I gasped out his name as I felt him sliding in and out of me quickly. I loved feeling his sex inside of me, knowing that ecstatic contact and movement made him love me even just for the short time we were twisted around each other. I knew he could never love me emotionally, and we shouldn't even love each other physically, it wasn't fair to Kyle and Craig, but it's what I wanted since I couldn't have his heart. God knew it was better than nothing.
He moaned into my ear loudly and called me his little bitch. I hated being called his bitch even though I knew it to be true. I wanted so badly to be more to him than just his sex toy; I wanted to be the reason he lived and breathed, but that would never happen. He had Craig for that, and Kyle was supposed to be that for me, but Kyle wasn't and I knew it. It was awful of me to continue with him like this behind Kyle's back but it couldn't be helped.
He shoved me onto my back on his bed and slammed into me with all the force he had. Our fingers tangled with each other as we groaned and writhed, coming ever closer to our simultaneous release. He pinned my hands to the bed on either side of my head and leaned close to my face so I could see the lust-filled smirk spread across his face in the darkness and through my half-closed eyelids.
With a few more hard, quick thrusts, he called my name and released his load in my ass. I tensed and cried out as I released my own load onto his thin stomach. We connect our lips briefly so that our tongues could dance with each other in a forbidden passion before he pulled out of me and collapsed onto me with a quiet curse. He was worn out as always. He'd told me on many occasions that he never got to have such a powerful release with Craig like when we were together, it tired him.
…
Softly we tremble tonight
Picture perfect fading smiles are all that's left in sight
…
I didn't say a word as we lay there, just wrapped my arms around him and held him tight to me. He didn't fight it though he tensed. I couldn't help but think that he knew I loved him, that that's what kept driving me to visit him at every opportunity. If he did though, he didn't say anything about it and that was for the best, I didn't want this to end and it would if he asked me about it because I wouldn't be able to lie to him.
I'm sorry. I could just hope God would allow me to deceive him for even just a bit longer so I could keep this contact alive.
…
I said I'd never leave, you'll never change
…
He told me to let him go, so I did. I watched as he redressed and told me to leave though he knew I wouldn't until he was fully dressed. I loved taking in his body with my eyes, wishing I didn't have to leave so I could always see him like this instead of when we've finished our hidden dance. It was only after he was dressed that I even thought to reach for my own discarded clothing.
When I dressed fully, I followed him to the door. As I left, I had to resist the urge to stop and give him a kiss, something I always wanted to do. Instead of doing what I wanted, I kept walking towards home. Kyle would be there to help me with my homework as always, and my excuse for not being there when Kyle arrived would be the same as always: football practice ran over.
There was a part of me that hated lying to Kyle about where I was just about everyday, but I didn't care. I didn't like when I was with Kyle anyway, it was so much better when I was with him. But I didn't leave Kyle because everyone expected us to be together, and if it was expected, it had to be done even if it wasn't what I wanted.
…
I'm not satisfied with where I'm at in life
Am I supposed to be happy?
With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price
…
I opened the door to my home to find Kyle sitting on the couch watching TV. My parents' cars were gone, how did Kyle get inside? Did they leave the door unlocked knowing Kyle would come over like always? It wouldn't surprise me.
When Kyle noticed me standing in the doorway, I smiled and went to sit on the couch. Kyle asked me how football practice went and I said it was fine. We sat on the couch staring at each other as some old cartoon played on the TV next to us. I could see in Kyle's eyes that I wasn't fooling anyone, Kyle had figured out by this point that I wasn't in football practice all the time, but it wasn't like Kyle could figure out I was with him.
Kyle unzipped my jacket and I tossed it aside. I pushed Kyle back onto the couch cushions and mashed our lips together, my hand running through the locks of Kyle's hair as our lips kneaded together. I hated doing this to Kyle, not because I didn't enjoy the contact, but because I had just come from his house and being the one he seduced. Turning the tables just to keep Kyle believing that I wasn't with someone else could easily become too much, and I was surprised it hadn't yet.
As our lips continued on, my mind went to the same place it always had, back with him at his house only a few minutes ago. His hands had explored and undressed me the same way I was to Kyle now, quickly and without any kind of grace. His cock had entered my ass so roughly that I had screamed with passion and the instant pain, I did the same to Kyle now, something I never had before. Kyle cried out as I moved quickly, thrusting hard as images of his naked form took over my mind. Even just imagining him made every part of me tremble with want; I needed to feel him inside of me again. Since I couldn't, I slammed myself into Kyle as I pretended instead that I was topping him, something I did frequently.
…
Am I supposed to be happy?
With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price
You said, you said that you would die for me…
…
I groaned and released into Kyle with one last hard thrust as I felt Kyle release his load onto our stomachs. We stayed tensed for a moment before I pulled out and collapsed on top of Kyle. Arms wrapped around me as I fell, and I heard the familiar exasperated breathing in my ear as I told Kyle the three word I hated saying but knew I had to say: I love you.
But that was yesterday.
Today I'm sitting in the Psychology class I share with Kyle, Craig, and him. My assigned desk is behind his, two rows right of Kyle's, and three rows in front of Craig's. I think of how ironic it is how close I'm seated to him, yet so far from Kyle, and he was seated even further from Craig. The teacher must have some sort weird universal knowledge of what's going on with the four of us.
Oh well, I got to sit right behind him, to enjoy the scent coming off of his hair, and to be distracted as my eyes trace random patterns on the back of his neck. Why couldn't he love me like I love him? Surely he doesn't love Craig. If he does, why does he fuck me everyday? He wouldn't cheat on someone he loved, I know him better than that.
I turn my head to look at Kyle. Why is Kyle looking at me so sadly? Can my want for him be so obvious? No, it isn't! Kyle doesn't know a thing about it and never will! Even when we're older, I'll never let Kyle find out about the fact that I have and always will love the boy in front of me more than Kyle.
…
We made plans to grow old
Believe me there was truth in all those stories that I told
Lost in a simple game, cat and mouse
…
I turn my attention back to the front of the classroom as the teacher explains the class assignment. Everyone's names are written on the two white boards around the room. The class is to go out into the hall and one at a time, people go into the room to write something about three of the people and then something about themselves under the corresponding name. Seems like an easy enough assignment. It'll probably only take fifteen minutes or so.
We all went into the hall, leaving one person in the room to do their part of the assignment. In the hall, me, Kyle, Craig, and him all gather into a small group to talk as we wait our turns. If Kyle knows about me and him, then nothing's being said to give that away, Kyle's as calm as always.
It's nearly ten minutes before it's Kyle's turn to go into the room. Kyle spends almost five minutes in the room before walking out. It'd my turn next, I go in the room and find my name, next to Kyle's, which was next to his, which was next to Craig's. That's convenient.
I grab a dry erase marker and read what's written beneath Kyle's name in the area reserved for him to write in.
I'm not strong enough to leave him even though I know he's unfaithful.
My eyes widen. Kyle knows about it? But…does Kyle know it's him I go to? I look for Kyle's handwriting and find it again underneath my name, his name, and Craig's name.
Under my name says:
I don't know why I still love you.
Under his name says:
Why are you doing this to us?
Under Craig's name says:
Don't you know he's unfaithful?
…
To me the same
People as before this came to light?
…
My lips tighten into a straight line. Kyle knows who it is I'm cheating with. That much is obvious from what is written under Craig's name. I take the cap off of the dry erase marker and consider what to write under my name. A minute passes before I finally decide what to write.
Am I supposed to be happy?
I step down to Kyle's name:
…with you?
I step down to his name:
…or with you?
I step down to Craig's name:
Can't you see he doesn't need you?
I put the cap back onto the dry erase marker and set it down onto the tray of the dry erase board. It's good enough to leave, I know it. I walk out of the room with only a single glance back at the board. I suppose it's time to find out how things play out from here on out, and who I'll have to give up in order to be happy.
After all, everything has a price.