It was a dank and dreadful day outside. It was hard to imagine that life still existed past the ceiling to floor long doors that separated the ocean of students waiting for the final bell to descend to their homes for winter break; I noticed from my vantage point on the top of the stairs to the dormitories. Winter seemed to be holding out and the normal freezing temperatures were settling for the mid thirties and pouring. It suited me just find. The thunder and splashes on the glass always sounded so beautiful to me.

It was the first winter I'd be spending alone. It was hard to imagine a Christmas with out presents friends or family. It was hard to know none of them wanted me anymore- except the presents, the presents would defiantly miss me .

"Well, if it isn't Brommer." The deep voice belonging to non-other than the boy I might as well have been dead to since day one. "What's wrong? Mummy and Daddy decide Christmas is too much a muggle holiday and do away with it?" James Potter seemed crueler than usual to me but that might only be because he mentioned my parents.

Taking a gulp and gathering my composure I glanced over my shoulder, "No." I simply put it. There really wasn't a reason to explain my heart out to him.

It would be more or less like leaning over a guillotine with a person that despised me holding the controls. Or maybe getting mauled by a fleet of vengeful squirrels. It might even compare to allowing a clown to perform open heart surgery in a dusty room. No, it defiantly compared to that.

A shiver ran down my spine and I realized I had to stop watching late night television. It did things to my head that weren't that pleasant. It then and just then hit me that James had been talking the whole time I was having my day-mare about a terrifying clown pulling a rainbow coloured scarf out of a place I distinctively remember not putting one.

"Just shove off will you?" I said standing up and trying to wipe away any essence of emotion that might have been on my face.

"Can't." he said following me back up the steps.

"And why is that?" I asked. I really didn't the prankster on my back at the moment. In all honesty I probably never needed him but on occasion he was fun to mess with, but the fact most of my friends had abandoned me, I couldn't risk agitating the enemy. There wouldn't be anyone to help wash out the ketchup-pudding hybrid out of my hair.

James smiled lopsided. "It's my personal mission to make sure this lovely school is completely clean of all scum this holiday. So into the dust-pan with you." He told me getting in front of me and shooing me towards the crowd.

"Well isn't that nice of you, Potter, but how 'bout you pick on someone else right now? I have to go- go sort something." I said vaguely in a scramble because nothing really needed to be done in my dorm. I had cleaned it over thirty times while trying to keep my mind off of the fact none of my room mates were talking to me anymore.

The boy let out a sarcastic sigh. "Oh, but I was oh-so heart set on you."

I clucked my tongue at him. "Don't let Evans hear you talking to me that way. She might think her stalker has found a new interest. On second thought don't; You never know, she might throw a party."

"Lily flower knows my love for her is eternal so nice try." He said and craned his neck around me. "Speaking of which I have to say my goodbyes before she leaves."

"Yay for me! But send my deepest apologies to her." This time it was James who wasn't listening as he walked off to find some one that only in his mind would be happy to see him. Leaving me alone on the stairs, and as I scalded the stairs a feeling settled in her chest.

I couldn't put my finger on it but if she was not mistaken it resembled something like longing. - Not for James- that would be disgusting. I might even have to throw-up, that boy was, well an idiot. No, this longing wasn't for him. It was for the tinniest bit of attention. I hadn't realized how much I had missed it for last few days.

And than it hit me. I was an attention whore. I really should have realized it sooner. But as the saying goes, you never know what you've got till its gone., and all the attention well that I had been drinking from was dirt dry.

I would have to get used to it now the loneliness, not the whore bit. It was very lonely up in the room without the girls, so I get how both apply.

I lasted until ten o 'clock before I couldn't take the pure silence anymore. That and my stomach reminded me I had forgotten to feed it something for dinner.

I pulled myself off my bed reassuring my brain that it was right the first time it counted the ceiling tiles and no, the number had not changed.

I sighed and slowly made my way down flopping about in a slouched matter. It was evident to anyone who walked by that I wasn't having the best week. Luckily due to holiday conditions the normal flow of foot traffic was disbanded and I got off with only a few witnesses to my self pity party for one.

I was glad the curfew disappeared with the rest of the students other wise I'd be shot-out of luck for food for the night.

Unfortunately it seemed not all of the students had left as I had hoped. All of the Marauders were huddled, probably making all sorts of plans to ruin what was left of my Christmas no doubt and Lily Evans was hiding over by her friends hoping none of the boys would cast an eye her way. There was also a tiny cluster of first and second years eating desert and drinking hot cider.

But the table I was truly avoiding, the people I knew I couldn't bare to be by , even more than the idiotic group of pranksters, were there too. Lucius Malfoy, Regulus Black and my former best friend Narcissa seemed to have put me on their shit lists, and their looks gave me no allusion that I wasn't number one.

I scampered towards the other side of the great hall and sat next to the younger years.

"Hi." One of the kids said as I slide into a spot.

I made a tight smile. "Hey." I replied and tried to make it as evident as I could that I was only there to eat. Not socialize with a bunch of children that didn't know the difference between newts eye and one from a chameleon.

"Aren't you Annie Brommer?" One of the other kids asked.

I looked up and analyzed her. She was blonde and obviously had done a spell on her hair to try and make it curly. Unfortunately for her she wasn't the best of witches and I could see her brown roots of her flattening hair. Obviously one of the kids that tried to copy me.

"Yes." I answered and turned back to my plate were a delicious looking salad had appeared. My stomach made a yearning sound and I was tempted to reassure it that soon enough the leafy goodness would be disappearing into my mouth.

"Then why aren't you sitting with Lucius and the other cool sixth years?" She asked again annoying me.

I smirked and looked up at her. "Give it a week or two; depending on how news travels, and you'll know." I told her before realizing I was finally getting some attention and I rather liked it.

The epiphany however came one sentence too late and it seemed as if I had put all of them on some kind of alert that drove them into silence even amongst themselves and soon enough they became uncomfortable and left, one by one. Until I was alone again trying to think back to why I had alienated them again.

"Brommer!" James Potter said enthusiastically sitting down in front of me. He had a smile painted on his face, which equaled nothing good for me. "Sitting alone I see; well then we can pick up were we left off!" He said cheerfully as his friend fell into place around me. Not a single one of them resembled even the tiniest bit of innocence.

"Can we do this some other time? I'm eating and I'd rather like not to barf." I told him coldly giving the rest of them a glare for good measure.

"Oh come on, love, we know you deep down adore us in that black hole were a heart should be." The boys best friend, and perhaps the only one that can relate to family abandonment, Sirius Black said.

And yes you read that right. Black. Like most of my old friends he was from a pure blood muddblood hating family. But like me, none of them wanted him any more.

"Ha, ha, ha. I'm in stitches. You put me in stitches." I said monotonously. "You are so funny."

"Well when you put it like that-" Sirius said faking a tone of hurt. "Say why aren't you rotting over by the rest of the slime?"

"Yes, you do seem to swarm together." Remus put in with a cock of his brow.

"Oh and as if you don't clump together like dirt." I replied and took another bite of my salad. "Any way when did you start caring about my affairs?"

"We don't." James replied airily. "We're just here to distract you."

My face crinkled. "Distract me from what?" I asked already knowing that I should have just kept that thought to myself.

James smiled and pointed up towards the ceiling and before I could cover my head something red and mousey fell on top of me covering not only my hair put my clothes and what ever skin was exposed. "What the hell?" I asked trying wipe it off and realizing that it had dyed my skin a dark pink color.

Realizing what they had done I immediately tried to stand up and get the dye off of my hair before it did too much damage. But being me I forgot I was setting on a bench and when standing directly up I hit my thighs on the bottom of the table, which then resulted in me falling backward and flipping over the bench. Basically to shorten it an epic fail. Oh yeah, I'm so poised.

To make matters worst The ground had become slick with the dye mouse mixture and made it hard to get up. It took me three tries before I was standing and able to walk away from the mess. The whole time the bloody Marauders were practically dieing from laughter.

I didn't get how anyone could find those boys attractive. They were just plain mean. And they weren't that attractive. Okay so they were, but they were still mean.

My eye stung all the way back to my dorm. Some dye had gotten into it and I was almost positive I'd have a pink eye for a month.

When I finally did get up to access the damage in the mirror I determined that I looked like a wet rat. If wet rats ever had a bucket of pink poured on to them.

My hair could not be saved by the best hairdresser in the wizarding world. Due to the thick curls and the shear amount of hair that I had only the top portion of hair was dyed in a blotchy matter. It wasn't even at all. There were dark splashes and lighter tone but not in a nice highlighted way. Instead it looked like I let a three year old take a crack at it. Pieces of blonde were sticking out as well as if to say 'don't you miss how it use to be?' And all that I could think was about how I did.

I missed laughing with friends and sneering down at all the muggle borns and playing tricks on the Gyrfindors. I did, I really, truly, undoubtedly, did.

And after tearing through a magic book for hair care and just going and dying it all to match, the only thing I could think about was one question.

Was any of this really worth it?