I do not own torchwood. Owen and Tosh would not have died if i did.
Summary says it all, so enjoy.
Alarms blared throughout the hub and five figures dashed about, eventually bumping into each other.
"Wha..!" they went simultaneously, glancing around in confusion. Jack recovered first.
"Owen, Toshiko, I thought you died?" Jack pointed out
"In the normal run of things, yes. But this is a mauve code"
Jack paled.
Gwen looked from Jack to Tosh with worry.
"What's a mauve code?"
"Fanfiction writer" Ianto put in.
Tosh and Owen looked at each other.
"Well we may as well make an early start. It's pretty much inevitable when we get mauve."
Tosh nodded in agreement, and then started snogging the previously clueless Owen. The other three ran to the meeting room.
"Ok, in code mauve Owen/Tosh pairings are pretty much standard" Jack said
"Oh, I don't know, there was a me/ Owen pairing once. Absolute nightmare. Thankfully that fic got burnt, but still" Ianto shuddered "Not nice"
"Anyway, the biggest question is, are they a Janto fan or…" he looked pointedly at Gwen.
"Janto?"
"Jack/ Ianto- they think we're cute" Ianto looked at Jack.
"So what would the other possible pairing be?" Gwen looked between the two. "Oh. Shit."
Jack nodded
"Yeah, we could be in some serious trouble there"
"What do we do?" Gwen asked
Jack sighed
"We wait it out, and when the story's completed everything gets back to normal"
"If you still remember what normal is by the time I've finished with you" They spun around to see Captain John pointing a hefty bulk of a space gun at them.
Torchwood. Outside the United Nations, beyond the police,
"Oi, do we have to do this every single time?"
Fighting aliens on behalf of the human race
"Oi, matey I'm talking to you"
The 21st century's when everything changes
"Owen save your breath"
And we'll be ready
"I'm dead, I don't have any breath"
They stared dramatically at the wrong end of the gun.
"Hi again" Jack gave a brief look to Tosh and Owen, who had mysteriously appeared in the room.
"Ok guys just to let you know, I do not want to be doing this- I was in the most awesome party on the Scarlet system, then bang! Some damned writer drags me here to be a baddy. They really don't like me that much. Although, it is a pretty impressive gun"
It looks like an anemone; sharp spikes jutting out forwards, a violent purple fish slicing bayonet. That is if anything is left after the laser, sliver bullet and flamethrower combination, so often used by the owners of this make of supergun.
"Quickly, to the SUV, before the author notices" Jack whispered as they attempted to make their escape out the back door.
The gun clanged to the ground, then suddenly they were all back in their previous positions.
"Great" moaned Jack "We might have got away then if it weren't for you and your butterfingers"
"Hey! Don't blame me if I don't want to be in some random fic where I'm probably going to almost kill all of you (and probably kill Jack several times) then end up getting imprisoned, shot, frozen, decapitated, hung, knifed, eaten by an alien, or even worse.."
"NO! Don't say it!" the team yelled as one
John ignored them and continued
"Even worse I may end up being oof…"
John doubled over in silent pain, before dropping to his knees.
Gwen held onto her position just in front of him only for a second or two, before returning to where she was.
"Remind me not to get on your bad side Gwen" Ianto commented
They headed back to their respective stations, leaving John moaning on the floor, clutching his crushed privates.
"ArgHH ah ah ah ooowwww…"
"What now?" Jack called out across the hub.
At her screen, Tosh gasped in shock.
"Oh my god" The team gathered around "We've got incoming…"
Next time on Mauve:
"NOOOOOOOOOO not another chapter!!" the team yell, before breaking down crying in their tableaux, helpless as the author continues to type.
The team ran around like headless chickens, panicking. Jack had enough presence of mind to yell
"To the SUV!!" they all ran after him, and got stuck in a broom cupboard.
"Do you reckon it's bigger on the inside?"