An economical, hybrid car pulled into a quiet neighborhood in Elwood City, and up to the Walters residence. Inside the car, Brain, who had since dropped his childhood nickname by the time he and his friends entered highschool, parked his car in front of the Walters' frontyard.
"Well... here we are..." Fern said, softly, "my front door."
"Indeed." Alan said. "Fern? I had a really nice time with you this evening."
"Hmm? Oh, yes... I had a nice time, also." Fern said, shyly.
Alan had recently asked Fern out, while Fern didn't want to risk hurting his feelings, so she accepted.
"Thank you for a lovely evening, Brain." Fern said.
Alan fought back a scoff, before he raised an eyebrow.
Fern blushed. "Sorry, old habits die hard... Alan."
Alan smiled. "Fern... may I ask you a question?"
"Sure." Fern said, with a shrug.
"I was just wondering... are you planning on going to the prom?" Alan asked.
"Prom?" Fern asked.
"The senior prom in a couple of weeks?" Alan prompted.
"Oh yeah... "Fern said, "I'm still not so sure."
Alan sensed Fern's shyness, though he tried to be as warm and open as possible, "would you like to go?"
"I don't know." Fern shrugged, before she glanced at Alan, "however... if I do, I'll be sure to let you know."
Alan smiled.
Fern quietly sighed through her nose. "Thanks for the date, Alan, I really appreciate."
"You're more than welcome." Alan said, as Fern stepped out of his car.
Alan watched Fern trek her walkway, before stepping through her front door, with that, he pulled out onto the street, and drove off into the night. Fern closed the door, and let out a tired sigh.
"How'd everything go?" Mrs. Walters asked, taking her daughter by surprise.
"Oh, just fine... just fine." Fern said.
"Just fine?" Mrs. Walters asked.
Fern nodded. "Just fine."
Mrs. Walters sighed a little. "I just don't know what to do with you, Fern."
"What do you mean?" Fern asked.
"It seems like you're hooking up, and breaking up with a different boy just about every month," Mrs. Walters pointed out, "I never imagined you'd be one of those kind of girls, Fern."
Fern paused for a moment. "It's not that I like doing this, it's just... somehow, I just can't feel a real connection with any of the boys I've gone out with."
Mrs. Walters sighed again.
"Maybe, I'm expecting a little too much..." Fern said.
"Sometimes I wonder," Mrs. Walters said, "you have to remember Fern, life isn't like these books you read... love isn't about damsels in distress, waiting for their knights-in-shining-armor to come to their rescue..."
Fern nodded. "I guess you're right."
Mrs. Walters placed a hand on Fern's shoulder. "I know how much you love to read, Fern, and I am happy about that... just keep in mind, dear, life is not a novel."
Fern nodded again. "I know mom... good night."
"Good night, Fern." Mrs. Walters said, as Fern ascended the staircase, and into her bedroom for the evening.
Early Monday morning at Lakewood High, Arthur and Buster met up with Alan at his locker, each ready to milk him for details about his date with Fern.
"So?" Arthur asked.
"So, what?" Alan asked.
"How'd your date with Fern go?" Arthur asked.
"Oh that," Alan said, removing his bookbag from his back, "it went rather well, we had a very nice time."
"Didja... do anything?" Buster asked, nudging Alan with his elbow.
"Buster..." Arthur groaned, still a little embarrassed at how Buster's sense of humor had become more and more perverse since junior high.
"Buster, we didn't do anything like that," Alan snapped, "we simply had a nice, quiet dinner... and by the way, if you don't mind my saying so... I have this scientific theory as to why you've never been on a date yet..."
Arthur tried not to snicker, as Buster furrowed his brow in confusion.
"Do you think that the girls in this school have been programmed by intergalatic creatures to never wanna date me?" Buster asked.
Alan rolled his eyes, and groaned, before Arthur gasped.
"Duck your heads!" Arthur said, quietly.
"Huh?" Buster and Alan responded.
"Duck your heads, here comes George!" Arthur continued.
Arthur, Buster and Alan all turned their backs to the hall, trying not to draw attention to themselves, and rightfully so. George had previously gone out with Fern before Alan, and was still hurting from Fern breaking up with him, so he harbored some resentment and envy towards Alan. George trudged down the hall to him homeroom class, before Arthur peered over his shoulder.
"It's okay, he's gone..." Arthur said, as Buster and Alan relaxed.
"So... you had a good time the other night, huh?" Arthur asked.
"Yes, we did." Alan said.
Arthur couldn't help but wonder. "I wonder what it's like to date Fern... she seems to break up with guys alot."
"Maybe she's an alien sent to earth, searching for our greatest minds, and..." Buster began.
"Please, Buster..." Arthur said.
"Well, I am unsure as to why these previously relationships haven't worked," Alan said, "but I am confident that this one will last. We had such a connection the other night."
"Well, I have to say, I hope you're right," Arthur said, "she's beginning to run out of guys to go out with."
Moments later, the students gathered in their homeroom class... where Mr. Ratburn instructed them. Ratburn proved himself so tough an elementary school teacher, that he managed to work his way through promotions, he spent a few years teaching at the Lakewood Junior High, and within the past couple of years, he was promoted to a teaching position at Lakewood High... was the fact that he ended up with most of his original third grade students in his homeroom class a coincidence, or a conspiracy theory? Probably the latter, considering that some of them also had him in junior high.
"Now, for those of you who will be seeing me later in the day for algebra," Mr. Ratburn began, "there will be a slight change in today's lessons..."
Various students did, indeed, have Mr. Ratburn's algebra class through-out the day. Knowing him, they were dreading the announcement that was about to be made.
"I had ordered a series of workbooks for you to work on for extra credit..." Mr. Ratburn's expression suddenly turned to disappointment, "there was mistake in the order forms, and they sent me instead a collection of Beakman's World tapes."
Those various students perked up a little bit, even though Beakman's World was more cheesey than educational, a little TV in class doesn't hurt.
"Not to worry, though," Ratburn continued, "I returned the shipment to the warehouse, and was assured that my rightful order will be delivered by the end of the week."
The students expressed their disappointment in moans and groans.
"So, to make up for it until then, your extra credit assignments will the addition twenty B problems in this week's chapter in your text books." Ratburn said, referring to a little box of additional twenty problems at the end of each chapter.
Once more, the kids moaned and groaned. Later in the day, as Arthur headed towards the cafeteria for lunch, he heard a familiar, yet grating voice call out to him.
"Arthur! Arthur!" While Arthur was a senior at Lakewood High, his sister, DW, was a freshmam, "did you hear that the Tibble twins are getting suspended?"
Arthur shook his head, not in disbelief, but in annoyance, "what did they do this time?"
"They were the ones who flew the coach's bra and panties up the flagpole." DW said.
"How do you know?" Arthur asked.
"There was a witness..." DW said.
"Who was the wtiness?" Arthur asked.
"That's all I know." DW said.
Arthur shrugged. "Whatever, DW, I'm gonna be late for lunch..." Arthur went on his way, while Nadine suddenly materialized before DW.
"Thanks for not giving me away, DW." Nadine said.
"Shh!" DW said, before looking around to make sure no one was looking. "Not here, Nadine... people can't see me talking to my imaginary friend, you were supposed to disappear permanently when I turned five!"
"Only you have the power to make me go away permanently, DW." Nadine said.
DW sighed. "I know, but I'm not strong enough."
Moments later in the cafeteria, Arthur and Buster were joined at their table by Francine and Muffy.
"Do you guys wanna know what I think?" Muffy asked.
"Not particularly," was Arthur and Buster's response.
"I think that Fern has turned into a slut." Muffy said.
Buster stiffled a chuckle when Muffy said that, while both Arthur and Francine were a little taken back by Muffy's comment.
"That's not a very nice thing to say, Muffy." Arthur said.
"Well, it's true," Muffy said, "just look at her, she's gone out with more boys in this school than I have!"
"So what?" Francine asked.
"Well, if you ask me, there's something fishy going on!" Muffy said.
"You're right!" Buster said, slamming his fist on the table. "But what?"
"Come on you guys, nothing fishy's going on." Arthur said.
"Please, Arthur, you don't know beans about girls." Muffy said.
"I know a thing or two about girls." Arthur said.
"Like what?" Francine and Muffy asked.
Arthur's face turned bright red, before darting his eyes towards Buster.
"Face it Arthur, all you know about girls is that none of them are willing to go out with you." Buster said.
"And the fact that DW likes to try to set me up on blind dates doesn't help either." Arthur mumbled, while Francine and Muffy snickered.
"Maybe Muffy has a point," Francine said, "why else does Fern keep going out with so many different boys so regularly?"
"Hmm, this sounds like a case for Buster Baxter, Private I..." Buster said, "I'll need to set up some interviews with some people involved, see if I can't find that one little common thread that's weaved in and out of Fern's mysterious life..."
"Oh, brother..." Muffy said.
Elsewhere in the cafeteria, Alan joined Fern for lunch.
"So, how are the costumes going?" Alan asked, in reference to the fact that Fern was put in charge of creating the costumes for the drama class' year-end musical that will be performed before the student body and parents.
"It's a bit of a drag," Fern said, "my mother's sewing machine malfunctioned the other day, so I've been having to sew some of the remaining costumes by hand."
"Perhaps I can help," Alan offered, "I built a really sleek sewing machine for my aunt's upcoming birthday... it would probably be a smart idea to give a test run before I give it to her."
"Thanks Alan." Fern said.
A loud crash startled a bunch of the students, as they witnessed Binky Barnes storm into the cafeteria. A disaster in the making. Binky looked around the cafeteria, seeing dozens of eyes staring at him.
"What are you lookin' at?" Binky growled, as the other kids went back to their lunches, acting casual.
Binky stormed through the cafeteria, constantly cocking his head in any direction, until finally, he found what he was looking for at the far end of the room.
"What do you think you're doing?" He asked, as he approached the person he was looking for.
"Binky, I simply came in here to have lunch with my friends..." Sue Ellen said, with a sigh.
Binky grabbed Sue Ellen by her upper arm, and began dragging her out of the cafeteria. "You have no friends, I'm your only friend! I been waiting at our little spot for over fifteen minutes for you, you better not let this happen again!"
Other students watched the action unfold. Over the years, Binky continued to mellow in his personality to the point where he didn't have a mean bone in his body. That is, until he and Sue Ellen started dating. The two had a unique friendship since eight grade, and Binky had asked Sue Ellen out not too long ago, while Sue Ellen accepted. Now, she wished she hadn't, seeing that Binky's bully streak resurfaced. He didn't allow her to associate with anybody other than him, especially when it comes to other boys. He was controlling. He was possessive. And he didn't want to lose her to someone else. More surprising is the fact that Sue Ellen has never tried to stand up to Binky, she never let anybody walk over her, no matter who they are, and especially not Binky, yet for some reason, that all changed when they started dating.
"That's just plain sad." Alan remarked.
"I know," Fern said, "Binky seems to have some serious confidence problems, if he won't even let Sue Ellen have lunch with her friends."
"Tell me about it," Alan said, "he threatened to 'spill my guts' out on the front sidewalk when he found out that Sue Ellen and I had to do a science project together a few months ago."
"I remember you telling me about that." Fern said. "I just can't understand why Sue Ellen isn't sticking up for herself... it's not like her to take crap from anybody..."
"Who knows?" Alan said, with a shrug.