Hi, everyone. The original chapter I wrote violated the content guidelines, so I've changed it, and hopefully it's okay now. It's not a songfic anymore, and is now just a bade one-shot. Hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own VicTORIous
Jade POV
I was aware of how intense my career path was going to be. Everyone who wanted to 'make it' in Hollywood had to deal with the same crappy stuff: the pressure, the drama, the loss of privacy. But I was prepared. This was what I wanted to do with my life, the arts were my passion. I didn't care what my parents thought – they weren't going to stand in the way of my dreams. I had finally convinced them to let me go to Hollywood Arts, but that didn't mean they would support me. I had no one to talk to, or get advice from. Well, I had Cat but she didn't count because she was, well…Cat. I didn't need anyone's help or support. Actually, I didn't need anyone, period.
That's what I thought then.
Ever since I started Hollywood Arts, all my relationships have ended pretty much before they began, be it with a bang or a fizzle. I was just getting used to the wishful thinking followed by the soon-to-be expected letdown, when a certain fluffy haired, big brown eyed Beck Oliver crashed into my world. He asked me out and I refused multiple times. Then, when he kept persevering, I figured 'what do I have to lose?' I wasn't expecting anything important to come from the relationship, but after the first few dates, I found some hope and put a little bit of faith into whatever was unfolding between Beck and I.
My relationship with him confused me. I thought it couldn't last. As far as I knew, one of three things could happen with love.
It could hurt. He could cheat or fall in love with someone else. He could end up being just another user or player. He won't feel the same; this is where my insecurities step in. There is a huge chance that it won't kill him as much as it kills me if we break up. If any of these things are true then the hurt is inevitable.
It could bleed. He could eventually get sick of my jealousness, over-protectiveness and bitchiness. Sure, I could open up and let my guard down when it was just him and me, but maybe one day that won't be enough. Maybe one day he'll realize that he wants someone sweet and supportive and perfect (*coughtorivegacough*).
It could fade. This option scares me the most. One day BeckandJade could be Beck… and Jade. We could end up being just friends, or worse – complete strangers.
Three years later and we were still going strong. I never saw that one coming. I never saw any of it coming, actually. Sure, I fell for Beck pretty quickly but I had no idea that he would fall for me too. Out of all the relationships I've had, this one scares me the most. The fact that it's lasted more than a couple of months terrifies me. The fact that he might just love me as much as I love him is insane. I think I'm in deep this time.
Boy, am I in trouble.
When I'm alone with Beck it's different. It's like all the things that usually come easiest to me – anger, jealousy, bitchiness etc. – just fade away, and the ones I didn't even know someone like me could possess – love, trust, modesty – replace them instantly.
I don't understand how one person could make another feel so…complete.
But that's what Beck could do just by looking into my eyes, or saying 'I love you', or pulling me into a hug. And for those reasons, I freakin' loved that damned Beck Oliver.
I know that this can't end well now. I've never been in love with anyone before. I have to admit, it was scary. But now I wasn't so scared of the fact that my black heart could function like a normal one. I was scared of how much I needed Beck now. And how over-protective of him I'd become.
I had been brought up with the harsh reality that nothing lasts. And over the past few months, I had convinced myself that Beck and I would be an exception. Recently, I realized that we weren't. We had flaws – lots of them. Up to now I had been oblivious to them, but it was as if someone had shone a bright, fluorescent, white light into my eyes, and the blur that had been the confusing - but none-the-less amazing - perfectness of love, focused into view and I saw the honest truth that Beck and I were a trainwreck.
But I didn't care. I needed him and as far as I knew, he needed me just as much. Screw perfection. The only thing that scared me was knowing that one day, I wouldn't have Beck.
I could tell that I was changing. I was becoming more and more of a bitch to the people who I used to love…or at least tolerate.
I hated acting this way and I didn't know why until I realized that I was letting my insecurities in my love life turn into bitchiness in my actual one. There was no way to stop it. There was no solution. Until Beck called me out on it. He asked me why I had been so bitter to everyone lately. And I explained my theory to him, while he sat, listened, and didn't interrupt because he clearly knows what's good for him. Once I had finally shut up after about 20 minutes, he looked me in the eye and for the first time, I understood where this mess of a relationship was taking us to. He said one phrase that snapped my attention away from our flaws and back to the imperfect perfection that was BeckandJade.
He said that he loved me.
It was amazing. I had felt as if all the second thoughts I had just disappeared. All the painted mess that had turned black and blue was wiped off the canvas. Even though we couldn't choose who we fell in love with, we were finally able to choose where it would go.
We could anticipate each other's every move. It was kind of freaky how he was able to subtly grab my hand and play with my fingers at the exact moment I was going to slap someone. We had pretty much become the same person. We needed each other just as much as SpongeBob needs a girlfriend to prove that he isn't gay. Or as much as a hippie needs tofu. He was the yin to my yang and I was the yang to his yin. And he had a lot of yin to be yanged.
Beck POV
Admittedly, Jade was no angel, and even I was willing to acknowledge that. I knew that from the beginning, though and yet I let my guard down and surrendered to the intoxicatingness (intoxicatingness is a word now) of Jade West. Was it a good decision? Now, that I'll never know.
I didn't care if it was a good idea, though. In the long run, falling in love with Jade could either be the best thing to ever happen to me, or the worst. I would never, ever love anyone as much as I could possibly love her, which was exciting, terrifying and downright crazy.
In my opinion, this was the best time for falling in love, especially with someone like Jade. This was the golden age to be young, wild and free with the person you were sure would change you – for good or for bad, forever.
For the first time ever, I had something to lose. I loved her every minute of every day, and was not, under any circumstances, about to let her go. She was my Achilles' heel, my one weakness. You could get away with hurting me. But if you hurt Jade, you were dead meat. She would kill me if she heard that, and claim that she could take care of herself and didn't need my help. I didn't doubt that that was true; I was just protective of Jade. Some people would argue that I was too protective of her, but honestly, I was totally, utterly and irrevocably in love with her.
They say that in life, you regret what you didn't do more than what you did. And I'm pretty sure that if I had never found Jade, my life would be a string of mundane moments, as opposed to a furious whirlwind of passion.
Screw good and right and perfect. They were all overrated and cliché. Love was ruthless and that's what made all of these ridiculous, desperate, thrilling, graceful, red moments all I needed.
Hope that you enjoyed it. Reviews are much appreciated.
~Char xox