Kendall's Fathers Day Warnings *** This story contains the following : - Depression - Cutting - Harsh Language - Sex (male/male)
Also, as unfortunate as it is... I do not own BTR.
Kendall's POV.
"Oww, Fuck!" I muttered to myself, as I let another long, deep, gaping cut form itself on my wrist. Sure it hurt, but the mental shit, that's what really hurts, all that mental psychological crap that therapists try to tell you. I watched as the thick globs of blood flood down my arm in a way which almost seemed artistic, beautiful even. I laughed in spite of the irony, so damn funny, isn't it? I let out one long exaggerated sigh, as I wrapped a towel around the three new stinging additions to the "collection"quickly growing on my wrist. I grabbed some band-aids from my night stand and placed them over the burning sensations. As I sat down on my bed I lied on my back, and threw my head to my pillows. I closed my eyes, and that's when it happened, I closed my eyes and saw my father. I tried to open them, and forget, but I couldn't force myself. I saw him laying there, on a hospital bed, cold, dead, lifeless. I saw his heart monitor with a line running flat. I saw the image of what would haunt me forever, as I heard the doctors telling me he was no longer with us.
It's been almost three years now, and I still think about my dad every day. I miss him so much, and it hasn't been getting any earier. Days like this are especially hard for me and my family, I get really jealous of the kids who still have their dads, and it reminds me about how much I miss mine. I try so hard not to think about it too much, because it just gets me too sad, but lately, he's all I can think about. I let the salty liquid pour down my face, I let those tears tremble down my scarlet colored cheeks. I let my voice ache and crack. I let my breaths hitch, and my chest heave. I let the pain out, only for a little, I let myself cry, hard. I never let myself cry about much, I'm the one who is considered the leader, of my friends, and family, I couldn't let myself get weak, but fuck it, I let myself cry almost as hard as I did the day it happened. It felt good to cry, it felt good to have the pain escape, if only for what would be a little while. The harder I sobbed, the better it felt, I couldn't breathe, and I liked it. "Happy fucking fathers day!" I screamed out to no one.
It wasn't much later when he walked in, or sprinted in, I should say. His eyes opened wide with fear, and a sheer look of panic contorted onto his face. He looked at me with eyes that made me melt, eyes that were no doubt judging me, eyes that were now filled with tears. "Kendall, fuck! What happened?" he asked as he took a long hard look at my arm. I was ashamed, embarrassed, afraid, so I just cried harder, at this point I couldn't really give a shit about anyone seeing me cry, they all knew it was hard for me, especially on a day like fathers day, but I guess they weren't expecting this. Well at least Logan wasn't. Logan slowly made his way over to my bedside, and sat down next to me, patting my back as I let the tears fall without any intention of stopping. I honestly couldn't control them anymore, I was a goner in my own depression, but Logan was there, he made the pain go away. He just stayed there, next to me, letting me do whatever the hell it was I needed to do, and that was all I needed. After God knows how long, I finally wiped my burning, red, bloodshot eyes, allowing them to look at Logan. He wanted to say something to me, I could see it, I could feel it, lingering on his lips, he wanted to ask me why, but he already knew, he wanted to say something, but he honestly couldn't. He stared me down, in a way that didn't make me feel like he thought I was a freak. He stared through my eyes, and could only manage to choke out my name, as he tried to gather his words. He paused for a moment, not saying anything, leaving me with a heavily beating heart. He put his mouth to my ear and whispered ever so lightly, "It's going to be okay, you know? I'll make sure you're always okay." His words hit my heart, they made me want to smile, but only managed to make me frown instead. "Logan, I couldn't do that to you, but don't have to feel like you need to take care of me, it's not your fault." "I know it's not, but it's not your fault either, you deserve someone to talk with, someone who cares, Kendall I want to take care of you, I want to make sure that you never feel unsafe." "Y-y-You'd do that for me?" The words gushed out like jello, never had I had someone who cared so much, not Carlos, not James, not Katie, and not even my mom. "Of course I would. Kendall I know this isn't easy for you, I want to be here for you, always. Besides, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't make sure my Kendall was okay?" A smile arched on his mouth. "Thanks Logie, I love you."
"I love you too baby."
There was another few moments of silence, but it wasn't awkward, it was nice, peaceful even, it felt right. But there was a part of me that felt bad that Logan needed to see me cutting, he always took such good care of me, I didn't want him to feel like he was doing a bad job, but sometimes there are things that can't be fixed. The quietness filling the air was soon inturrupted when Logan began to speak to me yet again. He cleared his throat and coughed a little.
"Uhh.. Kendall?" he asked unstably "Yeah Logan?" "I've got to be honest with you about somethin-"
Before he could even finish his sentence I was already making assumptions, ready to think the worst "I KNEW IT! I knew you thought I was a freak, and emotional, depressed freak, and I scared you." The anger in my blood boiled as I let my mind race with all the judgments I had figured Logan was making. Shaking from anger, Logan soon had his arms around me, "Shushing" in my ear calmly. "Kendall, NO, I would never think that about you, you're my boyfriend, my best friend, the love of my life! I needed to say something else..."
Feeling like a complete douche bag for going off on Logan like that I was too embarrassed to asked what he had wanted to tell me. Logan scooted closer to me, and had his face centimeters away from mine. "Kendall, I don't want you to hate me after I tell you this. Do you promise to not hate me?"
"I could never hate you Logie, what's the matter?"
"I-I, well, I uhh.." He trailed off. He was nervous as hell and I could see his brain ticking, trying to think of a way to say whatever it was he was thinking. I knew sometimes I made Logan nervous, I didn't mean to, he's just naturally a nervous wreck. Before I knew what was happening, I felt Logan's lips collide against mine, soft and warm, it was the nicest thing I have felt in my heart since my dad passed away. Logan and I have had many amazing kisses, but none like this. I let my lips move, and work in ways I never knew they could, they honestly felt amazing against Logan's. Logan quickly pulled away, even though I could see it in his face that he didn't want to.
"Why did you stop kissing me?" I asked uncomfortably, thinking I did something wrong. He took in a deep breath, before answering me.
"I stopped because, I'm worried about you Kendall. I love you so much, and I can't stand to see you the way I just did. I'm scared for you, and I think we should get you some sort of help."
He let out a sigh, probably assuming I'd be mad at him for telling me to get help. I think my response surprised him a little. "You're right." I said emotionless. "What?"
"I said you're right, Logan, I'm a mess. I'm a fucking wreck, and I can't do this anymore. I've been too scared to ask my mom for help, because I don't want her, or even you to think you're not doing a good job of helping me, but fuck, I'm really screwed up." I started balling again, hot tears flying, as I said what I've needed to for so long. Logan, once again rocked me, and patted me, and soothed me, and just let me cry. That's one of the things I love so much about him, he doesn't judge, he just cares. And he is always there to help me. "Kendall, you are NOT screwed up, you just miss your father, we all do. You are NOT a wreck, you have been through something life changing and traumatizing, and days like today only remind you of the pain. Kendall,
you are the strongest, most beautiful person I have ever had in my life. I know that this had not been easy for you, and I hope that I can help you get better. "Logan, I jusy miss him so much, I want it to stop hurting, when will it stop? It's so un fucking fair, ya know. Not even for me, but for my mom and Katie too. Why Logan, why did he have to go? Why doesn't the pain stop?" At this point, Logan and I were sobbing like girls who had just finished watching the Titanic, unfortunately, this wasn't a movie, this is my life. "Kendall, I'm going to do everything in my power to make the pain stop, I never want to see you hurt, or in pain, or upset. I love you."
"Logie, everything you say makes it feel better. I love you too, so much. Will you stay here with me for a while?"
"I wouldn't even leave if you asked."
And with that, Logan planted his lips on mine once again, running his hand behind my head and through my hair, and on my neck. I had no control over this whatsoever, and I didn't mind, I liked the feeling of having something done for me for once. Logan's mouth traced over my jaw line and neck and collarbone, he lifted my shirt over my head and kissed my chest, leaving nips and nicks at my abdomen and stomach. He brought his mouth over to my biceps, an trailed kisses all along my muscles, he stopped for a second and looked up at me with saddened eyes, ours locked for a few brief moments before Logan placed his lips where I knew he wanted to most, he kissed my scars, all of them, he pressed his lips gently on the permanent reminders of what I could never have back. He let his lips roam over the new cuts from earlier, and even though bandaged, they still managed to sting. I let out a hiss of pain and Logan looked at me and said,
"I'll make you feel much better than these ever could."
He got up and lied me down on my bed, he brought his legs over to either side of me, and began to straddle me with our jeaned hips. The friction felt so good against my lower half, I was moaning slightly in Logan's ear as he continued to tease me. I felt both him and myself grow harder by the second, and didn't even attempt to make a move to have Logan hurry up. This was going so slow, but I didn't even mind, and to be honest, I preferred it this way. It kind of let me know that he really did care, and that he wanted me, he was going slow because he wanted this to last, and so did I. It made me feel better knowing that he was going to actually cherish all of this and would be making love to me, rather than going fast, because he was just horny, and wanted to get off.
Logan sat himself up, and brought his hands down to the waste line of my jeans, as he slowly unbuckled my belt. He brought his mouth down and pulled down my zipper with his teeth, that was beyond the hottest thing I've ever seen, I almost lost it right then. As my pants were being pulled down, Logan began to rub his hand against the fabric of my boxers, making me a slave to his touch. And I'll tell you guys something, I actually love being dominated by Logan, I love letting him have his way, it's so hot. I began squirming underneath his hand, trying to get more friction to my throbbing cock. I threaded my arms through Logan's, and began to take his shirt off. I lifted my head to being my mouth to his chest, as I took one of his nipples into my mouth, sucking on it, getting to hear him moan, and then repeated the same thing to the other. While he was distracted, I took theopritunity to unzip his pants, and quickly toss off his boxers. He smiled at me, realizing that he was so lost in it all, that he didnt even realize he was naked. I licked my lips in the sight of Logan, he looked so damn good. He was so hard, his cock practically hitting his stomach, it made me want him so badly. "Oh fuck Logan, do you have any clue how hot you are? I need you in me!" I quickly grabbed Logan's pulsating length, and gave it a few good strokes, before I put it into my eager mouth. My tongue his the head of his dick, and it was just as enjoyable for me as it was for Logan. I got to see him melt under the power of my tongue, and mouth. I lightly scraped my teeth along the base of his cock, as I let my hands wrap around what I couldn't reach. Logan was becoming a hot withering mess, and I pulled off before this ended quicker then we had intended. Logan had eventually pulled off my boxers, and turned me over onto my stomach. He had himself sitting down on the edge of my bed, and rummaged through the second draw of my night stand, pulling out a bottle of lube, and a condom. He took the bottle, and opened the cap, he squirted a generous amount of the substance onto his fingers and brought them down to my entrance. He took one finger, and teased around my hole, making me quiver at the feel. He slowly started to push it through, waiting for me to let him move. I nodded, and he started to thrust his finger in and out of me. My moans were being muffled by the pillows over my mouth, and I began to eagerly rock my hips into Logan's finger. He waited a little more, then he added another finger. He curled both his fingers, and in the process, he hit my prostate. It felt amazing, "MMh- Logie, again, just like that. uuhu!" Logan responded to me, and repeated himself, then he brought his lips to my neck and kissed me all over. He dragged his mouth over to my ear, where he sucked on my earlobe, and licked the outer shell. "Mm, baby, you like me getting you ready for my cock? Does this feel good Kendall?" he huskily whispered to me. His words made my cock twitch with need, the pressure was building up so quickly.
"Fuckk, yeah Logie, it feels so good, but not as good as your cock is gonna feel. I need you in my baby, pleasee." I begged, hoping that would somehow get Logan in me quicker. All he did was let out a chuckle, and pulled his fingers out. I missed having the feeling of them in me, but knew something better was going to replace them. Logan grabbed the condom off of the night stand, and rolled it onto his huge dick. He put some more lube on himself, for good measure, and lined his cock up with my entrance. His head was barely touching me, teasing me still, making me impatient. I moved myself upwards, hoping to get him moving. Logan slowly began pushing himself into me, letting me feel every inch of him make its way closer into my awaiting body. Once fully inside, Logan waited for me to tell him I was ready for him to move. "Logan, oh god, if you don't move I might die."
He took no chances, and began thrusting himself into me, with his hips around my waist, he began to pick up the pace.
"God, Kendall, you're so tight, mmhm fuck."I looked into Logan's eyes, all I was was love, and lust. Never in my entire relationship have I wanted him as badly as I did then.
"Logan, I want you to make love to me like you never have before. Uhh I want you to screw me so fucking fast, and so hard baby." He licked his hips, and smiled a sinister smile at my words, they went straight to his cock, because I felt him pulsing within me. Just like that he began pounding into me like his life depended on it. "Faster Logan, mmmh, FUCK." Logan's moans and pants were becoming more frequent, and made me go absolutely crazy, if there was anything I loved more than hearing him tell me he loves me, is hearing him moan,I love
knowing that I get him hot and bothered, that I make him as horny as he makes me, and that can make him feel good. "Kendall, you're so hot. Touch yourself for me. I wanna see you fuck yourself." Those words almost had me cumming all over Logan, but I didn't let myself get lost in the pleasure just yet. I sent a shaky hand down to stroke my cock, and matched the tempo of my hand to the rhythm of Logan's hips.
The feeling of being filled from Logan, mixed with the feeling of jacking myself off mixed with having Logan watching me, grew to be too much for me to handle. "L-Llogan, shit, I'm gonna cum." He took my hand away, and replaced it with his mouth, he was only able to bob his head a few times, before I came harshly into his mouth.
"NNghg, Logan!" I panted out his name, along with a trial of 'fucks' and 'so goods, as he swallowed the seed that was slipping down his throat. Logan's thrusts were now becoming erratic as he pounded into me harder then I ever remember from before, his grip on me was on that was sure to leave bruises, and then he began spilling obscene language, and hot dirty words and he thrusted a few more time into me, and let himself go, as he released inside of me.
Logan pulled out of my newly sore body, and we cleaned up after ourselves. Once we've cleaned up, Logan an I lied down on my bed again, with his arms around me, and one leg wrapped around my waist. Another comfortable silence fell upon us as Logan grabbed my arm again and kissed my cuts. "Baby, you are beautiful, and no matter what, I know your father is so proud of you, as long as I can help it, everything's going to be okay."
"Logan, you always know just what to say, I love you so much."
"I love you too Kendall, so so much."
Right as we were both about to fall asleep, I whispered into Logan's ear, "Happy Fathers Day."
THE END. I hope you liked this. I started writing it WAYY before fathers day, but got side tracked, and ironically enough, it's finished on fathers day weekend. Please review, because reviews make me super happy. Let me know what you think. Love all of you rushers!