To whom it may concern
Dear Jack, or at least that's what I heard you were calling yourself these days, hiding out on that benighted piece of rock,
If for some reason he kills me, I want you to know the truth. I'm a liar and that's a fact, have been all my life, you know that, you are too. It's a survival skill. But just this once I need to tell you the whole truth. I found Grey.
Yes, I know you have no reason to believe me, unless of course he has already started out on his plan, in which case, Goddess help you because no one else can or will. Especially if you are reading this, because I think I'm all you've got. Who would have thought?
It was an accident really, though if you never see this I'll probably claim otherwise. Not that I wasn't keeping a half an eye out for him, just in case. It was my chance to rush in and be the dashing hero, save the boy, and get you falling into my arms and my bed in gratitude with offers of generous sexual favors. But the truth is, I was out there chasing a particularly sexy piece of tech with rumored Time Lord connections. The Bedlam outlands have never been a particularly popular tourist destination so I wasn't expecting to find anyone, certainly not alive. Perhaps I should have left him, or put him out of his misery, and mine now, but that's a subject for another time, possibly over drinks, lots of drinks.
Never did find that tech, actually. He was half dead when I found him, or I thought he was, now I'm not so sure. I don't know what is or was real anymore. Maybe it's the drugs, I think he's been giving me something. Anyway, your brother was the last one alive among a pile of dead and stinking corpses, all of them still chained together. He was weak and feral, not to mention filthy and hallucinating when I got him loose and carried him back to my ship. I would like to say that I knew who he was instantly too. I didn't, but I knew what he was and I thought it was at least vaguely possible that he knew something that would buy my way back, back into your arms, back into your bed, maybe even back into your heart, but we don't believe in that do we? Besides, he was cute under all that filth and I rescued him, right? The hero gets the boy?
Getting him loose was easy, getting him back a little less so though he weighted a good bit less than is optimum. I didn't think he had much time left when I found him, he could have been faking but not all of it, not the infected wounds or the dehydration among other, well, lets just say the details are messy and unimportant. If I had been just an hour later…but nothing I can do about that now. I got him connected up to some rehydration packs and broad spectrum antibiotics before I even started to cut away the rags he was in. Yeah, under all the dirt and the wounds, he was a beautiful boy. Since I'm doing that honesty thing here, I'll admit I thought I'd got a real find.
I didn't notice the resemblance at all 'til he opened his eyes, that and the fact that he had that Boeshane accent, the one you tried so hard to get rid of. Reminded me of the way you would cry out in your sleep sometimes, when we were stuck in that time loop, shagging like mad, and working like fiends. Goddess, you felt so good back then, but enough pleasant reminiscences. I read the report, I bet you never knew that, the one on the invasion. It was mentioned in your agency file, so I tracked it down. I knew that Grey was the only one unaccounted for that day, the rest of the bodies were all found.
It didn't take much for me to start thinking I had hit the jackpot. All I had to do was keep him alive…that and civilize him down a bit. Not that I wasn't still interested in a bit of him for myself, mind. Hey, I'm only human, well mostly anyway. It was a week before he was even slightly lucid, and another before I could let him out of the bunk. Oh, he came around pretty quickly, but he was wild and violent, I had to sedate him just to keep him from destroying all my hard work. The first time he managed to detach the rehydration pack and ripped off half the patches before I got him back under.
Even with med patches, there are scars that will never heal, and I'm not even talking about his mind. That is another story. I am no psycher, you know that. I've never been all that keen on skull jockeys unless they're giving op intel, but even I could see that the kid had been through it. Once I got him stable and sedated I headed for Harmony. The Outlands have never been popular with tourists, but the folks that do show up out there aren't the sort you want have to handle with a sick and sedated kid on your ship. Christ, between you and your brother, you practically domesticated me, now what is that about? So off I went.
Nothing ever happens over on Harmony and the sisters of plentitude operate a pretty good medicenter with no questions asked. Whoever said curiosity was a cat trait never met the good sisters and if you time it right and can charm one or more of them out of her wimple…ah well. Turns out the sisters had seen it before. Not that I brought him in, you understand, I just explained…well actually I lied about nearly everything except what had happened to him. But some of the sisters had been around when the Empire sent them off, and had help with the clean up. They said there were still pockets around, nothing but pirates now, but still. They gave me what I needed, told me to get him somewhere they could fix his head before he became a danger to himself and others and wished me blessings.
I didn't tell them that Grey had been a prisoner for not months or weeks but years. Not sure they would have believed me if I had done, you knew that every time you went out chasing rumors, they only keep them for a little while, for amusement or practice or whatever else it is that they do with the captives. I just thought being your brother, he was a survivor, I never considered what he did to stay alive. Now, I know enough to know that even I don't have a strong enough stomach for it.
I'm not sure exactly when he started to play me. The truth is, your brother is a better con man than either of us. After he was well and lucid enough, I explained that he was safe. He didn't seem to understand the concept, but he stopped trying to attack me if he wasn't sedated. You have to understand, I didn't know where or when you were, and I wanted to return him to you in as good a condition as I could. It was all a mistake. Everything from the minute I let him have run of the ship. He said he wanted to help, to earn his keep, use the terminal and catch up on what he had missed. Like with you, I never could resist those eyes.
I thought about asking how he survived but I figured it was none of mine, Gods know I've got some things… but this is about him. He started cleaning up around the ship, kept the place spotless actually, then it was repairs and cooking. It felt good to be taken care of. I told him he didn't need to do it, but he said it made him feel useful, so I let him get on. I took a couple of jobs, simple stuff, nothing too dangerous and all the time putting out careful feelers for you. Had to be careful though, there are more than a few sectors where your name is still mud, any and all of them.
Then another…complication. I want to make it clear, I didn't set out to seduce the boy, not really, not once I knew he was your brother anyway. But he was beautiful and he had dropped a couple hints, but I wasn't going to bed him because he thought he needed to pay his way. I'm just saying, so you understand the pressures, did I mention he's beautiful? One night I went out, just to find a little release for myself, you know what I like. I might have gotten a little in over my head but I had a good time. When I got back, I thought he was asleep. I was cleaning myself up when he came up behind me.
He asked me why I kept going out when he was right there. Was it that I didn't find him attractive? How do you answer that? Of course you are, but you're just a bargaining piece to get your brother back? I want you, but not if you are offering out of obligation? I told him not to be thicker than he had to be, and told him to get back to bed. Before I knew it, he was behind me, helping to mop up where the broken bottle had failed to miss me before I got out of the evening brawl at Chase's. It felt so familiar, and then his hands were on me, and all my good intentions were out the window, with his breath on my neck.
That was the beginning of the end right there. I should have seen it, but I didn't, there, ok? If I am dead, then it is my own fault, just like I used to say. A stupid man is a dead one. I let my guard down and he got me. There were dark looks, and a few statements that, when I questioned him, led immediately to bed. Then there were the hints, things that suggested his tastes were even more unusual than mine. I am all for a little rough and tumble, you know that, but he got a little intense a little fast and well, you probably really don't want to know about your brother's tastes. He knew I was looking for you, and though I didn't tell him the nature of our friendship, I don't think he was under any misapprehensions about it, well that and I may have used the wrong name once or twice when we were together.
It all came to a head last night, the night I got the first solid lead I have had on you. It involved a girl, a diamond and a Lodothian, never do business with those bloody land fish, too much thrill seeking, not enough work, the lot of them, let an op go right down the drain in a heartbeat for the right drug, a fast transport or something shaggable. Anyway, I came back to tell Grey. He was the one that suggested the champagne, and the handcuffs, at least I think so, it's all a bit blurry. I'm not sure where he got the lip gloss, though, and the only reason I'm still here to write you is because I built up an immunity. I came too handcuffed to the bunk, he wanted me conscious when he bonded the detonator to my arm, so I could enjoy it. He has me booby trapped, Jack. There is a bomb in my wrist strap, monitored to check my every move and word, which is why I am writing this the old fashioned way and praying it gets through. I'm not my own man, Jack. Your partner has been taken to the medic and neutralized and now he doesn't chase the other puppies anymore. I am all for a collar and leash, in the right circumstances, but this isn't it. He's told me things, things that I hope you will never need to know. I know how he survived, I know what he did. Goddess help us all they made him a monster, and I unleashed him. Now he is after you.