Title: Falling Apart
Main Characters: Eleventh Doctor, Amy Pond, Rory Williams, River Song, and featuring Rose Tyler.
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Drama, Slight Action
Setting: After A Christmas Carol(Series 5)but before The Impossible Astronaut(Series 6), though it jumps forward a bit later into series 6.
Summary: Something is wrong with the Doctor. He can't stop thinking about Rose, and soon he loses his grip on reality. Is there something else going on? Or is the Doctor just going crazy? Eleven/Rose, Amy/Rory, River/?
A/N: I actually started this story back in 2010, just after series 5 had aired.(aren't you glad I didn't start posting then?) I'm keeping it in the same timeline, so I hope you don't mind some Amy and Rory :) River will be in this, but I have to warn you this is not an Eleven/River story, in fact it's very much not so. She will help the story along, so I'm playing nice with her(for now). So no River(OR ROSE) bashing, whatsoever. Reviews of the like WILL be reported!(I'm speaking as someone with experience with this).
This story starts out a bit...'fluff'y(and cheesy), but don't worry, the real plot will take over and a lot more dramatic elements will be added. Theme and inspiration for this story is "Broken" by Lifehouse(I particularly like the "New/Radio Version"). Enjoy!
"The broken clock is a comfort,
it helps me sleep tonight.
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
from stealing all my time.
I am here still waiting,
though i still have my doubts.
I am damaged at best,
like you've already figured out...
I'm fallin' apart.
I'm barely breathing,
With a broken heart
That's still beating.
In the pain There is healing.
In your name I find meaning.
So I'm holdin' on. I'm holdin' on.
I'm holdin' on.
I'm barely, holdin' on to you..."
~Lifehouse
"When I last stood on this beach, on the worst day of my life, what was the last thing you said to me?" The Doctor in the brown suit stared longingly at Rose, both his hearts beating, telling him to follow his one greatest desire.
"I said 'Rose Tyler'."
"Yeah...and how was that sentence gonna end?" The Doctor stepped up close to her. Ignoring the look of surprise on the clone Doctor's face, the real Time Lord Doctor leaned in to whisper in Rose's ear.
"I was going to say, Rose Tyler...I love you." Rose looked up in shock. Her eyes filled with wonder, love and tears. Before both of them knew what was happening, their lips met and they kissed passionately. Rose was the Doctor's, and nothing could separate that, not anything–
The Doctor sat up in his bed, the sheets and blankets strewn about him. He looked around in surprise. It had felt so real! He looked in the mirror. Nope. Green eyes, brown hair, large chin. All he was missing was his bow tie.
He wearily rubbed his hands over his face. He was startled to feel the wetness of tears.
"This is why I normally don't sleep!" When it hadn't been horrific images of the Time War, it had been nightmares of Rose falling into the void, or of her staying with the clone Doctor forever. Except the last one had been true.
"I've lost companions before, why is Rose any different?" But in truth he already knew why. Rose made him feel like nothing he ever had since before the Time War. With Rose he wasn't the Destroyer of Worlds, just someone broken who needed fixing, which she did in her own special way. Not to mention he had given both his hearts completely to that woman.
He sighed deeply. Ever since Amy had brought him back after exploding the Pandorica, he had these horrible nightmares of Rose. This last one had been the worst. Not because it wasn't what he wanted, it truly was, but it was because it never happened. And that was something he couldn't bear.
He pulled the covers off his bed and stood up. Soon he was clothed in his trademark tweed suit complete with red bow tie. His hair remained disheveled, and for once the Doctor had no wish to fix it. Instead he headed to the main console room. He was surprised to see Amy and Rory already there waiting for him.
"Hey Doctor." Rory said, waving once.
"Rory, Amy. What are you guys doing in here?"
"We're waiting for you." Amy said, a slight look of concern in her eyes.
"What?" The Doctor was oblivious.
"You've been in your room for over twenty-four hours."
"What!?" The Doctor cried, looking at the watch on his wrist. It was true. He hadn't slept in that long since before Rose had left. Rose.
"Are you alright?" Rory asked him.
"Yes, yes I'm fine." The Doctor shook his head, but the image of Rose still wouldn't go away. He winced as his head started pounding something fierce. Amy and Rory came up to him.
"Maybe you better sit down." Amy said, reaching over to steady his shoulder. Suddenly the Doctor swept her hand away from him.
"Just-don't!" He looked down towards the floor, ignoring the concerned looks of his newlywed companions. "I'm fine." He repeated. When he looked up the pounding had stopped. "New alien planet?" He asked, trying to get Amy and Rory to believe that he was fine. If only he believed it himself...
Ten minutes later...
Amy rushed into the TARDIS, with the Doctor and Rory close behind on her heels. A giant laser exploded above them. Rory slammed the door shut and collapsed on the ground, breathing heavily.
"Doctor!" Amy shouted in anger. "You nearly got us killed! What were you thinking?" The Doctor really couldn't say. He had blanked out, said the wrong thing at the wrong time. His mistake nearly killed all three of them.
In truth he did know. His inside thoughts were distracting him, causing him to lose control. He was falling apart.
Without saying a word, he got up and departed to his room, leaving the Ponds sitting on the floor. Amy and Rory just stared at each other blankly.
The Doctor slammed the door to his room. He leaned up against the door, listening. When he was satisfied knowing that Amy and Rory hadn't followed him, he snuck back into the hallway. Looking both ways he ventured deeper into the TARDIS. Upon entering a certain door, he pulled out his key from his jacket pocket. It was one of the few doors he still kept locked. After one last look around him he opened the door and shut it behind him.
This room had been very special to him. It was a room he had stored various items all his companions long gone had owned.
Starting from the beginning, there were sections, one for each companion he had traveled with. Each section held photos, treasures and random items they had left behind.
He picked up Susan's hair clip and stared at it. The glitter had fallen off and the pink had faded, but he smiled sadly.
Moving on he marveled at random items: Jo's scarf, Leela's yo-yo, Nyssa's hairbrush, a bottle of Peri's perfume, Ace's broken radio. He laughed softly at the memory. Martha had given him a stethoscope to remember her by, the Doctor had placed a magnifying glass in Donna's section to remember her by.
And finally he came to a door. A very special door. A while ago he had asked the TARDIS to move this room from right down the hall, to into this area. The door was painted a soft pink. He pulled out a special key from his pocket, the one specially made for this door.
After unlocking it, he prepared himself. Gripping the handle, he took a deep breath and went in.
He hadn't entered this room for years. He knew the pain would be too overwhelming, and he was right.
He looked around Rose's room with sorrowful wonder. He was careful not to disturb any of the random clothing items she had left on the floor nearly three years ago. The Doctor sat upon the unmade bed and looked on the wall above her bed where two pictures were framed.
The first one was of Rose, Jack, and his Ninth form. That day, so long ago...it was the day they had found Margaret the Slitheen for the second time. The picture had been taken that morning by Mickey the Idiot. Rose stood in the middle, the Doctor to her left and Jack to her right. Jack held two fingers above her head in a teasing manner. The Doctor smiled warmly at the memory.
The second picture was of Rose and his Tenth form. He fondly remembered that day...
"Doctor!" The Doctor turned around at Rose's soft lyrical call.
"Over here Rose." He beckoned her over to the other side of the console.
"Look what I found!" She shook her digital camera in his face excitedly.
"Yeah, it's your camera, you've always had it." He raised an eyebrow at her.
"Doctor, haven't you been hearing me at all these past two weeks?"
"About what?" Rose grumbled.
"I asked you if you had seen my camera about a million times, it was lost!"
"And now you found it!" He grinned at her. "Where was it?"
"Like you would remember if I told you."
"Rose." He gave her an exasperated look.
"If you really must know, it was under my bed." The Doctor snorted.
"Oi!" Rose said indignantly. "I like my room messy thank you very much. I feel more at home that way."
"Sure you do."
"I do." Rose insisted. "Anyways, could I take a picture of us, since I haven't had any pictures of you since you..." She stopped. The unsaid word 'regenerated' hung in the air between them.
"Of course." The Doctor smiled, breaking the tension. Rose grinned back.
She grabbed the camera and leaned up against the Doctor. He slowly wrapped his arm around her waist. They both smiled politely into the camera as it flashed.
"Hold on." Rose said, turning the viewer on. "Oops!" The Doctor leaned over stared at the picture just taken. The picture had been way off. They couldn't even see their heads. They looked at each other in silence, then both burst out laughing.
"Quick, take the picture!" The Doctor cried out. Rose held the camera up again. After it flashed they looked at the second picture. It was still off center, but their smiles were bigger and more natural this time. It was a great picture.
The Doctor stared at the two pictures on the wall, until things started to grow blurry. He grabbed a shirt sitting on Rose's bed and buried his head in it, breathing in her fading scent deeply. It was all still the same, the light colored walls, the smell of lavender, the feeling of home. It was too much to take.
Suddenly the Doctor felt woozy. He grabbed his head as it started to pound again. With Rose's t-shirt in his hands he fell to the floor, unconscious.
The Doctor woke up from a mental nudge from the TARDIS. He groggily sat up, wondering for a second where he was, or how long he was out. Realising with a start he was on the floor of Rose's bedroom, he quickly stood up and went over to the door. Taking one last look behind him, he left her room, locking the door behind him.
He was met by Amy and Rory in the hallway.
"Doctor, we've been looking everywhere-"
"No need to look anymore." The Doctor grumbled, walking past them. He was angry. Angry at the fates for keeping him and Rose apart, angry at his own stupidity for leaving Rose in the other world, and, for no fault of their own, angry at Rory and Amy for being there instead of Rose.
He went straight to his room and slammed the door behind him.
"Doctor!" Amy pounded on the door, but there was no response.
"Amy." Her husband touched her gently on her shoulder. "Let's leave him for a few hours, obviously he has something he needs to work out on his own." Amy eventually acquiesced, trailing behind Rory to their own room down the hall.
Two hours later, Amy tiptoed to the Doctor's room. Honestly she was frightened. She had seen the Doctor moody before, but never this much. It was if something was bothering him so much the rest of his life was getting in the way.
Reaching his door, she knocked on it quietly.
"Doctor?" She said. No answer. She knocked again. Still no answer. When she tried the doorknob she realized it was unlocked. She slowly opened the door and gasped at what she found.
It was a mess. There were papers scattered everywhere, and the bed covers that were hardly used sat in a heaped pile next to the door. A desk lamp sat broken on the floor.
In the middle of the room sat the Doctor, with his front facing the wall and his back towards Amy. His hair was a wreck, his bow tie lay crumpled beside him, and he was mumbling. Amy couldn't hear what he was saying, but he shook back and forth with each passing word. Finally his voice grew louder and Amy was able to make out what he was saying.
"Bad Wolf. Blaidd Dwrg. Dårlig Ulv. The end of the universe. Mauvais Loup. Schlechter Wolf. Lobo malo. Rossz farkas, Lupo Cattivo..."
And on he went, saying Bad Wolf in every language he could think of. When he couldn't think of any more he started over with Bad Wolf. Amy recognized a few from her studies, but many she believed were in alien languages.
Still standing by the door, she said his name again.
"Doctor?" Her voice shook. She had never seen the Doctor like this, ever. He always had a cool head, nothing could faze him, not even a Dalek fleet. But this was different. It must be really bad for him to be like this.
She jumped in fright and squealed when the Doctor quickly spun around at her voice. His eyes were bloodshot, as if he had been crying for hours.
"Rose." He whispered in awe. Then he leapt up. "Rose you came back to me!"
"Doctor?" Amy trembled. "Who's Rose?" Then she saw what was in his hands. In his right hand sat a blue t-shirt, crumpled. In his left hand he held a picture in a frame. A blond woman was smiling back through the picture.
"Rose I knew you always loved me, not that conniving clone." He walked slowly towards her. Amy backed away, afraid what the Doctor might do in his state of mind.
"Doctor, it's me Amy, Amelia Pond, remember?" Didn't she tell the Dream Lord that she was the most important woman in The Doctor's life? But not even that woke him out of it.
"Rose, I should've said it, even now I can't bring myself to form the words. But I can do more than that." Pretty soon he had Amy up against the wall in the hallway outside his room. Her eyes brimmed with tears in fear.
Suddenly the Doctor slammed his body up against Amy's and shoved his lips towards her's. She struggled in the Doctor's grip. She had been a kissogram before, but no one had ever used force against her. In truth it scared her to death. She shoved him backwards on his shoulders with all her might. The Doctor collided with the wall on the other side of the hallway. Suddenly his mind cleared. With tears in her eyes Amy darted away while she had the chance.
The Doctor stood there dazed, his mind slowly clearing from the fog. He quickly reentered his room and locked the door behind him.
He stared in shock at the mess in his room. He walked over slowly and picked up the picture frame that had fallen to the floor. The glass was broken when he had dropped it. He sadly set it back up on the dresser. He covered his eyes with his hands and wondered what the hell was wrong with him.
Amy ran to her and Rory's bedroom and shut the door.
"Are you alright?" Rory said. Amy spun around and saw him sitting in bed reading a book. Rory noticed the tears in her eyes.
"We have to do something about the Doctor." She said.
Wow. After re-reading this I kinda hate the way I wrote it. Jilted and sort of misfocused(but at least I got the point across). I actually think the last few chapters are more structurally sound than the beginning, so it does get better, I promise.
Coming up: Another main character makes an appearance, and the Doctor's companions try to find out what's wrong with him.