A/N: Oh god, I hate the Sues. Who doesn't?
Team 7, sans Sasuke, were gathering happily at Ichiraku Ramen, their voices of jest and merriment drowning each other out. Suffice to say, everybody was on cloud nine, partly because Naruto had blown an Akatuski member into smithereens using his newly developed Rasenshuriken.
"I'll be Hokage, dattebayo!" Naruto declared for the twelve thousandth time in his life.
"Dickless has ambition," Sai quirked an eyebrow, flashing another of his contrived smiles that gave no sense of genuinely. "I would have thought he wanted to open another ramen store, judging from his obsession with ramen."
"Your underestimating me! I'll open BOTH a ramen store and become the Rokudaime after Tsunade-baa-chan resigns!"
Teuchi's voice boomed form the other side of the counter. "You dare rival my store of its brilliance?!"
Naruto merely gulped.
All of a sudden a portal appeared from the sealing and a raven haired girl with red highlights crashed 'sexily' in the midst of the laughing gang.
"Oh my god!" She clasped her hands on Naruto. "You must be Naruto Uzumaki! Oh you are so cute! I'll turn you 'goffick' and we can go kill enemies sexily!"
Both Naruto and Sai had their gazes locked on her.
"Since her eyes appear to be twinkling, she must have fallen for dickless. Though I must say I find her rather appealing," Sai smiled at her.
"Sai-kun!" She hugged Sai 'sexily'.
"You like me," Sai grinned creepily- because his grins are creepy. "Because hugs are an indication for affection."
"Both of you can marry me! Oh I forgot to introduce myself, my name is Susan Uchiha, I'm Sasuke and Itachi's long lost sister but you can simply call me Sue. I possess 7 kekkai genkais which include the Sharingan, Mangekyo, Yoton, Mokuton-"
Content has been censored due to its detrimental effects on a readers mental health
-Narutoverse Anti-Sue Moderators
"Anyways, I'm fabulous, like even though me and Sasuke are brother and sister he asked me to marry him!" She finished her monologue cheerily.
Naruto and Sai are still mesmerized by her beauty.
"SHANNARO!" Sakura yelled furiously.
CRASH! The table fractured in half, as did Susan's head, her mutilated brain started to leak out.
Naruto and Sai are still enthralled.
Meanwhile green chakra glowed in Sakura's palms, the pink-haired kunoichi was fuming, faintly satisfied at her achievements.
"That's what happens when someone tries to hook up with MY pimps!"
From then on, not a single Sue dared to claim themselves as Sasuke or Itachi's long lost sister in fear of the wrath of an irascible Sakura.
We hereby apologize to Haruno-san for ever calling her useless. From now on, she is a role model to kunoichis all around Narutoverse. On top of this, let us rejoice in our first successful Mary-Sue Purging!
-Narutoverse Anti-Sue Moderators