A/N: So this is my first fan fic ever, but I just had to get this down on writing. I feel like if Blaine rejected Kurt, all his insecurities would come out, and he would be more broken than ever. But will Blaine be able to fix him?

Please please review even if it's only to say that this is just a waste of my time, I really want to know.

Thanks :)

The excitement was palpable as we, the Warblers, walked off stage.

"You were amazing!" I heard Blaine say from behind, right before he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me towards him. Well, to be honest, that was all that I could hear after that point because being so close to the boy I was madly in love with sort of made it hard for me to think coherent thoughts. Well, it made it hard for me to think anything at all…

All too sudden I felt Blaine's warmth disappear, and I turned towards him incredulously to say "Me? Are you kidding me Blaine you were perfect!" with a huge doofus smile plastered on my face.

He returned my smile with a dapper, dazzling, blinding one of his own, and in the excitement of things I threw my arms around his neck and practically flung myself at him. He caught me in his arms and we twirled around wrapped in eachothers' embrace.

That moment felt so perfect, so right, that when Blaine set me down again, I did the one thing I had wanted to do since the first moment I laid my eyes on the boy.

I kissed him.

I couldn't believe myself, it felt like my body was acting on it's own accord. But, even though there was a very small part of my brain screaming at me that I could lose the best thing I've ever had, the other, much, much larger portion was telling me that what I was doing was right, and that he loved me back.

I knew that he felt the same way. I was sure.

At first I couldn't ever wrap my head around the idea that Blaine fucking Perfect Anderson could ever love me, but everyone saw the way he acted. The flirty duets, the looks he'd give me during practice, how he would hold my hand every chance that he'd get…

I was in love with Blaine Anderson, and he loved me back. I knew it for sure.

I stepped back from the kiss, expecting to look at the face of the boy who was surely smiling at me. But what I saw instead made my entire face turn white.

Blaine wasn't smiling. No, he wasn't smiling at all.

He looked confused, scared and incredibly sad.

"B-Blaine, I'm s-s-s-sorry" I managed to say in a whisper that was barely audible, but it was too late. Blaine had already taken two steps back, and now he'd turned away from me completely and started half walking half running in the opposite direction.

I knew my feet weren't going to be able to carry me for long. I could literally feel my heart breaking, and I knew that I had to get away from the green room as soon as possible.

I turned around and hauled myself to the nearest bathroom, slamming the door to one of the stalls shut. The second I turned the lock, my knees gave way. I dropped to the bathroom floor, not being able to care about the germs that were surrounding me, or that I was ruining my uniform.

"He doesn't love me" I managed to say in a whisper.

"He doesn't –" was all I was able to get out before I started sobbing hysterically.

With Finn and Sam, I got it. They were straight and it was impossible for them to like me. I wouldn't be able to like a girl even if she was perfect for me, just as they couldn't like me.

But with Blaine… I felt my heart squeeze again just by thinking his name.

With Blaine… He was gay. He was my best friend. Other than my family, he was the one person who mattered the most to me.

I'm in love with him, and unlike Finn and Sam, he's gay.

He's gay, so why doesn't he like me back?

"Why would he like you?" said the voice in my head. "You're ugly. You're fat. You look like a girl. You don't have any talent. You're not funny, you're not charming. You sure as hell aren't sexy. Why would anyone, let alone Blaine Anderson, but anyone, ever like you?"

"SHUT UP!" I yelled, and I wasn't sure whether it was aloud or not – but I couldn't make the voice stop.

"You're ugly. You're fat. Nobody's ever going to want to be with you. Nobody. How could you even think that you deserved someone like Blaine? How could you think that you deserved anyone at all? Do you think that you deserve happiness? You don't! You're just a stupid faggot!"

The voice kept going on and on, and I cried myself into oblivion on the bathroom floor.

Kurt kissed me.

I'm not usually one for swearing, but Kurt fucking kissed me.

Shit.

I love him. I love Kurt Hummel with every fiber of my being, but just not in that way.

Sure, he has the prettiest eyes I have ever seen, and his skin is like heaven to touch, but I just don't love him like that. What if he has the voice of an angel, or has the cutest "bitch face" that he wears whenever someone wears a sweater vest. So what if my heart breaks whenever I see him cry? So what if I want to put Karofsky to the grave for ever hurting him? So what if he is the kindest, sweetest most gentle person I have ever met in my life? So fucking what if he has more courage than I will ever have in my whole life? So…

Well, shit.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit with a cherry on top.

Do I like him?

Oh hell do I?

I was suddenly broken out of my trance by Wes and David who were snapping their fingers in my face.

"Huh? What?" I asked, and they said that they just asked me whether I was OK or not.

"I think I'm in love with Kurt" I said, expecting a look of utter shock on their faces, but I got nada.

"No shit, Sherlock" David said.

"What?" I exclaimed in return.

"Well considering you undress him with your eyes every practice, and that you basically find every excuse to touch him, we sort of figured." said Wes, followed by a shrug.

"Oh Wes, you look tense, want me to massage your back?" David said facing Wes, fluttering his eyelashes in a way that made me want to punch him so, very, freakishly bad.

"I do not do that" I opposed, but they were far past the point of listening to me.

"Oh David, you have some chocolate on your mouth, let me wipe that off with my thumb and then just gaze at you like a deer caught in headlights for the next thirty seconds". Wes replied, equally flirty.

"Oh Wes, it's snowing outside, why don't I take your hands in mine so you don't get cold, even though we are in a freaking building with heat and all of us are wearing freaking tshirts."

"Oh David, let's pull an all nighter and find ourselves tangled up in bed together."

"Oh Wes and David, if you don't shut the fuck up in the next ten seconds I am going to burn your love fern." I yelled, not being able to take it any more.

Wes and David looked at me, completely apalled, and said "You wouldn't dare..."

"Do you really want to find out? Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a boy who is going to yell at me for needing the assistance of two of the biggest morons on the planet in order for me to realize my feelings for him" I added, and turned away from them.

"I need to go find him and apologize. I need to set things straight", I thought as I headed back to the center of the green room, but I was stopped by a loud noise.

Someone screamed. It was an agonizing, horrible, troubled scream.

They yelled "SHUT UP!" and I knew that it was Kurt.

My heart began racing twice as fast at the prospect of him being hurt. Was Karofsky here? Who was hurting him? Why would anyone hurt Kurt?

I rant o the bathroom where his voice was coming from, and I stopped at the door.

I could hear him crying. He was talking to himself.

"H-h-h-he doesn't l-l-love you… Never h-h-has ne-n-n-never will. Why w-w-ould he? W-w-why would anyone ever love you? Y-y-y-you're ugly Kurt Hummel. Y-you're ugly, and you're mean, and you're just w-w-wrong. You don't deserve to be loved. You're nothing but a stupid, sick faggot."

I don't know what happened or how, but I found myself collapsed at the bathroom door.

This was Kurt Hummel we were talking about. Kurt Hummel, who is the most confident person I know. Kurt Hummel who doesn't take crap from anybody. Kurt Hummel, who was one of the most gorgeous boys he had ever seen, not to mention one of the nicest, and now the Kurt Hummel that I loved so much was calling himself ugly, and mean, and wrong.

"He thinks he doesn't deserve to be loved…" ran through my head, and I couldn't stop thinking that he was the one person out of everyone I knew that absolutely deserved love.

I knew that I would never be able to forgive myself for making him feel this way, but I sure as hell was going to try to get him to forgive me. I didn't care how many Alexander McQueen coats or Chanel scarves it took, I was going to get that boy back, and I was going to make sure that he never, ever, felt again the way he does right now.

I don't know how much time passed, but I found myself still curled up in front of the door when Wes lifted me up and told me that it was results time.

"Give me a few minutes, I have to go get K-Kurt.." I pleaded, and he nodded understandingly and walked away, taking his position behind the curtain.

Umm.. yeah so this is the first chapter. I think I'll continue with at least two more chapters but the rest will depend on whether I get any reviews or not. PS: I totally stole the love fern idea from McKlainely High, it's an amazing fic by an amazing author so go and read that if you haven't :)