I don't own Glee, Will or Emma...If i did they would be on HBO.
Author's Notes: Hi Everyone! This is my first venture into the world of Glee fanfiction. I really need to the thank the great and powerful RUBES because "her misfortune is now everyone else's pleasure." As of right now, I am CONSIDERING adding a second part to this story. Your reviews (both positive and negative) will help me make that decision. So basically this story is Emma reflecting back on her life over the last 6 (or so) months. It does contain VERY MINOR spoilers for Hello and Power of Madonna (basically just promo stuff from Madonna).
Ok! so here goes...hope you enjoy.
For everyone else, it was like every other Friday before. For Emma Pillsbury it was to be the first day of the rest of her life. It was Emma's last day as a Virgin.
She awoke to the sound of her alarm. Just as she always had. Only today is unlike any other day for Emma Pillsbury. Today is her day of reckoning. She had made it. Every moment of her life up until now has lead up to this day, or rather, this night. She was ready.
She stood facing the smartly placed oval mirror in her bathroom and began her normal morning routine. The past few months have altered her pattern of "crazy" into something she could manage. Instead of rinsing her mouth with hydrogen peroxide, she switched to Listerine. Instead of throwing away her bars of soap every time she washed her face, she now has a pump full of wash on her sink. Her toothbrush is left out in the open to display. A big step for her considering the germs that she could once picture so vividly swarming through the air were now just an afterthought. As she applied her strawberry lip gloss one final time, she took one last look--for today was a day of reckoning for her. She knew tomorrow morning she would wake up in the arms of the man she loved and be forever changed. Just the thought made her both smile in anticipation and gasp in fear simultaneously.
Was she ready?
She slowly gathered her things for work along with something extra--an overnight bag.
She filled it with all her slightly less crazy creature comforts. Her special shampoos and lotions, toothbrushes and mouthwash that to some might be frivolous but to Emma, they are an essential lifeline to her sanity. She needed these things to be the same, especially tonight. This night of change would require all the strength she could muster. But she was ready.
They were ready.
She had opened her drawer full of intimate apparel. There in a sea of white, nude and black was a sparkle of color. She'd removed the thin sheath of material slowly. Holding it up to the mirror she shuddered. Almost embarrassed at the sight of such a small amount of material, especially since she knows, by its very definition and design, was meant for the eyes of another.
She calms herself. Slowly breathing in and out. Is she ready? Can she do this?
She snaps herself out of it. 6 months ago this sort of "attack" would have cost her a sick day at work and a gallon of Clorox Clean-up but those days are gone. She has learned how to control her anxiety, how to take control of her mind and keep moving herself forward towards the light at the end of her tunnel; a very handsome, patient, loving light waiting for her on the other side.
She smiles reminding herself how lucky she is to have someone like Will. These six months have not been easy going for either party. There was a point at which she thought this day might never come. They had been "too naïve." Their own needs and "problems" too great of an obstacle…she smiles again. She carefully folds the fabric and sticks it in her bag. Zipping it closed, she gathered her things and walked to the door.
She waited for him.
Those were painful months. She watched from the sidelines as he waded through such a difficult time alone. A nasty divorce. Confusion. Other women. Her stomach turned at the thought. She had let him go that day in her office. The worst day of her life. But he needed time. Time to sort out what kind of a man he was without the need of an additional adjective stuck to his life. He needed to find himself without the help of a woman. You just can't commit to someone when you don't fully know yourself.
She hated herself.
Had she pushed him away? They became distant in the first few months. No free period "counseling sessions" no lunchroom buddies. No dancing. What they had was special…no one could deny that night in his apartment. There was a spark there that no dream or fantasy would have been able to sufficiently satisfy. It was better then she had ever thought …and she just threw it away to give him time.
She was confused.
"I need to take control of my body." That part was right. It would take one fabulous yet heart-wrenchingly embarrassing night for her to realize. She thought she was ready and she was so wrong. It had been going so well. She was blinded by feelings and urges she had never experienced. He was touching her, holding her with so much love…but there was a sense of urgency that neither one could deny. As he slowly crept his hands under the purple silk her mind began to wander. Instead of enjoying his warm hands sliding against her stomach she thought of all the years she had waited for this moment. When his hand grazed her breast she panicked. It all came crashing down in that moment. Instead of waking up blissfully in the arms of the man she had fantasized about for as long as she's known him, she woke up alone on her couch in a pile of blankets and used tissues.
She called a therapist the next morning.
She had beat Will to the punch this time. He gave her a card, along with her shoes that day, she didn't have the strength to tell him. That would come later. He told her he had filed for divorce. Did that mean he was ready? She paid it no matter for her goal was set. It's time to get ready. Not for Will—for herself. She realized that night alone on her couch that her "problem" was worse than she let herself believe. She needed someone to help her…to guide her through this just as she guided student's everyday at McKinley.
A bell brings her out of her thoughts. Friday has begun.
She started seeing a new side to him.
Slowly, things became like they had always been between them. Lunch time once again became full of laughter and discussion of the Glee club. Occasionally, he would stop by her office and ask her advice. Never personal…strictly work or in most cases Glee club related. She grew to accept the idea that this might have been all that was left of that spark they shared in his apartment four months ago. He had seemingly moved on with his life and in some ways, so had she. Her sessions with Dr. Simon were going better then she had anticipated. He had given her some relaxation techniques to help control her emotions when triggered. They had talked about the incident at the dairy farm. They had talked about Will. She was starting to feel like, for the very first time in her life, she was one hundred percent in control…well most of the time.
It was only dirt.
She was late. Emma Pillsbury is never late to work. There had been an accident on her normal route so it was out of her control. Not a good way to start her morning. She had to park in the "remote" teacher lot across from the football field. Not her usual spot. Lucky that the sun was shining bright on this spring day or she would have been stuck in the car. She reached into her backseat for her briefcase when she had heard the car door open.
"Hey Emma. Running late too?"
She has no memory of the casual talk they exchanged as they crossed the field. Her memories of the event start with mud. They heard the warning bell…only a minute to go so they pick up their pace. Suddenly…she's stuck. Froze in her tracks, she watches Will sprint ahead of her unaware that she has been left behind. Slowly, she looks down…her worst fears realized. Her red Mary Jane is almost completely submerged in fresh, thick mud. A gasp escapes her mouth. Her eyes clamp closed. She begins counting and breathing deeply, just as Dr. Simon had recommended.
"45, 46, 47, 48…."
She hears him call out to her.
"49, 50, 51…"
Suddenly he is there. Though her eyes are still closed she can sense his presence beside her. Slowly her eyes open.
"It's alright. Just breathe."
But how does he know?
She begins to exit this tunnel of anxiety when he softly rubs circles on her back.
"Your doing great Emma. Just keep breathing"
"88, 89, 90."
She looks up at him now. Almost startled at his closeness. She had found her light at the end of the tunnel. Even with mud on her shoe there was no denying it. She felt the spark again as he looked directly into her eyes.
"Thank you."
"Emma that was all you. It was amazing how you brought yourself out of it. I mean you were so calm and…"
"No Will. You helped me out of it."
"But, I did nothing. I just ran back to make sure you were ok and…"
"Will, your nothing meant everything to me."
They fall silent. Lost in the presence of one another once more. Unsure what to say.
Will guides her to her office. As she enters the morning bell sounds.
"I've made you late Will."
"Actually I have planning first block this semester."
She's frozen in the doorway--it's like he reads her mind. He runs to the men's room and returns with a roll of paper towels. Carefully he lays them in a path along the floor leading to her chair. He returns, takes her hand and guides her along the path. She turns to sit but hesitates, stealing another long glance into his eyes.
What he does next she will never forget.
Slowly he guides her to sit. Then, after taking a quick glance down the empty corridor he kneels before her.
"May I?"
She nods in agreement, incapable of forming words. He carefully removes her mud covered shoe and places in onto a pile of paper towels at the door. He leaves again. This time returning from the men's room with freshly washed hands.
He sits across from her. Just as they had so many times before. Only this time. It was different.
"Will. How did you know how to help me"?
He shrugged in embarrassment.
"I read about it."
Her heart soars.
"What would make you want to read about this kind of crazy behavior"?
"I wanted to know how to fix it. But the more I read, the more I learned that only you can take control. But I see that you have."
"I've been seeing a counselor."
"Oh really? Dr. Smith is pretty good from what I hear…."
"I'm seeing Dr. Simon actually. I wanted to tell you that day a few months ago. When I left your house that, um, that night the next morning I called him."
Miss Pillsbury? Miss Pillsbury? Hi. My name is Mike. I'm your 10:15 appointment.
She is jolted from her memories once more.
She went to Glee club Rehearsal.
It started with a request. He'd been having trouble with the kids. The Slushy wars were getting worse and they were "closing off." He wanted her to talk to them about acceptance. Why it was ok to express themselves. After that day it just became second nature. She sat off to the side, or sometimes in his office preparing for the SAT course she taught. She loved hearing him laugh, sing. He was in his element here. On that particular day he rushed into his office elated.
"Emma! You've got to hear them tonight! They are so ready!"
His eyes glistened with pride. He was like a father to them. He took her by the hand and led her out into the room. A small but not unnoticed gesture based on the kids whispers. As they nailed the piece, he beamed with pride. She stole glances ever so carefully. As the kids hit the last note, she looked one final time only to see him staring at her. His eyes full no longer full of pride, but another much stronger emotion she was afraid to admit. She held her gaze with him even after the musicians ended. Both lost in each other, the world fell away.
"Ahem."
The spark ignites.
He was leaving for the weekend.
Regionals. The day he and the club had prepared for all these months. That rainy afternoon she stood in her rain boots, umbrella in hand watching the kids pile onto the coach bus , kept dry by the safety of the awning. He carefully checked their luggage underneath. His grace, ease with the parents, every action making her want him more and more. But today was a special day—not the right time. They'd been working towards this day for months. He needed to focus on them. As the last student took their seat he closed the carriage and walked to the front of the bus. She closed her eyes, sending up her best wishes for them.
Did he hear?
As if by instinct, he turned. He's spotted her. He exchanges quick words with the driver. It's time for them to be off. She opens her eyes to find a sight most women only see in films. Will Shuester, the love of her life, running full stop towards her in the pouring rain.
"Hi." He was soaking wet and out of breath.
"I was, um, just watching you leave with the kids. I was going to come over and wish everyone good luck..but…"
"I'm ready."
She's stunned.
"Will, are you sure. I mean I want to make sure you've had enough time to find yourself…"
"That's just it Emma. I did find myself. I found myself in you."
She releases a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. She fights back the tears, gathers her newly discovered strength and says what she's wanted to say all this time.
"I've been waiting to hear you say that my whole life."
No more words are needed. She reaches out to touch him, softly running her fingers along his wet cheek. He captures her hand under his; holding it tightly. She feels the warmth of tears on her finger. Holding back tears of her own, she closes the space between them. Lost in his arms she finally lets go; dropping her umbrella she allows the rain to soak her. He puts his hand in her hair now deepening the kiss. A new feeling—desire, stirs within her…..
"Emma? Emma sweetheart are you ready? It's 3 o'clock. Time to go."
She's ready. Her life begins a new chapter tonight.
A/N: Hope you liked it! Please Read/Review!