Disclaimer: I unfortunately do not own Twilight….or Worshipsper…..
Carlisle's (Pastor Cullen's) POV
I sighed in frustration. I was going to be late to service with all this traffic! I knew I shouldn't have taken the Deegan! Why hadn't I listened to the radio before I left? Lord help me! Today was a special service as well for we had planned to take communion and to top it off, Esme was sick and we had a temporary replacement for her as the worship leader. Sometimes being the leader of an ever-growing church in the middle of the Bronx was very overwhelming. I ran my hands through my hair almost ready to pull it out in huge clumps when I saw a sign. My exit! I got out and it was a smooth, quick ride to Love Gospel Assembly from there and I made it to church in the nick of time. The instant I walked in the door I was bombarded with questions from my secretary, Alice,
"What took you so long? Do you have the spare set of keys to the Educational building? Are you ready for service? Is there anything you need?" She was so hyper I couldn't help but let out a light chuckle.
"To answer your questions Alice, I was caught in traffic on the Major Deegan, No I don't have the keys maybe your husband does, Yes I'm ready for service, and yes I would like sometime alone in my office to meditate." Alice nodded satisfied and ran off to find her husband, Edward, Deacon and Superintendent of the Children's Educational Department. I had to give it to the pixie she was definitely fast and efficient. I walked into my office, took off my coat, and sat on my chair, holding my head in my hands.
"Father." I spoke to the Lord, my God.
"Father, I know that I am starting to lack in my spiritual relationship with you Lord and while some crazy things have been going on in my life, I know that that is no excuse to neglect my relationship with you Lord. In fact I should be doing just the opposite," I got up and started pacing the room.
"I should be growing closer to you Lord, stronger in you. Instead I've been running away and for that Lord I am truly sorry." Then I was interrupted with a light knock on my door.
"Service is about to start, Pastor." I sighed. Was it really too much to ask to have 30 minutes alone with God?
"Coming, Alice." I went back to my desk and gathered up all the papers I would need for today's sermon and exited my office climbing the narrow stairs to the pulpit. I went to my chair and stood beside it waiting for the worship to begin. Then aside the narrow staircase on the other side of the pulpit was a very handsome man. He had honey gold curls that I just wanted to run my hands through- whoa! Where did that come from? - and beautiful hazel eyes that I wanted to stare in forever. He met my gaze and it was like something passed between us. Then he looked away and grabbed the mic.
"Hello, and welcome Love Gospel!" The people immediately looked at him with rapt attention. After all, he did have the honey golden curls and those expressive hazel eyes. Wait! What am I thinking? Devil I banish these sinful thoughts in the name of Jesus.
"As ya'll most already know Esme ain't here today. She's very sick and I want ya'll to pray for her. So for now I'll be here as your temporary worship leader. My name is Jasper Whitlock and let's get this church screamin' for God!" That man had a natural charisma about him. Something that made everybody listen and that southern drawl… The band behind him started playing but when Jasper opened his mouth and sang I found myself entranced,
"Yes! and I know that I'm blessed.
Yes! and my heart is at rest.
Yes! and my future is sealed.
Yes! If I'm healed then I'm healed!
I'm not afraid of circumstances If I've- I've already found the answers
and all, all of God's promises are
Yes! Yes and Amen!"
I couldn't even pay attention to what he was singing anymore. His voice was so melodic; it had me in an intoxicated state, just staring at him. Then he stopped singing and brought me out of my Jasper induced haze. Jasper...His name suited him. I imagined it rolling off my tongue and I sighed in contentment. I stepped forward to take the mic from him so I could address the people. When our hands touched both grasping the mike a warm feeling ran up my arm and into my heart he looked at me then let go of the mike breaking the spell. I walked to the center of the pulpit and began to address the congregation, but I could barely concentrate. I was too wrapped up in thoughts of him, his honey golden curls, his hazel eyes, and most of all his voice his enchanting voice that had me in a trance. I had no idea how I had managed to get through the sermon but I did and as soon as it was over I was searching for him. I had no idea why but I was. It was like I was drawn to him. Lord help me. But he was no where to be found so I gave up and retreated to my office. I sat in my chair again.
"Father. I-I don't understand these thoughts I am having. What is going on with me?" I pleaded to the Holy Lord in a desperate bid to understand.
"Why am I thinking about a man this way?" I pleaded and pleaded to God but to no avail. The answers I seeked didn't come.
One week later...
Sunday morning. I left extra early today so as not to be caught in traffic but I couldn't help but admit that there was an ulterior motive for my actions. I wanted to see him again. My whole body and mind craved the sound of his voice. Just as I had expected I cruised right along on the Deegan and arrived at church in record time from my home in Riverdale.
"Well you're here early." remarked Alice.
"Not now Alice. I'm going to pray. Please don't disturb me." She nodded and I went inside my office hung up my coat and started pacing throughout my office immediately, my hands running through my hair agitated.
"Father, help me Lord. I don't know or understand what is going on with me, my thoughts and my mind. I'm always thinking about him. My mind is centered on him, but I have faith in you lord that you will help me get through this. I don't want to sin against you Lord but my mind seems to be going in another direction. Help me Lord to stay on your path and direction. Amen." By this time I was kneeling on the floor and I stood up dusting off the knees of my pants. I gathered up my papers for my sermon and started to walk up the narrow staircase again. Alice was on her way down and looked relieved when she saw me and said,
"Good your here! I was just about to get you. Esme has recovered. She is going to be singing today." My heart felt crushed. I wouldn't get to hear my Jasper sing- wait my Jasper? "What about Jasper?" I asked. "He did great last week but it was only temporary. We might bring him back once Esme retires for good. Why? Is he important?" I shook my head both as an answer and trying to clear it.
"No he's not." I passed her on the narrow staircase trying not to let the sadness show in my eyes.
Two weeks later...
I had virtually given up all hope of Jasper being there it made me sad but he was hindering my relationship with God! A knock on the door brought me out of my thoughts.
"Pastor Cullen? Service is about to start."
"Coming Alice." I walked out the door and up the narrow staircase to the pulpit again. Then I gasped, Jasper was there! Drinking a bottle of water before he sang. I was entranced by the way his honey gold curls slipped off his face as he tilted his head back to get more water from the bottle.
"Stare much?" asked Alice as she appeared behind me, startling me out of my trance.
"What? Oh no Alice! I was just...lost in thought." She was never going to believe that.
"Sure..." she said and I walked to my chair and waited for the worship service to begin so I could hear my Jasper's enchanting voice. He grabbed the mic from its stand.
"Hello, Love Gospel! Ya'll remember me?" The church looked excited. Jasper had a way of doing that to people.
"Good! Now lets do some worshippin'!" The band started playing and he began to sing,
"All consuming fire
You're my heart's desire.
And I love you dearly dearly lord
You're my meditation
and my consolation-
I was entranced, he sung with such passion. Then he looked straight at me and sang,
"and I love you dearly dearly-" Then he turned back to the congregation,
"Lord." Was that a sign? My heart felt like it was in my throat. I was in awe and wonder at this beautiful man's voice. Let's just say today was another day where I couldn't concentrate. After service I asked Alice to tell Jasper to meet me in my office to discuss worship practice schedules. That was just an excuse to see him fully without being entranced by his voice. Two firm raps on the door alerted me to his presence.
"Come in." The door opened and Jasper stepped in. My eyes widened in appreciation of his beauty and beckoned him to sit in the chair in front of my desk.
"So Jasper, I understand that you want to continue as worship leader after Esme retires?"
"Yes, sir." He replied with a glint of something in his hazel eyes that I couldn't quite identify.
"Please call me Carlisle."
"Of course s-Carlisle." My mind basked at how my name rolled off his tongue and was spoken in that beautiful voice.
"Jasper the worship team meets once a week on Thursdays to practice. Can you make it?" He fidgeted slightly.
"It depends on what time." I knew he really wanted to do this so I could see why he was so fidgety, most likely nervous.
"Seven." A smile brightened up his face. He nodded. "I can make it. I get off from the historical society at five." My eyes betrayed my shock.
"What?" He asked indignantly.
"You think that just because I'm a pretty Texas boy with a twang that I don't have a thing in my head?" He exclaimed, narrowing his eyes, immediately suspicious.
"No! Jasper I meant nothing of the kind. I just thought you were a singer. Your voice is...astounding." He blushed and my eyes softened. Seeing him blushing made him look absolutely adorable.
"Th-Thank you, sir." I gave him a stern look and recognition dawned on his face.
"Oh! Thank you, Carlisle. I'm sorry for what I said. It's just that I've met many pastors who were very hypocritical and I just...Oh i'm sorry." I smiled.
"It's alright Jas, I understand." Did I just call him Jas? How is he going to react? He took a deep breath and visibly relaxed.
"Was there anything else you wanted?" He nodded, stood up, and stepped closer to me.
"Yes, I also wanted this." He smiled, leaned forward and pressed his beautiful mouth against mine. My eyes widened in utter shock. Jasper felt the same as me! But seeing my eyes he pulled away fast and ran out the room.
"Jasper!" I cried and ran to the door. I looked up and down the hallway but, he was gone.
Next Week...
I was pacing in my office, my hands running through my hair making it look like I had just rolled out of bed. I was worried about Jasper. Would he reject me? What had I done wrong last week? I just wanted to make things right. I walked to my door, took a deep breath, put on my calmest face, and left my office. When I ascended the staircase to the pulpit I saw him, and my heart broke. His shoulders were hunched and his eyes were red-rimmed. He saw me then he looked away. He started the service but not with his usual passion. The whole church seemed to be
affected by it and when he sang I almost fell to my knees,
"Here in your prescence
All things are new
Here in your presence
Heaven bows before you
Here in your presence
We are undone
Here in your presence
Heaven and Earth become one
Heaven is trembling in awe of your wonder!
Kings and their Kingdoms are standing ama-a-azed!
Here in your presence
All things are new!
Here in your presence
Heaven bows before you!"
His voice was still enchanting but it had lost its fire, its passion. It had no heart. I just stared at him wondering just how much I had hurt him. When I couldn't look at him any longer I turned and kneeled by my chair as if I was in prayer. But that's all it was, I couldn't concentrate enough to talk to my God, just when I needed him the most. I could still hear Jasper's haunting voice and it took everything I had not to sob in front of the entire congregation.
After service...
"Alice! Have you seen Jasper anywhere?" I asked almost frantic.
"No sorry, Pastor." I moved on.
"Do you know where Jasper is, Edward?" I asked him as I speedwalked through the hallway not going to let him get away again.
"I think I saw him in the vestibule." I brightened and almost hugged him.
"Thanks!" I rushed off in that direction. Once I reached the vestibule I looked everywhere, but no Jasper. As the crowd started to thin I went outside in a last ditch attempt to find him. Then almost at the end of the block I saw him.
"Jasper!" I called out while running to him. He ignored me.
"Jasper!" I called again. He just moved faster, but then he was stopped by the cars in the street and had to wait to cross. I caught up to him.
"Jasper." I said out of breath. He didn't say a word, didn't even look at me.
"Jasper, look at me!" His eyes were blank, trying not to show emotion.
"Why are you even talking to me?" He asked.
"Don't people like you hate people like me?" I was shocked. He thought I hated him!
"Jasper how could I hate you?" He turned his face downward.
"Isn't my orientation wrong? The way I want you, wrong?"
"Jasper, how can this be wrong when it feels so right?" Then I cupped his cheek, turned his face towards me and kissed him, all my love for him pouring out of my body.
A/N: Well? *hides behind stone wall waiting for objects to be thrown* What did you think?
Oh and a couple of things I need to clarify.
1 – All the song lyrics used in the story are REAL worship songs(though I don't know how accurate the lyrics are because I transcribed them from memory)
2 – The church Love Gospel Assembly really does exsist on 2323 Grand Concourse Bronx, NY. It is my church….. it has no affiliation with this story and probably does not support my views.
3 – The Major Deegan Expressway is a real highway in the Bronx that does usually have a lot of traffic. Lol =)
4 – Riverdale is a real section of the Bronx(one of the ritzier ones..but could you expect anything less for Carlisle?)
5 – I am only using these real places for fictional purposes only
Thank you and Review!
~ Tiffany