Beneath the Shadow of the Hawk
By Ami Aes Sedai
My name is Tobias.
A persons past makes up their future. A persons personality is made up by peices of the past. The past is important, and i believe mine should be revealed. You think you know me... You know nothing. If you would like to take a trip to my dark past... only then you will understand.
I lay down on my bed slowly, throwing down a book and art pencil in front of me. I propped myself up on my elbows and took the art pencil in my hand, sticking it absent mindedly into my mouth as i worked my brain over for something to sketch. I really loved to draw, if there was one thing that would help me escape the misery that was my life, drawing was it. I was told i had talent, but i was always to modest to agree. My eyes darted around my room and rested outside my window. The sight surprised me a little, for there, dappled in the afternoon sunlight was a hawk. His head snapped around, and his laser sharp raptor eyes locked with mine. I was frozen with wonder. The hawk let out a sharp cry, before spreading his beautiful wings and taking to the sky. I jumped up and ran to the window, to see him soar out of sight, as the light from the setting sun engulfed him. Even though the hawk had gone for a long time, i stood there, trying to visualise the feeling of just flying away... Flying away from everything that tied me to the ground. I closed my eyes and felt the warmth of the sun on my face, and opened my arms. A soft breeze touched my face. I was free.
Fly away Tobais... Fly away and be free...
For a moment, one precious moment... I was free. I wasent Tobais... The kid nobody wanted. The kid everyone wanted to pick on.
I was the hawk.
I opened my eyes slowly and sank back into my depressing reality... and the lighthearted feeling that i rarely experienced sank heavily. I blinked a few times and sat down, exhaling softly. I picked up my sketch book and art pencil, and flipped through to a fresh page. My eyes narrowed as i tried to visualise my inspiration. The hawk. It sat vividly in my mind, waiting for my hand to bring it to life. I started with its head. I roughly sketched the outline of his forehead and beak, and started to draw the peircing eyes. I bit my lip subconciously in concentration, as i tried to capture the intensity of its striking gaze. I started to draw in the feathers, in fine, perfect detail before i was interupted.
My door swung open and in marched my uncle, still in his work uniform, that was filthy. He wiped his brow angrily and glared at my filthily.
"What are you doing Tobais?" He said testily, like he was on the verge of yelling, and knowing my uncle, he probably was.
"Drawing" i replied, not breaking eye contact with him.
"DRAWING! DRAWING! YOUR AUNT IS SLAVING IN THE KITCHEN, AND THERE ARE THINGS TO BE DONE AROUND THE HOUSE, AND YOUR UP HERE DRAWING!" he yelled. i nodded shakily.
"GET DOWNSTAIRS AND START PULLING YOUR WEIGHT, WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE I WORKED HARD, AND ALL MY EARNINGS WENT TO MY MOTHER! DONT YOU THINK FOR A SECOND YOU CAN FREELOAD OF US WITHOUT US EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN!"
I stood up slowly and made my way to the door, dropping my artwork on the bed. My uncle glared at me and sniffed like an enraged bull. I slank past and made my way to the kitchen. I hated my uncle... His anger had infected my life for the years i have been staying with them. My dad died when i was little, and my mum dissapeared. Since then, ive been passed around the family like the reject nobody wanted. My mum must not have been very popular with them, since they treat me like dirt.
"You can do the dishes Tobias" he said, frustrated. I didnt say a word as i walked past him, silently angry that he could treat me this way. I grabbed the dishcloth and started to wash the dishes furiously, trying to vent my anger on the sauce stains on my aunts prized crockery. I could hear my uncle, complaining to my aunt about me again. Anger started to boil and lick my insides like white fire.
" That boy needs disipline, needs to be put in his place. Needs to be taught whats right and whats wrong in this world. I doubt his mother or father could provide that, I mean, his mother ran out on him... You can tell with a family like that, use the family issues as a background on how the child is going to turn out" He boasted.
" Yes Sam" my aunt said automatically, like she has heard this speech a hundred times.
" She reminds me of Tobais alot really, The skittish behaviour, The wide scared eyes. The selfishness-"
CRACK!
I had been squeezing a plate so hard with anger it slipped from my soapy grasp and exploded on contact with the tiles. I looked up at the archway, as the thumping footsteps came towards the kitchen. My hands started to shake as adrenalin pumped through my veins like a drug. My uncles frame filled the archway, as his eyes gazed angrily down at me. I stood up slowly, holding the peices of the broken plate in my hand. My aunt peered over my uncle's shoulder, the expression on her face was shock. I wiped my head on my sleeve to get my hair out of my eyes.
" Your fucking useless boy" my uncle hissed " You broke that plate in spite"
" Well maybe if you didnt bitch about me and my mother in earshot, i could concentrate harder on the dishes" I said dangerously. I knew i was in big trouble for that comment, and almost regret them comming out of my mouth. Almost.
" I was only telling your aunt the truth, and i ment every word of it" He hissed. His face was starting to turn scarlet.
Anger welled up inside me and overcame the fear. I glared at him maliciously, picking up another plate slowly from the sink, raising it high above my head.
"NO!" my aunt screamed. With angry force i thrust the plate to the ground. Ceramic shards went everywhere. The harsh splitting noise echoed through the kitchen. I looked up at my aunt and uncle, panting softly. My Uncle stared at me like i was insane. I stared back through slivers of hair that had fallen into my eyes again. Each breath moving them a little.
What happend next was quick and painful. My uncle strode across the kitchen, and the last thing i saw was his backhand and a scream from my aunt before i recovered, dazed, upon tile and the broken remains of the plates. My uncle left the room silently, and i could hear my aunt sniffing, as she softly cried. I wasent sure if it were of the scene she just witnessed, or her prized plates that she loved so dearly. I heard my uncle leave the room, and slump down on the couch.
"Come away from there Lil" he said from the loungeroom.
" Sam, please" She sniffed.
" He needed to be taught a lesson, its the only way he'll learn"
I heard my aunt go upstairs and slam the bedroom door. I stood up shakily, my head swimming from the blow, as i grabbed the bench to help me stand. I felt sick, and my face... Dosed with so much pain. I slowly made my way back into my bedroom and sat on my bed, staring out the window like i wasent really there. All i was, was an empty shell... My mind had drifted. At that moment in time, i only existed.
I stood up, and the dizzy feeling continued as i stumbled to the mirror. I lifted my hair out of the way as i examined the damage he had inflicted on my body. Already a purple bruise started to emerge around my left eye. It hurt to blink. It hurt to breathe. I smothered my hair down over it as best i could. I looked at my reflection again. The bruise wouldnt be noticed unless you were looking for it. I sighed. It wasent like i was noticed anyway, so it shouldnt make a big difference. I sat back down on my bed, and reflected on my ordeal in hindsight. I felt almost felt bad for breaking the plate, since my aunt treated me okay. She never showed any love toward me, since she was scared of my uncle. But there would be days she would smile at me and we'd have a half decent conversation. But it wasent enough emotionally to get by.
I lay down under the covers and try to sleep. My face still ached horribly, but after a while, my mind faded, and i slipped into my subconcious, not looking forward to going to school the next day... Not looking forward to facing my life again, because when i wake up... It will all come flooding back, and the tides of time will shift again.
By Ami Aes Sedai
My name is Tobias.
A persons past makes up their future. A persons personality is made up by peices of the past. The past is important, and i believe mine should be revealed. You think you know me... You know nothing. If you would like to take a trip to my dark past... only then you will understand.
I lay down on my bed slowly, throwing down a book and art pencil in front of me. I propped myself up on my elbows and took the art pencil in my hand, sticking it absent mindedly into my mouth as i worked my brain over for something to sketch. I really loved to draw, if there was one thing that would help me escape the misery that was my life, drawing was it. I was told i had talent, but i was always to modest to agree. My eyes darted around my room and rested outside my window. The sight surprised me a little, for there, dappled in the afternoon sunlight was a hawk. His head snapped around, and his laser sharp raptor eyes locked with mine. I was frozen with wonder. The hawk let out a sharp cry, before spreading his beautiful wings and taking to the sky. I jumped up and ran to the window, to see him soar out of sight, as the light from the setting sun engulfed him. Even though the hawk had gone for a long time, i stood there, trying to visualise the feeling of just flying away... Flying away from everything that tied me to the ground. I closed my eyes and felt the warmth of the sun on my face, and opened my arms. A soft breeze touched my face. I was free.
Fly away Tobais... Fly away and be free...
For a moment, one precious moment... I was free. I wasent Tobais... The kid nobody wanted. The kid everyone wanted to pick on.
I was the hawk.
I opened my eyes slowly and sank back into my depressing reality... and the lighthearted feeling that i rarely experienced sank heavily. I blinked a few times and sat down, exhaling softly. I picked up my sketch book and art pencil, and flipped through to a fresh page. My eyes narrowed as i tried to visualise my inspiration. The hawk. It sat vividly in my mind, waiting for my hand to bring it to life. I started with its head. I roughly sketched the outline of his forehead and beak, and started to draw the peircing eyes. I bit my lip subconciously in concentration, as i tried to capture the intensity of its striking gaze. I started to draw in the feathers, in fine, perfect detail before i was interupted.
My door swung open and in marched my uncle, still in his work uniform, that was filthy. He wiped his brow angrily and glared at my filthily.
"What are you doing Tobais?" He said testily, like he was on the verge of yelling, and knowing my uncle, he probably was.
"Drawing" i replied, not breaking eye contact with him.
"DRAWING! DRAWING! YOUR AUNT IS SLAVING IN THE KITCHEN, AND THERE ARE THINGS TO BE DONE AROUND THE HOUSE, AND YOUR UP HERE DRAWING!" he yelled. i nodded shakily.
"GET DOWNSTAIRS AND START PULLING YOUR WEIGHT, WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE I WORKED HARD, AND ALL MY EARNINGS WENT TO MY MOTHER! DONT YOU THINK FOR A SECOND YOU CAN FREELOAD OF US WITHOUT US EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN!"
I stood up slowly and made my way to the door, dropping my artwork on the bed. My uncle glared at me and sniffed like an enraged bull. I slank past and made my way to the kitchen. I hated my uncle... His anger had infected my life for the years i have been staying with them. My dad died when i was little, and my mum dissapeared. Since then, ive been passed around the family like the reject nobody wanted. My mum must not have been very popular with them, since they treat me like dirt.
"You can do the dishes Tobias" he said, frustrated. I didnt say a word as i walked past him, silently angry that he could treat me this way. I grabbed the dishcloth and started to wash the dishes furiously, trying to vent my anger on the sauce stains on my aunts prized crockery. I could hear my uncle, complaining to my aunt about me again. Anger started to boil and lick my insides like white fire.
" That boy needs disipline, needs to be put in his place. Needs to be taught whats right and whats wrong in this world. I doubt his mother or father could provide that, I mean, his mother ran out on him... You can tell with a family like that, use the family issues as a background on how the child is going to turn out" He boasted.
" Yes Sam" my aunt said automatically, like she has heard this speech a hundred times.
" She reminds me of Tobais alot really, The skittish behaviour, The wide scared eyes. The selfishness-"
CRACK!
I had been squeezing a plate so hard with anger it slipped from my soapy grasp and exploded on contact with the tiles. I looked up at the archway, as the thumping footsteps came towards the kitchen. My hands started to shake as adrenalin pumped through my veins like a drug. My uncles frame filled the archway, as his eyes gazed angrily down at me. I stood up slowly, holding the peices of the broken plate in my hand. My aunt peered over my uncle's shoulder, the expression on her face was shock. I wiped my head on my sleeve to get my hair out of my eyes.
" Your fucking useless boy" my uncle hissed " You broke that plate in spite"
" Well maybe if you didnt bitch about me and my mother in earshot, i could concentrate harder on the dishes" I said dangerously. I knew i was in big trouble for that comment, and almost regret them comming out of my mouth. Almost.
" I was only telling your aunt the truth, and i ment every word of it" He hissed. His face was starting to turn scarlet.
Anger welled up inside me and overcame the fear. I glared at him maliciously, picking up another plate slowly from the sink, raising it high above my head.
"NO!" my aunt screamed. With angry force i thrust the plate to the ground. Ceramic shards went everywhere. The harsh splitting noise echoed through the kitchen. I looked up at my aunt and uncle, panting softly. My Uncle stared at me like i was insane. I stared back through slivers of hair that had fallen into my eyes again. Each breath moving them a little.
What happend next was quick and painful. My uncle strode across the kitchen, and the last thing i saw was his backhand and a scream from my aunt before i recovered, dazed, upon tile and the broken remains of the plates. My uncle left the room silently, and i could hear my aunt sniffing, as she softly cried. I wasent sure if it were of the scene she just witnessed, or her prized plates that she loved so dearly. I heard my uncle leave the room, and slump down on the couch.
"Come away from there Lil" he said from the loungeroom.
" Sam, please" She sniffed.
" He needed to be taught a lesson, its the only way he'll learn"
I heard my aunt go upstairs and slam the bedroom door. I stood up shakily, my head swimming from the blow, as i grabbed the bench to help me stand. I felt sick, and my face... Dosed with so much pain. I slowly made my way back into my bedroom and sat on my bed, staring out the window like i wasent really there. All i was, was an empty shell... My mind had drifted. At that moment in time, i only existed.
I stood up, and the dizzy feeling continued as i stumbled to the mirror. I lifted my hair out of the way as i examined the damage he had inflicted on my body. Already a purple bruise started to emerge around my left eye. It hurt to blink. It hurt to breathe. I smothered my hair down over it as best i could. I looked at my reflection again. The bruise wouldnt be noticed unless you were looking for it. I sighed. It wasent like i was noticed anyway, so it shouldnt make a big difference. I sat back down on my bed, and reflected on my ordeal in hindsight. I felt almost felt bad for breaking the plate, since my aunt treated me okay. She never showed any love toward me, since she was scared of my uncle. But there would be days she would smile at me and we'd have a half decent conversation. But it wasent enough emotionally to get by.
I lay down under the covers and try to sleep. My face still ached horribly, but after a while, my mind faded, and i slipped into my subconcious, not looking forward to going to school the next day... Not looking forward to facing my life again, because when i wake up... It will all come flooding back, and the tides of time will shift again.