Author's Note= So, this is a wedding gift for MXMsHolic, my wife. She's already read it, and there will be a second chapter. I don't own the lyrics, they are Cross Me Off Your List by Hawthorne Heights and are theirs.
Matt's POV
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So let us,
Concentrate,
On all those things,
You love to hate.
~
I stared blankly into his eyes, he stared right back. I still don't understand your reasons. I don't want to, so just listen to me once.
~
It makes this,
All worth the wait,
But causes us,
To separate.
~
Ironic how we were right back to our staring again. Only now he was half dead and his eyes were bright with an untamed fear; Mello didn't want to die. But I knew that we would never be the same around each other. It made me want to not help him, but I knew that would make things worse.
~
And I don't know,
How I should feel,
These lights make it all seem real.
~
I stared at the unconscious blonde, just stared. This wasn't really happening.
~
Can you see this?
Or wear it on your wrist?
It's everything you wanted,
The mark you always missed.
~
The strange part was that I felt nothing anymore. No direct contact with people does that to you, it numbs you. It turns you into a machine. But apparently, in Mello's case, too much contact did the same.
~
Can you feel this?
Cross me off your list,
She's everything you wanted,
The mark you always missed.
~
I was done caring, it was just over. Obviously Mello wanted another machine just like him. I wasn't that machine. I was a different type. Like he was a Macbook Pro and I was a Nintendo 64. Not compatible.
~
With dry eyes,
Steady hands,
I try so hard to understand,
~
This was giving me such a head ache. Mello was trying to change me into his ideal machine, trying to upgrade me, but Mello was horrible with technology. I had a better chance of downgrading him. But I wouldn't.
"If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours."
~
Why you left us,
All alone,
Three broken hearts with a broken home.
~
Slowly my new ice heart was melting, but it revealed something Mello didn't want to see. He tried to re-freeze it, only to have it melt completely. To him, what good was a wounded soldier, even if that wound was emotional.
~
And I don't know,
How I should feel,
These lights make it all seem real.
~
The pain was surprisingly bearable. As the bullets tore through blood, flesg and bone, I was eerily at ease. Not really minding my fall, if you could call it that. It's not as though I wasn't already at rock bottom.
~
Can you see this?
Or wear it on your wrist?
It's everything you wanted,
The mark you always missed.
~
I contemplated many things as I laid bleeding, noticing how no one helped me. After my life experience, I wasn't sure if I wanted help. I just watched as they stared at me. Wondering how stupid I was, or if I were suicidal. If only they knew.
~
Can you see this?
Or wear it on your wrist?
~
My thoughts turned to Mello, I wondered if he cared, even a little. And as my cigarette fell from my lips, I wasn't sure I'd ever know.
~
It's everything you wanted,
The mark you always missed.
~
"Please forgive me, Matt. I never thought you'd die."
~
Can you feel this?
Cross me off your list,
She's everything you wanted,
The mark you always missed.
~