping behind the board and took a break crocheting.
Pat avoided asking Michael to elaborate more. "Dwight, you mentioned paintball tournaments and volunteer work. Do you want to discuss more about volunteering?"
"Yes, Pat. I am available after 6pm Monday – Friday and on weekends except on the 1st and 2nd Saturdays of the month." He stopped suddenly. "Oh not on Sundays either... at least before noon." His comment made Angela in incognito sitting in the audience relent her dagger eyes, and she smiled.
Pat tapped his cards on the podium. "Good to know. We'll keep in touch with you and your great work. Excellent. Well, the next pair of friends here are from Miami, Florida..."
Boring, Michael thought of the other people. Were they competing for Vanna's love too? His epic cruise to Hawaii wasn't big enough for him, his mom, Vanna, Dwight, and a bunch of nobodies. Why did he have to be the same height as the others? He needed to stick out from the crowd so Vanna would fall in love. Their actual names weren't important and he defaulted to his nicknaming scheme: Inky and Winky two old ladies from the Swamp, and Paul and Jaul from Montana or one of those Forest Saint Nowheres. Dwight commented he knew a Paul from that region but didn't remember Paul having any friends.
Jaul proclaimed, "I have a wife and a kid and I am in love with my best friend." He feigned a loving look at Paul, who could have died right in his spot.