By Ministry Decree: Political Idiots in Effect
Or
Eventually
Hermione awakened to find a lovely breakfast aroma permeating the Orders headquarters.
Mainly because she had decided she liked musty old creepy houses that seemed to hold more people than was necessary.
Of course it was homey.
Naturally it was season-less and she had no plausible reason to wake up at this particular moment other than her suspicious lack of things to do. That however was no worry.
There was however, just something; an indiscernible feeling that she was supposed to have discovered some mysterious concept today.
Groggily, she made her way down the stairs managing to avert her eyes from all of the grotesque things still on the wall. In the kitchen sat Sirius Black.
"Hello Hermione. Read the paper this morning?"
No matter he'd supposedly been dead for years and didn't seem to have any "special" problems about coming back from the "dead."
He wasn't deranged or disturbed or soulless, and he did not resemble a zombie in any particular way.
Hermione ignored him and summoned a cup of coffee, because honestly… what's the point of having a coffee maker if you have unlimited power. Even though with magic there always seems to be nitpicky rules about food, life sustenance and everything else that matters. No matter, there is always a spell for everything and there seems to be no need to be traditional about it.
Sirius tossed the paper towards the young woman. Hermione blearily glanced down at the headlines.
"BY MINISTRY DECREE: MARRAGE LAW IN EFFECT"
Except someone had taken the liberty of scribbling out marriage law, and corrected it to read:
"BY MINISTRY DECREE: POLITICAL IDIOTS IN EFFECT"
Hermione glared over the rim of her coffee mug, trying to contain her exasperation.
"You came all the way back from the dead, for such a petty reason as this?"
Sirius smiled and leaned forward, his elbow propped up on the deeply ridged table. "I can't miss the massive riots now can I?"
Hermione sighed and withdrew her gaze sipping her coffee before pointing out the obvious. She sighed, currently in heavenly bliss.
"Or the whole of the English wizard community can ignore it. I highly doubt officials would turn on themselves for something this foolish. Who would enforce it anyway? Honestly."
Sirius leaned back, moving his hands behind his head. " I have this strange compulsion to suddenly call you 'love' or 'ducky', but it's no stranger than the compulsion of the ministry completely forgetting how to rule a government."
Hermione raised her eyebrow, and for the first time felt a weird sensation.
"That's not completely strange. I mean you could have imperceptible feelings of attraction and rushes of hormones at…what time is it anyway?"
Sirius shrugged, obviously feeling no time constraint or any thought to what time it could be.
"I feel like we should call the entire order for a meeting to discuss this whole business, but I don't think that would be very-'
"Intelligent?" Hermione finished for him.
"Yes." He finished sullenly, glancing balefully at her.
There was silence for sometime as the two in the kitchen sat. Hermione had wondered where on earth the breakfast went, because she had been sure she smelled it upstairs. Perhaps Molly cooked even in her sleep? Apparently to everyone else she seemed to do nothing but clean, cook and be a general hoity toity about rules. Hmm, she was sure she had liked something about the kind Weasley mother. Her thoughts drifted to her kitchen companion and then for some reason a idea popped into her head, at the same time Sirius suddenly aired a question.
"Why do I get the feeling that Molly should be in the entrance way to the kitchen either in a state of shock or anger?"
It was then turn for Hermione to shrug.
Silence was in the kitchen once more and Hermione enjoyed the companionship she had with Sirius, who currently seemed to be engrossed in his own thoughts. She casually wondered why on earth he was conveniently wearing 'muggle' clothing. She didn't know how it was obvious seeing as only the most wizened of wizards or those of the purest blood wore robes that looked like they were designed by ones local Halloween department store, or robes and clothes designed by Prada. Sirius spoke, being sure to move his hands from the back of his head, for he sometimes forgot and was forced to have them superimposed upon his head until he made an inane gesture.
"I think I know why they passed this law. It's been close to passing before because of this one seedy bloke. He's so irritating to the people of the ministry that they have to let him present his law every so often so that they can sleep."
Hermione held her mug with to hands and sipped as he continued on with his theory.
"He's very good at what he does, so it's not hard to imagine him bribing or blackmailing the people he failed to intimidate or persuade. He has this girl that he wants to marry but she isn't very interested in having anything to do with him."
Hermione finished her cup and clunked it down upon the table.
"That…is utter ridiculousness. One unknown silly little man can't possibly do that to an entire ministry."
Sirius flung out his hand, his elbow resting on the table as he gestured. "Why not? Plenty of ordinary men do things like that. His plan could work. Why wouldn't it?"
Hermione raised her eyebrows at him reproachfully. "It would make more sense to come up with a conspiracy story about how Voldemort is secretly running the ministry like the head of a mob." At that suggestion Sirius snorted softly but waited for her to finish.
"As to how his plan could fail- anyone could end up with anyone, and you still have a choice in who you marry- unless someone gets involved. His entire plan could fail horrendously. For example- if I had any notion of complying with this- I could end up with you…"
She paused smiling.
"Or I could end up with Terry Boot."
Sirius grinned back at her.
"You know you'd end up with me Hermione, my dear."
Hermione sighed dramatically and placed her head in her hand, languidly lowering her eyes.
"Then we would get ourselves in heart wrenching moments and compromising situations and then…" She looked up at the wolfishly grinning man pausing for dramatic effect.
Sirius effortlessly avoided the bait and his face suddenly became serious. Although the humorous glint in his eye told her he was playing along.
"You'd eventually seduce me."
Hermione was shocked into a laugh. "Ha! Me? Really now…you can't be serious."
Sirius rubbed the stubble along his angular jaw. "No…no I think I really am."
Hermione eventually collapsed into giggles. Sirius barking laughter echoing after hers in the sleeping house.
--
Lol Don't you love parody?
P.S. Viva Sirione!