Chapters:
1. Conversation: in which Sirius overhears someone admit something personal.
2. Action: in which James gets himself and Sirius an actual date, but Sirius frankly has other plans.
3. Interaction: in which James has a Thing and Remus's brain stops working.
4. Elation: in which there is embarrassment galore.
5. Accidention: up soon.
This is kind of a pilot. Wrote this one a million years ago, unfinished, but I'm trying to finish it. So crap at finishing things. Might end in a few chapters with something like - so then everyone realised they loved each other and then Naissus stopped writing, because she is rubbish at writing happy stuff. It's all unrealised love and death and lycanthropy up there.
That was a nothing introduction, so I'll hurry it up and blather on about the Marauders, I think we all care much more about them than my inability to stay on task.
:) Enjoy.
I'm a bloody pervert, thought Sirius gleefully, without a hint of remorse.
Eleanor Jane wandered into her bedroom and Evans, that ginger James is always prattling on about like the proverbial lovestruck puppy, started talking, but Sirius isn't interested in the words.
He positioned himself more comfortably in the cupboard, eye pressed to the hole in the wall. It was made (possibly by James, that bollocking genius) by a thick nail pushed too far through long ago, and is easy enough to look through without anything being noticed, so long as you are quiet.
And suddenly Eleanor Jane stripped to her purple undergarments, and Evans also started getting changed- but it's not what Sirius is looking at.
Remus is in the room.
Moony, twitched Sirius's insides. And suddenly he heard them.
"Was kind of black, short, no straps." Ginge was saying. Lucy? Lacey?
"The slut!" Eleanor Jane squeaked in outrage, discarding a flowery blue number and holding up a slippery little white elastic thing against her body.
"Really revealing things scare normal blokes" helped Moony. "Wear the blue thing."
Is Moony- advising girls on dresses? There isn't a part of that Sirius likes.
"White won't work, Jay, it'll be like Magda MacGilligan when she went blonde. Try this one- here." Dark, beautiful Eleanor Jane bent over to find the dress in a drawer but Sirius barely cared.
Since when had Moony and Lily (that's it) been sitting so close? And he's allowed to watch her change now, watch other random dorm-mates change? Sirius felt like he'd been overturned off his chair.
Some other random blonde bustled in (it's really true, they all walk around in bras and knickers) and dragged Eleanor Jane, half in and half out of some kind of hideous pointless candy-striped dress thing out. And it was just Moony and Lily, and she was not wearing any freaking trousers. Merlin, why do none of these half-naked girls notice there's a bloke sitting right there on the bed?
Lily lay down on the bed and offered a meek, sideways smile and elbowed Moony gently in the side and he let out a little noise, drawing back.
"What?"
"Nothing. Just thinking."
"'Bout what?" persisted Lily cheerily, laying on her front next to him. Sirius saw that her jumper rides up a little, and so Moony pulled it gently back down over her side, almost without thinking. And Sirius suddenly felt very odd. It was just the gesture- how involuntary, the tenderness, the caringness. The decentness of the bloke that Moony is. At that moment Sirius would be lost on the head of a pin he was so small.
"'Bout stuff," he mumbled, after a bit.
"Where's Sirius today?" she asked casually. At the mention of his name, Sirius jumped a tiny bit and pressed his eye harder to the hole.
"Oh, leave it alone" he snapped, but Lily smiled and poked him harder in the stomach and he snorted and pushed her hands away. "Playing Quidditch or something, don't know, not like he has to tell me anytime he does anything."
Sirius had a little pang in his stomach. Moony looked almost melancholy. He realised that James and Peter are both on that Muggle outing and he'd gone off by himself, to spy on random girls, without a word. Moony didn't really have many other friends (he'd assumed) and suddenly Sirius felt terrible. Weighing the two scenarios in his head, waiting here in this dark room just so he could brag to Prongs after, or having a laugh and intelligent discussion with Moony, who has elegant long fingers and a crooked smile and- and well hands down he wouldn't care if he ever saw boobs again.
"I can't stand seeing you so sad," said Lily with this annoying weak little smile.
"Why? You're not making me sad."
"But I'm not helping."
"S'not your job. Anyway, you are," he said calmly.
Sirius then began to feel very acutely aware of his espionage, and very uncomfortable that he was now a party to a very secretive, private discussion of Moony's feelings, and those things just never come out to air, and he isn't just spying on some random girl, he's spying on Moony and this is just way more intimate.
And he's definitely not meant to hear this discussion of him. Something started welling up inside, because when you hear something like this it's impossible to unhear it.
"What about it?"
"I don't know."
"How do you feel, then?"
"Just feel- weird," he was saying quietly, staring at his hands.
"You feel sad?" She was like a bloody dog with a bone. That's supposed to be him. He's Moony's bloody dog with a bone.
"No, I feel bloody sick."
"What else?"
"I don't know." and Moony sat cross-legged and started looking at her really seriously, looking very much like he might cry. "Like, why doesn't it all just fuck off, and leave me alone."
"Why don't you just tell him how you feel? Have a mature discussion."
Moony laughed.
"With Sirius?"
Lily started banging on about something else.
But he didn't hear because then it all slows down for a little bit. Sirius didn't fall over in shock or even sit down, partly because he can't make any noise or move much but mostly because he's not even surprised. Which is crazy. But he's always known about Moony. Something is just different about him, about them, a weird little touch or a glance, or something. And he knew. He's known for a long time. Maybe he's known forever that Moony fancies him. His gut twisted and he flushed, even though no one was around. He just didn't know that he knew.
That was the surprise.
He tried to focus on what they were saying.
"Oh, coming from this lesbian" giggled Moony.
"Yeah, you wish, you lot all love all that don't you!"
"They do! It's so odd!" he laughed, rolling around on the bed next to her. Sirius's eye had a bright red line around it. This, is odd. His being like a completely different person yet the same one they saw every day. And it all makes sense. The Marauders would all kind of neglect him, not meaning to, but he would quietly excuse himself almost, he would never ask anyone for anything. He sought refuge in among the girls, and the girls love the gays, don't they? They kind of make pets out of them.
Sirius clenched his fists.
Except they don't, and that's not what this is and suddenly he's so jealous of her he has to dig his fingers into his palms to not smash through this wall right now and kick her stupid smug wise calm face in.
Sirius panged as he watched them talk, letting the realisation creep in. It filled him with the most horrible sense of loss and unfulfilled and helpless and everything. Moony has a kind of whole other life, almost, different friends, a circle that he isn't a part of. How dare he?
"-and if you just go and find him, Moony-"
"I don't want to talk to Sirius" Moony said sternly to her, maybe sulkily.
His ears pricked back up.
"Know you don't want to talk" she teased softly, rolling her eyes. Remus blushed fiercely again, shoving her, and Sirius's heart is pummelling hard in his chest. Oh Merlin, he shouldn't be here. His chest thudded so loud they must be able to hear- but he couldn't tell whether being here was bad or good. Would he have rather not heard this? No.
And the rest's a haze. There was more talking, much more, and Sirius's legs hurt from kneeling, and he heard it all. And finally Moony left and Lily went to sleep and Sirius crept, so quietly, out of the cupboard and back to boys'.
He was left shaky and confused and feeling very small. But at the same time it was like things fitting into place. It was a very different dorm he was going back to. He half expected Moony to leap across the room onto his face on his return but he didn't even look up when Sirius got in, just made a noncommittal welcoming noise from within a deep book. As he did every single day.
"Hi, Moony," said Sirius softly, feeling a sudden rush of love toward him.
"Hey Sirius," he said, looking up pleasantly surprised like he was wondering what was going on. If only he knew.
Sirius, walking over to him, shakily muttered: "I'm cold Moony, put the book away, the poor thing, you're wearing it out." Wondering what prank was about to be tested on him, Remus followed instructions looking vaguely amused.
Sirius threw himself at the other boy, hitting with a thud and wrapping his arms tight around him, digging his face into the delicate skin of his neck, into his innate Moony-ness. After two whole hours as a ghost wandering around inside Moony's head, Sirius needed him to take notice of him, now.
Remus hugged him back happily and snorted indignantly and squirmed as Sirius scraped his teeth down the side of his neck. He'd half expected Moony to turn crimson again and go giggly and uncomfortable as soon as they touched but weirdly, this was an entirely normal, sane reaction. Sirius hung on tighter, needing the comfort. And then Moony murmured "you don't feel cold."
"Well I am" said Sirius as sulkily as he could muster, but internal glee seemed to have decided this would be a good time to shoot up and down his spine; it's all very peculiar.
"Here" grinned Moony, their faces a little bit too close but Sirius just stared at him and didn't move away. After an awkward moment, Moony broke his gaze, reached over and tapped Sirius gently on the back of the neck with a soft thing. Sirius put the jumper on.
"So what's prompted this sudden display of affection?" Moony said with his thin, bitten lips, shuffling a load of papers together briskly.
"Just missed you today" Sirius admitted, and it's not even a lie. Remus tried to get his dopey crooked smile under control.
All guilt about knowing had evaporated now Sirius is back here and he feels a million times better.
It was the next morning when he awoke that Sirius knew exactly what he was going to do about this. He's going to mess with Moony's head. And he didn't know why or how and he didn't really want to, but it made a happy pulse start to beat in the pit of his stomach to think of this, now. And out loud it sounded like a ridiculous, terrible idea, but somewhere something seemed to be telling Sirius that getting Moony all worked up would be very, very fun indeed.
He looked over at Remus obliviously searching for something in a textbook, all efficient, and oh haahaa, it's not like he is completely devoid of practice in this.
So, there it is. The next chapter is planned to include a cunning James, a ravished Moony, a helpless Sirius and one of Lily's friends very, very happy. Please drop me a review if you thought this was anything and want to see more. Cheers :)