Reborn
By: Pixie Wings
"The only way to live a good life is to live on ones emotions" – Heero Yuy
Relena kept staring at the constant snow fall outside of her office window. On her desk were stacks of ignored documents outlining more and more peace plans which tended to give Relena a headache. Over the past four years she had either signed her approval to plans or signed her rejection and later had to submit a report about why she rejected or accepted it. She just wasn't in the mood for writing any lengthy reports today.
It would seem odd to many people to see this young woman at work by herself on a Saturday, especially on her 20th birthday, (AN: I don't know when Relena's birthday is but I'm pretty sure that it isn't in winter, but for this fiction to have a better backdrop, it has to be.) but then Relena wasn't just any other person. She was the person who was the embodiment of peace. She held many peoples' hopes and dreams, she was a person who many people looked up to and even worshipped. She was tired of it. She wanted her own life, but saw no way to have one of her own, the people just wouldn't allow it. She couldn't even have a boyfriend without the world approving of it.
She had tried a few times to have a decent boyfriend, first Shaun, but he got scared off by Milliardo and his over-protective ways, then Francis, but he got too egotistical for her liking and she quietly broke it off with him. Then finally she tried to go out with a young man named Luke, he was nothing like Shaun or Francis, he was more like one of those people who would eventually get into trouble, and the public didn't like him going out with her. They had hounded him on the streets and the media kept digging unnecessary events from his past out into the public eye. It finally got to the point where Luke had to move away to a colony and break all ties with her.
She sighed, she definitely had enough of this, of being Relena Peacecraft. Peacecraft, how she detested the very sound of the name now. Before she was curious about it, and maybe once she had enjoyed being able to be privileged with the name of Peacecraft, but lately she discovered that it wasn't a privilege, it was a curse. She slowly pushed the stack of documents out of her view as she slowly got up.
'I need a walk' she thought. She made her way to her closet and wrapped her thick winter's jacket around her, then she started to put on her gloves and cast a quick glance at her watch. '4:30, they'll be waiting to try and surprise me at home' she thought with a small smirk on her face. 'Well why don't I surprise them, I think I'll go out and eat by myself, screw work and screw them' She grabbed her purse and hurried out her door.
Relena slipped out of the back of the building hopefully loosing her bodyguards who happened to be waiting for her at the main entrance. She walked down the alley into the crowded street and continued to walk at a normal pace until she was sure that her bodyguards couldn't locate her when they found her missing. 'It's nice to be protected, but I do need some time alone once in a while' she continued to walk for a good half hour until she came upon a small café located on the corner of an intersection.
She entered and sat at one of the tables while a waitress came to serve her. "What'll it be miss?" the waitress said in an annoying voice. Relena took a look at the choice of food and chose the special. " and what type 'o drink miss?" the waitress asked again. Relena choose coffee and the waitress left.
Relena turned her gaze toward the window to watch the people passing outside of the window as she slowly slipped her gloves off of her small hands and rubbed them together. It had been awhile since she had the privilege of eating out by herself in public.
She continued to stare intently out of the window until she heard a soft swish of a chair come from across her. She sighed again as she turned to see who the uninvited guest was. 'Probably some young diplomat who found me and wants to suggest some more empty notions for some popular project' she turned and nearly fell out of her chair as she saw a pair of violet blue eyes staring back at her.
"Duo" she gasped, "What are you doing here?"
"Not much Relena, just happened to walk by and saw your pretty face starin' out the window and wondered what you were doin' here without your bodyguards and on your birthday no less."
"I ditched them" Relena replied, not caring about how weird that would sound coming from her. "So did they send you to go fetch me Duo?"
"Who? Oh you mean that ol' brother of yours? Nahhh…anyway why are you here when you know that they're out at your place jus' waitin' for ya to come home for your big "surprise" party?"
"I just… needed some time of my own…to think things out I guess"
"What things?" Duo asked looking at her face trying to figure out why she seemed so down.
"Life…my life, or rather the my peoples life…" Relena replied sounding distant.
"Here ya go miss, would this gentleman like anythin' offa the menu?" The waitress said as she delivered the ham sandwich and clam chowder with the coffee.
"As tempting as it sounds, I can't, got a big dinner date tonight" Duo said keeping eye contact with Relena.
"So who's your date Mr. Death" Relena asked trying to sound upbeat for Duo.
Duo sighed, he didn't want to tell Relena, he knew how she felt. "No one in particular, just … a friend of mine"
"oh okay…" Relena said as she continued to eat her dinner.
Duo allowed Relena the privilege of his silence as she finished up her dinner. He sat there just watching her. 'she sure is quite the looker these days' Duo mused as he observed Relena. 'I bet even "Mr. Perfect Soldier Yuy" would even do a double take if he passed her' he then shook his head to clear his mind of his "friend" Heero hadn't even seen her for three years, but anytime anybody would even mention her name in front of him he would get this funny light in his eyes and his jaw could be seen clenching.
Duo had personally witnessed Heero throwing a temper tantrum when the new's would report that Relena had started to date a guy named Luke. He had spent countless hours at night doing research on the man and coming up to him in the kitchen the next morning (AN: one word…roommates) pointing out why this man was an obvious threat to Relena's life. Duo had actually made the mistake of telling Heero to go live with Relena if he was so worried about her. That had start an argument between the two of them with Heero saying that he had no interest in her, that the only reason why he didn't want her putting herself into danger was because she was what kept this world from starting the meaningless wars again.
Each day that the Relena went out with Luke, the more Heero deteriorated. He couldn't stand the thought of Luke, so Duo was there for his emotional support, until the day that the media announced joyfully that Luke had broken all ties with Relena and left for the farthest colony. That day was one of Heero's better days. He had let out a sigh and had said that the world was no longer in danger. It had confused Duo, had Heero thought of Relena as his world? Or did he say that metaphorically… It didn't matter anyway, he knew that Heero had feelings for her, but couldn't face it. So in the weeks to come after Luke and Relena's unfortunate split up, Heero began to give Duo some notice instead of facing up to the fact that he truly did care for Relena. At first Duo tried to talk Heero out of it, but eventually he grew to accept Heero using him for a way out of his emotions, he had become Heero's emotional toy. And Heero had become his escape in a way. Hilde had moved on with her life and found a fiancée, the night she had told him this was the night he vowed never to love again. He had made the mistake of waiting, but it turned out he waited too long. He had tried to tell her after she had showed him her engagement ring, but she knew what he was going to say and quieted him by saying that she always saw him as a good friend, and never anything more.
So when Heero turned to him, he was nervous as hell, but he accepted it, knowing it wasn't love, but a way to deal with their emotions, to escape life and love. They used each other for the time being, but he knew it would eventually end with Heero turning to Relena once he sorted things out. He had a feeling that the scheduled dinner out tonight was to have a "talk" about what had happened between them and what was going to be happening very shortly. Relena's voice called him out of his reverie.
"So Duo, what time is this dinner date of yours?" She asked not really wanting to pry into Duo's love life, just wanting to make conversation with the unusually silent Deathscythe pilot.
"Huh, oh in about an hour or two, are you done Jousan?" Duo asked not really caring to talk about the upcoming dinner.
"Yeah, do you want to take a walk with me?" she asked taking money out of her purse and placing it on the table before slipping on her gloves and getting up.
"Sure, where to"
"oh just around town"
They spent the next two hours just walking around the city taking in the sights that neither had really payed any attention to before, or had never had the chance to take notice of, and talking about anything that had happened to them, successfully avoiding the subject of Heero. Around 6:30 Duo reluctantly told Relena that he had to leave to get ready. "Do you want me to take ya home Jousan?" he asked.
"No thanks Duo, I'd prefer a walk on the beach or in the park than go home to a party full of imaginary friends…" Relena said knowing that her brother had gathered up the same phony friends she had since high school. He had only invited the Gundam pilots once, but after that he had basically denied their existence. He hadn't wanted to acknowledge that a bunch of "boys" had actually foiled his plans to "teach" the people of the world a lesson. If he had invited the Gundam pilots to her parties, she might have considered attending today, but, she already knew that once again they were left out of her life, due to her brother.
"ahhh Jousan, it ain't always gonna be this bad ya know" Duo said putting a grin on his face giving her a poke in the side as well.
"Ooii, Duo! I know that, well I guess I'll see you around then…bye Shinigami (sorry if its spelled wrong)" Relena said as she began to walk towards the pier near the beach where they had stopped at.
"See ya Jousan!" Duo shouted as he turned and ran in the direction of the restaurant where Heero had told him to go to.
Relena waited until the braided boy ran out of her sight before she continued her walk towards the pier, 'he seems to have moved on successfully with his life ever since Hilde, I'm glad for him.' When she reached the edge of the pier she sat down and brought her knees up to her face to shield it from the stinging cold winds the ocean was producing. 'The ocean, how calming the sound is' Relena thought as she felt herself begin to relax, she then let out a sigh and looked at the darkening sky above her. She could see the constellations twinkling at her (AN: remember, in winter darkness come like around 5-6) while the crescent moon reflected little light from the sun down at the oceans waters.
'the beach…this beach…it's so quiet. This is where I first met…Heero. God how long has it been since I last saw him, oh….it doesn't matter, I doubt that I'll ever see him again. He always hated me anyway, and I always followed him asking him to hate me, by encouraging him to hurt me. And I hate him too…' Relena's face took on a pained look as she thought that. 'No, I don't hate him, I could never hate him, he is the one who allowed us to obtain this peace we now enjoy, he is the one who truly fought for peace, him and the Gundam pilots.' She stayed at the pier thinking for the next thirty minutes before she decided that she had had enough of the beach and needed some hot chocolate. She walked down through the city before she came to a nice restaurant, but not too nice, more like casual. She walked through the glass doors and took a seat at a table near a window and ordered a hot chocolate.
She scanned the place, young lovers and friends sat all around the place chatting and holding hands. Little children were busy trying to devour every little sweet morsel from their dessert while their parents were making a fuss over how messy they were getting. This made Relena smile, her parent's had never really fussed over her, especially over getting messy. She shook her head as she let her eyes continue their exploration of the restaurant. Then for the second time in one day, she spotted the braided self proclaimed God of Death.
She couldn't see who he was with, because she was in the shadows. 'well, I might as well go ahead and say hello, I wonder who he could be with' she thought as she began to get up. At the same moment she saw Duo pick up the person's hand and give it a light kiss. Relena smiled, 'it sure is going to be quite funny when I surprise him'.
She quietly sneaked up on Duo who was immersed in conversation with the other person, him doing all the talking. She then made a jump and managed to poke Duo in the ribs which sent him flying out of his seat yelling all sorts of death threats to whomever had pulled that prank off. But when he turned around and saw Relena his face turned completely white.
"Duo….are you alright? I'm sorry if I surprised you I just wanted to say hi, I just came in from taking my walk and I saw you and wondered who you were with…Duo come on you look like you've seen a ghost. I don't look that bad do I?" Relena said trying to get Duo to return to his old self.
"uh….Re-….re-…Relena…ummm… hehe…err..well, um hi, ehh well you said hi and I said hi so…" Duo managed to stutter out before Relena walked past him to get a better look at his companion. But when Relena saw who it was, it was her turn to go white.
Heero stood up and glared at Relena, and looked to Duo. "How long have you been here Relena?" Heero asked in his usual monotone voice that Relena had memorized years ago. Relena's face got her color back as she started to take a few steps backward. "Long enough to know…to know whats going on between you and Duo" she hissed out the last name as she stared at Heero and then took a look at Duo, her eyes narrowing. "So this is why you wouldn't tell me who you were going out with tonight. I thought you were my friend Duo! You knew how I felt about …..HIM!" Relena practically screamed drawing the attention of the entire restaurant.
"Relena, please, its really not like it seemed you see…" Duo began
"Oh shut your mouth, I don't want to hear your shit!" She said beginning to calm down.
"Look Relena, can't we talk about this somewhere else, where we can actually talk this out" Heero said.
"Fine" Relena whispered as she went back to her table and threw on her jacket and purse while pushing the waiter aside.
"Oh shit, she's pissed Heero…I knew this was no good from the beginning."
"Just shut up and come with me" Heero said and he led him out the door with a seething Relena following them.
They walked down the street onto the lonely and desolate beach where Relena had just departed from. They stood there for a few minutes trying to sort out their thoughts and their feelings. "Look" Heero began "We probably should have told you from the beginning about this, but I really don't see how it matters, you obviously moved on with your life from the looks of it so why shouldn't I have been able to also?"
"I didn't say you couldn't" Relena said taking the defense.
"Well that scene in there suggested otherwise, unless you have a problem about it being with Duo.." Heero said looking directly into her eyes.
Relena winced at the mention of Duo's name and remained silent. She knew she shouldn't have made a big deal about it. She knew Heero didn't love her so why couldn't she be happy for him when he did find someone he did love. She just couldn't find the answer, all she found was jealousy, she wanted him so badly, then and now, and nothing was going to change that or the pain that she emotionally was going through, even though he wasn't hers from the start.
"but..Heero and I did some talking tonight" Duo said trying to say something to get into the conversation since he was already a big part of it.
"Duo…let me handle this!" Heero said.
"FINE! I'm only a BIG part of this conversation or argument or quarrel or whatever you choose to call this! I might as well take a walk" Duo said beginning to walk down the beach away from them.
Relena let out a quivering sigh, and said in a barely audible voice, "Why didn't you kill me? You always said you would and … you never did."
"…"
"it would have been easier on me if you had, I have no true friends, and I only live a phony life given to me by the people who never allowed me to have what I wanted."
"You got what you wanted, you had Luke and all those other boyfriends!" Heero said his eyes gleaming.
"NO! They were never what I wanted, they were what the public needed to see, they needed to see me fail at something. They were never what I needed and never will be what I need….You…you were what I needed."
"…"
"but now I can't have you…Heero… you have carried out your threat, when you disappeared all those years ago, and then to find you now…you have carried out your threat…you did kill me..inside." Relena said as she allowed the tears from her eyes to come out of her. They gleamed from the moonlight, leaving shimmering trails on her face. "You know today's my birthday, and, today's also my death…strange isn't it."
"Relena…" Heero began. He wanted to tell her that Duo wasn't anything, that they had just used each other to find comfort, he wanted to tell her that he loved her, but his mouth couldn't produce the words.
Relena began to walk up from the beach towards the road, "You know what Heero, I'm sorry for all those years I annoyed you, I'm sorry for not being able to be happy for you….I'm sorry.." she said again and again.
"Relena" Heero said, as if that were the only word he knew as he started to walk towards her, and took notice of a speeding truck rounding the curve in the road.
"Relena watch out!" He screamed as Relena stepped into the road staring at the headlights of the truck, frozen there like a deer would be.
Heero made a mad dash towards her but was too late. Two screams cut through the peaceful night air. One of a womans, and one of a tormented mans who never had the chance to tell his true love about how he felt about her, because of his stupidity and jealousy.
That night, one man lost his chance for love, but the woman had gained her freedom from the world. She had been, in a way, reborn into a new life, one where she didn't have to carry the world's problems.
ghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghg
I was in the mood for a deathfic, and Relena just happened to pop up. I know what some of you are going to say sick, demented person, No I'm not…I'm just under major depression at the moment and don't feel like posting the next part of my hearts loneliness fic. No I'm not really into yoai but I really have nothing against it, seeing as how it is a big part of the Gundam Wing fan universe on the internet. So I sort of incorporated it in my fic, but its very very vague… I'm sorry if you all didn't like it but I felt like writing it so…..sorry! go ahead and flame me if that's your desire, and I don't know if I'll do a sequel, I don't know if I'll still have that same inspiration that made me write this fic. Just tell me what you think of it and I'll go from there. Sorry there wasn't any silliness in this fic, but it just wasn't one of those kinds of fics where you could just randomly insert humor…although I do love those types of fics ^_^
Oh just a quick question…whose fault do you think it is for the ending scene?
~Pixie Wings~
Disclaimer:
Don't own Gundam wing or characters. Don't sue me, I don't have any money.