IMPORTANT EDIT: Just to let everyone know now, the main characters are: England, France, America, Russia, Lithuania, Poland, China, Spain, and Prussia. Pairings are by request (and there are more details on pairings at the end of chapter 2).

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Mocking the UN

Chapter 1

To say that the Mock UN group I started at the beginning of this year didn't go the way I'd planned would have to be the understatement of the century. Frankly, it never ceases to amaze me that I'm even still alive- and still in possession of something vaguely resembling sanity- after everything that's happened.

I suppose none of this is making much sense to you, is it? Of course not. How could it? Forgive me, I do have a bad habit of getting ahead of myself.

Let me start from the beginning. Most stories tend to do that I've heard.

My name is Arthur Kirkland. I am a high school student, a teenager, the Student Council Vice President, a master at kitting and crocheting, a darn good cook if I do say so myself, and most importantly...

The leader of Hetalia High School's Mock UN group.

And unfortunately, it's all downhill from here.

Care to join me?

OoOoO

The clock must have been wrong. It must have! There were no other options. There was no possible way that I could actually already be five whole minutes late to the first meeting.

Loafers hit the tile floor in a fast, steady rhythm. Normally, I wouldn't be caught dead running in the school hallways, but these were extenuating circumstances. My breath came faster and faster as I picked up the pace. Emerald eyes flickered to the plain brown watch clasped tightly around my wrist.

3:06.

Six minutes late! This was terrible! I couldn't send this kind of message to the other representatives on the first day. I pushed myself to run faster. White walls, doors decorated with paper and glitter, and colorful posters for club advertisements all flashed by in blurs. It was the second week of school. That was of course when all the clubs started recruiting members. I was already a part of a few myself. The fiber arts club for one. The book club. The Student Council and the Spirit club.

I had been so looking forward to joining the cooking club as well, but they'd informed me that they were not excepting new members this year- which was absolutely ridiculous! They had posters asking for people to sign up all over the school! It must have just been a mistake. I had to talk to them later about it.

I shook the thought out of my head. There were much more important things to think about. You see, I was something of what you might call an 'over achiever'. I was determined to get into Oxford, and I was willing to do anything to achieve that goal. Anything.

Including putting up with the incompetence of my classmates every day for an hour after school. Hence, I did the most logical thing I could think of: I started a Mock UN group. It would look amazing on a college application, especially since I had chosen to represent The United Kingdom (I was born and raised there after all!) which was a rather important member. With any luck I'd have the blokes from Oxford clogging up my mailbox with scholarship offers!

The turn out was expected to be quite good apparently. I myself had not yet seen the list of people joining, but according to the Advanced Placement World History teacher- the sponsor of our group- quite a few students had expressed some interest.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't completely shocked.

Stuck in my thoughts, I realized I'd reached the Meeting Room several seconds too late. I skidded to a stop much too quickly, loosing my balance and toppling over in a rather undignified heap. I stared dazedly at the ceiling. Well, this is one way to make a first impression. At least none of them had seen it. I heard snickers from behind me. I tilted my head back to see at least eight people in the doorway looking at me.

Great.

Instantly, I pulled myself together. I stood calmly, wiping the floor dust off of my pants as if nothing had happened, and marched into the meeting room like the dignified Mock UN delegate I was! Shut up! I had most certainly not just completely tripped over my own feet after getting here a full seven and a half minutes late. Of course not. Don't be silly.

"You are so graceful and suave, dear Arthur. Really, you never cease to amaze me."

The voice. That annoying, arrogant, obnoxious, Frenchy-frog-face voice! It couldn't be. I turned around. It was. "No," I hissed. "No no no no no nonononono!" I stalked toward him, grabbed him by the shoulders, spun him around, and began shoving him right out the door. Right where he belonged! "You are not here Francis! You are going to leave now- right now!- Or I swear I'll-"

"Oh ho ho!" God that laugh was annoying! Francis broke free from my grip and turned on me. He put on the most pathetically fake pout I have ever had the displeasure of seeing. "Is that any way to act to act around your Student Council President?"

My blood boiled. Oh how dare he? "You wouldn't even be President if you hadn't rigged the voting machines!"

"Such weighty accusations you make Arthur," he said in shock, his (girly) fingers to his (unshaven and disgusting) chin. "And your proof is...?"

I said nothing. I glared at the ground as though the whole thing were its fault.

"There. You see. You admit it. It never happened." He added smugly at my lack-of-response. He flipped silky blonde hair over his shoulder and I snapped.

"That's it! OUT! NOW!" I began shoving him backwards as he protested loudly. Just as I was actually making some progress in our pest-problem, a pair of arms wrapped tightly around my chest and shoulders from behind and someone was dragging me off of him. "Excuse me, what do you think you're doing?," I demanded, thrashing in their grip. Who the heck did this person think he was?

"I could ask you the same thing, dude." Alfred. Of course. Actually, not 'of course.' Of everyone in this entire school, he is the one person I would never have expected to see in this room. "Seriously, I've got way better stuff to be doing then hang out with you nerds, but my guidance councilor says I've gotta do it for extra credit or I might not graduate. And if this thing gets shut down because you two were fighting, my mom'll kill me! So let's not and say we didn't."

That was actually halfway mature... I tilted my head back to study him skeptically. "Who are you and what have you done with the Jones idiot?"

He laughed and let me go. When I looked back Francis was already in his seat, arms crossed over his chest and one manicured eyebrow raised at me. By this point, everyone was seated, save Alfred and me. I cleared my throat, looking down at the roster which was sitting on the desk. So Francis was here representing France. Oh the irony. Someone in heaven really must have hated me. But there wasn't anything I could do about it. I couldn't just kick him out of the group without a legitimate reason, and especially not on the first day. Unfortunately, I would have to put up with him for a while at least.

I sat down at the head of the table, with Alfred sitting somewhere down the row to my right. "Well, since it seems that we're all here, I suppose we shall begin. I am the delegate representing Britain. That's what you will call me during meetings- that is to say, as far as you are concerned, Britain is my name. You're just lucky I've decided not to make you use my full title. Suffice to say, you'll call everyone else by their country names as well." I pulled out a stack of colorful information sheets and began passing them around the room starting on my left with the rather scary-looking boy in my Chemistry class who I knew was representing the Russian Federation.

"We will meet here every day after school for one hour for meetings. And, at the end of the semester, we will all go and represent Hetalia High School in a state-wide Mock UN convention. Since of course we don't want to dishonor out school, we will be more well-prepared than any other high school has ever been, mark my words!"

My miniature inspirational speech was met with a dozen blank stares. Everyone's a critic...

I sighed. This group was hopeless. "Are there any questions?"

Alfred raised a hand slowly, "Yes, uh..."I looked down at my roster. "America?" Hmm, so he represented the United States? Why am I not surprised.

"Yeah, just one. Why the heck are we meeting in the old janitor's store room?"

You know, it may sound awful, but I was really hoping no one would notice that.

OoOoOo

I've done some research on the Mock UN (or the Model UN as it's more commonly known, but whatever). However, I will get things wrong. You don't have to point it out, I know there'll be a ton of misinformation. I can't picture these guys sticking to protocol anyway. Just think of this as a 'what not to do' for Model UN groups lol.

And feed the review inbox please- before it eats my soul. An author with no soul has a difficult time updating.

Love,

earth warrior