Learning to Live Again

by Dust motes in sunlight

Tamara Dixon has been lost in the world ravaged by the apocalypse for three months. Close to death she is saved by someone she thought she'd never see again. Can she learn to survive in a world where death and decay reign?

1. Chapter 1

Tamara and Lacy had been walking for days, just trying to find somewhere safe. Now the little three year old had started sobbing and Tamara knew she couldn't walk any more. "Shh, baby." The petite brunette whispered to the little redheaded girl who was clinging to her in exhaustion and fear. The woman's vibrant green eyes flicked around the trees near them praying no walking dead would hear the child's whimpering.

"Momma." The little girl sniffled.

Swallowing hard, Tamara lifted her off her feet hating that she was so light now from malnutrition. "Everything's gonna be alright, baby. I promise." Biting back her own pain, Tamara continued on through the trees. Finally she broke through the tree-cover and scrub to step out onto a small bank overlooking a road. Tears of relief flooded her eyes and Tamara carefully climbed down the embankment and onto the road. She knew it was a dangerous move stepping out of the relative safety of the trees but this was her best bet to try and hail down a car, if there were any left she thought gravely.

An hour later they had to stop. Lacy had fallen into an exhausted sleep in Tamara's arms a half an hour before and the small woman was about to do the same. She stopped, swaying a little where she stood. That's when she heard the sound that sent a chill of fear through her whole body, the shuffling steps and gurgling growl of the walking dead.

Spinning on her heal she pulled the knife from its sheath at her hip. The sight of five walkers moving toward her and Lacy made her want to scream. She knew she didn't have much time. Jostling Lacy a little to wake her up she moved toward the embankment again, "Sweetie, look at me." The little girl sensed the urgency in her voice and hearing the sounds of the dead, the little girl tried to look behind Tamara.

Shaking her head, Tamara kept a hand on the little girl's head to keep her face tucked into her neck, "It's okay, baby. You have to climb this tree, okay?" she asked stopping under a tall tree just at the top of the embankment and turned the little girl to get her as high up into the branches as she could lift her. She spared a few moments to make sure the little redhead climbed up to a safe level before she turned and slid back down the bank, knife in hand to face the oncoming dead. They shuffled forward and Tamara tried to keep her eyes on them and not think about Lacy probably seeing her ripped to pieces by five walkers.

Shaking, Tamara lifted her chin and struck out at the nearest walker before he could lunge at her. Her knife sliced across his rotting face and he fell at her feet never to get up again. Shaking she backed up to the embankment and stood ready. Two of the dead that were the closest lunged at her together. She backed up to try and put some distance between them but her foot caught on a loose rock and she went down hard, her already wounded ribs nearly cracking as both walkers fell on top of her. Her knife found the eye socket of one walker and she managed to get her feet under the torso of the other, kicking it away with as much force as she could manage. It worked in throwing the monster back with enough force to smash its head into the cement road. It didn't move again.

Forcing herself to her feet she realised she wasn't holding her knife just as a bloody hand tangled in her hair and she had to fight off the walker barehanded.

"No!" she screamed trying to push it away when she saw one of the walkers was clawing at the tree where Lacy was hiding. The sound of tires squealing drowned out the walker that was trying to get at her but Tamara didn't have time to think about it. For the second time that day the heel of her boot caught on a loose rock and she went down hard; the walker on top of her.

But before it could even snap at her face with its rotten teeth its body was jerked from on top of her and the end of a large buck knife emerged from its forehead. The body fell and Tamara looked up to see a face she thought she would only ever see again in death.

"Daryl?" his name slipped from between her lips in a wavering moan.

He was over and kneeling in front of her a moment later and then she was pulled roughly into his arms a breath later.

Tamara buried her face against his neck and burst into tears, her hands twisting into the back of his shirt.

Her head jerked up at the sound of Lacy screaming but she relaxed when she saw the large black man holding the squirming little girl set her down on her feet. The child was scared out of her mind and ran straight to Tamara, ignoring everything else, even Daryl as he leaned back a little when the bundle of child pushed past him and burrowed against Tamara's chest.

"Someone gonna explain?" a dark haired man asked, a shotgun slung over his shoulder.

Tamara's eyes fell on Daryl's face as he spoke up, his beautiful blue eyes never leaving her green gaze, "This's Tamara. M' wife." He growled out and tears filled Tamara's eyes at his gruff but gentle tone. She slipped her fingers from where they had tangled into the hair at the base of his neck and leaned forward, pressing her forehead to his. He still smelled the same, like the woods, smoke and faintly of leather.

Both were brought back to earth by the sound of Lacy whimpering against Tamara's chest, "Momma, Momma."

Tamara held her tighter, "It's okay, Lacy." She whispered glancing back up into Daryl's eyes, "We're safe now."

"She call ya Momma?" Daryl asked, one eyebrow raised.

Swallowing hard and blinking back tears, Tamara nodded, "This is Lacy, Abigail's baby girl. She thinks I'm Abby and I don't have the heart to tell her otherwise." Two large tears broke free and slid down her pale cheeks, the first two since the world had gone to hell and she had lost almost everyone she had loved.

Daryl's callused thumb came up and he carefully wiped both away before nodding slightly. "Can ya walk?"

Tamara nodded, "You might need to help me though." She murmured as she slipped an arm around Lacy's waist. Daryl moved so that he was hunkered down on her right side. She put her arm across his shoulders and he wrapped his arm around her waist, helping her to her feet.

"Ya good?" he asked quietly seeing her wince and bite her lip in pain.

Swallowing hard, Tamara nodded and was about to step away to adjust Lacy on her hip only to have a wave of dizziness warp her vision. The last thing she saw was Daryl's concerned blue eyes above her and then her world tilted and went dark.

---

She woke up to the sounds of a heated discussion near her and the feel of a blanket over her. Opening her eyes in the bright sunlight she realised that she was in the back of an RV. It wasn't moving as far as she could tell. There was a large American flag hanging against the window behind her head, trinkets and plastic flower leis were everywhere.

She had about three seconds of panic before she recognised Daryl's voice outside and he was yelling at someone, or a few someones by the sounds of it. "Same man I married." She murmured to herself, before she pushed up into a sitting position and threw off the blanket. Thankfully her clothes were still on, she needed to talk to Daryl before he saw any of the scars and bruises on her body. That was a conversation she was not looking forward to. Seeing that Lacy wasn't in the RV she hoped the little girl was outside. Slowly she forced her aching body to the door of the RV and stepped out to see Lacy wrapped arms and legs around Daryl while he stood glaring at the dark haired man who had asked for an explanation when Tamara was conscious before.

Resisting the urge to go straight to Daryl, Tamara listened to the conversation Daryl and the other man were having, a man dressed in a police officer's uniform standing with them.

"What the hell do you know? She could be bit for all we know!" the dark haired man snarled taking a step toward Daryl and shrugging off the calming hand of the officer as he did.

Tamara saw Lacy tense in Daryl's arms but it was the soft little frightened mewl that was almost lost in the men's fight the did it for her. Taking a deep breath she straightened her spine and stepped out of the RV.

"Screw you." She snarled taking a step toward the taller man. "I ain't bit and you better stop scaring my niece before I do something I might regret." Hearing her voice, Lacy squirmed in Daryl's arms until he put her down on her feet. The little girl ran over and threw her arms around Tamara's legs and then promptly burst into tears, Tamara picked her up, rubbing her back to try and calm her down.

"Shane. Leave it." The guy in the uniform told his friend putting his hand on Shane's shoulder again only to have him shrug him off once more.

"The hell I will, Rick." He snarled his eyes on Tamara. "She's bit, I can prove it."

Before she could stop him he strode forward and pulled the collar of her shirt away from her neck roughly revealing the bite mark just below her collar bone on the swell of her right breast.

Tamara was about to slap his hand away when Daryl's hand shot out and he grabbed Shane's wrist twisting it enough to send the man to his knees, Daryl's buck knife now at his throat, "Touch her again an' I won't be so nice." He snarled, eyes hard.

Tamara clenched her jaw seeing the whole group that Daryl had been traveling with tense. "Daryl, don't." she begged gently, and then looked at the men and women around her, "I wasn't bit by a walker." She told them hating that traitorous tears threatened and blurred her vision. She looked up at Daryl's face, he was entirely focused on Shane and his knife at his throat. Taking a deep breath she realised she had to explain, "There are only a few ways for a woman to survive alone. But when a group of three men saved Lacy and I from a pack of walkers they only wanted one thing as payment."

There was a gasp from some of the people in the group and she saw Daryl tense a moment before his gaze snapped to her face.

He let go of Shane a moment later, turning and throwing his fist into the side of the RV with an animalistic yell.

A sob slipped from between Tamara's lips and she buried her face in Lacy's hair her body shaking as she tried to hold back the flood of tears and self-loathing she had fought off for so long.

A soft hand landed on her shoulder and she looked up to see one of the woman from the group, the one with short cropped grey hair, looking at her with tear filled eyes. "I'm so sorry." She said before pulling Tamara and Lacy into a mother-like hug.

That's what broke Tamara, the feeling of that hug. It offered companionship, comfort and spoke of a shared past that somehow only helped sooth her. With a large sob, Tamara collapsed against the woman and clung to her one handed as she wept until her throat was raw and her eyes felt like they were crusted with sand.

When she pulled away it was to see that the men and children had moved a little farther away to give her and the other women a semblance of privacy.

The grey haired woman gently pushed the raven dark hair away from her forehead in another move that reminded Tamara of her now dead mother. Before she could burst into tears again the woman spoke up, "I'm Carol." She pointed to a woman with blonde hair and beautiful aqua eyes, "That's Andrea," motioning to a slim brunette with kind brown eyes Carol introduced them, "Lori, and Jacqui." Jacqui smiled, her dark eyes and skin and the way she held herself reminding Tamara of her best friend, Tanya.

"I'm sorry I told y'all that so plainly." She murmured adjusting Lacy on her hip.

"There was no other way you could have done it, sweetie." Carol assured her. "The others understand that."

Panic washed through Tamara, "Daryl?"

The women shared a look and Lori spoke up, "He walked off into the woods soon after you started crying. He'll probably be back in a little while."

Swallowing her worry, Tamara nodded and then looked between the women, "Is it okay if I put Lacy down for a sleep in the RV and wait for him by his truck?"

Andrea smiled sadly and stepped forward, "I'll take her." She said before gently lifting the now sleeping little girl from Tamara's arms.

Getting a hand up from the rough gravel by both Carol and Lori, Tamara walked carefully over to Daryl's old grey Ford and leaned against it. While she waited for Daryl to come back she looked around her. They weren't at the stretch of road where Daryl and his friends had saved her and Lacy from the walkers and she wondered how long she had been sleeping for.

A few minutes later she was pulled from her thoughts by the sound of trees rustling opposite the truck. She watched at Daryl stepped out of the treeline and walked to his truck, his thumb between his teeth as he chewed on it in a habit she knew meant he was angry and felt powerless to do anything.

Seeing her he dropped his thumb from his lips and he ignored her, turning his eyes onto the truck while he swung his crossbow through the open window and dropped it on the passenger seat.

He went to walk past her without giving her a second glance but Tamara wasn't about to let him do it. She pushed off the side of the truck and grabbed the front of his checked shirt, its ripped off sleeves and well-worn material reminding her of home. Pulling him to her she pushed up onto her toes and pressed her lips to his.

It only took a moment for him to respond but it was the longest moment of Tamara's life. And then he was there, wrapping those amazing strong arms of his around her, his body leaning into hers as his feet stepped to either side of hers. After a moment his tongue slipped across her bottom lip demanding entrance. Knowing they had no privacy she tried to pull away only to have Daryl's large hand slide up her back to wrap into the hair at the nape of her neck and cradle her head, keeping her lips against his for a moment longer before he broke the kiss.

Tamara's gaze collided with his sharp blue gaze and she felt as if all the air in her lungs disappeared.

"Thought I'd lost you, girl."

Those five words conveyed how much pain he had been going through better than anything else ever could.

"I ain't leaving again." She murmured cradling his face between her hands, "I swear. The only way I'll ever leave again is if -."

He didn't let her finish her sentence, his mouth covering hers in a kiss that promised amazing things when they were alone.

When they broke apart this time Tamara could hardly think straight.

"Git in the truck, 'Mara." He all but growled before moving away to talk to the man in uniform.

Doing as he said Tamara watched as he listened to the others talking before making his way back to the truck.

"We leaving?" she asked when he swung up into the cab and slammed his door behind him.

Daryl's answer was to turn the keys in the ignition and then pull Tamara across the leather bench seat to sit against his side. She relaxed into his warm body as the convoy pulled off the side of the road and continued on their way.

They drove in silence for a while before Tamara couldn't take any more and turned her head to press her lips to Daryl's neck just below his ear.

She saw his hand tighten on the staring wheel before he spoke up, his voice gruff, "Ya keep doin' that an' I ain't gonna be able ta drive straight."

With a smile Tamara tucked her now flaming face against his shoulder, "Then talk to me so that I don't feel like distracting you for a while."

Daryl's eyes flickered to her before he looked back out at the road and car in front of them, "What ya want ta know?" he asked.

"What have you been doing for the three months I've been gone?" she asked him quietly not sure if she really wanted to know.

He glanced at her again before explaining how he and Merle had survived out in the woods for nearly two weeks when they came across the group he was with now. He told them all their names and who they were. Rick Grimes and Lori were married and had a son, Carl. Carol's daughter was Sophia, her husband Ed had died two days before when the camp was attacked by a group of walkers. Shane Walsh was friends with Rick and his family, Dale owned the RV, and Andrea had a sister, Amy until two nights ago. The black man was T-Dog while Glenn was the Korean guy, not a Chinaman (he was insistent on this and Tamara knew Glenn must have impressed him in some way for Daryl to insist on this).

When the explanations were done Tamara asked a hard question, but it was one she needed the answer to, "Why did you have to leave that night?"

Daryl's answered her, "Ya made me mad as hell that night, girl. Didn't want ta take it out on ya. We needed supplies and I needed out for a bit. If I'd a known what was comin' I'd never have gone." The fingers of the arm Daryl had slung over her shoulder as soon as she was pressed against his side twisted into her black waves and his jaw worked, the muscle moving under the skin of his cheek, "Was out getting' supplies when I got attacked by a family that had been bit. Tried ta get home ta find ya but only found Merle. He said ya went ta yer sister's. When we made it there four days later, ya weren't there. The rest of them…"

He stopped when she tensed against him, "Abby was attacked out in the garden. Braden told me to get Lacy and run. I never looked back but I heard him screaming. Even the dog." Her voice broke and she stopped, shaking as she curled against his side and cried for the family she and Lacy had lost. When she finally calmed down enough to speak she took a breath and asked the question she knew he didn't want to hear, "Where's Merle, Daryl?"

His whole body tensed and it took him a few minutes to answer. When he explained everything from Merle fighting with the others when they went on a run to him being handcuffed to a pipe on the roof, then cutting off his own hand to get free before disappearing after he had cauterised it; Tamara knew he wouldn't want to talk any more. So she pulled her legs up under her, pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his lips and then closed her eyes to catch up on her sleep.

When she opened her eyes again it was to the sight of a completely ruined city and hundreds of dead corpses rotting on the ground.

"Where are we?" she asked in a small voice.

Daryl glanced down at her before returning his eyes to the road, "Atlanta. Goin' to the CDC ta see if there's somewhere safe for us." He explained as he pulled the truck up to the curb and parked it behind the RV and Carol's station wagon.

Tamara uncurled her legs from underneath her and then turned to suddenly pull Daryl into a slow, soft kiss.

"What's that for?" he asked when she pulled away.

She blushed a little but held his gaze, "Making sure you ain't a dream, baby." Was all she said before she gave him a small smile and then turned to climb out of the truck.

The stench of death and decay hit her like a wall as soon as she stepped out of the truck. Putting a hand over her nose and mouth she moved up the line of vehicles to the RV and stepped inside to pick Lacy up and make sure she was listening, "You have to be very quiet, okay honey?" At the little girl's nod she continued, "It's not gonna smell very nice out there but you have to be brave for me, can you do that, Lacy?"

The little girl gave her a wide-eyed nod, "Yes Momma."

"Good girl." Tamara murmured before she gently pressed a cloth against the small child's nose and mouth, and then let her lay her head on her shoulder, her face against her neck. Satisfied that she was as protected as she could be, Tamara walked to the door of the RV and gratefully accepted Dale's hand down to the pavement. Lacy curled tighter against her as the group moved away from the vehicles and toward the large CDC building in front of them. Flies buzzed over everything and Tamara took a step back at one point only to feel Daryl's hand at the small of her back.

"Keep movin', girl. Go on now." He murmured keeping his hand against her back. The feel of him beside her and the sight of his crossbow in his hand helped Tamara feel safe even if she was picking her way through what looked to be hundreds if not thousands of corpses

Everyone had a cloth or their hand to their nose and they all tried to smother coughs but it was no use in the stench.

Lacy whimpered slightly in Tamara's arms and the small brunette wrapped her arms tighter around the little girl to help her feel safe.

The men stayed in a loose circle around the women and children as they made their way to the CDC building, weapons raised and eyes moving over everything in case there were walkers around.

"Stay close everybody. Shh." Rick murmured as did Shane.

All Tamara could do was pray that they would be able to find somewhere safe.

They finally got to the doors only to find that they were barred by metal roller doors. Rick and Shane tried to get them to open but they were locked.

Tamara's heart sunk as they looked around.

"There's no body here." T-Dog said.

"Then why are these shutters down?" Rick asked looking at the doors barring them entry.

"Walkers!" Daryl's warning made Tamara spin to see a walker headed toward them and Daryl stepping between her and Lacy to shoot an arrow into the walking dead's head. The children started to panic and Tamara knew that according to the pain in her sides she would never be able to keep up with the group if they had to run.

"Let's move! Wrong call!" Daryl all but yelled turning to move toward Rick ignoring Tamara's hand reaching out to stop him. "It was the wrong damn call!"

Shane stepped up, pointing a finger in Daryl's face, "Shut up. Shut up!" he snarled before pushing him back and then turning to Rick, "Rick this is a dead end."

Tamara moved to Daryl's side needing to be near him even if she couldn't curl into him.

"Where are we gonna go?" Carol asked holding Sophia to her tightly.

Tamara kept her right side to the CDC building so that Lacy wouldn't be able to see any walkers if more came. She tried to block out the panic of the others and just focus on keeping the little girl in her arms as calm as possible. Daryl slipped past her and Lacy to lift his crossbow to his shoulder and keep on the lookout for more walkers. She watched as if in a dream as the group started to panic and fragment, Shane, Glenn, Dale and T-Dog trying to keep it together while the women and children looked around, terror filled cries coming from everyone there.

Suddenly Rick's voice cut across the panicked cries, "The camera, it moved."

Shane tried to talk Rick out of staying but the sheriff started to yell at the camera. All that Tamara could hear was his anguished cry of 'you're killing us, you're killing us!'

She felt Glenn pulling on her arm, trying to get her to follow the group but she couldn't, her legs gave out and she fell to her knees a moment before there was a loud screech and one of the metal roller doors slid up, bright artificial light spilling out across the pavement and nearly blinding everyone there.

The group moved quickly stepping in through the now open door. Daryl pulled Tamara roughly to her feet and towed her behind him into the large open lobby beyond the light, handing her over to Carol he raised his crossbow and kept an eye on the group's six while the other men looked for any help or anyone in the large lobby.

"Hello?" a voice yelled from a hall that led back into the building in front of them. The men raised their guns but the stranger had a gun too. "Anybody infected?" he asked loudly, calling over the distance between them.

"One of our group was." Rick told him, "He didn't make it."

The man moved forward and Daryl took a step toward Tamara, "Why are you here? What do you want?" the stranger asked.

"A chance." Rick told him.

"That's asking an awful lot these days." The man moved toward the group and Tamara had to rub Lacy's back a little to keep her from crying.

"I know." Rick said and the desperation in his voice echoed what everyone in their group was feeling.

The man looked over them before speaking up once again, "You all submit to a blood test. That's the price of admission."

Tamara tensed at the words hating that she would have to explain to Lacy why they had to take her blood when the little girl was so fragile but she knew that if this was the only way they could survive then she would gladly do it.

"We can do that." Rick nodded, still keeping his rifle ready just in case.

The stranger suddenly dropped his gun down and slung it over his shoulder walking toward them and pointing to the door they had just entered, "You got stuff to bring in you do it now. Once this door closes it stays closed."

The men moved quickly, Daryl handed Tamara the rifle he had slung over his shoulder and then followed Rick, Shane, and Glenn back out to the vehicles to get their bags. They moved quickly and jogged back to the building and through the doors T-Dog and Dale held open for them less than fifteen minutes later.

Once they were in, the man who had let them in swiped a card and then spoke to someone called Vi in a loud voice, "Vi, seal the main entrance and cut the power up here." He ordered before leading the exhausted group away from the doors.

"Rick Grimes. "Rick introduced himself.

"Doctor Edwin Jenner." Their saviour answered before leading them down the corridor where they had first seen him emerge. At the end was a large elevator. The group and the doctor piled in and Tamara slipped in beside Daryl, pressing into his side as Lacy curled her fingers around his collar, the first thing she touched when they stood together.

Tamara smiled up at him even though he looked a little uncomfortable to have the little girl looking to him for comfort. The look in his eyes asked, 'Ya good?' and Tamara nodded, pressing into his side a little more as the exhaustion from the past three months caught up with her.

Sensing the unease in the elevator, Daryl spoke up when no one else would, "Doctors always go around packin' heat like that?" he asked glancing at the large military grade rifle Doctor Jenner had.

"Well, there were plenty left lying around, I familiarised myself." He told them smiling a little which helped Tamara trust him a little more. His eyes swept the small moving room. "But you look harmless enough." His gaze fell on Carl and his smile widened a little, "Except you. I'm gonna have to keep my eye on you." He told the little boy getting a small smile from him for his effort.

The elevator stopped a short time later and the group stepped out into a white, almost sterile looking hallway. They followed Jenner down it.

"Are we underground?" Carol spoke up.

Jenner turned to look at her over his shoulder, "You claustrophobic?"

"A little." She admitted.

"Try not to think about it." He advised kindly.

As they walked Daryl swung his rifle over his shoulder before transferring his crossbow to his right hand. Tamara's hand slipped into his when she saw what he had done, knowing he did it because he was worried she wasn't going to be able to carry Lacy without help for much longer and they were in this new environment he didn't trust was safe yet.

They made it to the end of the hall and Jenner spoke out loud again, "Vi, bring up the lights in the big room." He ordered.

The huge room in front of them was suddenly illuminated by florescent light. The ramp they were now standing on angled down to a large round platform in the middle of the room with work stations and computers sitting on top.

"Welcome to Zone 5." Jenner told the group before leading them down to the platform.

"Where is everybody?" Rick asked as they followed him. "The other doctors, the staff?"

"I'm it." Jenner told them. "It's just me here."

Lori spoke up then, "What about the person you were speaking with? Vi?"

Jenner lifted his voice, "Vi. Say hello to our guests. Tell them, welcome."

A disembodied voice sounded from all around them, "Hello guests." It spoke in a vaguely robotic tone. "Welcome."

Jenner looked at Rick and then the rest of the group, "I'm all that's left." Seeing the hopeless looks of the people around him Jenner sighed, "I'm sorry."

Tamara felt her body start to shake as the adrenalin that had kept her going seeped away and Lacy's weight became almost too much. Feeling her struggle, Daryl swore softly under his breath and put his crossbow down to lean against his right leg. Lifting Lacy from her grasp he settle the little girl on his right hip with her head on his shoulder, handed Tamara his crossbow and wrapped his free arm around her waist, pulling her tight against his side.

Feeling the light weight of the crossbow settle into her palm, Tamara leaned her head against Daryl's shoulder needing the comfort he provided. She listened to the conversation going on between the rest of the group and Doctor Jenner as Daryl's heart beat and heat lulled her into a sense of peace and safety she hadn't felt since the world as she knew it ended.

Jenner turned from the group to lead them to what looked to be a small lecture theater or conference room off the 'big room' as he had called it. He left them for a minute to get the supplies he needed to take samples of their blood. While he was gone Daryl helped Tamara to one of the rows of chairs facing a whiteboard at one end of the room. She sat down and took Lacy from his arms, letting the little girl lay sideways on her lap explaining gently what was going to happen next so that she wouldn't be too scared.

"The three of you should go first so that she doesn't have to worry about it." Lori murmured gently seeing the desperation on Tamara's face when the little girl started to cry again against her shoulder.

Tamara nodded thankfully and when Doctor Jenner came back she, Daryl and Lacy moved forward to the two chairs and the table he had set up.

Daryl sat in the chair opposite Jenner and held out his arm. Tamara whispered in the little girl's ear explaining what was happening and that Uncle Daryl was okay when it was over. Then she sat with the small girl in her lap and helped her hold out her arm for Jenner. She only squirmed a little and whimpered when the needle first went into her arm but other than that she was fine.

Carol took Lacy out of Tamara's arms when Jenner was finished with her so that she could have her blood drawn. Sensing Daryl hovering behind her, Tamara sat back in the chair and closed her eyes until it was over. Once her arm was free and she had a little white Band-Aid over the small puncture wound, Tamara went to get up from the chair. She only took one step before her head swam and her hand shot out to twist into the front of Daryl's shirt before she could fall.

His large, rough hands caught her wrist and the upper part of her other arm and he closed the distance between them quickly as her eyes screwed shut, "How long since ya eaten, girl?" he asked gruffly.

Tamara took a deep breath and let it out slowly before she opened her eyes and looked up at him, "Four days if a hand-full of berries three days ago don't count." She murmured ignoring the angry look he shot Jenner. "You're gonna have to help me back to my seat." She added softly.

Body tense with anger at not being there to help her before or able to help her now, Daryl guided Tamara back to her seat, not letting Lacy go to her so that she could rest. Instead he lifted the small girl up into his arms and leaned back against the wall beside Tamara to watch as one by one the others in their group had blood drawn.

Once everyone was finished Jenner collected up the samples and led the group back through the 'big room' to a different corridor until they came to what could only be a cafeteria.

"Eat as much as you need to. There's soda for the kids and wine or water if you want. I'll put these samples in the lab and come and join you."

As soon as he was gone the group converged on the room. Glenn and T-Dog pushed tables together for them to eat at while Jacqui made sure Tamara and Andrea sat down, both having almost feinted after their blood was taken. Lacy stared in wonder at the soda machine before Sophia and Carl moved to Tamara's side.

"Can we get her a drink, Ma'am?" Carl asked politely motioning toward Lacy where she was holding Sophia's hand.

Tamara smiled gratefully, "Thank you, sweetie. That would be wonderful if you could do that. And you don't have to call me Ma'am. Makes me feel old." She grinned at both children receiving smiles back. "Tamara's fine."

"Yes Ma'a… Okay, Tamara." Sophia said shyly.

They led the little girl away and found some paper cups to fill.

Daryl appeared at Tamara's side, a cup filled with her favourite, Pink Lemonade. Handing it to her he handed another to Andrea and then waited, hunkered down at Tamara's side until she had finished the sweet but refreshing drink. It wasn't as cold as she had hoped but the minute the sugary sweet hit her tongue she didn't care.

Carol, Lori and Jacqui set to making whatever they could from the packets of food they found. Soon the smell of pasta, cheese sauce and rehydrated mixed vegetables filled the room.

When Jenner got back the group had set out glasses, silver ware and plates and a large pot of food was sitting in the middle of the table, steam rising from its contents.

Once everyone was seated Dale led the group in prayer, he said a small part for the ones they'd lost and Tamara gripped Daryl's hand under the table. However, once the last Amen was said the group quickly dished out the food, Glenn and T-Dog opened the first three wine bottles and poured everyone a glass.

After her first Tamara refused any more, hoping that one hadn't made her loopy, and went back to just Pink Lemonade.

Soon conversation turned to sharing funny stories and with the addition of alcohol, the room was soon filled with the laughter of everyone there.

Daryl had moved to hitch one hip on a bench against the wall behind Tamara and Lacy's chairs and had a bottle of wine all to himself. Glenn did the same on the other side of the table behind T-Dog but didn't look to be in as much of a hurry to finish his wine as Daryl was.

As Dale poured another glass for Lori he started to speak, "Did you know that in Italy children have a bit of wine at dinner, and in France?" He told her nodding at Carl who was seated between his parents.

Tamara couldn't help but laugh into her hand at his large smile and almost slurred speech, he was well on his way to being drunk.

Lori shook her head and covered her son's glass, "When Carl is in Italy or France he can have some then." She said before sipping her own drink.

"What's it gonna hurt, come on?" Rick said with a smile and a mischievous glint in his eye as he looked at his wife. "Come on."

Lori smiled and then shrugged taking her hand from the glass.

The group started to laugh as Dale poured a small amount of the red wine into the glass and handed it back to a clearly eager Carl.

Everyone sat and watched silently as the small boy tipped the glass up and took a sip before making a disgusted face, "Ewww!" Was all he said before Lori took the glass from him and poured the rest of the wine into her own glass, "That's my boy." She said proudly.

"Yeah, well. You stick to soda-pop there, Bud." Shane said glancing at Lori and then Carl.

"Not you, Glenn." Daryl said sauntering over to the table to pour a good amount of wine into Tamara's cup ignoring her hand trying to wave him away.

"What?" the young Asian man asked.

"I wanna see how red your face can get." Daryl told him, his tone teasing as the group laughed.

Tamara succeeded in tipping his bottle up and pushing it away from her glass before it was over half full and then pushed at his hip to make him leave her glass alone and go and sit back at the bench.

As the laughter died down some, Rick tapped his glass with his knife to get the attention of the group as he stood up, "It seems to me that we haven't thanked our host properly." He told them as he stood a little unsteadily on his feet.

"He's more than just our host." T-Dog slurred raising his glass to Jenner.

"Hear, hear." A few of the group said as everyone raised their glasses to him.

"Boo-yah!" Daryl added raising his bottle before he walked back to lean on the back of Tamara's chair.

Boo-yahs rand out around the room as Jenner saluted them with his own glass.

"So when you goin' to tell us what happened here Doc?" Shane asked and immediately the room quietened and the mood became oppressive. "All the, ah, other doctors that were supposed to be figuring out what happened. Where are they?" Shane continued.

"We're celebrating." Rick spoke up, "Don't need to do this now." He told his friend sitting back down.

"Wait a second." Shane said, "This is why we're here, right? This was your move." He said and Tamara realised his words had a bitter tone to them, "S'pposed to find all the answers. Instead we found him." He scoffed pointing to Jenner. "Found one man. Why?" he turned to Jenner for answers.

Tamara moved uncomfortably in her seat having an idea of what the doctor's answer would be and not really wanting to hear it. The feel of Daryl leaning his hip against the back of her chair made her lean back against him and steel herself for Jenner's answer.

"Well, when things got bad, a lot of people just left. Went off to be with their families." Jenner looked around the room at each of the people he had allowed into the CDC, "And when things got really rough, when the military cordon got over-run, the rest bolted."

Shane scoffed again and Mara started to dislike him even more, "Every last one?"

"No." Jenner said softly. "Many couldn't face walking out the door. They…opted out."

Tamara flinched at his words remembering when she was desperate enough to entertain that idea. She looked down at the little girl in her arms, a spoon clenched tightly in her little fist, food smeared around her mouth and a paper napkin crane Glenn had made for her being pushed carelessly around her plate, the sight of that and the feel of Daryl's solid body behind her helping to keep her nightmares at bay. Carol caught her eye and she saw the same look mirrored in her face as she knew was written all over her own. This woman knew what she felt and she wanted to be held by her again.

"There was a rash of suicides." Jenner's quiet but deep voice continued as Tamara lowered her head and blinked back tears. "It was a bad time." He added his voice wavering a little with emotion.

"You stayed. Why?" Andrea asked him.

"I just kept working. Hoping to do some good." He said nodding a little.

In the lull that followed that revelation Glenn made his way back to his seat and looked at Shane as he sat down, "Dude, you are such a buzz-kill, man." He accused.

Dinner finished then. After everyone pitched in to clean up Jenner led them to where they would be staying.

"Most of the facilities are powered down, including housing." He said as he led them down a corridor with doors on either side.

Through these open doors Tamara could see what were office spaces with desks in one corner, and a blue couch against either wall. Each room was exactly the same.

"Couches are comfortable." Jenner told them. "But there are cots in storage if you like." He pointed further down the corridor, "There's a rec. room down the hall that you kids might enjoy." He turned to look at the group following him before talking to the kids, "Don't plug in the video game okay?" they nodded. "Or anything that draws power." He then looked at all the adults behind them, "Same applies. If you shower, go easy on the hot water." And then he walked down a side corridor.

Glenn turned to the group, a wide dreamy smile splitting his face, "Hot water?" he asked before turning to T-Dog who was standing beside him.

"That's what the man said." T-Dog smiled wide and happy.

Each group split off to find a room to bunk down in.

Tamara slipped into the room closest to her and put down the bundle of blankets and pillows Jenner had handed out before they walked to this hallway. She quickly made up a bed for Lacy and helped the little girl slip off her boots before she tucked her in to sleep. She gently rubbed her back trying to ignore the feeling of Daryl's eyes on her.

He had followed her into the room, closing the door behind them. His bow and rifle were propped up in the corner near the door just in case and then he leaned against the wall beside the door, folded his arms across his chest and just watched her.

When Lacy was finally asleep Tamara grabbed a towel and a change of spare clothes from her bag – a pair of sweatpants, an old t-shirt that had once been Daryl's and extra underwear. Each room had an en suite bathroom and Tamara slipped into theirs her mind blank of what she could say to Daryl, she didn't know if she could stomach explaining everything to him tonight but she knew he needed an explanation.

Putting her clothes down on the sink beside the shower she turned on the water and stripped out of her filthy clothes as the water heated. Pulling the elastic band form her dark hair she left it on top of her clothes as she stepped under the spray, closing the frosted shower door behind her.

A few minutes later she heard the bathroom door open and her heart jumped into her throat. She stayed silent as Daryl moved around in the bathroom. Her heart started to pound when she heard the soft rustle of him taking off his clothes. A few moments later the shower door opened and he slipped into the stall behind her. She knew he saw every mark on her because he stopped for a moment before closing the door behind him.

"Turn 'round, girl."

His voice was gentle but Tamara still squeezed her eyes shut as she turned to him, her face turned to the side and her lips pressed together to bite back tears. She knew he saw every one of her bruises and scars. Most were from her fight with the walkers earlier that day and from running from a walker the day before but there were also bruises that looked like long thick fingers around her hips and bruises on her inner thighs. As well as the bite mark above her left breast there were long scratches on her back and bruises ringing her wrists. The large scar on her left side was from her first run in with a pack of walkers. She had run from them with Lacy and then fallen into a ditch ripping her side open in the fall. That was when she and her niece had been saved by a man and woman. They had patched her up, taught her how to fight off the walkers and then given her the knife and some provisions. Their small camp was attacked by a group of men one night two weeks after they had helped her and Tamara and Lacy had barely got away. The couple weren't so lucky.

The feel of Daryl's calloused fingers brushing over her hair and then to the back of her neck to pull her against him had Tamara's carefully cultivated mask slipping. And then when his lips ghosted over her temple she couldn't help it, she burst into tears and this time she wasn't crying for those she'd lost, she was crying for herself and for the pain she had gone through.

Daryl held her until she calmed down and then he spoke, "If I'd a been there I'd a ripped those sons a bitches ta pieces." He growled against her hair.

Tamara shook her head and looked up at him. Seeing the rage in him and the glazed look his eyes had taken on she knew he was thinking of what he could have done to the men that had attacked her.

She shook her head again, "You can't do anything now Daryl." She murmured to him a hand on his cheek. "Come back to me." She whispered her fingers brushing over his cheek and her other hand lying against his chest over his heart, slowly bringing him back to the present. Her eyes filled with sadness at the anger that had his whole body tense and on the verge of shaking. "Make me forget them." She said pulling his head down until their foreheads were pressed together, "Love me, Daryl. Please."

His mouth caught hers in a fiery kiss and they found a rhythm that was so much a part of both of them now. And for the next few minutes there was nothing else in the world but them.

When they left the bathroom Tamara knocked on the door across from theirs, plaiting her wet hair over one shoulder to keep it out of her eyes as she waited. Jacqui opened her door a few moments later. "Do you mind watching Lacy for a while? Daryl and I aren't very tired but we don't want to leave her."

Jacqui smiled knowingly. "Course, sweetheart. You two go and have some time alone." She smiled at Daryl over Tamara's shoulder as he left their room now dressed in a fresh shirt (still with its sleeves hacked off), a bottle of wine in his hand and his hair still damp from the shower he and Tamara had just shared.

He smirked suddenly, on the verge of being completely drunk and threw his arm over Tamara's shoulder saluting Jacqui with the bottle in his hand.

Tamara smiled around the blush that had climbed her cheeks at Jacqui's knowing look, "Thank you." She murmured to the other woman and then let Daryl drag her toward the end of the hall and through the rec. room door. She stopped when she saw Carol, Carl and Sophia. Carol was sitting on one of the soft blue couches while the two children played checkers at the coffee table in front of her.

Her blush worsened when Daryl pressed his lips to her neck just as Carol looked up from the book she was reading.

The older woman smiled, "I see the two of you are making up for lost time." She said.

"Ya know it." Daryl growled in Tamara's ear making her cheeks flame.

She elbowed him in the stomach before waving at the two kids and Carol and all but dragging her drunk husband out of the room smiling weakly at Lori as they passed her.

She led him in the opposite direction from the rec. room and down a different corridor. They only made it a few feet down another corridor to the right before Daryl pulled her back against his chest as he leaned against the wall.

"You're drunk, baby." She said with a smile as he nuzzled her neck again, his lips burning a trail from her collarbone to the soft skin just under her right ear.

"Sober 'nough ta find us a nice quiet room before I love ya again." He growled heatedly in her ear.

Excitement and lust flared in her belly and climbed her spine. Pressing back against his hard chest she sighed, "Promises, promises."

Daryl growled at the challenge and then took a long pull from his bottle of wine before he caught her chin and turned her head so that he could kiss her lips.

"Crap!"

The sound of Glenn's voice had Tamara slipping from Daryl's grasp and turning to see him and T-Dog standing open-mouthed at the corner of the hall she and Daryl had just turned down.

"Take a picture, lasts longer, kid." Daryl snarled before bobbing down to catch Tamara around the thighs. Before she knew what was happening her world was turned upside down and Daryl was carrying her over his shoulder toward the end of the hall.

Giddy on the taste of her husband's lips and the wine she had had with dinner Tamara planted her hands on Daryl's back throwing her plait over her shoulder with a flick of her head and waved at Glenn and T-Dog a grin splitting her pretty face as Daryl stopped at an office down the end of the hall and stepped into the darkened room. She was deposited on the couch inside and then the light was switched on, the door was kicked closed and Daryl snapped the lock closed before he reached behind his head one-handed and pulled off his shirt.

Tamara found it hard to breathe when he moved to lean over her, shirtless, blue eyes darkened to navy by desire.

She took the wine bottle from him and chugged down a few gulps before she put it down by the couch and reached up to tangle her fingers into his hair pulling him down on top of her.

After, they lay together on the couch, Daryl's body curled around hers as she faced him.

"How'd ya get away?"

The question was quiet; Tamara looked up to see Daryl's eyes closed, his fingers curling into her hair as she pressed her forehead to his chest. She knew what he was talking about but didn't know if she wanted to tell him. Making the decision that he deserved to know even if he wouldn't ask her again, she took a breath and launched into her explanation, "Lacy and I had made camp after trekking through the woods for most of the day. I'd taught her that she needed to run and climb a tree if we were attacked. I didn't even hear them, just woke up when one grabbed me and put his hand over my mouth. Lacy moved quickly when she heard them. Scaled a tree before I could try and scream. Then the second one grabbed my legs and I knew what they'd do. I tried to fight but they said that they'd hurt Lacy if I did so I just lay quiet, hoping they'd take what they wanted and leave." She stopped to take a few breaths and calm down feeling Daryl tense beside her. To distract herself she smoothed her fingers over the tattoo on his chest, it was of her name. When he finally relaxed and she trusted her voice enough to speak she continued, "Two of them held me down while the other one kept an eye out for walkers. When the first one was…done," she paused to take another calming breath and swallow around the throbbing knot in her throat that told her she was close to crying again, "When he was done he went to swap with the one looking out. I think he was their leader so when I heard the other one tell the third to get Lacy out of the tree, he wanted her too, I lost it. I was going to let them take what they wanted and then pray that they left but then he wanted Lacy and I knew what they would do to her." Hands shaking she burrowed against Daryl's chest and took a moment to block the memories from that night out of her thoughts. "When the other one let go of me I managed to flip the second one over, pull out the knife in my boot and then it was in his stomach and I pushed it up and his belly and chest unzipped. The other one came back and I got him in the throat. He bled out. Then the leader came back and started hitting me. We both fell to the ground and my hand found this rock and then I couldn't stop hitting him in the head. I grabbed Lacy and we ran. I-I don't remember what happened next but when I stopped running, Lacy was crying against my shoulder and we were both covered in blood." Tears slid down her cheeks. "Everywhere hurt and then a walker found us and I killed it. We kept running after that. I didn't trust groups anymore and we were okay until our food ran out four days ago." She stopped abruptly, exhausted and feeling dirty again.

Daryl didn't say anything just wrapped his arms around her and pulled her as close to his body as he could. They lay like that for a long time, until Daryl's muscles loosened and the shaking that had taken over Tamara's body as she told the story stopped.

Finally they both got up and dressed again, sharing the rest of the bottle of wine as they walked back to their room, Daryl's arm around her shoulders and her arms around his waist.

Thanking Jacqui for looking after Lacy, Tamara quickly made up the second couch for her and Daryl and then slipped under the covers as he turned off the light and picked up his rifle to put it in arms reach on the floor. He then slipped into the makeshift bed behind Tamara and wrapped his arms around her, the couple falling asleep entwined.

The next morning Tamara woke up to Daryl groaning as Lacy climbed over him to snuggle down in the curve of Tamara's body.

"Damn kid." He grumbled his hand sliding up Tamara's thigh to her waist. She caught his wrist before that hand of his could travel any further north.

Goosebumps came up where Daryl pressed his lips on the back of Tamara's neck. She felt him smirk against her skin and then jumped lightly when his hand slipped quickly down and then under her t-shirt to slide across her stomach.

Arching back into him she sighed contentedly before the quiet of the room was interrupted by the loud gurgle of her stomach. Lacy giggled and then Daryl kissed her neck again before getting up to sit on the edge of the couch, stretching his arms above his head.

"Where are you goin'?" Tamara asked looking at him over her shoulder as Lacy sat up in the protective embrace of her arms.

Daryl grabbed his jeans and shirt from the floor and pulled them on, "My girls need ta eat." He gently smacked Tamara's backside, "So let's eat."

Lacy held out her hands to Daryl as he stood up, "Unc' Darl." She demanded opening and closing her fists at him.

Knowing what she wanted, Daryl picked her up and propped her up on his hip, "Comin'?" he asked Tamara as she stretched under the covers, his eyes running the length of her body when she kicked the blanket and the sheet off and stretched again.

"Yeah, yeah." His dark haired wife grumbled before she swung her feet over the edge of the couch and stood up.

They left the room, Daryl carrying Lacy and Tamara pulling the tie from her plait and unraveling her dark waves with graceful fingers.

They made it to the cafeteria as T-Dog served a suffering Glenn some powdered eggs.

"Protein helps the hangover." T-Dog assured Glenn as he spooned some eggs onto his plate.

All Glenn could muster was a loud, long groan of pain.

"Where'd all this come from?" Rick asked Lori holding up a small bottle of aspirin.

"Jenner. He thought we could use it. Some of us at least." Lori explained before taking the bottle from her husband and opening it for him.

Daryl ignored the looks Jacqui, Carol and T-Dog were sending their way as he sat Lacy down beside Sophia and sat down with a seat between them.

"Don't ever, ever, ever let me drink again." Glenn groaned.

Tamara got Daryl and Lacy plates of some of the eggs and bacon T-Dog was dishing out before she got her own, sitting down to a glass of re-hydrated milk and some scrambled eggs. Daryl finished before she did and moved his chair so that he was sitting backwards on it, and it was almost right behind her his arm along the back of her chair as she helped Lacy drink her milk and finish her breakfast.

"Hey." Rick greeted Andrea and Shane as they entered the cafeteria, "Feel as bad as I do?" he asked his friend.

"Worse." Was Shane's reply.

Tamara looked up and saw that Lori was intent on keeping her eyes on her plate even though she wasn't eating anything.

"The hell happen to you?" T-dog asked Shane looking worried for a second. "Your neck?"

Shane sat down at the opposite end of the table to Rick. "Must a done it in my sleep." He said gruffly.

Tamara looked over and saw the scratches on his neck. Her stomach dropped and the bite of eggs she had just taken soured on her tongue. She knew exactly what those three long scratches on his neck were from and her gaze snapped to Lori even as Rick said casually, "Never seen you do that before."

Tamara put her fork down on her plate and turned to check on Lacy even as she felt Daryl's hand on her back silently asking her what was wrong.

"Me neither." Shane lied. "Not like me at all." He sighed but Tamara looked up to see he was looking straight at Lori who glanced up and then away sharply.

Unable to sit anymore, Tamara gently wiped Lacy's mouth and lifted her from her seat, "Let's go have a shower, baby girl." She murmured to the three year old as she put her down on the ground and took her hand, leading her slowly from the room.

The others finished their breakfast and Tamara came back into the cafeteria with Lacy a few minutes later. The little girl's hair was damp and her skin was a beautiful pink from being scrubbed clean. She went over to Carol and sat on her lap as Tamara took her seat beside Daryl again. She shook her head at his questioning look and leaned over to kiss his cheek softly, "I'll tell you later." She promised as she pulled away to sit back and drink a cup of coffee.

When Jenner came in he was greeted by the others and then made his way to the coffee machine.

Dale spoke up, "Doctor, I don't mean to slam you with questions first thing." He said scratching his head.

"But you will anyway." Jenner murmured as he poured his coffee.

Andrea spoke up then, "We didn't come here for the eggs." She said right away.

Everyone else looked up as Jenner turned to the table. He nodded, "You all want answers. They're in the 'big room'."

The group followed him back to the big room they had seen the day before and then up onto the platform. He walked to a centre consul that faced the large screen on the wall and spoke to Vi, "Give me playback of TS-19."

"Playback of TS-19." The robotic voice echoed as the screen came to life.

Tamara leaned against the side of one consul near the front of the group, Lacy sitting at her feet to play with a new napkin crane Glenn had folded shakily for her, Daryl leaning his forearms on top of the consul beside her.

Jenner turned to them and spoke, "Few people have seen this." He started. "Very few." The picture came up on the screen of a human head and then the brain inside.

"Is that a brain?" Carl asked Jenner.

"An extraordinary one." Jenner told him with a small smile. "Not that it matters in the end. Take us for an I.V." he ordered Vi.

"Internal view." Vi said as the picture tilted and became a side view of the human head and brain. The picture moved forward into the brain until it stopped showing lights pulsing along connected channels.

"What are those lights?" Shane asked staring at the picture.

"It's a person's life. Experiences, memories, everything." Jenner told them. "Somewhere in all that organic wiring, in all those ripples of light is you," he pointed to Rick. "The thing that makes you unique, makes you human."

Tamara was mesmerised by the lights flickering through the brain showing life in its most complex form.

Daryl stepped back, his arms folded across his chest as he moved from foot to foot, "You gonna make sense ever?" he asked.

"Those are synapses. Electric impulses in the brain that carry all the messages. They determine everything a person says, does, or thinks from the moment of birth till the moment of death."

"Death?" Rick asked moving toward Jenner who looked to be mesmerised by the image on the screen, "That's what this is, a vigil?"

"Yes." Jenner murmured before he came back to himself, "Or rather the playback of a vigil."

"This person died?" Andrea asked softly. "Who?"

Jenner's gaze never left the screen, "Test subject 19. Someone who was bitten and infected and volunteered to have us record the process." He spoke to the room again, "Vi, scan forward to the first event."

"Scanning to first event."

The picture zoomed out until they were looking at the x-ray like video of the scull and brain.

In horror Tamara watched as black tendrils appeared in the brain moving from the spinal cord up into the centre of the brain.

"What is that?" Glenn asked.

"It invades the brain like meningitis." Jenner explained as the tendrils spread through the brain and the body on the screen started to move, "The adrenal glands start to haemorrhage, the brain goes into shut down, then the major organs."

Tamara couldn't watch any more, she turned away from the screen as the brain turned black, all the light and life gone. Daryl stepped in front of her knowing she needed him there even though he kept his arms folded across his chest as Jenner continued.

"Then death." He said sadly. "Everything you ever were, or ever will be, gone."

"Is that what happened to Jim?" Sophia asked her mother and Tamara dropped her head to Daryl's shoulder as Carol answered her, "Yes."

Daryl's hand came up and cupped the back of Tamara's head, fingers twisting into her dark silky hair.

Andrea sobbed and Lori explained to Jenner why she was having that reaction, "She lost somebody, her sister, two days ago."

Jenner spoke to Andrea, "I lost somebody too. I know how devastating it is." He told her before speaking to Vi, "Scan to the second event."

"Scanning to second event."

"The resurrection events vary wildly, we have reports of it happening in as little as three minutes. The longest we heard of is seven hours." Jenner explained as the group watched the video scan forward.

Tamara lifted her head from Daryl's arm, "Eight hours." She said looking at the group, her green eyes even more vibrant with unshed tears clinging to her lashes. "It took Tanya eight hours to change."

She looked up at Daryl. She hadn't told him that part, how she had run to Tanya's house and found her there, dead beside her baby, the walker ripping her apart. How she had killed the monster and then sat beside her, Lacy curled into her chest and waited out the night and part of the next morning until Tanya had moved again and tried to get at Lacy, and then Tamara had put a gun to her head and pulled the trigger.

She felt Daryl's hand on her hip, his fingers wrapping into her hair again as he pulled her shaking body to his chest.

There was a moment of silence before Jenner spoke again, "In the case of this patient it was two hours, one minute, seven seconds."

There was silence and Tamara couldn't bear to look up at that screen again.

"It restarts the brain?" the question came from Lori but Jenner was quick to set her straight.

"No, just the brain stem. Basically it gets them up and moving."

"But they're not alive?" Rick asked.

Jenner turned to him and pointed to the screen, "You tell me."

"It's nothing like before. Most of that brain is dark." The sheriff answered.

"Dark, gone, dead. The frontal lobe, the neo-cortex? That doesn't come back. The 'you' part." Jenner explained. "Just a shell. Mindless instinct."

"God. What was that?" Carol asked a little shocked.

"He shot his patient in the head." Andrea said softly. "Didn't you?"

"Vi power down main screen and work stations." Jenner ordered.

Pulling away from Daryl's embrace, Tamara wiped her eyes on the sleeves of her shirt and then gently picked Lacy up off the floor as the lights in the room dimmed and Vi repeated Jenner's command.

"You have no idea what it is, do you?" Andrea asked pacing almost frantically.

Jenner spoke after a bit of hesitation, "It could be microbial, viral, parasitic, fungal."

"Or the wrath of God." Jacqui said from where she stood near Tamara and Daryl.

"There is that." Jenner said quietly.

"Somebody must know something." Andrea said refusing to believe otherwise. "Somebody, somewhere."

"There are others, right? Other facilities?" Carol asked Jenner.

There may be some, people like me." Jenner said quietly.

"But you don't know?" Rick asked. "How can you not know?"

Everything went down. Communications. Directives. All of it." Jenner explained. "I've been in the dark for almost a month."

"So it's not just here?" Andrea asked. "There's nothing else anywhere? Nothing? That's what you're really saying, right?"

Fear slid down Tamara's spine at her words.

Jenner looked away and when he didn't answer Tamara felt her stomach roil. She pressed her face to Lacy's hair afraid she'd start screaming if she didn't.

"Jesus." Jacqui gasped in prayer leaning back against the consul beside her as if her legs couldn't hold her weight anymore.

Daryl paced rubbing his eyes in frustration, "Man, I'm gonna get shit-faced drunk. Again." He said before leaning on the consul behind Tamara and Lacy.

Dale spoke up then, "Jenner, I know this has been taxing for you and I hate to ask one more question, but, that clock," he pointed to the large glaring red numbers on a screen on the wall, "It's counting down." The numbers changed to 59:59 as he said it, "What happens at zero?"

"The basement generators, they run out of fuel." Jenner said in a rush as he turned to leave the room.

"And then?" Rick asked him as he walked away but he didn't answer just kept walking. Realising he wasn't going to answer Rick spoke to the room, "Vi, what happens when the power runs out?"

"When the power runs out facility-wide decontamination will occur."

Tamara turned to Daryl as Rick spun to follow Jenner to get more answers. When he came back empty handed he called Glenn, T-Dog and Shane to go with him to see if they could find the generators to see what they could do about the fuel running out.

Daryl growled something about needing another drink and disappeared in the direction of the cafeteria.

Tamara, Lori and Carol agreed it was best for the kids to think that everything was fine, at least until the men came back. So, as Lori took Carl back to their room to do his maths work, Tamara and Carol took Sophia and Lacy back to Carol's room and settled them in to reading together.

Tamara sat with Lacy on one couch reading from a kids book that was amazingly in the CDC's rec. room while Carol tried to teach Sophia how to write a report.

They were sitting quietly for a while and reading when the air conditioning turned off.

Carol and Tamara shared a look at the two women took the children out to the hall.

Jenner walked past dressed in his lab coat, his usually wild light blonde hair tamed by a comb and a tie neatly knotted around his neck.

"Why has the air turned off, and the light in our room?" Carol asked as he walked past silently.

When he didn't answer Tamara lifted Lacy to her hip and followed him down the hall.

Daryl leaned out of his and Tamara's room a partially empty bottle of wine hanging from his fingers. "Hey what's goin' on? Why's everythin' turnin' off." He asked his drawl intensified by the alcohol.

Jenner walked past, snagging the bottle from his hand as he did, "Energy use is being prioritised." He explained.

"So air isn't a priority, and lights?" Dale asked surprised as Jenner took a swig from the bottle and shook his head.

"It's not up to me. Zone Five is shutting itself down."

"Hey!" Daryl called following Jenner as the rest of their group fell into line behind him. "Hey, what the hell's that mean?" he asked. When Jenner didn't answer it only irritated him more. The group caught up to the doctor as Tamara realised he was leading them back to the 'big room'. "Hey, man I'm talkin' to you." Daryl said falling into step behind Jenner his tone aggressive. "What ya mean it's shuttin' itself down? How can a buildin' do anythin'?"

"You'd be surprised." Jenner told him as they made it to the 'big room', Rick and the other men jogging into the room a moment later from the stairwell.

"Jenner, what's happening?" Rick asked as his group met up with the others near the platform.

"The system is dropping all non-essential uses of power." Jenner explained to him. "It's designed to keep the computers running until the last possible second. It starts as we approach the half hour mark." He pointed to the large count-down clock on the wall.

Tamara read the numbers there and her stomach dropped, all she could think was 'what does a building wide contamination mean?'.

As Jenner turned to the group and handed Daryl back his nearly finished bottle before starting on an explanation of why the power was running out, Tamara slipped past the others and moved to Daryl's side, "Baby, we gotta go. Now." She murmured her hand reaching out and catching his arm, pulling his angry gaze from Jenner and making him look at her.

"'Mara." He started but she shook her head, panicked tears starting at the corners of her eyes.

"Please, Daryl. I don't wanna be here anymore. I just know somethin' bad's gonna happen."

She jumped as Rick's yell brought her back to the group, "Everybody get your stuff, we're gonna get out of here. Now!"

Daryl grabbed Tamara's arm and started to tow her toward their room.

The sound of an alarm going off scared everyone. Tamara's hand twisted into Daryl's shirt just below his ribs and the big screen at the front of the room lit up with a counter set at thirty and decreasing quickly. Vi's voice spoke up, echoing around the room, "Thirty minutes until decontamination."

"Doc? What's goin' on here, Doc?" T-Dog asked yelling over the noise.

"Everybody get your stuff, let's go, now!" Shane ordered, Daryl starting to drag Tamara toward their room again as Lacy whimpered and clutched at her tighter.

Their way was suddenly blocked by large metal doors sliding up from the floor and cutting everyone off from the other corridors that led out of the 'big room'.

"Daryl?" Tamara gasped stepping closer to him as cold fear slid through her body.

"Did he just lock us in?" Glenn asked his voice wavering on the edge of panic. "He just locked us in!"

Daryl tensed suddenly before pulling out of Tamara's grasp and climbing up onto the platform and striding toward Jenner, "You son of a bitch!" he growled loudly.

"Shane!" Rick warned his friend pointing at Daryl to get him to stop him.

"You locked us in here!" Daryl yelled at Jenner who was sitting at a consul talking to a camera, oblivious as Daryl was dragged back from him by Shane, still yelling, "You locked us in here! You locked us in here!"

Rick strode over, his tone dangerous, "Jenner, open that door now."

"There's no point. Everything topside is sealed all the emergency exits are locked." Jenner told him fixing his lab coat from where Daryl had grabbed it.

"Well open them then." Shane sneered.

"That's not something I control, the computers do." He said, "I told you, once that front door closed it wouldn't open again, you heard me say that."

Tamara all but ran to Daryl's side, Lacy held tight to her chest as she pressed her forehead to his shoulder not even caring that he was moving from foot to foot in pent up anger.

"It's better this way." Jenner told them seeing Carol clutch Sophia to her chest and Lori pull Carl to her side.

"What is?" Rick asked. "What happens in twenty-eight minutes?"

Jenner turned away and started typing at the consul.

Rick snapped, "What happens in twenty-eight minutes?!"

Jenner stood up suddenly, his voice raised, "You know what this place is! We protected the public from some very nasty stuff!" Tamara flinched against Daryl as he yelled. "Weaponized smallpox! Ebola strains that could wipe out half the country! Things you don't want getting out, EVER!"

There was silence as the group tried to process what he was saying, tried to comprehend what he wasn't telling them.

Daryl was too far gone in his anger to realise Tamara was sobbing silently into his chest. He stepped away, angrily pacing, his predator-like stare trained on Jenner.

Jenner sat back down in his chair and composed himself before he spoke again, "In the event of a catastrophic power failure, a nuclear attack, for example; H.I.T.'s are deployed to prevent any organisms from getting out."

"H.I.T.'s?" Rick asked anything but calm even if his voice was soft.

Jenner looked down, "Vi, define."

The disembodied voice spoke up, "H.I.T.'s. High Impulse Thermo Baric Fuel Air Explosives consist of a two stage aerosol ignition that produces a blast wave of significantly greater power duration than any other known explosive, except nuclear. The vacuum-pressure ignites the oxygen between 5000 and 6000 degrees and is useful when the greatest loss of life and structures is desired."

Carol burst into tears and pulled a sobbing Sophia against her chest. Rick pulled his family into his arms while the others seemed to be frozen where they stood, shock and fear taking over their bodies. Daryl saw Tamara pale and strode to her side, taking Lacy from her arms and catching her around the waist as her knees gave way.

"It sets the air on fire." Jenner said, his voice calm and empty of emotion. "No pain. An end to sorrow…grief…regret…everything."

Tamara cried out pulling away from Daryl and stopping in front of Jenner as he sat looking up at her blankly. Her hand came back and she slapped him across the face a moment before Daryl handed Lacy over to Dale and went to grab her around the waist and pull her away.

She smacked his arms away and bent down so that her gaze was level with Jenner's, "You don't get to decide that for us." She rasped out brokenly before motioning to Sophia, Carl and Lacy her voice strengthening, "You don't get to say that they have to stop living just because you've given up!" her voice rose to a yell but before she could attack him again, Daryl's work hardened arms slid around her waist and he pulled her away, her body collapsing and they both dropped slowly to kneel on the floor.

Something snapped in Daryl as he heard her murmuring under her breath over and over, "Oh God, oh God, oh God." Silent tears sliding down her ashen cheeks, and her once vibrant eyes staring lifelessly at the worn carpet beneath them. He let her go and stood up, grabbing his wine bottle before he stomped up the ramp to the metal door at the top. He threw the bottle, the glass smashing on impact before he turned and glared at Jenner, coming half way down the ramp and throwing his arm back to point at the door, "Open the goddamn door!"

Jenner didn't do anything.

"Outta my way!" Shane yelled running up the ramp, an ax in his hand. He started to throw everything he had behind each and every swing, the metal squealing under each hit, Daryl coming up beside him to join in as soon as T-Dog threw him another ax. Every hit bounced off and barely scratched the surface of the door.

Tamara felt Dale's hand on her shoulder as he knelt beside her, trying to calm her down, "You gotta breathe deep, Tamara." He said as gently as he could, Lacy clinging to him, arms and legs, her little body wracked with shivers, "This little one here needs you."

But Tamara was lost in her own world, a world where fingers bit into her flesh and the stench of rotting flesh filled her nose. Her body heaved and she barely made it to a waste paper basket before she gagged and coughed, losing what little she had in her stomach from the breakfast she had eaten hours before.

She missed some of what was going on around her until Daryl's calloused hand grabbed her jaw and he forced her to look at him, "Ain't time to check out yet, girl." He all but snarled, his body almost vibrating with pent up rage and fear.

A single tear rolled down her cool cheek and she tried to look away but he wasn't having it. Ignoring Dale's hand on his shoulder as the older man tried to get him to be gentle, he grabbed Tamara's upper arms and dragged her to her feet having to pin her to the consul behind her so that she would stay on her feet, "You ain't checkin' out yet, goddamn it!" he growled low, ducking his head to catch her emerald gaze, "Ya hear?"

Tamara heard Lacy whimpering and the other children crying and her resolve steeled, she nodded once and flattened her hand on the side of the consul behind her, holding herself up as Daryl moved back to pacing, his glare falling on Jenner.

And then she heard the doctor, fear spewing from him, "This is what takes us down. This is our extinction event." Jenner said to the group who were now so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.

"This isn't right." Carol sobbed, "You can't just keep us here."

Jenner leaned forward in his seat trying to convince her, "One tiny moment, a millisecond. No pain."

"My daughter doesn't deserve to die like this!" the older woman sobbed.

"Wouldn't it be kinder?" Jenner asked and Tamara scoffed through her tears. "More compassionate to just hold your loved ones and wait for the clock to run down?"

"'Cept you won't have anyone to hold, will you, Doctor?" Tamara sneered glaring at him in hatred.

The sound of a rifle being cocked had everyone turning to see that Shane had grabbed his gun, eyes only on Jenner.

"Shane, No!" Rick tried to stop him but he just pushed his way past him and T-Dog and held the rifle to Jenner's face.

"Open that door or I'm gonna blow your head off, you hear me?" he yelled breathing hard.

Rick tried to calm him down but he wasn't listening.

Shane started screaming, turning the rifle to the consuls on the other side of the platform and shot them.

The loud explosion of the gun, Shane's yell and everyone else yelling scared Lacy so badly she started to scream and cry struggling in Dale's arms.

"Momma! Momma!" she wailed her arms out to Tamara.

Racing to Dale's side as Rick forcibly subdued Shane, Tamara took the screaming little girl from him and hunkered down behind the far consul, holding her to her chest and whispering in her ear, "It's alright, baby. Momma's here. No one's gonna hurt you, sweetheart." She rocked her and slowly her screaming quietened to pitiful little sobs and then to hiccups before she buried her face against Tamara's neck and stayed hidden under her dark wavy hair.

Tamara looked up to see Daryl pacing not two feet away, ax in hand, body tense; and she knew he was on the verge of doing something drastic.

"I think you're lying." Rick said to Jenner as Tamara pushed herself to her feet and looked over the group.

"What?" Jenner asked him.

"You're lying about no hope. If that were true you'd a bolted with the rest, or taken the easy way out." Rick told him. "You didn't. You chose the hard path. Why?"

Jenner shook his head, "It doesn't matter."

"It does matter." Rick approached him, "It always matters. You stayed when others ran, why?"

Jenner turned on him, "I didn't stay because I wanted to. I made a promise." He stood up, standing toe-to-toe with Rick. "To her." He pointed at the big screen above them. "My wife."

"Test subject 19 was your wife?" Lori asked sounding disgusted.

Tamara's stomach rolled at the thought and she had to concentrate on taking deep breaths and holding down the bile rising in her throat.

"She begged me to keep going as long as I could, how could I say no."

Tamara jumped when the scraping on the door started up again. She looked over her shoulder to see Daryl slamming the ax against the metal door and realised she hadn't even noticed he had left her side to do it she had been so concentrated on keeping Lacy and herself calm.

"She was dying." Jenner continued sadly, "It should have been me on that table. It wouldn't have mattered to anybody. She was a loss to the world. Hell, she ran this place, I just worked here. In our field she was an Einstein. Me, I'm just Edwin Jenner. She could have done something about this. Not me."

Rick held out a calming hand, palm down, "Your wife, she didn't have a choice. You do. That's all we want. A choice. A chance."

"Let us keep trying as long as we can." Lori begged the doctor.

Jenner looked around the room before he seemed to slump in defeat, "I told you topside's locked down. I can't open those." Hope flared in Tamara's chest as Jenner made his way to a different consul. He did something she couldn't quite see and then the door where Daryl was standing, ax raised for another hit, slid down into the floor.

Daryl turned and lowered the ax, "Come on!" he called his eyes on Tamara as he did.

She wrapped her arms more securely around Lacy's body and ran to him, his hand closing around hers as the others in the group followed behind.

"Hey, we got four minutes left, come on!" Glenn screamed when he saw some of the others were slow to move and that Andrea was still where she had been when Jenner opened the doors.

"No, I'm stayin'." Jacqui said pulling out of T-Dog's hold half way up the ramp.

Tamara moved to go to her but Daryl's hand tightened around her arm and he pulled her into his side.

"Look, that's insane." T-Dog tried to reason with her but she shook her head.

"No, that's sane. For the first time in a long time." She looked at him, "I'm not ending up like Jim and Amy."

"No." Tamara sobbed pulling against Daryl's hold to try and get to the woman she now counted as a friend.

"There's no time to argue, and no point. Not if you wanna get out." Jacqui said, her sad eyes flashing to Tamara as the younger woman fought her husband's hold around her waist. "Now get out. Get out."

Daryl pulled Tamara tighter against his side and led her and some of the others of the group out toward the exit. They only stopped to grab their bags and then they ran to the stair well, five flights of stairs and then they still had to get out of the lobby at the top.

Tamara tripped twice on the stairs before Daryl wrapped his arm around her more securely and all but carried her up the final two flights, Lacy clinging to her, skinny arms tight around her neck.

He let go of her in the lobby as he, Glenn, T-Dog, Shane and Rick tried everything to get the doors open or break the windows.

Tamara fell to her knees, held Lacy tight in her arms and prayed. She prayed harder than she had ever prayed before because if they didn't get out of this place they were all dead.

"Rick, I have something that might help." Carol said digging around in her back pack when the glass wouldn't break.

"Carol, I don' think a nail file's gonna do it." Shane told her roughly.

Carol ignored him still digging around in her purse and looking right at Rick, "That first morning at camp, when I washed your uniform, I found this in your pocket." She held out a grenade.

Rick took it from her and moved toward the window, "Look out!" he yelled so that everyone moved back.

Daryl pulled Tamara and Lacy as far away from the window as he could, put down his ax, bow, and their bags and covered their bodies with his.

There was a huge explosion a few seconds later and Tamara clung to Daryl as Lacy curled into a tighter ball under their bodies.

The sound of smashing glass followed the explosion and then everyone was scrambling up and climbing out the window. Daryl was out before Tamara and held up a hand to help her and Lacy down before he caught her wrist and started pulling her across the lawn in front of the building with the others.

Walkers were converging having been alerted by the explosion and Daryl let go of Tamara's hand to use his ax to kill one while Shane shot two more as the group sprinted across the grass to their convoy of vehicles not too far ahead.

Daryl pushed her and Lacy to the passenger side of his truck and then went around to the driver's side.

Tamara slammed the truck door shut behind her and then looked up at the building to see Dale and Andrea running across the law.

"Oh my God." She gasped.

Daryl swore viciously and she knew he was counting down the seconds in his head.

Tamara's scream stuck in her throat when she heard Rick pressing the horn of the RV, heard Lori scream for Dale and Andrea to get down and then saw the flames spreading across the ceiling of the lobby they had just escaped. Daryl's hands grabbed her and Lacy roughly and pulled them down onto the seat of the truck and behind the dash, his body pressing down on top of them.

The deafening roar of the explosion and the building's collapse drowned out Lacy's screams of terror and made Tamara's ears ring and then the aftershock from the blast hit the truck, rocking it on its axles before fading away.

Tamara counted Lacy's breathes as she waited for the ringing to die down in her ears; one…two…three…four…five. Slowly, Daryl sat up, helping Tamara and Lacy do the same. Their faces showing awe and sadness at the sight of the huge CDC building turned to rubble and the two souls lost inside it. Daryl let out a relieved breath and then pulled Tamara into his side, his lips pressing to her temple, Lacy curled into her lap as he checked over his shoulder to see if Shane was alright in his Jeep behind them.

The fire still burned as Andrea and Dale ran to the RV and got in and the convoy started up, turned back the way they had come and headed away from the only safety they had had in days.