Final Final Final Notice!
This fic will be removed Sunday evening (June 9th) I've gotten a lot of emails and messages from people who were reading this one and I've waited as long as possible, but it's time for it to go.
Thanks again for reading. The rework of this story will be call Borrowed Time you can check my website (address on my profile page) for updates and progress...or just to yell at me lol.
xoxo
EP
Oh and if you are reading "Till", it's coming down too. I'll post more info under that title tho.
Author Update.
I just wanted to say Hi to all of my wonderful readers here at FFN and let you all know I will be removing this story, 'Road to Nowhere' within the next few weeks. So if you want to read it and you haven't get going because this is your last chance!
This story, like a lot of my work here, was never meant to be fanfic and derived from an original manuscript. In the last 2 years I have published 2 serials through an Indie Author CoOp (with moderate success aka I've been PAID lol) and have decided to return this story to its original format and release it as a novella, sans Supernatural and sadly, yes, Casitel must go too. L Oc of course…
While Olivia and Danny will remain, the boys are of course gone and Castiel will be replaced by Tebriss- the angel of free will. More info can be found on my website – addy located on my profile or just google my pen name Pixey Bitters.
I want to thank everyone who, read, reviewed and enjoyed this story and assure you I have not forgotten you. I will return eventually to finish the few fics I have hanging. But right now I am working a grueling schedule keeping up with my published (for real live money lol) works.
Again, for more info on what I am doing now, to see what else I have published or if you just wanna say "HEY! What the fuck you talking about bitch?!" lol You can find the link to my website on my profile.
Also I'm looking for some Test/Beta readers for my serial and novels. I can't afford to pay you but, I'll give you a mention in the book! So if you love paranormal romance with a heavy dose of smexy erotica drop me a line
Big slobbering XOXOXOXOX to all of you! And I mean it I would love to keep in touch!
Okay first let me say i tried really, really, really hard to keep this little sucker under control but... alas it has taken life of it's own. first it was to be a Post A story about stoner Cass. Then after last weeks ep I had to deal with disillusioned Cass. So we stepped it up in time a bit, I was figuring on some nice angsty, fluffy, smut for the angel and then he would go on his merry way... but again... no... now we have an entire new story to contend with... sigh. i really tried to stop it and i know my Maggie fans will be frothing at the mouth.. not in a good way... sorry lol. but I promise you will like O too. she has been through her own fair share of BS. She is much more mousey than Maggie tho. oh well hope you enjoy i will do my best to keep both stories going unless of coure you hate this one lol.
And yes i will be moving ahead with my Maggie & Cass stories never fear =) should update the latest of those tonight or tomorrow!
Enjoy
feedback please
ep
xox
The Road to No Where
Chapter 1
It was his guilty pleasure, a secret. Not because he was ashamed of his behavior but, because interacting with angels was dangerous business in this day and age. Especially when you didn't know it was an angel you were interacting with. For this reason he kept the small book store and the woman who owned it a secret.
His secret held little meaning now, as did most everything else. Now that he knew it was all a lie. He had been forsaken, betrayed, his entire existence was meaningless, he had no purpose… none at all.
Not only had he given up everything for nothing… he found he had… truly had, nothing, to begin with. He was homeless and useless. He was alone. His only choice was to watch helplessly as the world burned around him, knowing there was not a single thing he could do to prevent it and the one who could, no longer cared enough to be bothered to stop it.
He held the book in his hand as he stared at the handwritten sign hanging on the glass pane of the door, 'Out to lunch' it read, in handwriting that had become familiar to him.
Castiel searched his pockets for a paper and pen, he had acquired quite a collection of odds and ends in his time on earth, his pockets were stuffed with a great many things. Fingering and feeling his way through the contents of his coat pocket, he found a folded up piece of paper and a small pencil.
He leant the paper against the brick wall and in neat compact printing, he jotted a small note, then folded the paper over the cover of the book, before bending and sliding it through the mail slot. Standing upright, he placed a hand almost lovingly on the door, "Good-bye." he said, just above a whisper, then turned away to descend the few stairs leading back to the sidewalk.
Olivia Marks owned a small bookstore in Arcadia, Missouri. The 32 year old woman ended up there after running away from her home, in Atkinson, New Hampshire, when she was 20 years old. While most women of that age were free to leave, Olivia most definitely ran… for her life.
Atkinson was a town of have and have not's. Olivia was undoubtedly a 'have not'. First she ran from an abusive father and an alcoholic mother, straight into the arms of a rich but, far more abusive husband. She was 18, young and stupid. All the warning signs were there, she even saw them, knew them by heart, her parents taught her well. She was just trying to escape home, in doing so she traded one hell for another.
When she was 20 she found herself in the emergency room, once again beaten beyond recognition by the man who supposedly loved her, this wasn't the first time but, it would be the last because this time was different. It was different because while, the bruises, sprains and in this case cracked ribs were par for the course, she was also informed she was 8 weeks pregnant.
She would not raise a child with this man. The man, Curtis Baxter was obviously a 'have' and so were his parents.
Olivia sat battered, bandaged and bruised in the cubicle of the local ER. She was waiting, waiting for Curtis' parents. He of course, too big of a coward to come and collect her himself. His parents would come and they would look at her in the same sympathetic way they always did. His father would promise to have 'a talk with that boy', the same as he always did. His mother would make excuses for her son, then they would take her home, while Curtis was off doing God knows what with God knows who to return a few days later, remorseful… until… he did it again. No more she promised… no more.
This time Olivia was pressing charges, his parents worst fear.
But she didn't, instead, she accepted a nice fat check for $100,000.00 and she left town, 3 months later she sighed divorce papers sent to a PO Box a few hundred miles away from Atkinson, her parents and the Baxter's.
A week later, she was Olivia Marks again, proud owner of 'The Reading Room' the one and only bookstore in Arcadia.
Now 12 years later, she still lived in the town, her store did okay, it wasn't going to make her rich but, it offered more than that, it offered freedom, and a life that she could only dream of growing up.
She returned from lunch through the back door and walked to the front of the store, just in time to hear and see something plop through the mail slot. She looked down and recognized the book then looked out the window anxiously. She bent down to pick up the book and note next to it on the floor.
Olivia-
Thank you for the book and your kindness-
Good bye -C
It was a crisp fall day, not long after his arrival on earth when Castiel wandered into the small store. He had been watching over the Winchesters, while awaiting further orders, basically he was killing time. As an angel, new to earth and humanity, he was of course, curious. One of the things that spiked that curiosity the most were books. He was quite pleased when he found the small shop tucked away in the otherwise boring town.
He walked the small isles looking up and down the rows of books with much curiosity and interest. The store was comfortable, almost home like, simple, yet accommodating. He found the atmosphere most pleasant, quiet, calm. Before long he found he quite enjoyed the company he found there as well.
"Can I help you find something?"
The angel turned his head to find a short woman, with long straight chestnut brown hair, falling over her shoulders and resting in sharp contrast against the soft cream sweater she was wearing.
"Not at this time." he answered in his usual flat tone, taking his eyes from the shelves, to glance at her briefly.
"If that changes, I'm just back there" Olivia told the handsome stranger in the trench coat, as she pointed to the back of the shop.
Castiel looked at her once again and nodded his thank you as she walked away.
That was the extent of his first visit.
A week later he once again found himself with little to do, remembering the quiet comfortable shop he decided to return. It was later in the day than his previous visit and this time the shop was noisy and occupied by two young boys.
"Homework first Danny" he heard the voice of the woman who offered him help the week before, talking to one of the boys.
"But mom, it will be dark by then." the boy protested.
"You know the rules." she sighed at the boy, walking past him with both arms full of books.
Castiel, again curious, stretched his neck around the corner to catch a glimpse of the woman and the boys.
The dark haired boy appeared to be her son, Danny, and he soon found that the taller blond boy was his friend, Brian.
"Please Ms. M." the blond chimed in. " We will only go for an hour." he pleaded.
"Yeah mom Brian has homework too." her son pointed out.
The woman unloaded the books in her arms onto a large table and looked up, as she did she caught a glimpse of Castiel standing near the shelves. He thought he saw a small smile cross her lips just before he averted his eyes and turned back to look at the shelf nearest him.
"Fine" she sighed exasperated, "One hour… I mean it ONE!" she reinforced.
The boys turned and ran for the door whooping and hollering their victory and a thank you.
"And wear your helmet," She called behind, "And don't make me come looking for you Danny!" She called louder, as the shop door slammed shut.
"And don't slam the door" she yelled too late.
"I believe they are already gone." Castiel offered, as she approached the door.
"Eh.. doesn't matter… it's not like he listens to me anyway" she sighed.
He tilted his head at her.
"Nice to see you've come back." she smiled at him.
"I found your shop quite calming my last visit." he told her.
"It is," she laughed, "Until school lets out. I'm Olivia." she said extending her hand.
He again looked at her curiously.
"It's my rule on your second visit you get a proper introduction and maybe even some hot chocolate." she grinned.
Castiel extended his hand as he had seen Dean do a few times and introduced himself.
"Castiel" he said, taking her small hand in his larger one, noting how it felt much more warm and soft than he had anticipated.
This visit the angel found himself seated at the back table, with a mug of hot chocolate while Olivia sorted and priced a stack of books.
They discussed poetry, Castiel wasn't familiar with much, if any but, he was intrigued by the many examples Olivia read to him. Before he left that day Olivia excused herself.
"I think this is out of print, either way, I know I don't have it here." she spoke absently upon re-entering the room, "This is mine, it is pretty old." she said apologetically handing him the worn book, a collection of various poems.
He took the book and flipped through it with interest.
"Just about all of the poems we talked about are in there and I would like you to have it." she smiled warmly at him. "It is a good starting point." she told him.
Castiel stood and this time extended his hand, "Thank you." he said with a small upturned smile, this time taking her small hand in both of his, seeming truly grateful for the gift.
"You're welcome." she nodded "I've enjoyed your company, please come back when you can." she told him earnestly.
"I will, perhaps next week." he said, nodding and releasing a rare small smile, before turning to leave.
That was the beginning, the angel would visit the small book store regularly from that day forward. He would enjoy conversation and the company of the young woman. The longer he was on earth the, more comfortable he became and the more relaxed he became in her presence. Before long their conversations grew beyond books, still, he never told her who or what he was, by the same token she never offered a personal history of her own. He knew only that she alone owned the store, lived above it with her son and owned the building it was located in. She never mentioned the boy's father and he did not pry. She was one of the few humans he would grow to consider a friend.
On his third visit he noticed Olivia's left hand seemed injured. Upon further inspection, he realized it was not an injury, her left wrist and hand seemed to be stuck in an awkward position. Hand turned sideways and fingers slightly curled, she almost always kept it hidden in her pocket when customers were in the shop. He understood she was hiding the deformity from others and it occurred to him the only reason he noticed it, was because she felt comfortable enough with him to let down her guard. While he was curious as to the cause and he noticed from time to time, she would wince, as though it caused her pain, he never mentioned it, because she never spoke of it.
After a few months of his visits, Olivia dropped her guard further asking him to join her for an art exhibit, stressing this was not a date. She simply felt he might enjoy it. He accepted and in fact did enjoy himself. It was the first of many such outings with her.
Olivia balanced the note and the book against her chest, with her left hand, as she turned the lock and opened the door with the other. She walked out onto the stoop and then down the steps just in time to see a flash of tan cloth at the corner.
"Castiel" she yelled, and ran after him.
The angel stopped when he heard the familiar voice. In part he wanted to see Olivia to tell her good bye face to face, she had always been kind to him. Her door always open to him and if he were honest, he would greatly miss their weekly conversations. If he were blatantly honest, he would miss her smile, laugh, the way her hair smelled when she leant over him to share a reading or set down a mug of tea or coffee. Most of all he would simply miss her presence, as she was a pleasant addition to his long and lonely existence.
He turned to face her.
"Castiel? What is it? What is wrong?" She asked him concerned,shocked by his expression and knowing he would have never returned the book unless something were terribly wrong.
Castiel was often expressionless, what she saw was beyond that, he looked like nothing she could explain, but it broke her heart.
"Olivia" he said walking towards her. "I'm sorry, I thought I had missed you." he explained.
"You know I am never gone long Castiel? What is wrong?"
He was silent as he looked at her.
"I needed to tell you good bye" he told her, his tone more earnest and less matter of fact than usual.
She studied his face and his stance. He looked, disheartened, disillusionedor maybe disenchanted, she wasn't sure what the word was for it, but she was certain it started with 'dis' and was it was the worst word ever. She was also certain he was not getting away this easy, it was obvious he was in no condition, at least emotionally, to go off alone… anywhere.
"No come with me" she said holding out her hand to him.
"Olivia" he said again sounding sad and exasperated, "I can not stay here." his face falling further, for having to refuse her request.
"Is that it Castiel? You need a place to say?" she questioned.
He closed his eyes and shook his head, "I need a great many things" he told her solemnly, none of which anyone here can provide.
Olivia didn't know what had happened to him, she didn't know the cause but, she knew what it was to feel alone in the world.
"Don't be so sure." she said with a small smile. "Come… come on." she said again, offering her good hand.
The angel nodded reluctantly, but accepted, taking the book from her left hand as she held his, in her right leading him back to the store.
Once inside Olivia locked the door and turned the closed sign. "Come on" she told Castiel and he followed her through the store into the back room that was her office and stock room. She opened a brown wooden door that led up a wide staircase to her apartment above.
He followed her as she climbed the stairs. He had never seen her personal living space before and he was a bit bemused despite his sullen mood. The main room was a bright and open loft. A kitchen and dining area in one corner, the opposite corner was obviously meant for her son Danny, filled with toys, a video game system, bean bags for sitting. A large living room and office space on the other side. All of it painted a deep golden yellow with cream trim. Castiel decided the room was 'happy' if happy were a color this would be it.
"Sit" she instructed, taking him to the deep red sofa and watching him sink down, slow and stiff.
She sat next to him and turned to face the angel. "Please tell me."
"Olivia, I can not tell you." he said full of sorrow.
"Well you can't just leave this way either."
"Things have changed" he said softly, looking away. "Things are not what I believed them to be Olivia." he tried his best to help her understand, while not telling her too much.
"Castiel what do you mean?" she asked confused.
"I am not who you think I am" he said apologetically, "I am not even certain I am…. what I think I am any longer."
She narrowed her eyes at him and reached out to touch his face. It was the first time she had touched him this way, he again was taken off guard by the warmth and softness of her hand on his skin. He closed his eyes and held back a shudder that threatened to run through his body.
"Olivia you don't understand." he whispered in protest of her touch, while inside he did not want her to remove her hand from his cheek.
Confusion.
She leant closer to him and he raised his hand to hers as it rested against his cheek, he pressed it against face… yes he liked the feeling.
She smiled at his gesture, "Tell me, then I promise I will understand." she whispered consolingly.
He bowed his head still holding tightly to her hand, as she inched closer, "Please" she begged. "What ever it is, you have become my friend and I will do what I can to help you Castiel."
His head remained low, his hand still pressing her own hand to his cheek taking in the feel of her warmth, this small gesture, this offering of comfort was calming and for the moment the only thing that felt solid and unwavering. His first tear fell.
Olivia didn't ask any more questions she merely pulled him closer with her other hand and he rested his head against her as thousands of years worth of tears rained down and the sobs of an immortal soul escaped his lips.
She held him and he clung tightly to her. Her heart broke, still having no idea what caused him such pain.
Castiel held on, she was not the answer but, she was relief, she was real and she was true. She was there, she was waiting on him and she would not turn her back.
He found himself leaning harder against her and his face burrowing deeper into her neck and shoulder, his arms his pulling her closer and his hands seeking to feel her warmth under them. She did not pull away nor resist.
Instead she ran fingers through his hair and spoke calm and soothing words into his ear. His sorrow was quickly being replaced with something new. A need to fill the empty space. To fill it with the smell of her skin and hair, the things he had enjoyed from a distance now filling his senses as his head swam in them. Her left hand pressed flat against his back as she gently rubbed working to calm in further.
Soon he found himself calm with her arms around him and her scent and warmth surrounding him, her gentle words soothing him, yet, his heart was now thudding and his breathing becoming short.
"Olivia" he whispered looking up at her, "You need to know-" he started but, his mouth was just to close to hers and instead he found his lips pressed against hers instead.
The kiss was soft, slow, gentle. His first, his first real kiss of his own initiative. Unlike the brothel episode, he wasn't sure what to call that, but it was nothing like this moment.
He pulled away lowering his head once again.
"I-I'm sorry" he whispered breathless, working to regain control.
"You didn't want to kiss me?" she questioned with a small laugh.
"Yes… I did, but I shouldn't" he tried to explain.
This time she tilted her head confused.
"I am not what you think I am." he told her for the second time.
"Then what are you?"
Again he lifted his head to her face, attempting to find the words that would explain his existence to her. Giving up.
Reaching deep for the angel within he replied. "I shouldn't be here." he said flat and mono-tone.
Olivia hung her head. "Fine" she said calmly, "But take the book… It was a gift not a loan and I know you enjoy it, I've never seen you with out it since I gave it to you."