Chapter One: Logan
I ain't even really sure how I got into this mess. One month ago there was a man at my door who offered me some money to come on some crappy TV show about some chick who can't get herself a man, and being a fool I took his money. Now I'm at this paradise resort, that is way too flashy, trying to impress this girl that I never even seen 'fore the show started. What that mystery man didn't tell me was that I was fixin' to be duking it out with some other fellers for this ladies affection. A 55 year ol' man like myself has no bi'ness tryin to run around to catch a spring chicken like this here "Bachelorette". Anyhow, as I'm ridin' in this fancy car on the way to the final meetin' 'fore the proposals, I get to thinking about all that has transpired throughout these few weeks, and how I reckon that somehow, I'll be the winner of her affections.
Startin' out I tried to let the whole place know I wasn't playin' no games. I honestly wanted to just go back to my tater farm and take my money, but the people who ran the show told me there would be some special bonus if I won the whole shabang. So I figured that the best way to get to know the girl would be through her parents. I was never one to be much with words, more just farmin'. And I was especially bad at talkin' to kids like this the girl, Janie. So I tried to reach out to her parents, only to find out that they were long gone and her Nanny was the one takin care of her. So I gave her Nanny a call and boy did we hit it off. I was much more comfortable talkin' to her, with her being only a few years my senior. Talking to Janie on the other hand, was not so easy. I didn't know what to say to her like the other guys did, I mean she's mighty pretty and all, but at the time I didn't know if I could see myself with her. Every time I was talkin' to her it was like I was talking to my niece, which made me uncomfortable and then I would try to leave the conversation as fast as I could. But somehow she kept eliminatin' other fellas and left me around.
Somewhere around the halfway point things started to get mix'd up in my mind. I actually started thinkin' that it would be a good ider to bring her back to the farm. She was sure a pretty good looker and she would be a young back to help out an ol' dog like me. As we were comin' down to the end there were three real standouts left in the bunch; a youngin' that calls himself Tea Cake, an upstanding middle-ages businessman by the name of Joe Starks, and myself. As required by the show rules, all the gents left had to take Janie out on a date. Boy did I ever come up with a good one. I decided to take her to the mountains on a little hike, we'd make ourselves a little shelter there on the mountain, and camp out under the stars for the night. Well, I thought that'd be a mighty good idea and it really did start off well. It was when we got the the outdoorsy stuff it got a bit tricky. We was buildin' the shelter and I just got so happy seein' her help out and such that I told her
"You're gonna be a fine little farmhand if you keep doin' work like that."
The look she gave me after I said that was one of shock, then disgust. But as I was thinkin' 'bout it later on, I think she was doing somethin' that the Tea Cake feller was talkin' to me about earlier that week, playin' "hard to get". So after I realized what she was doin' I decided to play this "hard to get" myself, not that I was cold to her naw, but I was more reserved and didn't show her how I felt. I thought it went very well after that, it was very quiet and peaceful out in the Great Outdoors. No talkin', no foolin', just us and the stars.
The car stops and I'm back in the present, still wonderin' how an ol' boy like me got into this whole mess. As I expected, Tea Cake, Joe, and myself are the final three headed into the second to last Rose Ceremony, I don't mean to be jumpin' the gun, but I've already got the ring picked out for the proposal after one of the other fellas gets sent home.
Chapter Two: Joe Starks
Taking the time out of my busy business life to be on some ridiculous show seemed crazy to me. Why would I do that when I could be making so much money during the times I'm away from work? But then I thought to myself "no other guy on this show could possibly win besides me. Then I can take the bachelorette, Janie, and put her to work in order to bring some extra money in." Sounded like a great deal to me. So I finally said yes, in the same way I'll say it when Janie asks if I will accept her final rose.
Soon after, I found myself lying wide awake on my bed listening to the bickering of the other two idiots, who are wasting their time being here. One of them, Logan Killicks, can't even speak right. Janie would be silly to waste her time working on his farm when she could be working with me in my, or should I say our, company. Then there's the other guy, Tea Cake, who seems like an alright guy but still not up to my standards. He may have the romantic part down, but he tries so hard to impress Janie financially that he screws himself over. Then there's me, by the name of Joe Starks, the best of them all. I own my own company and make so much money that I can buy Janie whatever she wants. She's going to have to earn it and work for me, but she doesn't have to know that now. The decision seems like a no brainer, but, unfortunately, the decision isn't up to me.
The time for the anniversary of the company celebration has arrived. Typically I just take myself to the celebration, but this year I have something else in mind. I'd love for my wonderful date, Janie, to join me. Walking in with Janie would silence the room and leave everyone in shock because of how beautiful she is. Then I thought "Janie may bring in more money because word of her appearance will quickly spread around town and people will give the company more business just so they can come see Janie." This locked in my final decision and I made my way to Janie's location to give her my oral invitation to the celebration. I was ecstatic when she accepted my invitation, I hope she feels this same way when I accept her final rose.
The afternoon of the celebration has arrived and we are to be there in two hours. I make sure that Janie's attire is very expensive looking in order to match mine. Before heading out the door I think to myself how amazing and opulent our clothing looks and I start to feel the excitement inside of me, knowing how the crowd will react. We finally arrive at the entrance of the celebration.
I sure was right. Janie and I got the attention of the whole crowd, especially the men who were secretly overwhelmed by jealousy. The two of us proceeded to sit down in the front, considering it was my own company. Once the overloading crowd began to slow down and back off, we got up to get our food. There was so much good food, which made me think to myself "I bet Janie doesn't get luxurious opportunities like this with Logan or Tea Cake." As the crowd's appetite was getting full, I decided it was the appropriate time to give my annual speech, with Janie as well. I allowed Janie to stand next to me, but I didn't really want her to speak any of her own thoughts to the crowd because it could make or break the company's success. I figured having her appearance alone would spark more business, which is of course what I wanted. I felt the speech went very well, although some may not have heard a word I said due to their full attention on Janie. But that's okay because hopefully they will come back and give us business since I told them she'd be around in the future, meaning after Logan and Tea Cake are history in her relationships. As the room began to empty, we made our grand exit and ventured back to my place for the night, with plans of getting up early in order to head back to the main quarters of the show. I made sure I got my last thoughts and actions in knowing it would be the last time we got together before the final rose ceremony.
We return at a decent time, which allows each of us to get some independent time before seeing each other again later tonight, but in a more bitter way. It's the time I will find out how much she is invested in our relationship. I'm not too worried about being eliminated because I mean she would just be stupid to do that after the lavish adventure we just had. But at this point all I can do is hope that her brain is smart enough to make the right decision. I am confident that the next time I see her, the words "Joe, will you accept this rose" will come out of her mouth. We will soon be onto the next adventure of our lifelong journey together.
Chapter Three: Tea Cake
The sound of my telephone pierced through the upbeat jazz that enveloped the atmosphere of the club. Fellow club-goers and even a few of my close pals glanced in my direction with curious looks; they know I am not a guy that lets the real world interrupt the magical haze of a groovy party. I fished my phone out of my pocket, took the cig out from between my lips, and searched the numbers on my screen for any familiarity. Finding none, but peaked by curiosity, I excused myself from my crowd of people and promised to play a good one on my box when I returned.
"Hey there, this is Tea Cake. What can I do for ya?" I introduced myself after pressing the green 'answer' button on my screen.
"Hello! I am Amos Hicks, and I'm the executive producer of 'The Bachelorette.' Our staff received your application and would like to invite you onto the upcoming season!" A deep, raspy voice said on the other line.
"Application? I never sent no application to a romance show." Not to toot my own trumpet, but I don't exactly need assistance in the love department. Things are going just fine picking up foxy ladies at the club and exchanging love for one night; no need for messy, mushy, achy-breaky, longtime love.
"Well, a buddy must've sent one for you because we reviewed your profile and think you'd be an excellent suitor." Hicks replied.
A doubtful noise left my throat, and I was already thinking of a way to decline when Amos spoke again. "This girl's a special one, Tea Cake. Never met another like her. Givin' love a try never hurt nobody, boy. "
I rounded up my things that night, really just my trusty box and a few changes of clothes, and found myself watching my city pass by me through the dirty window of a cheap taxi the next morning.
Janie.
A name is all I have, but my imagination runs wild with the possibilities that the name entails. Would her features be sharp or soft? Would her hair be long or short, curly or straight? Would her laugh be bright and bursting with joy, or would it be quiet and bubbly? Too many questions left unanswered had my knee bouncing in both excitement and anxiousness; my fingers ached to pass the time by strumming chords on my guitar. Sadly my box was in the trunk, so I clasped my hands together in my lap and continued to search for Janie in the world outside my window.
I strolled onto set fashionably late; the filming staff didn't seem too pleased with my tardiness, but my face was quickly patted with makeup and directions to the filming sites were thrown my way. I gave a few "Yes ma'am's" and understanding nods to those who spoke to me and was guided to wherever the rest of the cast was at.
I enter a large yet cozy living room and observe the people in it. My eyes roam across the faces of the other fellas; some are young and handsome while others are old dinosaurs. I see two men with scowles on their faces, both seeming displeased to be here. However, the men are polar opposites in appearance. One is dressed in a fancy-shmancy suit and tie combo with dress shoes to match. He has an aura of importance and appears to be unbearingly pretentious. The man next to him looks fresh out of a barn; he wears stained overalls with a plaid shirt underneath and boots. This man lacks the confidence the other possesses, but he looks as if he is extremely entitled to be here and take the bachelorette's hand.
Tired of contemplating shallow old men, I avert my gaze elsewhere and lock eyes with the clearest, most gorgeous pair of brown eyes I've seen in all my days on this Earth. The view gets more heavenly as my vision pans out to the rest of her face.
This must be Janie.
Janie, Janie, Janie.
Now that I can connect a name and a cute lil' grin to a face, I can't stop playing her name over and over in my mind. It's like a sweet melody whistling through the fresh air on a warm summer's day.
"Janie." I tried it out for size on my lips, and boy did it feel good. At the sound of her name, her face brightens.
I'm aching to find out what's in that pretty head of her's.
Over the next few weeks, suitors drop like flies on a hot summer's day. Janie kept eliminating men one after the other; I must be the luckiest man alive for a girl like that to keep me around.
Each day, nah, each second I get with Janie is a blessing. I love cracking open that brilliant mind of hers, diggin' around in deep conversation to see what she knows. Boy she sure knows a hell of a lot more than I do; I can tell you that for sure.
Doesn't matter where I am, when I'm with Janie I'm in paradise. Whether we're kicking our feet up on the couch, my fingers dancing across the strings of my box or through the silky strands of her marvelous hair, or in a room overflowing with men fighting for her attention, all I wanna do is see that girl smile. Thinking of another man making her lips upturn and her nose scrunch up in joy pulls at my heartstrings.
I can't get enough of that woman's voice. I wish she'd just talk and talk until my ears fall right off my head. The passion that her face illuminates when she talks about her career in journalism makes me proud to know someone so sincere and determined. Anyone standing in the way of that girl and her dreams doesn't know what's comin' for 'em. My heart yearns to give Janie the whole damn universe and to write her name in stars across the sky.
Janie finds the most joy out of the smallest things, things that regular folks overlook. Janie certainly is not regular in any sense of the word. I think that's why she's fond of me; I know I ain't much. Hell, I'm just a kid in college with a little knowledge of the world and a song in my soul. Yet, her pretty brown eyes twinkle with fondness when I crack a joke or when she says my name.
Before I know it, there's only three of us left on the show. At the next rose ceremony Janie will eliminate another man, and the remaining two will be the ones to offer Janie a ring and their whole life.
I'd trade my soul to get down on one knee in front of that girl.
The next week, Logan, Joe, and I dress in the swankiest outfits we brought and stand in a gazebo with a brilliant sunset at our backs. My ripped jeans and worn leather jacket make me feel inferior to Joe's crisp, expensive suit. But when Janie's eyes stay locked on mine, as if she was gazing into my soul and liked what she saw, I felt high up in the clouds. Joe's arrogance can't reach me here, only Janie can.
Her glance strayed from mine for a split second to look at Logan, and I held my breath.
"Logan, I have two roses. I'm sorry, but I'm afraid neither of them are for you." Janie spoke harsh words that sounded gentle in her sweet, melodic voice.
Logan, defeated and confused, begins to raise his voice to argue, proclaiming her decision was outrageous. But I don't hear Logan. I just see Janie.
It's as if we are alone together, the other two men and the entire filming crew long forgotten. Janie walks towards me and offers me a rose with a tender grin on her face, and I gently take it from her and kiss the hand that is held out.
All my senses are consumed with Janie; can only feel her hand on mine, hear her smooth, jazzy voice, see her beautiful features, smell the rose she offered me, and taste her name on my tongue.
I'm oblivious to Logan leaving and to Joe making a disgusted noise and storming off.
I'm lost in the magic that is Janie.
The next evening, I walk to the beach where I am going to meet Janie and ask her to be by my side for the rest of our lives. However, something is off. I sit at the table that has been set for two, with candles and flowers placed in the middle, and wait.
Wait, wait, and wait.
My heart beat starts to pick up speed when the staff tries to subtly look for Janie and ask of her whereabouts. I even look around myself, and she is nowhere in sight.
I hear a faint, "She's not coming." from the director, and my heart stops.
I suddenly notice an envelope tucked underneath my plate with my name in Janie's perfect cursive writing on the front. My fingers anxiously work the envelope open, and my heart drops when my eyes rake over the first line.
Chapter Four: Janie
I feel like I've been sleepwalking through this entire show. It feels so shallow, so unreal. But here we are, almost to the end, the final Rose Ceremony before the proposals. I walk into the common area by the pool, and see the three of them there; Logan, Joe, and Tea Cake. Logan Killicks is a gross old man who I think works on a farm somewhere in the country. I really have no interest in him whatsoever, in fact, I have come to have complete disinterest in him. He's old, nasty, smelly, pushy, and did I mention he's old. This man is 55 years old and on the Bachelorette, and I'm 27! The only reason he's still around is because of my Nanny, everyday she calls me to ask how I'm doing and makes sure to tell me that she'll give me a whooping if I vote off Logan. Joe Starks is an interesting businessman from somewhere in the South. He seems like the safe bet for a girl like me, his business is very successful, and he is of very high class. However, he is extremely egotistical and at times can be cranky and bossy. Tea Cake is a dream. My Nanny would certainly disapprove because he hasn't finished college and picks up gigs as a musician, but Tea Cake is the only guy who seems to actually love me. As I come to the mark on the floor where I'm supposed to stand, I come to my final conclusions on who will be going home. When the producer points at me signaling it's time I pick up the rose on the right side of me and say my well rehearsed line, "Tea Cake, will you accept this rose?"
He breaks into his big smile and simply says to me, "Yes I will."
Next I pick up the other rose, and after a short pause, I say, "Joe, will you accept this rose?"
All he does is give me a grin and shake his head, no words at all. I look over to see Logan's shoulders slump some, showing his age. This is the point where the TV audience wants to hear his "goodbyes" and see my reaction, but I don't even really hear a word he says to me, and show no emotion on my face at all.
When I think about Joe and Tea Cake comparatively, their differences are stark (no pun intended). Joe's not all bad, I suppose. Although in conversation he has no respect for me whatsoever and is too absorbed in his ego to ask me about myself, he does offer a solid reputation and financial security. Materially, Joe could provide anything that I could possibly want and I would be seen as the wife of a successful man. Emotionally, however, I feel objectified. Like a shiny little trophy he flaunts and polishes others' drool off of.
With Tea Cake though, my god, I feel alive. I feel human. Without a doubt in my mind, I'd trade all of the fancy dresses, shiny jewels, and mounds of money in the world to see him smile. To hear his laugh, or notes from his guitar, or to merely be next to him. He genuinely wants to hear everything I say; he tells me I'm like a mystery he's trying to piece together and solve. I have learned to appreciate myself and find value in my life because of Tea Cake. He taught me that my words hold an incredible amount of power that no one could ever take away from me.
"Miss Janie, people out there in the world hittin' and killin' and spillin' blood all over the place don't do any good. Not changing anything, not makin' Earth a better place in the slightest. Just scratchin' and cuttin' up the surface of people. But you. Darlin, you use your words to touch people's hearts. You make a change in their soul, planting seeds in them to flourish and bloom into beautiful flowers one day. You're makin' the Earth brighter and greener with each word you write." Tea Cake had told me on our most recent date.
Tea Cake opened my eyes; I can clearly see the person I want to be now. And it's all because of him.
It kills me to leave, to write this letter, and to break his heart, but I have to. I owe it to myself to pursue my dreams and reach my full potential. Life with Tea Cake is paradise, but the real world isn't so euphoric. Traveling to New York and furthering my career is the right path for me, the path I'm meant to be on.
I love Tea Cake too much to pull him off his path to music; he was destined to play his guitar and share his gift with thousands, not just me.
I packed up all of my things into my suitcase the night before the proposal, and it feels cruel to leave this way. A taxi took me away from the resort and to the airport in the dead of the night; I boarded my plane as the sun began to rise. The vibrant colors of the sunrise reminded me of Tea Cake, and I remembered the contents of the letter I wrote him and searched for him in the horizon beyond my window.
Dear Tea Cake,
You have probably arrived at the proposal dinner and have wondered where I am. My heart aches when I think of you sitting at that table alone, looking for me like a lost puppy. But I had to go, Tea Cake. I left last night and boarded a plane for both of our sakes. As much as I want to stay and keep you all to myself, I have to go to New York and pursue journalism. You taught me that writing is what I was meant to do and that I can use my words to change this big, scary world. I snuck away last night because I knew you would demand to come with me, but I can't bear to be that selfish and take your music away from you. You need to stay and strum your guitar loud enough for the whole world to hear, and become the musician you've dreamed of being since you were a little boy. Meeting you is the most extraordinary thing that has happened to me, and not only did I love you passionately with every fiber of my being, you taught me to love myself. I can never thank you enough for what you've done for me, and I hope and pray that we'll find each other later in life. The world doesn't deserve someone as good and pure as you, Tea Cake.
I know you'll do amazing things,
Janie