He was dizzy and his mind swirled uncomfortably as the man took a much needed gulp of air. He saw bright spots in his vision and thought for a moment that maybe this was a terrible idea after all. Maybe he should've planned things out like he normally does instead of act on some random gut feeling. Iwaizumi Hajime considered himself to be quite rational when it came to most situations, and this random act was definitely out of character. However, in his defense, he had been feeling out of character lately, as if his mind and body were two separate entities and he knew exactly why.
It had been two years, yet the pain still felt as real and tangible as it had back then. The man had a horrible habit of investing himself completely in his relationships, and when they fell through, he would suffer greatly; but this relationship was a lot different. Oikawa Tooru had quite literally been his everything, and the shorter male had dreams of marrying this man. They had met a few years back through a mutual friend of theirs, and though Iwaizumi had vehemently refused at first, he found himself enjoying the encounter.
Slowly, Iwaizumi felt himself falling deeper in love with the quirky taller man and he did everything in his power to keep him happy. Oikawa enjoyed simple things, such as movie nights or nights spent tinkering around the kitchen for fun. It had been a new experience for the man for he had always been accustomed to lovers with expensive tastes and hobbies, but that wasn't Oikawa. He was down to earth and happy with virtually anything as long as the two of them were able to enjoy it together. It only made the short stoic man become more infatuated with his taller prince; causing him to meticulously plan their life together within the safety of his mind.
"Where did I go wrong?" It was a thought that often raced through his mind despite the passage of time. Perhaps it was in the way he would brush off the other man's problems, or maybe it was how he became so absorbed in his work that he found little to no time for the bouncy brunette. Maybe it wasn't meant to be, but Iwaizumi refused to think of that as an option. He should have treated Oikawa a lot better and he shouldn't have allowed the man to easily disappear from his life. It had taken dozens of failed dates and one night stands for the delusional male to realize that no one would be good enough for him. The only one worthy was Oikawa Tooru.
It was this nagging thought that prompted the man to make the journey to his ex-lovers apartment, though he still didn't really have a reason for being there. At this point, Iwaizumi felt a strong disconnect from his body, and thus didn't exactly identify the actions as his own. He wanted so desperately to turn around and pretend to have gotten lost, but his legs refused to cooperate with the demands given to it by his brain. So there he stood, standing mere inches away from Oikawa's front door without any real reason for being there.
"I'm ridiculous. This whole situation is ridiculous and petty." His thoughts contrasted drastically with his actions, and soon he found himself precariously raising his right arm in an attempt to knock on the door. He willed himself to stop, but it was as if some outside force was inhibiting his ability to make rational and sound decisions. He could only stand there and nervously allow his knuckles to make contact with the black door in front of him.
The man couldn't hear what was happening inside of the apartment, which only heightened his nerves. For a few short moments he thought that maybe the man had been out of his apartment. Perhaps he was working overtime or even spending some time with some friends at a bar. All of these possibilities began to line up in the shorter man's mind, and he felt his nerves begin to slowly die down. Yet as soon as his ears picked up the small sound of feet slowly approaching the door, whatever sense of security he once had immediately shattered.
Things suddenly began to go in slow motion as the door in front of him finally swung open revealing a very confused Oikawa. It took a few short moments for the other man to properly identify his guest, and judging by the unmistakable look of shock that danced across his soft features, Iwaizumi could tell that the man hadn't forgotten about him.
"Iwa-chan..." His eyes widened and a light blush crept across his cheeks. Iwaizumi resisted the urge to gently reach out and stroke the man's cheek, and instead settled for staring at the blank space on the wall behind Tooru. "Wha-...why...why are you here?"
Oikawa's words were laced with curiosity and perhaps sadness, though Iwaizumi felt that his mind could have easily been playing dirty tricks on him. Yet, the sound of his voice still floated mellifluously through the shorter man's ears. He desperately longed to hear the sound of his name carefully carried by the soothing sound of Oikawa's voice, but he was allowing himself to get carried away again. He wanted to say something, anything that would put the curious man (and hopefully himself) at ease. However, with his throat as dry as the sunbaked earth of the desert and a mouth that felt like cotton, he couldn't formulate proper words into coherent sentences.
They stood in prolonged silence for what must have felt like an eternity. His dark brown eyes stared sadly at the flustered fidgety man who stood in the doorway. How hard was it for him to simply utter one simple sentence? It had been two years, and he had managed to finally sort out all of his feelings into one short and concise sentence, yet he was too pathetic to say it. The outside force that helped him get this far was now mysteriously absent, and he felt himself quite alone.
Oikawa frowned lightly and stared down at his feet. "Two years is a long time to wait for someone Hajime." His voice barely passed as a whisper and his eyes couldn't bring themselves to look up at him.
The sentence had hit him hard, and years' worth of guilt began to pile up within him. "I-...I know but Tooru..." His voice sounded cracked and pathetic. Had this been any other situation, he would have mentally kicked himself at this point; however now he was just satisfied with his ability to suddenly speak.
The other man looked up with a saddened expression. "Iwa-chan I can't do this right now I really can't...I can't do this especially no-..."
"OI TOORU IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR ASS IN HERE I'M UNPAUSING THE MOVIE."
The sound from within the apartment made Iwaizumi visibly flinch. There was no mistaking the particular tone that the voice carried, and coupled with Oikawa's previous statement, things began to painfully fall into place. He was too late. He had his chance to fix things, but he was two years too late. The thought of Oikawa moving on had never once crossed his selfish mind, and now he desperately wished that it had. Perhaps it would have saved him the embarrassment of dealing with this situation in person.
"Goodbye Iwa-chan." Oikawa stared at him sadly once more before disappearing behind the large closed door.
"I still love you Tooru." He felt hollow. Things usually went his way due to the manner in which he carefully carved out the details of each plan before executing them. Yet, love had once again made him irrational, and instead of foreseeing such a possibility, he fell victim. It the pain was so indescribably intense that the man began to only feel completely numb. He stood there for a few more agonizing moments before he finally swallowed the large lump in his throat and began the long and lonely journey back to his quiet apartment.
AN: As you can tell I haven't been on here in eons. My muse shifted quite drastically but after some soul searching it came back and I intend to pester you all with oneshots and things of that nature -nods-. Hopefully you all enjoyed! I may do a oneshot collection for Haikyu or Bleach but I'm not too sure yet (your opinions would be greatly appreciated *^*). Remember to leave your feedback and general comments and yeah I missed this 3.