Pre-Serum, Steve turns down Buck's offer to stay with him after the funeral
The door closed with a loud bang. Steve leaned with his back to it and slid down, crouching on the ground. He heard Buck's footsteps outside, as his friend slowly walked away, giving him the space he had asked for. And now he was all alone. The flat was so empty. Steve's heart felt as though it was gonna burst as a feeling of loneliness seeped in. He pulled himself up and walked towards the kitchen, desperate not to fall victim to his grief. He had promised he'd be strong, that he'd make it on his own. He wanted to be a soldier and soldiers don't have time to grief. They have to keep fighting.
Grabbing for a glass of water, he realized he was shaking. Pathethic. This was exactly the reason Steve had turned Buck down. For as long as he'd known him, he had been the strong one. When the neighbour's kids had thrown stones at them, calling them names, Steve had cried while Bucky stood in front of him, letting the rocks hit him, not flinching, just staring in quiet anger. The kids lost interest and went away. Bucky had wiped the blood off his friend's face, calmed him down and brought him home. The next day, the kids showed up to school with black eyes and bloodied lips. They never picked on them again. Steve had decided he wanted to be just like him.
And so he had done his best. He never ran from a fight, he always stood up for what was right, he tried to be tough and brave and strong.
But today he couldnt be.
And if Buck saw him like this, leaning over the counter, struggling to breathe, what would he think?
With a sigh, Steve slid back down on the ground, leaning his head against the wall, closing his eyes.
He hoped it would all just end, let the pain go away, make everything be normal again.
A knock on the door woke him. Pain shot through his neck and back as Steve struggled to get up. He ran his thin fingers through his hair. Had he really slept on the ground like a complete idiot? His entire body felt stiff and cold.
Look at me, the super soldier, can't even handle a night on the kitchen floor...
The knocking sounded again. He didnt want to answer. Didnt want anyone to see him like this, still in his funeral clothing, dirty and tired.
Suddenly, the sound of a key turning in the lock. Steve jumped in surprise, his heart racing. The door opened slowly, a familiar figure pushing through.
"Didn't mean to scare you." Buck said soflty, holding up his keychain. "Back-up key, remember?"
He did remember. His mum was worried he'd lose his keys and lock himself out, so she made him leave back-ups with friends. Well, his only friend, really.
Remembering what had happened and the way he looked, Steve went hot with embarassment. "I- uhr- what are you doing here, anyway? I told you I'm ... fine." He smoothed his suit down, willing himself to look more ... alive.
His friend chuckled softly, walking to the kitchen to place a paper bag on the dinner table. "Brought you breakfast." He said, leaning against the table, gesturing towards the chair next to him. It smelled of eggs and bacon. The smell made Steve's stomach hurt.
"...not hungry" he murmured. "I just need ... some space. Alone." He said, trying hard to be determined. His voice broke at the last word. Dammit.
"We've been friends for so long, Steve, do you really think I dont know when you're hurting? Eat. You'll feel better." He reached out, gently pulling his friend's sleeve towards him. "I know you're in pain. I know you're scared. But I won't leave you until I know you're alright. Feelings are not a weakness, they make us who we are." His eyes met his friend's, steady, calm and kind, smiling warmly. With a defeated sigh, Steve stumbled forward, ignoring the breakfast offer and leaned his body against Buck's, thin, long arms dangling uselessly at his sides.
Bucky folded his arms around Steve, holding him tightly, his stroking the thin blond hair. "It will be okay again." He whispered. Tears soaking through the dark fabric of the other boy's shirt, he nodded, wrapping his arms around him, burying his face in the familiar smell.
Now it would be.