Elena stood there for what seemed like forever after Damon had left, Shaking inside from both shock and excitement before finally turning to go inside, Climbing the stairs in a daze.
Once inside the privacy of her room the reality of what had just happened washed over her and if the bed had just been a little farther away she'd have ended up collapsing in the middle of the floor. She'd wanted that kiss, oh how she'd longed for it and the truth of that on its own was enough for the guilt to consume her.
She was in love; she was hopelessly and heartbreakingly in love with him! She had been for a while, but was just now realizing for the first time just how powerfully she felt for him. She could lie to her friends, and deny it forever to Damon if she chose to….but Elena knew she couldn't lie to herself. She'd kissed him back tonight, and this time she didn't have the excuse of a death bed to put it behind her. She wanted to cry! To let all the confusion and frustration out with the tears, but the tears didn't come and she knew without knowing that it was because she had none to cry.
From out of the corner of her eye Elena caught sight of an old friend. There, tucked just under the pillow of the window seat was her diary, where she'd left it to collect dust for months. For a moment she laughed, kind of crazy, she thought to herself, to stop recording her life just as it had begun to become worth recording; now she could fill an entire journal describing the events of just one day!
Standing suddenly she crossed the room to grab the book and began to thumb through the pages; eager almost to remember who she had been before the supernatural had invaded her life. The first entries were light and simple, some full of youthful excitement; slumber parties spent with Caroline and Bonnie, homecoming, making the cheer team…summers at the lake with her parents and Jeremy. The last of the entries were so empty they might as well have been blank pages, the months after the accident had been a time of grieving, a time when the diary had been the only thing she could go to….and then Stefan…
Elena threw the diary onto the bed, reaching up to run her fingers through her hair. The thought of Stefan brought the feeling of utter guilt back in full force. Stefan Salvatore had entered into her life almost like the sun reemerging after an eclipse, and she had wanted no one else the moment he'd said I love you. He had been her lover, her protector, and best friend; how could her heart which had once swore to love only him, betray her so by reaching out for another?
But that was a question that Elena already knew the answer to.
Damon was cruel, self-destructive, hot headed, and brutal but he was also loyal, fearless, and fiercely loved the few he let close to him. Over the past year she had become one of those few. She could even pin point the moment she'd met the real Damon, and not the harsh vampire he wanted everyone else to see. It was at Miss Mystic, when he had stepped in as her escort at the very last second. In that moment dancing with him, she saw the man that cared for her everything! Whether it be her happiness, wellbeing, or just a last minute dance partner she knew from that moment on she could count on him. And where was Stefan at this moment in time? Feeding his bloodlust just as he was now.
Elena went back to the bed, sitting down and reaching out for her leather bound history, stroking the cover thoughtfully. The girl that was alive in these pages had become someone stronger, and someone wiser…not because of Stefan's gentle caring, but because of Damon's fierce love. Damon loved her enough to be honest with her, he believed in her own strength and bravery enough to be brutal with her, because he knew it was what she needed to survive.
Elena's memory flew back to a conversation she'd had with her mother once. It was when she had started dating Matt, and she had asked her how do you know when you're with the right person? And she had replied simply, "Being with that person should make you a better one". Elena now understood what she meant. Love wasn't supposed to be a fairy-tale, it was about sacrifice and standing together even when the storm howled around you. People weren't perfect and neither was love, perfect had been what she was striving for with Stefan and in the end it only left her heartbroken and disappointed, because in the end he'd chosen Klaus's compulsion and the blood lust over fighting to stay with her. Even now that he was free he was still drifting farther away from her…and she was tired of trying to reel him back in. Stefan always came back to blood, but Damon always came back to her.
A clap of thunder sounded in the distance and with it, Elenas courage; she knew what she had to do, and no amount of rain was going to keep her from it. She had made her choice, now it was time to act on it.