Hi everyone! For those of you who have followed me for a while, I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update anything but I've had some extreme difficulties and hope to write more soon.

For both new and old readers of mine, this is a oneshot I wrote in the early hours of the morning that I have no idea where it came from. I'm not sure if the song totally fits the situation but I have always felt specially for Peter and this song is something I associate specifically with him so we're going with it. I hope you guys like this and it's not total garbage. Please let me know what you think so I know if I should continue writing for the Narnia fandom. Thanks and enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own the Chronicles of Narnia or the song Oblivion by Bastille.

Are you going to age with grace?
Are you going to age without mistakes?
Are you going to age with grace?
Oh only to wake and hide your face,
When oh oh oblivion
Is calling out your name
You always take it further,
than I ever can.

A lifetime.

A lifetime they had shared.

A lifetime that never happened.

It was just a dream, she supposed, but then why had it been so real? Why did her heart ache so?

She knew the boy, had seen him once across a train platform in 1941. One moment there and the next gone. But it hadn't been just a moment. That had been a lifetime too. A lifetime without him.

It had flashed before her eyes but felt like an eternity. A world where this beautiful blonde boy had…left. She couldn't describe the feeling. He had not died, was not gone. Just…left. She could feel him but distantly, as if she were trying to reach into a deep pool, fingers searching for a bottom whose depth she wasn't quite sure of. In a single moment—or perhaps an eternity—he was back, the second passing and her chest contracting and relaxing in barely an instant.

The first time she saw him, their eyes had met, and her body was engulfed by an indescribable feeling. She had known he would leave, had wanted to call out because she couldn't stand it. Panic had rushed into her system, blue eyes connecting with her own and widening just as hers had. He knew it too, could feel the distance, could feel the empty cold and the burning ache.

He had left and she had felt it all, had seen him disappear from one moment to the next and lost a lifetime in that second.

But the boy came back.

The beautiful blue eyed, blonde haired, regal boy had come back to her.

The second time she saw him, only an instant after the first but a whole lifespan in between, he looked like a man. He had grown and she knew it, could see how he carried himself and how he had lost something in the depths of his soul. Her chest hurt even more.

His eyes met with hers once more, head tilting slightly in almost surprise. He knew she knew. What she knew, she wasn't sure.

In that moment, they shared another lifetime. Another train passed but this time it stopped. This time they both got on it, bumped and jostled by those around them until they found each other. They didn't even have to look at each other for their hands to meet, joining in silence, back to back as they tried to find their place in the crowded space.

Eventually she looked up at him and he down at her. Their eyes knew each other, hands fit, souls connected. She saw the fight in him, the sadness, the anger, the maturity. She knew he had loved, lost, found and lost again. She knew he wasn't quite of this world but in these moments, they both knew neither was she.

He saw her too; she could feel it. He looked into her heart and found it matched his: rage, loss, maturity, sadness, fight.

Love.

Their hands stayed connected the whole ride.

Years would pass. This boy who became a man loved her and her him. His siblings understood there was something between them that was unexplainable, something strong and rooted deep within their souls. She knew that they knew, that they understood.

They went to school together, comfortable enough to elbow each other in the hallways and sneak out past dark to swim in a pond they shouldn't. The war came and went, and their arms found each other during each air raids, hearts settling there in the spot between them.

School ended and she followed him across the country, having nowhere better to go. Besides, why would she want to go anywhere he wasn't?

They built a life together and she could feel his sadness ease, feel the loss heal ever so slightly, though never fully. He never explained and she didn't need him to. She knew and he knew that.

Their children were born and grew up. They moved away, one to Essex, one to Canada. They spent dozens of birthdays, Christmases and New Years together. They grew old together, a lifetime of tears and smiles, embraces and warmth.

And then the lifetime passed.

She was on the train platform with no way to get to this boy. This boy she had spent a lifetime without, this man she had spent a lifetime with. And just like that, she spent another lifetime without him.

The crowd for the next train was too much, jostling her about so much that she didn't find her way to him. Perhaps he had never gotten on the train, perhaps he didn't look for her. She stood, sandwiched between a group of schoolgirls giggling about the military boys they fancied, while her heart ached unimaginably over a man she had never met but knew better than anyone.

And so, another lifetime passed, this one without him but so much worse. He hadn't left this time, he was simply gone, their fates no longer aligned.

They did not go to school together. The war seemed endless, the air raids having to be dealt with alone. There were no siblings, no children, no love, no arms her soul could rest in. She aged but without him. There was another man, but he knew less, understood her spirit so little, and then she was alone again. She grew more wrinkled, more grey. Her heart aged with her body, three lifetimes being almost too much to bare—the lonely ones as bad as the happy.

Decades passed and she tried to forget the boy she had seen become a man right in front of her eyes. Some moments it worked, others it didn't. She could not lose what had already been lost. Life became routine, constant and empty. She worked, she ate, she slept; sometimes she could even afford a vacation. She usually spent these in the City, just wandered around, remembering the life she never had.

Occasionally she'd go to the platform and wait, wondering where he was now. Long gone, she supposed. Every time she did this she told herself she should stop. She would walk back up to the street, the train platform behind her and a firmness about her. Every time she came back.

The final time, her resolve strengthened, determination taking hold of her. She needed to give up these lives. What good had they done her? Hung her up on something that had never existed. Again, she wondered if it had all just been a dream she had conjured up that she had let ruin her life. She had oftentimes called herself a fool over the course of all three pasts and did so once more.

This time, she got on the train.

She sat for a long while, staring at nothing, wondering how to live without three lives.

"Excuse me?" a voice asked softly, jarring her out of her thoughts.

"Hm?" she asked, disoriented and looking up, only to be met with a face that stole the breath from her lungs and years of weight off her soul.

"Excuse me," the aging, blonde, blue eyed man said again, voice gentle and exactly as she knew it would sound. "But I've been looking for you."

Love it? Hate it? PLEASE REVIEW! Let me know what you liked, what is confusing, if I need to get back into the groove of writing or if this is okay. I would love to hear what you think and reviews really would motivate me to update my other stories and also possibly make a multi-chapter Narnia fic in the future. Did you understand the emotion I was pulling from or does this make absolutely no sense?

Please let me know what you think and thank you for humouring me with this piece, more to come of other fics soon!

~Liliana