Disclaimer: All characters are property of Marvel.
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Systematic Touch
Every night is almost the same routine for us. Don't get me wrong the romance isn't completely gone for the two of us, it's just that every since the Emma incident I've been wondering how he really feels about me. I have no doubt he loves me unconditionally but there is no denying that are love life has become... well boring. He has been working so hard at being everything to everyone and after Xavier went public we've hardly had any time to our selves to relax. I'm to blame too, I understand that and it's not like he actually touched that dirty tramp, Emma. Just mentally, purely in thought.
So here I am, in bed, reading this novel by Steven King, 'Gerald Game'. It's about a, long married, couple that attempt to spice up their marriage at a weekend getaway home, however things go horribly wrong and she ends up killing him. Coincidence, I'm sure. Looking over to my left I can see Scott brushing his teeth through the open bathroom door. Standing there in his training shorts, ever the schoolboy.
I wonder if he's thinking about me, I know I'm a telepath and we have a unique bond but his personal thoughts were always his own. I would never think about invading his privacy in such a way. It's just... some times I need to hear him say he still loves me.
"Jean."
"Yes." I answer all to quickly.
"Did Hank get a package today." Summers's charm.
"I think so, he seemed excited about something, why?" I put my book down and sit up at the end of the bed.
"No reason, he said he had something to show me. Updates on cerebra, I'm guessing." I blame him, if he thinks the romance is gone between us. He should make the effort to work at it. Not talk about Hank's software.
"Come here, Mr. Summers." I say, coaxing his over with my index finger.
It's like sometimes he tries to be oblivious to his surroundings. For someone who is suppose to pay an awful lot of attention to the details, he is really missing the obvious. He comes over and kisses me on the cheek before crawling into bed and curling up under the covers.
We used to talk for hours. When we were first married we would lose whole nights of sleep just entertaining each other company, but now...
"Scott, do you still love me?" It doesn't take a telepath to feel his tension.
"Of course I do, honey." He rolled over and looked at me.
"I want to hear you say it."
"I love you, Jean." He smiled that boy-scout smile of his and rolled back over to his side of the bed. "Now get some rest."
"Do you remember when we talked for hours on end. When we stayed up the whole night just laughing together?" What can I say, I'm desperate for conversation.
"Yeah, I also remember the Danger Room session the next day. Those days almost killed us."
"What do you mean 'those days', Scott? I know we don't talk as much as we use too, but it's only cause we've been busy, right?"
"Are you okay, Jean?" He said, rolling over for the second time tonight. He sat up in bed and looked at me with genuine concern. I hate when he looks at me like that, like I'm some kid he just pulled out of a burning building. Like I'm weak.
"I'm fine, go to sleep." I say, a little to angrily.
"You know I have a lot of work to do tomorrow, with the new kids enrolling in the school and the media conferences I have to attend on behalf of the riot." He was practically begging for forgiveness. "You know I want nothing more than to make you happy Jean but it's been a hectic week, for all of us. I love you. I promise." He kissed my forehead. He keeps avoiding my lips. I want him to kiss me. Like he used to before things got complicated. 'Maybe I'm the one that needs to grow up' I think to myself as he rolls over to his side again.
I wrap my arms around him from behind and kiss behind his ear. "Goodnight." I whisper to him but sleep is a long way coming for me.
As I lay there holding him I begin to think back on how nervous he was the first times we shared a bed together. He didn't know if he should wrap his arms around me or not, now I'm sure he thinks nothing of it. Being a telepath you remember everything, every beautiful detail and when those little romantic thing that he did for me at first start to disappear you notice it right from the beginning.
So why don't I say something? How come I don't tell him I need him to love me the way he used to? That it hurts me to see us like this, falling out of love. Even though it was Emma fault for breaking him down he shouldn't want anything to do with her because he has me.
Right?
I'm losing him or maybe he's losing me. I admit to wanting something more than Scott. I would never tell him, not in a million years, that I've lost my desire for him. That I'm running on cruise control. It would break his heart to hear that.
So here I go falling back into the routine and pretending our love for each other is still as strong as it used to be. God I feel like screaming. There is no reason it should be like this, Logan would never...
Damn. I didn't mean that. I'm just a little upset, I tell myself as I roll out of bed and into the bathroom to wash my face. Look of at his sleeping figure from across the room it's easy to see the same man I married. He used to do things for me, for no reason he'd buy me rose or send me a telepathic I love you from across the room. All of those are memories now.
****
Systematic Touch
Every night is almost the same routine for us. Don't get me wrong the romance isn't completely gone for the two of us, it's just that every since the Emma incident I've been wondering how he really feels about me. I have no doubt he loves me unconditionally but there is no denying that are love life has become... well boring. He has been working so hard at being everything to everyone and after Xavier went public we've hardly had any time to our selves to relax. I'm to blame too, I understand that and it's not like he actually touched that dirty tramp, Emma. Just mentally, purely in thought.
So here I am, in bed, reading this novel by Steven King, 'Gerald Game'. It's about a, long married, couple that attempt to spice up their marriage at a weekend getaway home, however things go horribly wrong and she ends up killing him. Coincidence, I'm sure. Looking over to my left I can see Scott brushing his teeth through the open bathroom door. Standing there in his training shorts, ever the schoolboy.
I wonder if he's thinking about me, I know I'm a telepath and we have a unique bond but his personal thoughts were always his own. I would never think about invading his privacy in such a way. It's just... some times I need to hear him say he still loves me.
"Jean."
"Yes." I answer all to quickly.
"Did Hank get a package today." Summers's charm.
"I think so, he seemed excited about something, why?" I put my book down and sit up at the end of the bed.
"No reason, he said he had something to show me. Updates on cerebra, I'm guessing." I blame him, if he thinks the romance is gone between us. He should make the effort to work at it. Not talk about Hank's software.
"Come here, Mr. Summers." I say, coaxing his over with my index finger.
It's like sometimes he tries to be oblivious to his surroundings. For someone who is suppose to pay an awful lot of attention to the details, he is really missing the obvious. He comes over and kisses me on the cheek before crawling into bed and curling up under the covers.
We used to talk for hours. When we were first married we would lose whole nights of sleep just entertaining each other company, but now...
"Scott, do you still love me?" It doesn't take a telepath to feel his tension.
"Of course I do, honey." He rolled over and looked at me.
"I want to hear you say it."
"I love you, Jean." He smiled that boy-scout smile of his and rolled back over to his side of the bed. "Now get some rest."
"Do you remember when we talked for hours on end. When we stayed up the whole night just laughing together?" What can I say, I'm desperate for conversation.
"Yeah, I also remember the Danger Room session the next day. Those days almost killed us."
"What do you mean 'those days', Scott? I know we don't talk as much as we use too, but it's only cause we've been busy, right?"
"Are you okay, Jean?" He said, rolling over for the second time tonight. He sat up in bed and looked at me with genuine concern. I hate when he looks at me like that, like I'm some kid he just pulled out of a burning building. Like I'm weak.
"I'm fine, go to sleep." I say, a little to angrily.
"You know I have a lot of work to do tomorrow, with the new kids enrolling in the school and the media conferences I have to attend on behalf of the riot." He was practically begging for forgiveness. "You know I want nothing more than to make you happy Jean but it's been a hectic week, for all of us. I love you. I promise." He kissed my forehead. He keeps avoiding my lips. I want him to kiss me. Like he used to before things got complicated. 'Maybe I'm the one that needs to grow up' I think to myself as he rolls over to his side again.
I wrap my arms around him from behind and kiss behind his ear. "Goodnight." I whisper to him but sleep is a long way coming for me.
As I lay there holding him I begin to think back on how nervous he was the first times we shared a bed together. He didn't know if he should wrap his arms around me or not, now I'm sure he thinks nothing of it. Being a telepath you remember everything, every beautiful detail and when those little romantic thing that he did for me at first start to disappear you notice it right from the beginning.
So why don't I say something? How come I don't tell him I need him to love me the way he used to? That it hurts me to see us like this, falling out of love. Even though it was Emma fault for breaking him down he shouldn't want anything to do with her because he has me.
Right?
I'm losing him or maybe he's losing me. I admit to wanting something more than Scott. I would never tell him, not in a million years, that I've lost my desire for him. That I'm running on cruise control. It would break his heart to hear that.
So here I go falling back into the routine and pretending our love for each other is still as strong as it used to be. God I feel like screaming. There is no reason it should be like this, Logan would never...
Damn. I didn't mean that. I'm just a little upset, I tell myself as I roll out of bed and into the bathroom to wash my face. Look of at his sleeping figure from across the room it's easy to see the same man I married. He used to do things for me, for no reason he'd buy me rose or send me a telepathic I love you from across the room. All of those are memories now.