Author's Notes: Written for soobunny in the 2010 Lure Secret Santa.
It Gets Better
It's starts innocently enough. Most things in the Oliver-Snyder household do. Most things.
Reid picks up the paper, something he rarely gets to do anymore- being chief of staff is time consuming - and glances down the front page. He scans the headlines, searching for something worth reading. Luke is handing him a glass of orange juice when he notices it.
Three bold little letters in familiar Times font, pushed together to make a word that seems to drive Americans crazy. G-A-Y. It captures his attention, and he lets the rest of the paper fuzz gray.
"Small Town Gay," Reid reads silently. He doesn't know whether to laugh or be offended. It's the Oakdale Local Newspaper, so he chooses amused. "Hey," he looks up from the paper, "have you read this Small Town Gay article yet?" Reid shakes his and gives a small snort. "Only in Oakdale could the paper get away with a headline like that."
Luke bobs his head. Reid can't determine if the motion is an affirmation or denial. Luke twists from the counter, plates of scrambled eggs and toast in hand. The smell makes Reid's mouth water. Ahh, the benefits of living with you lover.
"Breakfast is served," Luke says with a dramatic half-bow. He sets Reid's plate down first and slides his own across the table. He goes to sit, but Reid reaches out and brushes his fingers across the side of Luke's hand. The touch brings a smile to the blonde's face and he arches down for a kiss. Luke tastes of orange juice and onion with a minty backsplash of toothpaste. Reid almost doesn't want to eat his breakfast.
It only takes one bite and a soft moan of appreciation from Luke before Reid's fork is in hand and the eggs are in his mouth. Food and will power never mix in his world.
"So…." Reid asks between the crunch of toast and egg.
Luke's gaze flutters to him, away from the comic section he'd begun to read, and for one elongated second Reid is taken away with how beautiful Luke really is. His morning stubble has yet to be shaved away. The rough and tumble look only extenuates lines of his jaw and pout of his lips. Sleep is still evident in the ease of his eyes, but that doesn't take away from his long eyelashes and softness they bring to his face.
"Yes?" Luke says, a light tone of mockery fills the space between them. It's familiar and comfortable, and Reid allows it overtake the previous sappiness.
"Small Town Gay," Reid replies, his own tone sharpening fast.
Luke smiles, a sweet, humor-filled grin, and says, "No, I haven't read it yet, but I am in it."
"In it?" Reid scans the short paragraph on the front page, looking for Luke's name. He gets to the bottom, where directions tell him to turn to page 3B to finish the article. Even though following directions have never been a strong suit of his, Reid complies.
"Yeah," Luke says. Reid listens, but doesn't look up from the paper. "They were doing an article on being gay in a small town environment and asked me if I would talk to them about my own experiences. Truthfully, I think I was the only gay man they knew." Reid glances at Luke, and Luke amends, "The only gay man they knew that they weren't afraid to talk to."
That's true enough. Even though Reid considers himself out and proud, as the expression goes, he fully admits he's not one to talk about his own experiences with strangers. Nor do I invite people to want to talk to me, Reid confesses. It doesn't bother him. He does it on purpose, and no matter how social Luke's taught him (is still teaching him) to be, there are some things that are never going to change.
"What did you tell them?" Reid asks. He's still skimming the paper, and finds Luke's name four paragraphs down. He's surprised at how long the article is; it takes up most of the bottom half of the page.
"I told them the truth." Reid looks up. Luke captures his gaze and continues, "I told them it was hard, still is sometimes. People can be bigots, and some even get violent." Luke dips his head, like he's remembering those instances. Reid reaches across the table and rubs his fingers over Luke's knuckles. The blonde looks up and smiles. "And I told them that I've met so many people who are supportive. People who treat me no differently than anyone else. I told them that being gay and out has allowed me to become a strong man." He points his fork at Reid and gives a sideways smirk. "I even told them that relationships are no different. You argue, and love. Get bored and angry and happy."
Reid matches Luke's grin. "You sound like an advertisement for gay rights," the neurosurgeon jokes.
Luke shrugs. "Well, it's true."
Reid takes a sip of his juice. "It is." Luke dips his head again, but this time there's no grief in the motion at all. It's a coy move meant to entice. Reid takes the cue for what it is and changes the wave of their conversation. "You know what else gays have the same as straight people? Or even better in some cases?"
Luke tilts his head and smirks. He knows exactly where this is going.
"Sex," Reid says pointedly and finishes the last bite of his breakfast.
"Oh really?" Luke teases. "You know this from personal experience I suppose."
"Well, not the straight sex part," Reid admits. "But I'm an expert in the gay area. And let me tell you, gay sex- unbelievable."
Luke laughs. The sound brings a grin to Reid's face. "Hmm," Luke pretends to think. "It's not that I don't believe you, but maybe I need a demonstration."
Reid stands, stretching his arms above his head. His t-shirt rides high, showing skin. Luke's eyes snap to the sliver of exposed stomach. "I think that could be arranged," Reid says.
Luke's lips part as he rises. Reid's familiar enough with the expression to know what it means. A spike of lust hits him low. Their mouths meet, passion and eagerness evident in every touch. They stumble to the bedroom.
The newspaper lies against the kitchen table, forgotten. The article slides from Reid's mind, replaced by other, more pleasurable thoughts.
And so it is, forgotten.
Until suddenly, it isn't.
A few weeks later Reid is trekking home, utterly exhausted. The five hour surgery in the morning wasn't bad, but the three hour meeting about diversifying the workplace, headed by none other than his idiotic co-chief Chris Hughes, left his mental state stretched thin.
If I have to spend another moment watching Chris show off Katie's sonogram I might kill him, Reid thinks as he checks the mail before making his way up the steps to his and Luke's apartment.
He's jiggling his keys out of the door about to open his mouth and make a comment about the pizza-smelling air when he catches sight of his boyfriend. Luke's on the floor, couch at his back, laptop on his knees. His fingers fly over the keyboard, eyes glued to the glowing screen. The television is frozen to CNN, a female reporter paused with her mouth open and eyes narrowed. Dan Savage is equally as frozen in the small, square box on the upper right hand side of the screen.
"Uh, hey," Reid calls out. The door snaps shut behind him and his keys rattle as he tosses them in the bowl by the door. Luke doesn't move. Reid stops, unsure where to go from here. He's seen Luke in a writing frenzy before. Sometimes when work at the foundation or shipping yard gets too much, or the other board members at the hospital piss him off, Luke will settle down somewhere with his laptop and write away his frustrations.
Usually, all it takes is a soft touch or an asshole remark to divert Luke's attention. Somehow, Reid knows that those won't work this time. Luke's shoulders are too tense, his mouth pulled too tight. Despite Reid's earlier tentative greeting, Luke doesn't seem to realize Reid is in the room.
"Luke," he says. The name falls on deaf ears. Unending clicking buzzes through the air. Reid treads softly to the couch and bends down. He runs his fingers through Luke's hair. "Hey, whatcha doing?" Reid tries for nonchalant, but the words strain like a tightrope.
The head beneath his fingers tilts backwards, and Reid grips a little tighter, securing his hold. The clicking sound fades as Luke finally acknowledges his existence. Reid's breath catches in his throat. Luke eyes are rimmed red, swollen as if he's spent days awake. Or has spent the afternoon crying.
Reid's on his knees in an instant, body pressing into Luke's side. "What's wrong?" There's no hiding his worry now. Luke slides the laptop to the floor and twists into Reid. He presses his face into the curve of Reid's neck and wraps his arms around Reid's back. Luke's skin feel overheated. Thoughts swirl through Reid's mind; most are centered on, "who died?"
Luke's heart beats solidly against Reid's chest. The room is filled their breaths. Reid stays quiet until Luke pulls back. The blonde rubs his cheek, wiping away phantom tears. "Thanks," he murmurs. Reid swallows, waiting for Luke to say more.
Luke wets his lips. "There was this boy," Luke says, voice thick with sorrow. "Billy Lucas."
Reid frowns. He has no idea who this kid is or where this is going.
"He was gay, and bullied." Luke reaches out and takes Reid's hand. "He killed himself."
A heartbeat passes, and Reid doesn't get it. "Uh, that sucks?" Apparently that isn't the response Luke is wanting, because his mouth goes tight and he pulls back.
"That sucks?" the blond snaps.
Reid knows that he's traveling in deep waters, but he's completely lost at why Luke's so upset. Like normal, when Reid's confused, he bites. "Well, what do you want me to say?" They're both still kneeling on the floor and Reid suddenly feels stupid. He grabs the couch cushion and levers himself up. "Am I sorry that a kid was an idiot and killed himself? Yes, I am."
Luke's on his feet in a flash. His pale skin flushes red.
Shit, Reid silently swears.
"An idiot?" Luke is thunderous. "He was bullied to the point that suicide became the most viable option! Because he was gay!"
There's no possible way he can win this argument. Reid knows he's in the wrong. "We're all bullied Luke. Straight, gay, short, tall. Hell, you should know better than most. A man tried to kill you. Yet, we all don't kill ourselves!" He's not shouting, but he's almost there.
"I did." Luke doesn't look away when he says the words. He stares straight at Reid, daring him to speak.
Reid deflates. "What? When?"
Luke sways closer, wringing his hands. "What do you think my drinking was? Reid, I had a kidney transplant at fifteen. I still drank. I knew the alcohol was killing me."
"Luke…" Reid trails off. He really doesn't know what to say.
"After I came out, well, things weren't good. You know." Luke looks down, as if he can't face Reid and the memory at the same time. When the rest of the words rush out of his mouth, he's speaking to the carpet. "I wasn't physically bullied until Noah's dad, but I wasn't accepted by my family and friends." He gives a half snort, half sniffle. His eyes flutter back up to Reid. "We all don't have your bullet proof skin."
Talking isn't Reid's thing. He's never done it well, and while he's a god in other parts of his life, he's awkward when it comes to expressing feelings and empathy. He closes the distance between their bodies. He brings Luke near, and curls his hand around the nape of Luke's neck. "I don't have bullet proof skin. I just never let anybody close enough to care what they thought before." He presses his lips to Luke's forehead. "I'm sorry you felt so alone." Luke's arms wrap around his waist. "I'm sorry you ever felt the need to harm yourself. I'm sorry that Billy Lucas felt so defeated that he took his own life." Reid pulls back, just a little, and locks their eyes. "But it got better for you. It gets better for everyone. We grow up and learn."
"It does. It did." Luke kisses him. It's soft and full of love. Reid returns the gesture. "If only they knew that." Luke lays his head against Reid's chest. Reid rubs circles into the small of his boyfriend's back. The television screen still glows with Dan Savage's frozen face.
The world suddenly seems a lot heavier.
The following weeks are chaotic. Reid completes twelve successful brain surgeries, hosts two never-ending fundraisers, hires three new doctors and eight nurses, and gains five pounds. Luke doesn't seem to notice. He's thrown himself into his new cause wholeheartedly. i Not that Luke does anything any other way. /i
Reid doesn't begrudge Luke his cause. Luke lives for causes, and gay rights and acceptance are causes Reid's particularly fond of. That said, Reid is starting to get pissed that his boyfriend is never home. He's always at the office working out ways to donate i more /i money to video campaigns and gay rights advocates. When the man final does make it home he's either on the phone or dead asleep.
They haven't had sex in ten days. Enough is really enough.
So when Reid comes home the Thursday night before Halloween and discovers his boyfriend isn't there to hand out trick-or-treat candy, Reid rebels and eats the whole bag of Kit-Kats and half the bag of Reece's. Every time the doorbell rings, Reid glares at the door. When the sound begins to die down around eight, his stomach is protesting the excessive sugar. He downs two Tums and stretches out on the bed. He's thinking of all the ways he's going to make Luke pay.
The sound of the front door opening and closing wakes Reid. He rolls over to look at the clock. Eleven.
"Hey," Luke whispers as he slips inside the bedroom. His coat's still on, but his work shoes have been abandoned elsewhere.
"Where have you been?" It comes our harsher than Reid plans, but he's tired and lonely and doesn't regret the tone.
Luke tucks his coat on top of the dresser and undoes his belt. "Sorry, don't be mad." The suit jacket comes off next. The dress shirt doesn't even get unbuttoned. Luke just yanks it over his head. Soon he's just wearing boxers and socks. The bed dips under his weight. He leans over Reid for a brief kiss. "I had a phone conference with James Lecesne from the Trevor Project. He's in California, and couldn't talk until seven his time." Luke's compact body settles next to Reid's.
Reid can't help the sigh that escapes his lips. Luke takes another kiss. Reid is torn between the desire to deepen the kiss and fall back asleep. Then Luke says, "Come on, you can't really be upset," and any arousal Reid felt twists into anger.
"Oh really?" Reid mocks as he sits up.
This time it's Luke who sighs. "Reid, I know we've barely seen each other lately, but you know how it is when a project starts. It's time consuming, especially when there's lots of money involved."
"There doesn't have to be money involved," he snaps back.
That makes Luke mad. "Oh, so I can donate millions of dollars to your neuro-wing, but I can't donate money to help gay teenagers?"
"You know that's not what I mean," Reid says. "Give them all your money, I don't care. But give them the money and let them deal with it."
"I can't do that." Luke frowns. "You know I can't. This issue is too close for me. It should be for you too."
"So you can tell me what I should care about, but I can't tell you what I think?"
"No," Luke runs his hand through his hair, "I know that this isn't your thing. I realize that." He reaches out to take Reid's hand. His lips are slightly chapped against Reid's palm. "It is my thing. Can't you respect that and support me?"
Luke is so sincere that Reid can't do anything but cave. Reid heaves a put-upon sigh. "Fine, but can't I support you by seeing you?" Luke smiles and his eyes go bright. "And providing mind-blowing sex?"
That makes Luke laugh and lean forward for a more passionate caress. He eases his body over Reid's and grazes his teeth against the neurosurgeon's pulse. "I think I can deal with mind-blowing sex," Luke teases.
Reid grabs his hair and brings their mouths together. He takes Luke's mouth until they are both breathless. Luke grinds their bodies together. Reid's fingers dig into Luke's back.
"Hold on a second," Luke gasps.
"What?"
Luke eases back, braced above Reid on his elbows. "Will you go with me to D.C. on Saturday?"
"What?" Reid says again. Why the hell is he asking me this now?
"For the Rally to Restore Sanity. I'm going to give a speech about gay advocacy."
Luke's skin is flushed and Reid can barely concentrate on his words. It's been ten long days since he last got laid. He tries to thinks. "The rally being led by Jon Stewart?"
"Yeah." Hair falls over Luke's eyes, it's getting long again, and it distracts Reid. "Please?"
"If I agree can we finish having sex?"
Luke grins and grinds down again. Reid slips his tongue inside Luke's mouth and rolls them over. Luke groans and slides his hand down Reid's front.
The rally and the earlier argument slither away. It's only after they're finished and Luke is falling asleep next to him does Reid think about what he's agreed to. He's determined that by the time it rolls around he'll have a reason not to go. After all, he's a brilliant neurosurgeon, how hard can it be to wiggle his way out of a sex-induced agreement?
The ride to Washington D.C. in Luke's private plane is the most comfortable trip Reid's ever taken. There's plenty of room to stretch out his legs, and the seat cushions are more padded than their couch at home. The mini-fridge and pantry are full of thick sandwiches on French bread and bags of potato chips. Reid hates every second of the flight.
"Why do I have to be here again?" Reid whines as the taxi takes them to their hotel. The city is packed. There are people holding signs everywhere he looks. It takes almost forty minutes for the five mile trip from the airport to the Hilton. Even the king-sized bed and the buffet advertisement in the hotel lobby are not enough to dissipate Reid's grumpiness.
"You're here to support me and gay rights," Luke replies. He adjusts his tie in the full length mirror and gives himself an once-over. "How do I look?"
"Like you're going to give a speech in front of thousands of people." There's chip grease on Reid's fingers and he almost wipes it down the side of his suit. Luke glares at him and Reid stops mid motion. He reaches for the cloth napkin on the lunch tray beside him.
Luke fiddles with Reid's tie, even though the damn thing is perfect, and says, "Good."
The short walk to the rally point leaves Reid's nerves coiled tight. As the crowd gets thicker Reid glances around for places to hide. He spots a row of port-a-potties off to the side, but catches sight of the people hanging around the blue boxes and decides he's not that desperate yet. The huge stage looms before them. Reid thanks whatever gods are listening that he doesn't have to on stage.
"Come on, let's go on stage," Luke says beside him.
Reid stumbles, and says, "What? Why do I have to go on stage with you?"
The answer is lost in the roar of cheers as Jon Stewart takes the stage. People surge forward, and for one hopeful second Reid thinks, i Maybe I'll be swallowed whole. /i Then Luke wraps his hand around Reid's wrist and weaves them through the crowd.
"LUKE!" A man with long white hair shouts, and strides forward to clasp Luke's hand.
"Randy!" Luke shouts back. "It's great to see you again. This is my boyfriend, Reid." Luke turns and gives Reid a smile. Randy nods hello then waves them forward.
"We've been waiting for you," Randy says in a slightly lower voice. He guides them around the back of the giant stage. A wide set of steps lead upwards. Four large men guard the steps as if they were watching for Hitler. "Here." Randy thrusts a pair of VIP passes on lanyards towards Luke. The blonde drapes one over his neck and hands the other to Reid.
I wonder what would happen if I accidently lost it before we made it the steps? Reid thinks and eyes the bodyguards.
He slips the pass over his head and tunes back into Luke and Randy's conversation. "So Jon's almost finished. You do your thing, and then we'll take to the crowd passing out pamphlets and taking names for fundraising."
They're shuffled along until they're standing near the edge. The crowd in front of the stage seems endless. Camera flashes glitter the sky. Posters wave through the air. Jon Stewart finishes speaking. Applause and screaming explode like a bomb. A wall on wheel roles beside them, and suddenly, Reid can see the White House. It looks exactly as he remembers it from his eighth grade field trip to D.C. Big, white, and domineering.
A touch to Reid's shoulder brings his attention back to Luke. "Wish me luck," Luke says and without pause he darts forward and steals a kiss. He's gone before Reid can take a breath, and as he watches, Luke stops to greet Jon Stewart. Reid's legs feel like jelly. His stomach is fluttering.
He wants to watch Luke speak, he really does. Yet, for some reason his eyes slam shut and a picture of a brain pops into his head. Frontal lobe. Parietal lobe. Occipital lobe. Temporal lobe.
"Hello." Luke's voice echoes across the crowd, amplified by the microphone. The words slide from Reid's mind. His eyes flutter open. "Welcome to D.C." Luke greets, and the crowd roars a welcoming approval. Reid's locks onto his boyfriend and can't look away.
Luke glows under the spotlight. The blue of his shirt stands out against the black of his suit. His hair is swept sideways along his face, the ends not quite long enough to tuck behind his ears. His smile is easy and pure, and Reid can't help but be awed. He's mine.
Reid's heart begins to beat as if he's taken a run, and he suddenly can't wait to hear what Luke says. I should have made him do his speech for me first instead of practicing with Casey and Holden.
"My name is Luke Snyder and I am not your typical American. I'm gay." Luke pauses, letting his word sink in. "That's it. That's how I'm different. I like men." It's said matter-of-factly, words light and airy. Luke dips closer to the microphone and continues. "I still like baseball and hamburgers. I get colds and gain weight if I eat too many brownies. I laugh and cry and love and hate, but I like men." His voice deepens. "I was fifteen when I came out. Still in high school, scared out of mind, afraid of what my parents would think, what my friends would think. I found out that I was right to be afraid. My mom shunned me, tried to rehabilitate me into being 'normal.' As if there's such a thing. My best friend abandoned me, left me in world of doubt and shame. So I drank." He shrugs, as if it means nothing, but anyone with eyes can see it affects him.
"I drank until I felt nothing, until gay or straight or happy or sad were drowned in the fuzz of alcohol. It almost killed me." His eyes flutter down. "Some days I wanted it too." He looks back, eyes sweeping the crowd. "Then it got better. I grew up some, my mom learned to accept me. I made new friends. Still, bigotry followed me. A hateful man tried to kill me, just because I liked his son and his son liked me back. He almost succeed. I was paralyzed from the waist down. My doctors told me I might never walk again." Luke pauses again, his breath echoes through the microphone and ripples through the crowd. People are settling, standing still in the brisk fall weather, attention solely on Luke.
Luke opens his arms wide and smiles. "It gets better. Problems don't go away. You still run in to bigots and face adversary, but without the bad the good just isn't as good. When you finally meet that special someone, boy or girl, and they smile at you or whisper 'I love you,' it's just that much sweeter. So if you're struggling, don't give up. You never know what brilliant neurosurgeon might be waiting for you around the corner."
He ducks his again, bashful now that his speech is over. It only takes a heartbeat before applause thunders the area. Jon Stewart is shaking Luke's hand again. The others on stage are waiting for their turn to show their compliments, but Luke's already looking his way. One more man, who seems vaguely familiar and therefor is probably someone famous, looks baffled as Luke bypasses him and heads straight for Reid.
Reid opens his mouth ready to speak, but Luke steals his breath. Chilled lips crash into his and arms coil themselves around Reid's back and neck. They break long enough for Luke to mumble, "I love you," and then they are sealed back together.
It's only when the roar of the crowd sneaks in does Reid realize they are still standing on stage in front of thousands of people. Not to mention the people watching at home. Reid's brain helpful adds. He can feel his whole face flush.
Luke laughs. It's a hearty sound, both knowing and intimate. It completely captures Reid's attention. Red colors Luke's cheeks. His eyes dart to the crowd then back to Reid. "I love you," he says again.
This time Reid smiles. It's the smile he saves solely for Luke. "I love you too." He leans in closer, mouth to Luke's ear. "And it only gets better."
Which is true. It only gets better.