Confession

(This takes place during The Novice. On Tayend and Dannyl's first night staying with Mayrie, Tayend confesses his feelings about Dannyl to his sister…)

"So, what's troubling you, young Tremmelin?" Mayrie inquired of her younger brother astutely, as she entered the library. Tayend raised his head out of the book he was absently flicking through and frowned.

"Who's saying I'm troubled?" He then rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Unless you mean half the Court thinking I'm seriously disturbed. Or are you referring to Father's belief that I've got issues with convention, so instead live my life in opposition of what society believes is normal?"

Mayrie responded with a flash of amusement. "Neither of those. Actually my question was prompted by your peculiar behaviour today… around Lord Dannyl." She finished with some relish.

Tayend's eyes widened with surprise. He hastily turned his focus to the doors of Mayrie's library, which she had closed behind her as she came in. Feeling assured that no one could hear their conversation in the room outside, Tayend fixed his gaze back on his sister. She was now wearing a smug all-knowing expression on her face. Tayend couldn't stop himself from blushing, as he wondered how much the perceptive woman in front of him had gleaned.

Even as children he was rarely able to keep a secret from his older sister. She seemed to have a way of discerning the truth out of Tayend, and indeed out of most people. With a note of amusement, he recalled when he was 17 and she was 20. Mayrie had been the first person he had turned to, in order to finally confess his attraction towards men. She had just smiled gently and replied, "Well I knew about that for more than five years now. How long did it take you to figure it out?" Tayend had been astonished that Mayrie had known about his inclinations for so long. Even before I fully acknowledged them myself, Tayend thought wryly. He had been relieved though by her unshocked response, and tremendously grateful for her advice and support in the years since then. It was a pity his father hadn't taken the news so agreeably.

Tayend jolted out of his recollections with a start. From the self satisfied look on Mayrie's face, it was clear she had noticed Tayend's feelings for Dannyl, or at least suspected them. Tayend wanted to judge exactly how much she had observed.

"Peculiar behaviour?" Tayend repeated, attempting to sound unconcerned. "Whatever do you mean?"

Mayrie grinned. "Tayend… I know you better than anyone. I can tell when you're besotted with someone."

The scholar abandoned all pretence with a sigh. "You always were an insufferable know-it-all." But he couldn't resist grinning back at her. "So, what was it that gave me away?"

Mayrie pretended to ponder it over. "Hmm. Well perhaps it was the way you say his name, as though savouring the sound. Or the manner in which you listen with absorbed interest to his every word. Or maybe it's how you stare at him when he's not looking, as though he is the most exquisite creature in the Allied Lands."

The scholar's cheeks burned crimson, at the fact that his emotions had displayed themselves so clearly to his sister. But it was also an immense relief for someone to know his secret. And he couldn't think of a single person he trusted more than Mayrie.

Tayend shook his head, disheartened. "Mayrie… I just don't know what to do. I can't stop my thoughts from constantly lingering on him. Nor prevent my heartbeat quicken at his every disarming smile or devious comment. Its torture… to always be so close to him, yet never allowed to touch him…" Tayend's voice quivered with passion as he declared the longings he had tried so very hard to suppress over the past few months.

Mayrie lay her hands comfortingly on his shoulders. The full extent of her brother's feelings for Ambassador Dannyl had just become evident to her. Tayend was clearly tormented by his mixed emotions. On one hand, he could follow his heart and admit his feelings to Dannyl. But this would risk the magician's discomfort, or even disgust, and he could very well dismiss Tayend and find a more appropriate assistant. On the other hand, Tayend could continue to restrain his affections, and at least then remain friends with Dannyl. But Mayrie knew that this would prove too much for her younger brother to bear, and he would eventually break under the strain. Mayrie had always felt an overpowering instinct to protect Tayend. Despite her frequently teasing him, she respected that he was more sensitive and emotional than her. Whereas she had always been the logical and practical one.

Mayrie continually believed that their father's attitude to Tayend was distinctly unjust. As the only son, Tayend failed to live up to his father's expectations of his heir. He had no problem letting Tayend know this either. When it became apparent to Dem Tremmelin that Tayend adamantly refused to produce any children or indeed get married at all, due to his desire for men, he flew into a heated rage. He declared Tayend brought disgrace upon the family, and tarnished its honour. He labelled Tayend as "wilful" and "selfish", blaming his preference to men on Tayend's "obvious fascination with anything perverse or deviant."

Mayrie still burned with rage as she remembered how he swore to have nothing to do with Tayend, if he were to participate in such debasing acts with other men. His words were deliberately demeaning, and made Tayend sound like a common slut. It only proved how little Dem Tremmelin actually knew about his son, if he presumed him to be only interested in the physical part of a relationship. Mayrie herself knew that there were very few men Tayend had been involved with, much less slept with. But there was a natural yearning in the scholar which would only be satisfied by a man. Mayrie was frustrated that their father could not just accept his son's feelings, and stop trying to punish him for what he couldn't help feeling.

Mayrie pulled her thoughts back into the present as she gave Tayend a reassuring hug. She could tell he was holding back tears by the way his body trembled.

"Don't worry Tayend," she whispered, pulling his long hair back away from his face. "I'll help find a way to sort this all out."

Tayend managed a small grateful smile, even as his eyes blurred with tears. He swiftly wiped them away with his hand. As Mayrie led him out of the library, Tayend couldn't help but wonder if his sister's assistance would be enough this time.

(I'd love to hear your opinions on this story!

And if you liked this, check out the sequel fic called Secrets Revealed, which is set the next morning after this fic :D )