Shadows of Fire
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon created and owns the characters. I just endlessly think about them. ^_^
Summary: Finding the balance. Takes place after The Killer in Me. Spike/Buffy
*Chapter 1*
They sit across from one another. She knows that there is so much to say. He should be first.
But she's the leader in this army now. He hasn't had command for a long time.
Maybe he never had that power. She has only recently accepted and truly wanted it.
They told her what happened. What they suspected. What they feared. But they didn't know anything.
He knows. But he hasn't told anyone. She understands secrets. But this is different.
He brought doubt and fear to her family. He never should have done that. That she can't understand.
This is a time when they must stay together. They have to be strong and sure.
Any weakness must be eliminated and never be allowed to reappear.
"Will you tell me why?" Simple beginning.
"I'd rather tell everyone at once."
"Don't I deserve to know first?" I'm the leader.
"Yes you do. You did. But it's different now." He is solid with his answer.
"Everyone? Even the potentials?"
"Yes. Everyone needs to know the situation."
"I have some things to discuss as well. Everyone should hear it too."
The choices I've had to make recently have been hard. But when I honestly think about it, that isn't true.
This last decision was rather simple. It should've been complicated but it wasn't.
There can't be any secrets among us. Especially now.
"I'll get Xander to gather everyone." He nods his head.
I get up and move to the kitchen. He stays seated.
Entering the kitchen I see Rona, Vi, Dawn and Xander standing around the counter top.
"Hi Buffy." It's a silent question from Xander.
"I need you to get everyone together. Giles and I have some things to say."
"Right now?" Xander has already moved toward the basement.
"Yeah." He opens the door. "Except Spike." He gives me a look. Why does he do that?
"He needs to rest. He still hasn't fully recovered. Tell him I'll fill him in after."
"Ok." He heads downstairs, where I can hear the rest of the potentials arguing with Andrew and Anya.
I have no idea how Spike can sleep down there. Or anywhere for that matter.
Lately this house has been the center for everything. Battles and dinners.
The noise can get to be too much for me. I miss the silence.
I can't even get it when I hunt anymore.
I always have some trainees with me. Asking questions. Ignoring my lessons.
My patrols do nothing to relieve the stress and fear creeping up on me.
The coming battle will be worse than any before it.
And there have been ones I didn't survive.
How do I protect all these innocents? I couldn't even really protect Dawn.
Ok that's not what I want to think about right now.
There's already way too much to think about. I don't need to dwell on the past.
I realize that everyone in the kitchen is just standing; watching me.
Sheesh can't even think without company!
"Let's move to the living room." I order.
"Should I get snacks?" Dawn is anxious to help.
"No Dawnie. That isn't needed right now." I leave them. And they follow.
Giles is now standing in the doorway. Hands in his pockets.
I'm angry with myself for not noticing something sooner. There has been so much going on.
He's been acting strange since he got here. But I have had my hands full. Even before his return.
I hear the others coming up the stairs. Loud as always.
Once they see the expressions on the other occupants of the room they quiet down and sit.
Xander is standing next to me. He leans over and whispers in my ear, "He isn't happy being left out."
"I know. But he doesn't need to be up here. It's better that he rests."
He goes and sits next to Willow.
I look at Giles. But I can't read his eyes. Not like I used to.
"Ok. I would like you all to be quiet and listen to whatever Giles has to say."
"Don't you have something to tell them, Buffy?" Giles asks.
I guess he isn't ready to explain himself. I wish he would go first.
"We both do. You should go first but if not…"
He seems disturbed by my anger. "I'd prefer that you go ahead of me."
"Fine." Yeah this should be easy.
"There isn't any reason to be alarmed. I want you all to understand you're safe. I'd never do anything that might harm any of you. There are many reasons that this'll be for the best."
They're all looking at me with some confusion. Well, all except Xander. He knows.
"Spike no longer has the chip." There are the shocked looks I expected.
"What?" "Why?" "Oh GOD!" "I don't understand." "He'll kill us!" "Are you crazy?"
That is what I caught from the flood of comments thrown at me.
"Let me try to explain. Please be quiet." I know that I can get their attention easily but I'm surprised when they all quiet down.
I didn't shout but it still worked better than I thought it would.
"When you were all gone on your quest, the chip began to deteriorate. It chip was killing him. I was given the choice to either remove it or have it repaired. As you now know, I had it removed."
This is a lot simpler to tell than I imagined it would be.
"He hasn't completely healed. That's why I would like you all to let him rest. I want you all to know that Spike has changed. The chip did not do that. He will not harm you. You are safe."
There. Simple and straight. Nothing confusing.
Oh who am I kidding! Everything is complicated and confusing!
But I don't see any fear in their faces. Maybe some concern and perhaps the confusion I'm sure they feel.
But no fear.
That's so much better than I could have dreamed.
"Well then. That was what I had to say. Glad everyone has taken it so well." I give them a smile.
I don't smile often. It means a lot more than anyone could guess.
"Now. Giles. What has been going on? Why've you been acting so strange? And keeping secrets?"
I think I sounded stable. I hope my anger and fear didn't come through too much.
He has been staring at me. I don't think he expected to hear about Spike. What did he expect?
"Uh. Umm. Yeah ok then." He's gathered himself now.
"There's much I need to tell you. I'm going to start off by apologizing for not confessing to you sooner. I never meant for any of you to fear me or believe me to be evil." He's genuine in his apology.
I'm still standing and everyone is still seated. I honestly don't know what to expect from him anymore.
"I haven't completely been myself for sometime. I have a Shadow Dancer with me." Huh? What is that?
"I know you don't know what that is. I'll try to clarify."
Ok… Can he read minds now? Nah. He just knows me.
"Buffy. During your quest for answers on love, I did a ritual. I had transferred my guardianship to your guide. Doing that gave me an opportunity to call other powers without interference. I asked for the power to fight with you against Glory. They awakened my own personal Shadow Dancer. My other side."
"Wha…" I don't know what to say.
"Let me finish. There's more."
Everyone is even more shocked than before. And now they are scared. I'm scared.
Is this Giles? What did he do to himself? That was years ago! How did I not notice?
"Even with the new power... I still lost you. I'll forever regret not doing something sooner. I used my Shadow when no one would see. That's why none of you know. I did not tell you because it's a side of me I don't want any of you to see."
He seems exhausted. This must be so hard for him. It has been years keeping this to himself.
"It's different now. I could control it before. But lately it has gotten difficult. The balance was first disrupted when the coven gave me the borrowed magic to fight Willow."
I see her flinch. The guilt comes flying back. It's easily readable on her face.
"The disruptions just keep coming. The Robson fellow you talked with, told you what he knew. There was a Bringer. And I should be dead. I survived because I used my Shadow. I'm afraid I still haven't recovered. The strain and effort to stay in control is exhausting."
"Giles." I'm stunned and saddened. I don't know how to help him. I don't understand this.
"Buffy. We can discuss this further. I'll tell you everything you want to know. But there is one more thing that you all must know. It has only just come to my attention. The potentials were unable to complete their quest. The First Slayer was not there."
The girls all nod their heads. They must've discussed this on the drive back. Why wasn't I told immediately?
"Buffy. She's with you."
~
Please Review!
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon created and owns the characters. I just endlessly think about them. ^_^
Summary: Finding the balance. Takes place after The Killer in Me. Spike/Buffy
*Chapter 1*
They sit across from one another. She knows that there is so much to say. He should be first.
But she's the leader in this army now. He hasn't had command for a long time.
Maybe he never had that power. She has only recently accepted and truly wanted it.
They told her what happened. What they suspected. What they feared. But they didn't know anything.
He knows. But he hasn't told anyone. She understands secrets. But this is different.
He brought doubt and fear to her family. He never should have done that. That she can't understand.
This is a time when they must stay together. They have to be strong and sure.
Any weakness must be eliminated and never be allowed to reappear.
"Will you tell me why?" Simple beginning.
"I'd rather tell everyone at once."
"Don't I deserve to know first?" I'm the leader.
"Yes you do. You did. But it's different now." He is solid with his answer.
"Everyone? Even the potentials?"
"Yes. Everyone needs to know the situation."
"I have some things to discuss as well. Everyone should hear it too."
The choices I've had to make recently have been hard. But when I honestly think about it, that isn't true.
This last decision was rather simple. It should've been complicated but it wasn't.
There can't be any secrets among us. Especially now.
"I'll get Xander to gather everyone." He nods his head.
I get up and move to the kitchen. He stays seated.
Entering the kitchen I see Rona, Vi, Dawn and Xander standing around the counter top.
"Hi Buffy." It's a silent question from Xander.
"I need you to get everyone together. Giles and I have some things to say."
"Right now?" Xander has already moved toward the basement.
"Yeah." He opens the door. "Except Spike." He gives me a look. Why does he do that?
"He needs to rest. He still hasn't fully recovered. Tell him I'll fill him in after."
"Ok." He heads downstairs, where I can hear the rest of the potentials arguing with Andrew and Anya.
I have no idea how Spike can sleep down there. Or anywhere for that matter.
Lately this house has been the center for everything. Battles and dinners.
The noise can get to be too much for me. I miss the silence.
I can't even get it when I hunt anymore.
I always have some trainees with me. Asking questions. Ignoring my lessons.
My patrols do nothing to relieve the stress and fear creeping up on me.
The coming battle will be worse than any before it.
And there have been ones I didn't survive.
How do I protect all these innocents? I couldn't even really protect Dawn.
Ok that's not what I want to think about right now.
There's already way too much to think about. I don't need to dwell on the past.
I realize that everyone in the kitchen is just standing; watching me.
Sheesh can't even think without company!
"Let's move to the living room." I order.
"Should I get snacks?" Dawn is anxious to help.
"No Dawnie. That isn't needed right now." I leave them. And they follow.
Giles is now standing in the doorway. Hands in his pockets.
I'm angry with myself for not noticing something sooner. There has been so much going on.
He's been acting strange since he got here. But I have had my hands full. Even before his return.
I hear the others coming up the stairs. Loud as always.
Once they see the expressions on the other occupants of the room they quiet down and sit.
Xander is standing next to me. He leans over and whispers in my ear, "He isn't happy being left out."
"I know. But he doesn't need to be up here. It's better that he rests."
He goes and sits next to Willow.
I look at Giles. But I can't read his eyes. Not like I used to.
"Ok. I would like you all to be quiet and listen to whatever Giles has to say."
"Don't you have something to tell them, Buffy?" Giles asks.
I guess he isn't ready to explain himself. I wish he would go first.
"We both do. You should go first but if not…"
He seems disturbed by my anger. "I'd prefer that you go ahead of me."
"Fine." Yeah this should be easy.
"There isn't any reason to be alarmed. I want you all to understand you're safe. I'd never do anything that might harm any of you. There are many reasons that this'll be for the best."
They're all looking at me with some confusion. Well, all except Xander. He knows.
"Spike no longer has the chip." There are the shocked looks I expected.
"What?" "Why?" "Oh GOD!" "I don't understand." "He'll kill us!" "Are you crazy?"
That is what I caught from the flood of comments thrown at me.
"Let me try to explain. Please be quiet." I know that I can get their attention easily but I'm surprised when they all quiet down.
I didn't shout but it still worked better than I thought it would.
"When you were all gone on your quest, the chip began to deteriorate. It chip was killing him. I was given the choice to either remove it or have it repaired. As you now know, I had it removed."
This is a lot simpler to tell than I imagined it would be.
"He hasn't completely healed. That's why I would like you all to let him rest. I want you all to know that Spike has changed. The chip did not do that. He will not harm you. You are safe."
There. Simple and straight. Nothing confusing.
Oh who am I kidding! Everything is complicated and confusing!
But I don't see any fear in their faces. Maybe some concern and perhaps the confusion I'm sure they feel.
But no fear.
That's so much better than I could have dreamed.
"Well then. That was what I had to say. Glad everyone has taken it so well." I give them a smile.
I don't smile often. It means a lot more than anyone could guess.
"Now. Giles. What has been going on? Why've you been acting so strange? And keeping secrets?"
I think I sounded stable. I hope my anger and fear didn't come through too much.
He has been staring at me. I don't think he expected to hear about Spike. What did he expect?
"Uh. Umm. Yeah ok then." He's gathered himself now.
"There's much I need to tell you. I'm going to start off by apologizing for not confessing to you sooner. I never meant for any of you to fear me or believe me to be evil." He's genuine in his apology.
I'm still standing and everyone is still seated. I honestly don't know what to expect from him anymore.
"I haven't completely been myself for sometime. I have a Shadow Dancer with me." Huh? What is that?
"I know you don't know what that is. I'll try to clarify."
Ok… Can he read minds now? Nah. He just knows me.
"Buffy. During your quest for answers on love, I did a ritual. I had transferred my guardianship to your guide. Doing that gave me an opportunity to call other powers without interference. I asked for the power to fight with you against Glory. They awakened my own personal Shadow Dancer. My other side."
"Wha…" I don't know what to say.
"Let me finish. There's more."
Everyone is even more shocked than before. And now they are scared. I'm scared.
Is this Giles? What did he do to himself? That was years ago! How did I not notice?
"Even with the new power... I still lost you. I'll forever regret not doing something sooner. I used my Shadow when no one would see. That's why none of you know. I did not tell you because it's a side of me I don't want any of you to see."
He seems exhausted. This must be so hard for him. It has been years keeping this to himself.
"It's different now. I could control it before. But lately it has gotten difficult. The balance was first disrupted when the coven gave me the borrowed magic to fight Willow."
I see her flinch. The guilt comes flying back. It's easily readable on her face.
"The disruptions just keep coming. The Robson fellow you talked with, told you what he knew. There was a Bringer. And I should be dead. I survived because I used my Shadow. I'm afraid I still haven't recovered. The strain and effort to stay in control is exhausting."
"Giles." I'm stunned and saddened. I don't know how to help him. I don't understand this.
"Buffy. We can discuss this further. I'll tell you everything you want to know. But there is one more thing that you all must know. It has only just come to my attention. The potentials were unable to complete their quest. The First Slayer was not there."
The girls all nod their heads. They must've discussed this on the drive back. Why wasn't I told immediately?
"Buffy. She's with you."
~
Please Review!