Everything is magical and beautiful. She is loved, and maybe that is enough. When his voice quietly sings lullabies, she imagines that they are together among the stars. She is Méi-mei, little sister.
Things come easily to her. They are dull. The world doesn't change, but she does. It's boring, and leaving is her only thought. When the academy gives her an offer, she jumps on it. She is The One Who Left.
The white-coats expect much of her. They smell of chemicals and they teach her things she never knew. These too, come easily. Now, though, they must. She has been taught, taught to kill and destroy. She is The Assassin.
Colors press on her brain like raging floodwater, and it's all she can do to hold on. They ambush her brain with thoughts and emotions that aren't hers, things she doesn't want to know. She was River, but now the river is muddy and muddled and trying to hold on to who she was is like trying to keep water in her hands. She is Uncertain.
The medicine keeps the colors away, but it also keeps away The Truth. She misses it, misses hearing Serenity watch over her crewmembers. Leaving the pills was easy. Simon tells her she's who she was. She is Not.
It gets harder, when the Reavers are near. Their sharp edges are ragged against her brain, and she wants to shut down, wants it to go away. It won't, and she knows that. So instead, she speaks of The Truth. The others don't understand. They do not know. She is The One Who Knows.
The Serenity falls apart. Some of her crew is dead. Others are not. She saw who she was and battled it, forcing herself through. She is The Assassin, The One Who Left, The One Who Knows. She is muddy and clear, truth and uncertain. She is River, for better or worse.