Okay, first of all, I'm sorry that I'm writing this without updating my other stories, but hopefully you'll forgive me!
I don't own the rights to Family Feud or anything regarding Richard Dawson (who is awesome)!
Oh, and BTW, I'm toying with the format of the show for the best comedic quality, and all these are based on real incidents!
Amber was just hoping that she wouldn't embarrass herself.
She had been invited, with half of the rest of the Corny Collins Council, to be on the celebrity edition of "Family Feud". She was there with Brad, IQ, Tammy and Shelley. She had seen people embarrass themselves royally on the show before, and she wasn't about to be one of them.
Suddenly, the famous theme music started, and a man who Amber recognized from having seen him several times on TV walked out. He was wearing a gray suit and red tie. He had a head full of gray hair, combed very smartly.
"Hi, I'm Richard Dawson, and welcome to the Family Feud!" he said. "Today, we have the regulars of American Bandstand against the members of the Corny Collins show!"
xxx
"Okay, a hundred people surveyed, top five answers on the board, here's your question. Name a question, such as 'how old are you?'-"
Suddenly, Shelley, who was at the podium, rang the buzzer, cutting Dawson off. "Eighteen!" she yelled.
Dawson looked at Shelley, then, laughing softly, turned around and yelled, "Eighteen!" The buzzer buzzed, indicating that the answer was wrong.
Dawson looked at Shelley. "This time, let me finish the question, okay?" he smiled. Shelley nodded. "Okay, let me tell you the question. Name a question, besides 'how old are you?', that you might lie at." The other person at the podium rang the buzzer. Dawson looked at her. "Yes?"
"I'm 19," the girl said.
Dawson looked at her in amazement for a second, then beckoned to somebody else from American Bandstand and said, "Name a question, such as 'how old are you?', that you might lie about."
"Well, I'd say I'm 17," the man said.
Dawson put his head down on the podium for a second, then got up and said, "Let me see if I can explain this. We are not looking for anybody's age. Name a question that you may lie at."
The man thought about it for a second, then said, "How long have you worked here?"
Dawson nodded. "That's a good one. I'd certainly lie about that," he said. He turned around and yelled, "How long have you worked here?" The buzzer rang again. Dawson turned around, looked straight at the camera and yelled, "I will not give up on this question!" He looked at IQ and said, "What is a question that you might lie at?"
"How much do you weigh?" IQ said.
"Good one!" Dawson said, looking relieved as he turned around. "How much do you weigh?" The board rang and a portion spun around, revealing IQ's answer to be number one on the board.
xxx
The rest of the show flew by. The council quickly beat the pants off of the American Bandstand group, they were eliminated, and they moved on to the Fast Money round. The computerized side of the board slid around.
"Okay, first, everybody, I have to explain something. Usually, we only play Fast Money with only two people. However, today, this being a celebrity show, we're going to do it with four people! Okay, our first contestant is Shelley! Come on out here!"
Shelley came out and stood next to Dawson in the middle of the floor.
"Okay, Shelley, let me explain Fast Money to you. I'm going to ask you to name five things. You do that, and the amount of points you get will determine the amount of money your group gets. You got it?" Shelley nodded. Dawson turned around. "Okay. Put fifteen seconds on the clock. First question. Tell me the longest you've ever watched television nonstop."
"Four hours."
"Tell me the month with the nicest weather."
"Spring," Shelley replied, before realizing her mistake and saying, "Wait! Uh, December!"
"Something to which you often lose your key."
"What? Uh, pass."
"The toughest age for teenagers," Dawson said.
"15."
"A part of a tree."
"Branch," Shelley responded.
"Okay, let's go back. Something to which you often lose your key."
"What do you mean?" Shelley asked, confused.
Dawson rolled his eyes, then said slowly, "You have keys to lots of things. What might be one of those things you have a key for?"
"CAR!" Shelley yelled.
"CAR KEYS!" Dawson yelled even louder, then mumbled under his breath, "It's like pulling teeth." Dawson turned Shelley around, then said, "Okay, let's see how you did. First question, how long have you watched TV? You said four hours, which may account for some of the answers you gave. Is that up there?"
A bell rang, indicating that the answer was correct.
"Okay, next question. What's the month with the best weather? You said December."
The audience started laughing. Dawson looked at Shelley and said, "Somewhere up there, your great-grandfather is looking down and saying, 'I'm not related to this girl.'"
"What?" Shelley asked, confused.
"Nothing," Dawson replied. He turned to the computer screen and said, "Is that up there?" A buzzer rang. Dawson shook his head, then said, "Next question. Something to which you often lose your key. You said car. Is that up there?" A bell rang, as it did for the next two questions.
IQ was next. He walked up.
Dawson, asking the same questions, asked, "The longest you've watched TV for nonstop."
"Five hours," IQ replied.
"Nicest month for weather."
"July."
"Something to which you often lose your key."
IQ looked at Dawson. "Could you repeat the question?"
Dawson gave IQ a look, then repeated the question more slowly.
"Uh, pass," IQ said.
"Toughest age for teenagers."
"17."
"Part of a tree."
"Bark."
Dawson nodded, then said, "How can I phrase this to these children? IQ, you know keys? Keys do lots of things, right? Name something, which you needed the key for, that, if you lost the key, you wouldn't be able to do, with the key, the thing that the key was designed for."
"You mean like open a door?" IQ asked, still confused.
"A door key! There we go!" Dawson said as he turned around IQ.
"Okay, the first question was how long you watch TV. You overdosed on five. Is that up there?" The bell rang. "Nicest month, you said July." The bell rang. "Okay, something you usually lose the key for. You said a door." The bell rang, as it did for the next two. IQ and Shelley ended up getting the team about five hundred dollars.
xxx
The next group was Brad and Amber. Brad walked up next to Dawson.
"Okay. An animal with three letters in its name," Dawson said.
"Uh, frog," Brad said, as he shook his head.
"Something in a refrigerator."
"Milk."
"A brand of gas."
"Regular."
"Something that comes with a summer storm."
"Snow."
Suddenly, the buzzer rang. Dawson turned around. "Okay, an animal with three letters in its name. You said…" he paused, then said, "frog." The audience started laughing as the buzzer rang.
Dawson gave Brad a look, then said, "Something you find in a refrigerator. You said milk." The bell rang.
"A brand of gas. You chose regular. I've never heard of that brand. I've heard of Chevron, Shell, stuff like that, but never regular, but, is it up there?" The buzzer rang.
"Something that comes with a summer storm," Dawson continued. "You gave me the ultimate answer, you said snow!" The buzzer rang and Dawson told IQ to go back to his place.
Amber, nervous, walked into position.
"Okay, Amber. An animal with three letters in its name."
"Alligator!" Amber called without thinking.
Dawson stared at her, then went on, "Something you usually find in a fridge."
"Ice," Amber replied.
"A brand of gas."
"Shell," Amber replied.
"Something that comes with a summer storm."
"Rain," Amber replied.
"Something that has an all-star game."
"Football!" Amber yelled right before the buzzer.
"All right!" Dawson said, spinning Amber around. "First question, what is an animal with three letters in its name? You said alligator!" Dawson looked at Amber, shook his head, and said, "I thought frog was a disastrous answer, until you said alligator! Anyway, is that up there?" The buzzer rang.
"Why am I not surprised?" Dawson said before he continued with, "Something you keep in a fridge. You said ice." The bell rang.
"A brand of gas. You said Shell, which I think you've been drinking." The bell rang again. Dawson looked at Amber and said, "That's the number-one answer!"
Moving on, he said, "Something that comes with a summer storm. You said rain! At least that's better than your colleague's answer! Is that up there?" The bell rang again. "Okay, final question. Something with an all-star game. You said football." The bell rang again.
Dawson looked at Amber and said, "Much to my amazement, your group has won a thousand dollars."
Amber gasped and squealed with the rest of the council. Dawson, exhausted, walked out of sight.