The Secret Life of Lana Lang

By Hollywood Recycle Bin

A/N: Thank you Chaney for the wonderful beta reading.

Chapter 1

Colourful.

Like a butterfly flying amongst fresh green leaves in the afternoon sun; the rockstar of the insect world and ruler of all things bright, young and pretty. That was the first thing that came to mind when I saw Chloe Sullivan walking down the school corridors for the first time. It was the start of eighth grade and I remember I was wearing my favourite baby pink sweater and a pair of jeans and sneakers. It felt so plain compared to Chloe's purple faux fur scarf, rhinestone filled denim jacket, and thin floral patterned skirt over bell bottomed jeans. I remember watching her as she walked past, looking more than a little out of place. I felt my eyes drawn to her in a way that they never were with anyone else.

I volunteered to give her a tour of the school that first day. I remember shaking her soft hand as I introduced myself, "Hi, I'm Lana Lang, welcome to Smallville." God, I felt like such a geek, staring at her long glittery blue nails as my mind raced. Will she like me? What if she doesn't? What if she thinks I'm just a hick farm girl from nowheresville who doesn't know anything? Will she ever want to hang out with me?

I never felt that way about anyone before; a need to impress, to show her that I do know about the real world, that I'm not just a pretty hick. It was strange because I'd never had an issue about growing up in a small town before. Seeing this girl, this big city glamour girl, in front of me just brought out something in me that I'd never realized existed.

It wasn't that I'd never been to the big city before, either, it's just... Chloe seemed different somehow. Special. Unique.

At that time, Chloe was... civil, to me. She was always polite and careful, though she seemed a lot more eager to hang out with my next door neighbor, Clark Kent, than me. Her infatuation with him had started since then, just like my infatuation with her.

It wasn't until the end of the day that she asked me, "So, umm... What do Amish girls do for fun?"

I was completely stunned. Frozen and tongue tied beyond words. Is that what she thinks of me? I thought as I began to panic. Chloe was looking at me expectantly, playing with a strand of her long blond hair, (she cut it before high school). When her expression turned from expectant to concerned I knew I must have stayed silent for too long.

"Um, are you ok? I haven't said anything that offended you have I?" She asked, and for the life of me I STILL couldn't find the words to answer her. It was as if my brain and my mouth got disconnected somehow and though my brain was yelling "SAY SOMETHING!" my mouth was still just hanging there, not letting out a single sound.

The blond came to apologize the next day. Apparently Clark had told her that we weren't Amish and she just assumed that I was so angry at the implication of her words that I couldn't say anything. We didn't hang out much after that. Chloe had already made close friends with Clark by then and I had started dating Whitney.

I never stopped watching her, though.

It felt strange to think about it now as I lay in bed, sleepless, with the girl still meters away in the next bed, snoring softly. I hadn't slept alone in my own bed for months; it felt strange now, not having her bare skin pressed against mine, her warm breath caressing my neck as I slept. This isn't an arrangement I'm looking forward to adapting to. I guess, like everything else in life, I'm just going to have to deal with it.

It's not like I could keep her chained to me forever. It might have been me who broke up with her but I wasn't the one who wanted out of this relationship. Chloe never loved me. How could I have been so stupid? Every Saturday afternoon she said she had to check in at the Daily Planet office and write her article. Sometimes she'd come back early, sometimes she'd stay till night fell. I really don't know much about journalism but from what I've seen you don't have a schedule to chase stories. Chloe usually writes her articles up at the Torch rather than the Planet anyway. I should have known she was actually sneaking off to spend some quality time with the new and not-so-improved party boy, Clark Kent.

I never would have thought that Chloe would ever settle for anyone so unlike our Clark, but I guess she was just as desperate to be with him as I was to be with her. Beggers can't be choosers, I should know; I've more than been there myself.

Ugh! Girl's day out. Why do I even bother? God, I can't believe I agreed to this.

It's been nearly two months since Chloe and I broke up and so far we've done a pretty good job of pretending the other didn't exist, especially for people who live together, go to school together, and hang out at pretty much all the same places. The arrangement was...painful. It was hard seeing her everyday getting dressed, going to school, ordering an Almond Mocha Frappuccino at the Talon, coming out of the shower with her wet hair sticking to her face and her skin all flushed.

Still, the arrangement was tolerable. I could live with just looking at her from afar and dreaming a dream that would never come true.

I can't be expected to spend the whole day with her, acting like nothing had ever happened between us. I'm not even sure I can carry out a whole conversation with her without accidentally bringing something up again.

God, I hadn't talked to her in what felt like centuries and suddenly she came up to me and says, "Hey, let's go out tomorrow." And then I just HAD to go and say "yes," didn't I? Even though I knew full well that I was going to be feeling like this. God, am I so pathetic that I would do anything just to be around her again? I don't even like the Smallville fair, it commercializes the meteor shower too much, like all the tragedy that happened that day just became a tourist attraction.

It wasn't until I looked into the mirror that I realized that I was wearing pink yet again. I've been wearing it a lot more than usual lately. I remembered my mother telling me how pretty I looked in pink when I was younger, one of the few memories of my parents that survived through the years. Since the meteor shower I've developed this habit of throwing on as much pink as possible when I'm feeling nervous or unsure. It makes me feel closer to them, like they're there for me, cheering me on. It's stupid, I know, but I just can't help it.

I won't be able to do that today, though. Chloe's one of the only two people who knows about the pink thing and I can't let her see what a wreck I am.

"Hey, Lana! You ready yet?" I hear her calling from the other room. No time to change now, I thought as I pulled on a blue blazer over my pink shirt. It'll just have to do.

Exciting

Chloe Sullivan is exciting. Even when she's sitting in front of the computer obsessing over a new story there's always some new villain, some new meteor mutants, out there that she just has to know about and get her hands on. It's hard finding a dull moment in her life and it's hard to be bored with her around. At least that's the case with me. Even here at the Smallville fair after everything that's happened between us I'm still excited and am, surprisingly, having a really good time.

"It's nice to see that smile again," She said suddenly, her eyes sparkling as she gave me her own smile.

"Yeah, well, it's nice to see you again," I replied, before I realized what a mistake that was. Suddenly there was a cloud of tension around us that wasn't there before, dripping sadness onto that pretty smile.

"You can see me whenever you like, Lana. That's one of the benefits of living together."

"I know, but it still hurts sometimes, you know," I reply, thinking of all the time I spent watching her; seeing her right there next to me but unable to touch. "Sometimes I get the feeling that maybe Clark was right to try and get away from it all. Just leave all this mess behind."

"I thought we agreed not to mention him," she said after a moment. There was sadness in her eyes and I knew exactly why. Even though she had Clark all to herself for the three months when he ran away, the moment I went to get him back he dropped her like a brick, not evening mentioning her as we kissed in the flickering neon light of that club.

"Sorry," I say with a forced smile.

"Hey look, there's Seth at one of stands!" Chloe abruptly changed the subject. "Come on, let's see if he'll sneak you a prize or something."

And before I knew it I was being dragged away by a seemingly happy blond girl again like I have been all day.

Trouble Magnet

Chloe's always getting herself in trouble. Not the way I do with people coming after me, no; she actually goes and seeks them all out and gets herself in a jam. If she can't save herself, Clark Kent's always there to help just in time. I hate that about him. Not about the saving Chloe's life thing, but I just wish she didn't need him so much. That I didn't need him so much. I know karate and can kick ass as much as the next regular person, but we're never really up against regular people, are we? Clark, well I guess he's something else as well, no matter how much he tries to hide it.

Chloe's been acting very strange lately, secretive, more so than usual. Sneaking off in the middle of the night and whispering into her cell phone in hidden corner, hiding records all over the house. I wondered what she'd gotten herself into this time.

I discovered that she wasn't the only one involved when I got a phone call from Clark one night asking me to meet him in the stables.

"I got your message. I brought the food. Now tell me what I'm doing here in the middle of the night," I said to him before I turned to look upon the crouching form hidden in the shadows. His eyes were vacant as they stared at dirt covered hands. He looked battered.

Lex.

A twinge of sympathy touched me as I stared at his broken form, my anger for Clark melting away. No one should ever have to see someone they love like this.

At least it's chemically induced, and not something permanent, Clark had told me.

"What exactly are we mixed up in?" I asked, wondering if I'd get a straight answer out of him for once. I didn't.

"I need you to stay with him," Clark said. "I've got to get some evidence to Chloe that may prove that he's being drugged. She couldn't come here because we think she's being watched."

So she is involved in this. No wonder she's so secretive. I wish she'd come to me about it, we may not be together anymore but she should know that I care more about her than anyone in this god-forsaken town. She probably does, but like every single person here, she wants to protect me. Everyone wants to protect me. God, I'm so sick of that.

"Don't worry, Lana," Lex said, breaking me out of my thoughts. There was a glint in his sharp blue eyes, one that told me that the Lex Luthor I knew was still in there. "I'll tell you everything," he said with determination.

I gave him a soft smile. Maybe not everyone in this town is trying to protect me from everything after all.

Pain.

It was the last thing I remembered before waking up in a hospital bed. Lex though I was trying to poison him and there was yelling. Then I remember falling on the harsh dirt ground before feeling heavy hooves on my legs and excruciating pain, over and over again. Then nothing.

The memory of it was blurry; I guess I passed out from the pain since I didn't seem to have hit my head anywhere. The doctor said I nearly died and I should be thankful I survived, yet again. Sometimes I wonder if it's a curse; to always survive. I seem to be getting into near death situations a lot, yet I never die, even if the people I love do over and over again. Maybe I'm secretly immortal. Too bad I'm not invincible as well. Then I wouldn't be in so much pain.

The doctor said I might never walk again. I was distraught, but a small part of me was actually quite thankful. Maybe I won't walk myself into trouble ever again. And maybe all those people who thought I was "perfect" will see that I'm not anymore. All those crazy stalkers going away is nearly worth everyone treating me like a glass sculpture. More so than they usually do, I mean.

The next time I woke up at the hospital Clark was there, all concerned and nervous and awkward. I told him to stay away from me, using his own excuse of himself being too dangerous to be around. I tried to be gentle about it but I still felt horrible for it because I knew the real reason why. Danger had nothing to do with it. That was something I'd been wanting to do since Chloe and I broke up. I mean, I know it's not his fault, he didn't know Chloe and I were together but still... Who would want to spend that much time with someone whom the love of you life (at least the life you've had so far) was cheating on you with, and whom she loved more than you? That is if she ever loved you at all to begin with.

Still, I've been looking for an opportunity to pull away from Clark, one that will last longer than the usual 'tell me your secret' thing I've been doing for over a year. To be honest I don't really think I have the right to know. I mean, it's his secret to tell and it's not like I'm his girlfriend or anything, god forbid. I still regret that decision to get together with him last year, I didn't know who I was fooling but it certainly wasn't myself. I know where my heart truly lies.

I may not be interested in Clark romantically but he's always been a great friend. It was kind of lonely without him around. For someone everyone seems to love in this town, I actually have very few real friends. Maybe the fact that no one really knows me is why they love me so much. If they all knew the real me the way Chloe does then they probably wouldn't, just like Chloe doesn't.

I guess sometimes it's better to keep them all away.

"No one's ever honest with girls like you. I bet you have a boyfriend that's always protecting you, right?" The stranger had said in a cool and confident voice with a knowing smirk.

"Girl's like me." How dare he make that assumption? He has no idea who I am, what I've gone through. Nobody ever does, even if he is half right. Sort of.

I tried not to say anything even if my mind was swearing at him at a thousand words per second. I don't know why I couldn't just tell him to fuck off like I wanted to. Habit, I guess.

I remained silent even as he walked away, and cursed at myself for my own weakness.

His words stung every time they repeated in my mind, as they had been doing for the past few days. I haven't said a thing to the stranger since that day, only changed the dates of my physical therapy. I didn't think I could stand to see his face again.

And of course it's just my luck that I did run into him again. Well, him into me more precisely. It went better this time. He was trying to be nice. He even apologised to me.

I decided to be honest with him; it was only fair since he was so honest with me. I told him how scared I was of going back out there. Seeing Clark's hurt face again, knowing that I'm the one that caused it. Seeing Chloe smile at him again, knowing that she'll never smile at me that way. Seeing the fear in her eyes, knowing that she'd gotten herself into some really deep shit and there's absolutely nothing in the world I can do about it because I'm too weak to help.

I didn't really tell him all of that. Just that I'm scared. That's enough honesty for one day.

Adam Knight. That was the name of the cruel stranger; though for someone named Knight he wasn't exactly a knight in shining armour. Which is actually pretty good, I don't need another hero in my life to make me feel weaker than I already do. And who knows? Maybe more exposure to this guy will make me stronger. I already was after a single meeting.

I had to stop by Lex's today. Apparently he had my medical bills completely covered. I wanted to go over there and thank him, especially since I hadn't gotten the chance to go visit him yet since the incident. I know he blames himself for it even if I don't. Oh well, at least he had Clark with him. I still feel kinda bad about pushing Clark away but at least it got him to be where he was really needed rather than with me, even if Lex can't remember a thing about it. It's usually the thought that counts, after all.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be there during your rehabilitation, but I'm sure Clark was more than able to pick up the slack," Lex said smoothly, leaving the large invisible question mark in the air. I saw both the implication and the real question there. He wanted it to seem like he was helping me, wanting me and Clark to get together somehow, like the good friend he was. But the small glint in his eyes gave him away. He wanted to see who Clark was worried about more.

"I told him not to," I said with honesty.

"Oh?"

I gave him a weak smile and elaborated. "I didn't need him there, Lex. Not like you do."

There was an eternity of silence before Lex started to open his mouth. I cut him off.

"I know how you feel about him, Lex," I blurted out before I could back out. The surprise in Lex's blue eyes had cracked the mask of calm on his face just a bit. "I know you're in love with him."

He grimaced and suddenly I could see his guards were all back up again, this time with a few machine guns placed at the top. His eyes betrayed nothing as he sharpened his slightly mocking smile. "And what makes you say that?" He asked.

"The way you look at him."

"And how do I look at him when I look at him, Lana?"

"Like he's the most beautiful and amazing creature you have ever seen in your life, and you want to give him everything he's ever wanted in the world, even though you know you can't."

I looked into his eyes and saw straight into his soul then, just like I know he saw into mine. In that long silent moment I found something I'd been longing for, for even longer than I've longed for Chloe. Someone who understands. Someone I can talk to.

Lex flashed me a bright smile then. Not one as bright as Chloe's but it was still very beautiful.

"I never knew I was that cheesy," he said playfully and I knew I'd just found my new best friend.

I never told Adam about Chloe. Better to let him think it was Clark with whom I had a bad break up, which was sort of true I guess. It's just easier this way. I didn't lie to him about Clark exactly, just let him assume certain things. A few true but misleading sentences like, "We're just friends," "we've got a lot of history," "Clark doesn't know what he wants," and "whatever there was between us, it's gone" and such were used. I thought about telling him everything but I guess it was just too soon to trust someone again. I know it's wrong to mislead someone like this but hey, just because everyone thinks I'm this perfect little angel doesn't mean I have to be.

Other than the awkward conversation in which Adam probably established Clark as his number one rival, things were going great. Adam was so different from anyone I'd ever been with. He's never seen the picture of the fairy princess on the cover of Times magazine, hasn't had the Smallville etiquette (i.e., be nice to the fairy princess or she'll break down and cry) drummed into him through years of exposure, and doesn't seem to really care what anyone here thinks of him. That made it much easier to really relax around him. It was so refreshing to be with someone that so honest about how they felt in this very secretive little town. So nice to meet someone who's not nice to you just because they're taught to or who believes you're perfect. They genuinely like you despite all of your flaws, which they accept and verbalise to your face rather than ignore or complain about behind your back.

I was having so much fun with Adam I didn't even try to sneak a look at Chloe. Not as much as usual anyway.

Adam saved Chloe's life today. Saved her from me. Shocking isn't it?

I don't remember anything that happened, only that I was getting my history book and then I woke up on the floor of the girl's locker room. I had a small throbbing in my head and Chloe and Adam were watching me like I was growing a second head. Apparently I went after Chloe with an axe, though for the life of me I don't know how I could have or why. I may be hurt by what Chloe did but I would never want to hurt her, ever. I mean it's not like I could ever blame her for sleeping with Clark behind my back. He's everything she had ever wanted after all, even if he wasn't himself. I'm actually grateful she didn't just drop me the moment she had him, like Clark did to her with me a few years back. I guess she probably thought I'd break if I knew so she stayed with me out of pity. I hate to think about that, but still, at least she cared enough to stay with me even after she got what she wanted. Or very close to what she wanted.

Clark Kent doesn't deserve someone that amazing.

Maybe a part of me did want to hurt Chloe. Maybe. I mean, it's not like I wasn't angry at her for what she did. Maybe logically and consciously I was ok with it, I knew her reasons and understood why she did what she did. But maybe subconsciously I never let go of my anger. Maybe I did finally crack and went after the one person I care about the most, love the most.

Maybe they should just lock me away in Belle Reeve. That way I could never hurt Chloe ever again.

"Hey," a familiar voice said, stopping my train of thought. I looked up to Chloe's concerned face through the steel bars of my cell.

"Oh my god, Chloe!" I cried before rushing over to her, my hand automatically going to the cut on her head. "What have I done to you?" I reached out to touch her face but hesitated. What if I blank out and hurt her again?

"Nothing worse than what Clark did last night," she replied. Before I could ask her what she meant she cut me off. "We'll talk about it later. Don't worry, Lana, you didn't succeed on your mission," she said with a tired smile before letting the police officer open the cell door.

"You're free to go," he told me.

"Chloe, what…? How did you…?"

"If I tell you I might have to kill you," she said before pulling me into her arms and giving me a hug. My arms held into the familiar body tightly, she smelled just like she always does; like coffee and lavender with just a hint of ink. The unique Chloe smell I never thought I could live without. God, I haven't touched her in so long, she feels so amazing. I can't believe I didn't die from Chloe deprivation before. It's so easy to get lost in this warmth, this smell, this body. I wish I never have to leave it.

Reality started again the moment the embrace ended and all the questions and worries came crashing back in. I stayed quiet as we left the police station. I knew I'd get answers soon enough.

Email assassins.

That's what happened. Apparently some psycho's been sending emails that send subliminal messages to kill Chloe because she was doing an expose on a Summerholt Neurological Institute for its mistreatment of patients.

Just another day in Smallville.

Oh, well, at least it wasn't me going after Chloe due to my screwed up sub consciousness or anything. I still have no idea how Chloe got me out but I guess I could not look a gift horse in the mouth every once in a while.

As for school, well, the rumour mill going that fast can sometimes work to your advantage. By the time the whole school knew, the story had been that I had chopped off Chloe's leg, threw acid on her beautiful face, and tried to burn her with a blow torch because she was trying to steal Adam away from me or something equally ridiculous. When Chloe got back, limps completely attached, face still amazingly gorgeous, and no burn marks anywhere, the rumours sort of died down and got replaced by something else. There were always things like this going on in Smallville anyway.

And Adam; all those little stunts he pulled with the martial arts and computer hacking that he didn't know how he pulled, he said he doesn't know how he did them. "There are patches of my life that I just can't piece back together," he had said. I guess something must have happened to him, something really traumatic and maybe he really doesn't remember. I can't blame him for that, even if I don't really trust him yet. Ironic to think that as guarded as he is he's still probably more honest to me than most people I know.

Either way I'm not ready for him to leave. Things have been so great between us despite the occasional hiccups. Though I know I'm not over Chloe yet, I want him to be here with me. When he's with me I don't think about Chloe anymore, and maybe if he stuck around longer, I wouldn't think about her ever again.

I offered him the apartment above the Talon. He accepted. I can only hope this is a beginning to something great, something true. For once.

Lex and I have been spending an increasing amount of time together over the past few weeks since I told him the full truth about what happened between me and Chloe. He in turn told me the same about him and Clark. Apparently they'd been having sex for the past two years and Lex was completely head over heels, but Clark didn't exactly feel the same. He was still insistent that he loved me the most and that he and Lex were just friends with benefits and nothing more. I told Lex that Clark was just in denial land. I've seen the way he looks at Lex when he thinks no one's watching.

Lex said he was worried about me. He'd gotten the invoice for fixing all the furniture Adam broke during his increasingly violent nightmares. I told him having Adam around was worth it.

"When you're on the rebound it's easy to let your emotions outweigh your common sense," he said, with a look in his eyes that spoke of experience. "Look, it's your call. But at the very least, you should be asking yourself, how much do you really know about your new friend?"

Lex said he'd look into it for me. I told him not to bother. If Adam wasn't ready then violating his privacy wasn't going to help. Knowing Lex he probably went ahead and did it anyway, no matter what I said. He's very protective that way, and with good reason too. He has even less friends than I do.

The first person who came to me with the low-down on Adam wasn't Lex, though. It was Chloe.

It was rush hour at the Talon when she came over, I had just gotten Lex's words out of my head when she came in and brought them back again.

"I'm having one of those 'it sucks to be a reporter' days," she started. There was a concerned look in her eyes. "I know you and Adam have been spending a lot of time together, but..."

"Chloe, just spit it out," I said, tired of the invisible "fragile" sticker that must have been stuck to my head. I can't believe after all we've been through we've come back to that again.

"I saw Adam at school during lunch break today," Chloe started nervously. "Found him using this in the old computer lab."

She pulled out a plastic bag. In it laid a used blue syringe.

"I don't know what that is yet but I'm gonna find out. Either way Lana, I think you should be careful," she said before stuffing the bag back into her purse and walking out.

"Chloe wait," I called out just before she could leave. She turned back round to face me; there was something in her eyes, something I couldn't quite put my finger on.

"Thanks for telling me."

"No problem, what are friends for?" She smiled. It was starting to get awkward, but I still had to ask her.

"Chloe, what were you doing in the old computer lab in the middle of lunch break?"

"Oh, I was, err, looking for some ink. The printer at the Talon broke and the supply closet was locked and I needed some stuff printed out." Chloe gave me another quick, nervous smile before walking out.

And here I thought Clark was the worst liar ever. Chloe always had spare ink in the second drawer at her desk in the Torch office. Loads of them even.