Once upon a time, in a land with good and evil, two identically robed men sat on a park bench surrounded by happy, cheerful muggles. The muggle children laughed as they played, while the women chatted joyfully about what they were cooking for dinner; all while these sullen men sat there, there faces covered my skulled masks.
"I'm bored."
"I'm hungry."
"Amuse me."
"Feed me."
The two men argued in whispers, not wishing for any attention to be drawn to them. They were on a stake-out, in hiding, not knowing what they were supposed to be following, hiding from, or generally watching, but they were following orders. Little did they know though, is that they're act did nothing for the almighty Dark Lord, who they followed with obedience as they did not want to die. He in fact was watching them from behind a tree, a very thin tree behind them, so it didn't really hide him too well, as he had put quite a bit of weight on over the winter holidays. But anyways, he had followed their every moves, he was a paranoid psychopath intent on ensuring his identity. He must ensure that they tell no one that they are working for him!
"Yo, Bored, Hungry! Come here!" he yelled-whispered at them behind this tree that he was 'hiding from the world' behind.
"Huh?" one dopily grunted as the other impolitely continued, "What the…?"
"I said, COME HERE!" the anonymous voice yelled at the two robed men, as the muggles turned to stare at the peculiar men, "Nothing to see here people, go back to your business."
"Is that you VOLDEMORT?" the slightly taller one asked very loudly as the pair stood up to meet their master.
"No. It's Harry Potter." Replied the one presumed to be the Dark Lord with a paper bag over his head.
"Really?" asked the dopey one who spoke earlier.
"What do you think?" he replied rolling his eyes and breathing deeply to control his anger. He strived to Avada him down.
"That you're Voldemort." The other looked down at his feet through the mask.
"YOU really are stupid Crabbe! Why do you think I'm wearing a paper bag?" the 'Dark Lord' yelled at 'his' faithful minion that had sat outside in the cold rain for the past 72 hours of his sad and pitiful life.
"So you're identity is kept a secret…" the smarter one presumed to be Goyle answered for his partner.
"BUZZZZ! WRONG! It's so you can't see that I am Harry Potter. I just told you that!" the 'Dark Lord' yelled again.
"Prove it." Crabbe challenged feeling slightly more defiant about this 'imposturous idea'
"I don't need to." answered the 'Dark Lord' as he lifted his paper-bag covered head a little higher than necessary.
"You're lying then." Goyle butted in with a smirk behind his mask.
"The Dark Lord does not lie!" snarled the paper-bag headed man before them with an unknown identity.
"And why would you tell us the truth, if it is the truth that you really told?" asked an intelligently sounding Goyle.
"Because maybe I knew that you would not believe the truth, even if I told you anyways." The unmasked 'Dark Lord' spoke cunningly.
"You are not making any sense at all." said the incredibly confused Crabbe who found this sentence very confusing.
"Oh my freaking Dark Lord! If you were much thicker you would be a 20 foot wide brick wall!" screamed Goyle who apparently was the smarter of the two crones.
"Shuddup! I am Harry Potter, okay! The almighty Dark Lord is Harry Potter!"
"You are not! I saw you this morning, in your orange PJ's and fluffy pink slippers!" argued Crabbe folding his arms across his chest.
"And what makes you think that I am the Dark Lord and not Harry Potter in disguise?" asked the Dark Lord rising to this challenge.
"You are wearing his clothes." replied Crabbe nodding his head in assurance.
"Do you not think that anyone could wear these clothes?" asked the illusive 'Dark Lord'.
"Well, um, no he didn't. They're Voldie's." Goyle answered before Crabbe could dig himself deeper.
"Did you just call him Voldie? Oh my Dark Lord! Wait till I tell the Order!" screamed the Dark Lord or Harry Potter, Crabbe and Goyle weren't sure which, as apparently they did not know whether they were Death Eaters or members of the Order.
"Take off your paper bag, you, you, you IMPOSTER!" shouted Crabbe deciding that it was best to be safe than sorry.
"Make me." snarled a very uncooperative 'Dark Lord' not wishing for his true identity to be revealed.
"Don't make us make you!" warned Goyle smiling behind his mask; he would enjoy it too much!
"Pshhh, let me see you try." Challenged the 'Dark Lord' snickering, he could take on these fools any day.
"Arghhhhhhh!" came the cry of the two identically robed men.
Several seconds later, the almighty 'Dark Lord' was flat on his back with Crabbe sitting on his stomach. Goyle was panting as he leant over and hi-fived his partner and together they ripped the paper bag. Underneath was something or should they say someone that they most definitely did not expect. It was Lucius Malfoy.
"Hem Hem"
"What the F# are you doing?"
"Uhh, Hi!"
Yes, this is another crazy Voldemort fic by me...dont look at me like that! If you want me to add more to this fic...like another chapter I will require some reviews otherwise I shall never know, so I suggest that you REVIEW or there will be no more...that is a promise...
Mwah
Queen of the Scoubies