Learning to say Goodbye
Title:
Learning to say Goodbye
Author: Alexis Sacrifar
Genre: Angst /
Romance
Pairing: Gin/Kira
Disclaimer: I do not own
Bleach
A.N: Something inspired by book 16 of Bleach, lol. My
juniors just said 'spread the virus of love' lol...sigh. Whaddya
mean?? My cosplaying as Ise Nanao was alright...rained like
hell...but omg i look ugly okay...Outing to sentosa come
friday...VOLLEYBALL!! Oh btw my waloli photos are out...uploading
them to my blog...
alexissacrifar.
Ahaha...so ugly. I might upload...then again i might not. You can keep hoping i think...
All his life, Ichimaru had always came and went as he liked - he never said anything, never left anything behind. There was no need to anyway. He will never stay long in a place that he will never call home. No place could hold him, for he never did find his belonging. He didn't really expect to anyway.
That was, until he met Kira Izuru.
The first time he saw Kira wasn't in the human world - it was in the Academy. He remembered passing by the training grounds one day on his way to meet Yamamoto soutaichou, when he had seen the blonde training with the tattoed redhead, Abarai Renji. He didn't think much of him then, merely finding the way that he fights is remarkable. Later in the day, he met the boy again in the corridors, with Hisagi. Kira had bumped into him, and had dropped all the books in his arms. Of course, he didn't recognise who he was; he didn't have on his fukutaichou badge, but Hisagi did, and bowed down low to him. 'Good afternoon Ichimaru fukutaichou!!' Always the quick-tempered one, he supposed, for he had whacked Kira's head and insisted that he apologise.
'Ther's no need ta, relax,' Ichimaru had tried waving them off dismissively. Kira was still on the floor amongst his books, staring up at him incredulously, his face a mixture of shock and admiration, before catching himself and jumped up from his undignified position on the floor.
'I-i'm sorry, Ichimaru fukutaichou!!' he bowed low to the ground. 'I didnt...i wasn't paying attention to where i was going! Please forgive me!!'
Ichimaru had been a little taken aback by his behavior, but he was more than just attracted to the soft blue eyes. Perhaps...he didn't let his mind wander too far into vivid imagination, and merely dismissed them. After all, he belonged to Aizen-sama, there was probably no way he could get his own ways around. He could never forget the incident, much later afterwards, when he had cut down the hollows before Kira. The fearful, naked, frightened look the blonde had was imprinted on his mind, as well as the way he had later looked at Ichimaru. Sometimes, when Ichimaru thought back, Kira could actually hold back the hollows with the rest, but fear had overcome him. How could he not have noticed anyway? The thirst for protection in Kira's eyes.
Years passed, and Kira had surprisingly become his fukutaichou. His guess was that Aizen had pulled some strings around, like he usually wound, as naturally as breathing. Perhaps he had noticed the way he had been studying and stalking Kira, despite how much he had tried to make it discreet. Being Aizen, of course, he knew everything.
Kira was hardworking, responsible and reliable, just as Aizen had told him. He did all the work quietly, and fulfilled all his duties, even to the extent of covering up Ichimaru's unfulfilled duties without a single complaint. Ichimaru watched him, observed him with great interest, as his lieutenant tolled away day after day. He noticed the shy glances directed at him, took in the way Kira behaved around him, blushing at every occasional comment thrown his way, figeting whenever he drew too close. Ichimaru had taken advantage of that, and approached Kira more often.
'You can take Kira, but you still belong to me, Ichimaru,' Aizen had told him one night.
'Wha?'
'He's obviously smitten with you, Gin. I permit that.'
I permit that... Ichimaru took it in quietly. Nothing could be done without Aizen's permission, especially not if he's Aizen's property. Ever since he had enrolled into the Academy as a student, Aizen had already claimed him as his, chained him as tightly as he could. He could never escape.
For that reason, he obeyed Aizen, his thirst for freedom struggling at its heavy, lead chains. He had nothing to do anyway. He teased Kira, toyed with him, gave him false hope, but Kira had never once responded harshly. He loved Ichimaru more than anything else, and his sincerity could not be rejected, forgotten, ignored.
Soon Ichimaru soon found his heart in the blonde's hands.
He had probably taken after Aizen, in some ways or other. He smiled at every cry of pain Kira made, but deep inside, he loved his small blonde mouse. But he didn't dare let his true feelings show through, afraid, tentative. He didn't know what would happen if he did, would Kira abandon him? Would Aizen take advantage of it? He didn't know, he didn't want to know. But he gave Kira as much as he could, as much as he dared. He wanted to be free, at least in his own mind - at least, before he would be locked away by Aizen later.
He still came and went, as and when he fancied.
His love for Kira grew, but Aizen did not allow him tos tep past his boundaries, reminding him who he really belonged to. But Ichimaru could never forget, could he? Each time he lay in bed with Kira at night, he was reminded bitterly of the times when he himself lay under Aizen, crying and screaming for mercy with every thrust Aizen made. What did Aizen take him for? There was no love there, just the want to possess, to break. He knew Aizen always took fancy to what he deemed as beautiful.
If beauty is a sin, why don't someone kill me?But he never did let Kira get so close to him, reluctantly nurturing his tender feelings. When Kira found out about the truth, it would tear him apart. But more so that he would be leaving him behind. It pained him, to be attached to Kira so. Is it a weakness? Is it a strength? Tears streamed down his cold pale cheeks each night, as Aizen claimed him. Kira wasn't his. He was Kira's.
And then, the time for them to part arrived too soon.
He followed doggedly at Aizen's heels, reluctantly. But as he strayed around in Las Noches, he felt sick, caged in. He longed to return to Sereitei, to Kira, away from this blank, colourless and cold world that Huenco Muendo was. His heart didn't belong here - this wasn't home. He detested everything, Aizen, Tousen, the Espardas...he had enough.
And then the order came down for him to kill Kira.
'I cannot afford you betraying us at this rate,' Aizen had murmured emotionlessly. 'Kill him and return.'
'Hai...Aizen-sama...'
A.N: Cliffies!! Will add on more tomorrow maybe...Haha.