Disclaimer: I do not own or have any rights over Criminal Minds!
This is my first Criminal Minds fic and I didn't really know what to do or how to go about! But regardless I enjoyed writing it and I hope you like it!!
Enjoy!
Reid's foot tapped impatiently. He was meant to be here an hour ago. There was no way that he could sit in this seedy bar anymore and remain unnoticed. But he couldn't let go, he needed the heroin and he needed it now.
The longer he waited the more he got freaked. He had to focus my mind on something. Slowly, Reid started reciting the statistics of drug users in my head in an effort to steady myself.
Percent of persons 12 years of age and over with marijuana use in one isolated month: 6.0
8 of drug-related Emergency Department visits in the third and fourth quarters of 2003 involved heroin abuse.
In the 25 to 49 age group, illicit drug overdose is the fourth leading cause of death, about the same number as motor vehicle crashes.
The numbers went round and round in his head. They were a source of familiarity, comfort, normality. Eventually his head was clear enough to make a decision or at least look at the situation objectively. Stay or go?
If he stayed he risked catching more unnecessary attention, in turn risking the chances of getting caught. If he left he didn't get the heroin. That, in his currently warped mind, seemed disastrous. His control began to slip again.
'So what?' he asked himself. 'I find another dealer; I'll have more of it by nightfall.'
'You can't wait that long' he answered himself. 'You put it off for as long as you could. You tried being moral and strong but you failed. You are weak and you need the stuff now!'
'No,' he insisted. 'No, I can persevere, I am stronger than that.'
'Really? You see I have to disagree. Gideon is strong. Hotchner is strong. You don't hold a flame to them. You-'
But his inner monologue was abruptly ended when the chairs on either side of him were suddenly occupied. He kept his eyes glued to the counter. It looked tacky, he decided, with the gold rail running along the perimeter and the fake polished sheen that gave the impression of cleanliness.
"Reid," said the familiar voice of Derek Morgan. "I wouldn't expect you to be hanging around a place like this." There was something in the tone of his voice that Reid didn't quite recognise. There was the usual joking demeanour but something new; a strange kindness that seemed foreign to Reid in his current mindset.
"Um…no-no I expect you would" Reid answered after deciding that that was the only acceptable answer.
"Want to tell us why you are here?" the voice of Emily Prentiss enquired. Her hand went to his and gave it a gentle reassuring squeeze.
'They know' he though frantically. Using his free hand he wiped sweat from his forehead. Unconsciously his legs started shaking.
'Lie' ordered the voice.
He obeyed.
"I-I guess I've been stood up. I was meant to be meeting this woman here for a drink but I guess that she isn't coming." He forced a smile in the hope that his colleagues would believe him.
If Reid had being paying attention he would have noticed the look of disbelief that passed between Prentiss and Morgan.
"Uh, Reid, you do know that you are talking to two Psychological Profilers?" Morgan asked a trace of a cynicism in his voice.
Crap! Reid scolded himself. Could he be a bigger idiot? He seriously couldn't expect to lie and get away with it. So what was Plan B. Jump out of his seat and run as far away as he could get without getting caught? That was not a feasible option. Morgan could outrun him in his sleep. The best idea was to stall for time until he could think of a Plan B.
When Reid didn't supply an answer to his question Morgan continued. "That's what I thought. Apart from that we know you pretty well and we know that something is up. We've come her to help you so don't give us any of that crap about being stood up."
"You are risking your job at the BAU" Prentiss added. "None of us want to see you go. Please tell us what's wrong so that we can prevent that."
Reid stared at the counter. The more rational part of him wanted nothing more than to tell them everything, here and now, and let them help. But his rational side was no longer in control.
"Look, man," Morgan sighed "we are going to wait at that table there, by the door, until you are ready to talk. We'll stay there for as long as it takes."
Prentiss gave his hand one last gentle squeeze before she and Morgan moved to occupy the table by the door.
Reid knew that they had chosen that table on purpose. If he was planning to slip away they had made it impossible. He couldn't leave without passing them.
'See' the heroin starved voice screeched 'they don't want to help. They are just making your life harder. As if your life wasn't already hard enough. You should just go into the toilet and sneak out of the window. Then we can go and find a dealer and lose ourselves in a syringe. Who cares if you die in the process? They certainly don't!
'No! Stop! They do care; why else would they be here? They are my friends!'
'Friends? They aren't your friends. They are here so they can use you like all the others in the BAU! They exploit your genius to put themselves in the spotlight. How often do you get credit for solving cases?'
'It's a team effort. No-one gets individual credit.'
'Keep saying that. Eventually you might start believing it! Just remember that you need no-one. You may be pathetic and weak but as long as you have heroin you will strive.'
'No. That's not right. That goes against everything I've ever learnt and believed. United we stand, divided we fall. That is ultimately how life works. Right now I am fitting the profile of hundreds of unsubs but I am the one who can change that. If I go with Derek and Emily now I can change my inevitable fate.'
The more Reid thought the stronger he was feeling. The bar started filling up around him but he didn't even notice. Prentiss and Morgan never left their chairs. They watched as their friend fought a battle with himself in an attempt to overcome the fear of asking for help.
'You are about to make the biggest mistake you can. If you go over to them now you will be leaving behind so much you-'
'I won't. I will be rejecting this half life and going back to a life that, no matter how dangerous and unpredictable, is full of certainties and comforts. And, at the very least, I will know where my next meal is coming from.'
This logic didn't seem quite fool-proof but it seemed a hell of a lot safer than remaining as he was. Hesitantly, I got off his bar stool and made his way over to his friends. His shoulders were hunched, his face was pale, he was a mess. When he finally got to the table he was lost for words.
"Are you okay?" Prentiss asked gently.
"Um…no not really. I'm a mess. My life is slowly deteriorating into one big…mess. I am spiralling out of control and I-I don't know how to stop it; how don't know how to fix things. I think that, maybe, I might need some help."
His hands were shaking and it took every effort to remain upright but suddenly it was as if a huge depression was gone; there was a light; there was a way out.
Prentiss took his hand again, clasping it in her own. Morgan put his hand on his shoulder in a gesture of both friendship and strength. Reid let himself tears escape from his eyes but he wiped them away hurriedly.
"Lets get you our of here Spencer" Morgan said in a quiet voice.
Reid wasn't going to argue. He let his friends guide him out of the dark bar and into the sunlight.
Hope you liked
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