Title: WHAT IF?
Author: Jaggie 107
Spoilers: Adrift II.
Disclaimer: My first fanfic, this is just a bit of fun, hopefully to be read and enjoyed by others, as I enjoyed writing it. The characters do not belong to me. (Sob!)
Rating: PG? - One bad word, near the end; hopefully you'll know it when you read it!
WHAT IF...?
(What if Renee hadn't come back to Harm's flat the night Mic left?)
Harm's apartment.
Harm opened the door even before Mac had knocked, her hand raised in the air. He took her hand without speaking and tugged her gently into the apartment. His eyes never left hers as he closed the door with the walking stick, and then just stood looking at her.
"I shouldn't be here..." Mac whispered, not able to resist the pull of Harm's gaze. He smiled his lopsided smile that was both irresistible and yet unsure.
"Yeah, you should. You came here first, before. Mic knew where to find you. You belong here, Mac."
"Mic's gone...he wouldn't even talk to me, Harm!"
"It's better now than later. I meant it when I told you to come to me, Mac. We belong together."
"What...what about Renee?"
"I need to talk to her, and I will, tomorrow. Tonight I take care of you."
"What about tomorrow, for us? I can't just switch off from Mic, Harm...and that's not fair on you."
"Shh, you're here now, and that's what matters. We can deal with all the issues as we go along, but right now you need to rest."
"You can wait for me?"
"Even if you'd married Mic, I would have still waited for you, Mac. I know I've wasted so much time to tell you that I love you, but I do, and I'm telling you now. I love you, Sarah Mackenzie."
"I love you too, Harm. I have for a long time, I just didn't know how to tell you, and with Renee on the scene I thought I might be wrong about how you felt about me. That was part of why Mic was able to get so close to me."
"We'll be okay, Mac. We can work through this together. We wouldn't be here now if our existing relationships had been working."
"I know. I just feel so bad about how I treated Mic."
"I can't tell you how to deal with your feelings about Mic, just know that I'm always here for you."
"Somehow I've always known that, I just didn't realise what it meant to me. I've taken you for granted, Harm; I've done things recently and just known that you'd be there to pick up the pieces.
"Mic asked me why, in a crisis, I didn't turn to him. It's true, I didn't; either you were there for me, or Chloe was with me when I thought I'd lost you. How could I have let this go so far? I should never have accepted Mic's proposal."
"C'mon, come lay down. You're exhausted." Harm led Mac towards the bed, hidden behind the glass screen that separated the living accommodation from the bedroom, and the bathroom beyond that. Mac slid down onto the bed and curled up into a foetal ball, barely feeling the blanket being pulled up over her. Harm stood looking down at her as her eyes fought sleep and stared up at him.
"What is it, Mac?"
"I just... I thought you would want..."
"I want you with every fibre of my being, but you need sleep more. I'll just be on the couch. Sleep, Mac."
"Mmn, okay..." Mac managed a tilt to her lips in a semblance of a smile, and Harm touched her cheek with his finger.
Mac slept for most of the night, and woke once to use the bathroom. At first she was disorientated, unsure of her bearings in the strange room, and then remembered where she was, and why. A hint of a smile hovered on her lips as she went into the bathroom. The noise of the toilet flush seemed loud in the silence, but surprisingly it hadn't woken Harm. Maybe he had taken some pain-killers - there was a prescription bottle on the kitchen island. Moving past the island she saw where Harm lay, one hand over his stomach, the other flung out over the arm of the couch. His face was turned towards her, and Mac stifled a reactive sob at the expression on his face - the relaxed innocence of sleep. With his short dark hair spiked in sleep, and the pain of his recovering injuries erased, he seemed younger than his thirty-seven years.
Mac moved towards the couch and knelt down on the floor near his head. He hadn't moved, and she grew bold enough to touch her fingers lightly to the spikes of his hair. No reaction.
"Wow, flyboy, you're really out!" Mac murmured to herself, daring to move even closer and touch her lips to his. Harm responded to the butterfly touch with a smile, and his eyes opened, crinkling at the corners.
"Hi," said Harm, not moving at all.
"Hi, yourself..." replied Mac, touching his face as if to convince herself she really was here with Harm, after so much had happened. "You know, Harm, I forgot totally that you're the one recovering here, and I should have been sleeping on the couch."
"Well, now you mention it, I could do with getting the cricks out of my neck." Harm joked, but at Mac's pensive expression he pushed himself into a sitting position. "Hey, now, no frowns. Look, it's still early, if you don't mind a bit of company, we could cuddle up for what's left of the night."
Mac got to her feet and put her hand out to Harm. "I'd like that." Taking her hand, Harm pushed himself to his feet and followed her back to the bed and once she had settled he spooned himself around her and lay his hand across her waist.
"You okay?" he murmured.
"I am now," replied Mac, softly. They slept, undisturbed, until Harm's alarm clock beeped at 5am. At the sound, Harm reached out and turned the machine off. Mac looked back over her shoulder and he shrugged apologetically.
"Habit, I guess. This is the first night I've spent in the apartment since before the accident. I'm on sick leave for another week, and then I have to report to the medical authorities for assessment to return to full duties."
"I'm supposed to be in the office today. No one else knows about Mic yet. I'll...need to tell the Admiral something, I guess."
"I can call in for you, if you want. Is there anything urgent that needs dealing with?"
"Not really, and I don't particularly want to face anyone else yet...I guess I can take some time off; after all, it would have been my honeymoon round about now."
"Mac...don't...it's not your fault."
"Then why do I feel so bad, Harm?"
"Because you care, sweetheart. I know I'm not the best to defend Mic, hell, I've been so damned jealous of him for so long, but you did have a relationship with him, and it won't just go away overnight. It's like a death, and you need to grieve over it."
"When did you get so smart, flyboy?"
"Have I upset you?"
"No...you're right. It's going to take time to get over Mic, but I will, and I know you're there for me, every step of the way. That's what will get me through this."
"You bet." Harm bent forward and kissed the top of Mac's head. "Sit tight, I'll be right back."
"Don't be long. I'm really cosy like this." Mac grinned sleepily, and settled back under the cover.
"Admiral Chegwidden, sir, it's Commander Rabb, line one."
"Thank you, Tiner." The admiral picked up the handset and spoke to Harm. "Commander, good to hear from you, but unexpected. What's going on?"
"Nothing, Admiral, at least not with me. I'm not due back to work until after my assessment."
"That was my understanding, yes."
"That still stands, sir. The reason I'm calling is for Mac."
"Colonel Mackenzie isn't in yet, Commander."
"I know, sir. Mic went back to Australia last night. Mac's with me."
"Problems, huh? Will she be going out to him?"
"No, sir. Not now."
"I take it you two are talking things through?" Chegwidden allowed himself a slight smile; his prediction that something would bring his two top lawyers together had proved correct, he just hadn't anticipated it being at such a loss to Mac. But still, with Harm in her corner, she'd get over losing Mic; and probably sooner than she thought. "Give my best to Colonel Mackenzie, and tell her that her official leave requisition has been brought forward. I expect both of you back at work next week, Commander."
"Yes, sir. Thank you, Admiral."
Later that morning.
Renee opened the door to Harm's apartment with her key, expecting to find Harm still asleep, perhaps, or at the very least resting on the couch. What she saw was her boyfriend at the kitchen island eating breakfast, with Mac.
"Oh, hi...Renee. I...wasn't expecting you, so early, that is..." Harm stood up, glanced at Mac, and then looked at Renee. Mac turned from the counter and looked from Harm to Renee.
"I need to get back to my place. Jingo...he'll need feeding. I'll catch up with you later, Harm. Renee, goodbye."
"Goodbye? You're going somewhere?" Renee looked at Mac, with what amounted to a very suspicious air. Mac realised belatedly that her wrinkled uniform and missing tie would look strange to Renee who was used to seeing the Marine Lieutenant Colonel in full starched uniform, no matter what.
"Just to my apartment." Mac walked to the door, and Harm followed her. As she put her hand out to open the door, Harm stopped her.
"Harm?" Renee stood facing the pair of them. "What's going on?"
"Mic went back to Australia last night, Renee. There isn't going to be a wedding now." Harm spoke up, still looking at Mac.
"Oh, and so Mac came to drown her sorrows with you?"
Together Mac and Harm spoke, "No!" Then Harm added, his expression cold as he looked at Renee, "That was uncalled for. You know Mac doesn't drink."
"Of course. My apologies, Mac. However, something is going on here, and I have a right to know..." Renee turned to face Mac alone. "You're trying to take Harm from me, aren't you, Mac? Now that you've broken Mic's heart, you're after Harm."
Mac looked Renee squarely in the eye. 'The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things...' she murmured before dropping the bombshell. "Renee, Harm and I are friends; good, close friends. That friendship has caused us a lot of heartache, not wanting to take the step into a relationship for fear of ruining the friendship."
"You're lovers!" Renee turned on Harm. "God, when you said yesterday that you didn't want to talk about Mac, no wonder! You were already sleeping together!"
"No, we weren't! We aren't lovers, Renee," Harm spoke up, adding in his mind '...at least, not yet.'
"What a fool I've been, though. Mac, you sat in your office and let me go to Harm at the hospital that first day, knowing how you felt about him! Did you let me go first, really? Or were you at the hospital when he was brought in, and just didn't tell anyone?"
"Harm and I have done nothing to hurt anyone, save for being there for each other as friends. My relationship with Mic was flawed by his insecurity about Harm, long before we split, and your problem with me is your own insecurity, and I can't stop you feeling the way you do about me, and about my working with Harm. That's my job, Renee, and it isn't going to change."
"You bitch," spat Renee. Both Mac and Harm looked in amazement at the expression on Renee's face. "I should have told Mic about my suspicions at the engagement party. He stopped me from coming outside to get you, Harm, and I let him! God, how stupid could I be?"
"You've been holding on to this relationship even though you felt the way you did? Renee, did you ever really care about me, or was I just the catch, after making the commercial?"
"It didn't hurt my reputation any to have a man in uniform on my arm, and to be the star of the commercial to boot. Gave me credence with my critics, and passed time while I was stationed in Washington," Renee admitted, somewhat shamefacedly. Her hand reached out to touch Harm's face, but he shied away, moving to open the door.
"Yes, I guess it's time for you to go, Mac, so Harm and I can work on what's left of our relationship after your intrusion."
"Actually, Renee, it's you who is leaving." Harm spoke quietly. "I don't think we need to take this relationship further. It obviously meant so little to you. I made some commitment to you, Renee, but I guess somewhere along the line I knew how you felt about me, and that we probably wouldn't have survived an engagement anyway."
"I hope you have a happy life, you deserve each other!" With the comment tossed over her shoulder, along with the door key, Renee left the apartment and stepped into the elevator.
"Oh boy," said Harm under his breath.
"That went well," said Mac, in the understatement of the year.
Both of them stood by the open door, and then Harm simply opened his arms and Mac stepped into his embrace. Like Mac's alcohol-recovery program, their future would be taken one day at a time.
The End.
Author: Jaggie 107
Spoilers: Adrift II.
Disclaimer: My first fanfic, this is just a bit of fun, hopefully to be read and enjoyed by others, as I enjoyed writing it. The characters do not belong to me. (Sob!)
Rating: PG? - One bad word, near the end; hopefully you'll know it when you read it!
WHAT IF...?
(What if Renee hadn't come back to Harm's flat the night Mic left?)
Harm's apartment.
Harm opened the door even before Mac had knocked, her hand raised in the air. He took her hand without speaking and tugged her gently into the apartment. His eyes never left hers as he closed the door with the walking stick, and then just stood looking at her.
"I shouldn't be here..." Mac whispered, not able to resist the pull of Harm's gaze. He smiled his lopsided smile that was both irresistible and yet unsure.
"Yeah, you should. You came here first, before. Mic knew where to find you. You belong here, Mac."
"Mic's gone...he wouldn't even talk to me, Harm!"
"It's better now than later. I meant it when I told you to come to me, Mac. We belong together."
"What...what about Renee?"
"I need to talk to her, and I will, tomorrow. Tonight I take care of you."
"What about tomorrow, for us? I can't just switch off from Mic, Harm...and that's not fair on you."
"Shh, you're here now, and that's what matters. We can deal with all the issues as we go along, but right now you need to rest."
"You can wait for me?"
"Even if you'd married Mic, I would have still waited for you, Mac. I know I've wasted so much time to tell you that I love you, but I do, and I'm telling you now. I love you, Sarah Mackenzie."
"I love you too, Harm. I have for a long time, I just didn't know how to tell you, and with Renee on the scene I thought I might be wrong about how you felt about me. That was part of why Mic was able to get so close to me."
"We'll be okay, Mac. We can work through this together. We wouldn't be here now if our existing relationships had been working."
"I know. I just feel so bad about how I treated Mic."
"I can't tell you how to deal with your feelings about Mic, just know that I'm always here for you."
"Somehow I've always known that, I just didn't realise what it meant to me. I've taken you for granted, Harm; I've done things recently and just known that you'd be there to pick up the pieces.
"Mic asked me why, in a crisis, I didn't turn to him. It's true, I didn't; either you were there for me, or Chloe was with me when I thought I'd lost you. How could I have let this go so far? I should never have accepted Mic's proposal."
"C'mon, come lay down. You're exhausted." Harm led Mac towards the bed, hidden behind the glass screen that separated the living accommodation from the bedroom, and the bathroom beyond that. Mac slid down onto the bed and curled up into a foetal ball, barely feeling the blanket being pulled up over her. Harm stood looking down at her as her eyes fought sleep and stared up at him.
"What is it, Mac?"
"I just... I thought you would want..."
"I want you with every fibre of my being, but you need sleep more. I'll just be on the couch. Sleep, Mac."
"Mmn, okay..." Mac managed a tilt to her lips in a semblance of a smile, and Harm touched her cheek with his finger.
Mac slept for most of the night, and woke once to use the bathroom. At first she was disorientated, unsure of her bearings in the strange room, and then remembered where she was, and why. A hint of a smile hovered on her lips as she went into the bathroom. The noise of the toilet flush seemed loud in the silence, but surprisingly it hadn't woken Harm. Maybe he had taken some pain-killers - there was a prescription bottle on the kitchen island. Moving past the island she saw where Harm lay, one hand over his stomach, the other flung out over the arm of the couch. His face was turned towards her, and Mac stifled a reactive sob at the expression on his face - the relaxed innocence of sleep. With his short dark hair spiked in sleep, and the pain of his recovering injuries erased, he seemed younger than his thirty-seven years.
Mac moved towards the couch and knelt down on the floor near his head. He hadn't moved, and she grew bold enough to touch her fingers lightly to the spikes of his hair. No reaction.
"Wow, flyboy, you're really out!" Mac murmured to herself, daring to move even closer and touch her lips to his. Harm responded to the butterfly touch with a smile, and his eyes opened, crinkling at the corners.
"Hi," said Harm, not moving at all.
"Hi, yourself..." replied Mac, touching his face as if to convince herself she really was here with Harm, after so much had happened. "You know, Harm, I forgot totally that you're the one recovering here, and I should have been sleeping on the couch."
"Well, now you mention it, I could do with getting the cricks out of my neck." Harm joked, but at Mac's pensive expression he pushed himself into a sitting position. "Hey, now, no frowns. Look, it's still early, if you don't mind a bit of company, we could cuddle up for what's left of the night."
Mac got to her feet and put her hand out to Harm. "I'd like that." Taking her hand, Harm pushed himself to his feet and followed her back to the bed and once she had settled he spooned himself around her and lay his hand across her waist.
"You okay?" he murmured.
"I am now," replied Mac, softly. They slept, undisturbed, until Harm's alarm clock beeped at 5am. At the sound, Harm reached out and turned the machine off. Mac looked back over her shoulder and he shrugged apologetically.
"Habit, I guess. This is the first night I've spent in the apartment since before the accident. I'm on sick leave for another week, and then I have to report to the medical authorities for assessment to return to full duties."
"I'm supposed to be in the office today. No one else knows about Mic yet. I'll...need to tell the Admiral something, I guess."
"I can call in for you, if you want. Is there anything urgent that needs dealing with?"
"Not really, and I don't particularly want to face anyone else yet...I guess I can take some time off; after all, it would have been my honeymoon round about now."
"Mac...don't...it's not your fault."
"Then why do I feel so bad, Harm?"
"Because you care, sweetheart. I know I'm not the best to defend Mic, hell, I've been so damned jealous of him for so long, but you did have a relationship with him, and it won't just go away overnight. It's like a death, and you need to grieve over it."
"When did you get so smart, flyboy?"
"Have I upset you?"
"No...you're right. It's going to take time to get over Mic, but I will, and I know you're there for me, every step of the way. That's what will get me through this."
"You bet." Harm bent forward and kissed the top of Mac's head. "Sit tight, I'll be right back."
"Don't be long. I'm really cosy like this." Mac grinned sleepily, and settled back under the cover.
"Admiral Chegwidden, sir, it's Commander Rabb, line one."
"Thank you, Tiner." The admiral picked up the handset and spoke to Harm. "Commander, good to hear from you, but unexpected. What's going on?"
"Nothing, Admiral, at least not with me. I'm not due back to work until after my assessment."
"That was my understanding, yes."
"That still stands, sir. The reason I'm calling is for Mac."
"Colonel Mackenzie isn't in yet, Commander."
"I know, sir. Mic went back to Australia last night. Mac's with me."
"Problems, huh? Will she be going out to him?"
"No, sir. Not now."
"I take it you two are talking things through?" Chegwidden allowed himself a slight smile; his prediction that something would bring his two top lawyers together had proved correct, he just hadn't anticipated it being at such a loss to Mac. But still, with Harm in her corner, she'd get over losing Mic; and probably sooner than she thought. "Give my best to Colonel Mackenzie, and tell her that her official leave requisition has been brought forward. I expect both of you back at work next week, Commander."
"Yes, sir. Thank you, Admiral."
Later that morning.
Renee opened the door to Harm's apartment with her key, expecting to find Harm still asleep, perhaps, or at the very least resting on the couch. What she saw was her boyfriend at the kitchen island eating breakfast, with Mac.
"Oh, hi...Renee. I...wasn't expecting you, so early, that is..." Harm stood up, glanced at Mac, and then looked at Renee. Mac turned from the counter and looked from Harm to Renee.
"I need to get back to my place. Jingo...he'll need feeding. I'll catch up with you later, Harm. Renee, goodbye."
"Goodbye? You're going somewhere?" Renee looked at Mac, with what amounted to a very suspicious air. Mac realised belatedly that her wrinkled uniform and missing tie would look strange to Renee who was used to seeing the Marine Lieutenant Colonel in full starched uniform, no matter what.
"Just to my apartment." Mac walked to the door, and Harm followed her. As she put her hand out to open the door, Harm stopped her.
"Harm?" Renee stood facing the pair of them. "What's going on?"
"Mic went back to Australia last night, Renee. There isn't going to be a wedding now." Harm spoke up, still looking at Mac.
"Oh, and so Mac came to drown her sorrows with you?"
Together Mac and Harm spoke, "No!" Then Harm added, his expression cold as he looked at Renee, "That was uncalled for. You know Mac doesn't drink."
"Of course. My apologies, Mac. However, something is going on here, and I have a right to know..." Renee turned to face Mac alone. "You're trying to take Harm from me, aren't you, Mac? Now that you've broken Mic's heart, you're after Harm."
Mac looked Renee squarely in the eye. 'The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things...' she murmured before dropping the bombshell. "Renee, Harm and I are friends; good, close friends. That friendship has caused us a lot of heartache, not wanting to take the step into a relationship for fear of ruining the friendship."
"You're lovers!" Renee turned on Harm. "God, when you said yesterday that you didn't want to talk about Mac, no wonder! You were already sleeping together!"
"No, we weren't! We aren't lovers, Renee," Harm spoke up, adding in his mind '...at least, not yet.'
"What a fool I've been, though. Mac, you sat in your office and let me go to Harm at the hospital that first day, knowing how you felt about him! Did you let me go first, really? Or were you at the hospital when he was brought in, and just didn't tell anyone?"
"Harm and I have done nothing to hurt anyone, save for being there for each other as friends. My relationship with Mic was flawed by his insecurity about Harm, long before we split, and your problem with me is your own insecurity, and I can't stop you feeling the way you do about me, and about my working with Harm. That's my job, Renee, and it isn't going to change."
"You bitch," spat Renee. Both Mac and Harm looked in amazement at the expression on Renee's face. "I should have told Mic about my suspicions at the engagement party. He stopped me from coming outside to get you, Harm, and I let him! God, how stupid could I be?"
"You've been holding on to this relationship even though you felt the way you did? Renee, did you ever really care about me, or was I just the catch, after making the commercial?"
"It didn't hurt my reputation any to have a man in uniform on my arm, and to be the star of the commercial to boot. Gave me credence with my critics, and passed time while I was stationed in Washington," Renee admitted, somewhat shamefacedly. Her hand reached out to touch Harm's face, but he shied away, moving to open the door.
"Yes, I guess it's time for you to go, Mac, so Harm and I can work on what's left of our relationship after your intrusion."
"Actually, Renee, it's you who is leaving." Harm spoke quietly. "I don't think we need to take this relationship further. It obviously meant so little to you. I made some commitment to you, Renee, but I guess somewhere along the line I knew how you felt about me, and that we probably wouldn't have survived an engagement anyway."
"I hope you have a happy life, you deserve each other!" With the comment tossed over her shoulder, along with the door key, Renee left the apartment and stepped into the elevator.
"Oh boy," said Harm under his breath.
"That went well," said Mac, in the understatement of the year.
Both of them stood by the open door, and then Harm simply opened his arms and Mac stepped into his embrace. Like Mac's alcohol-recovery program, their future would be taken one day at a time.
The End.