Sapph-speare
Starring: Tamao Hopital, Marik Pelosi, Alistratore Alexander
Rating: T. Well, yes…
Other: This is a Romeo + Juliet parody. Hehehe… Short and sweet, it was quite popular among my friends when I first wrote it in 2005.
(Marik stands outside of the house. He has lost his house key and therefore is locked out).
Marik: I cannot believe I hath lost my key. This night beyeth quite cold. Where lies my dear Tamao and my dear Alistratore? They would not leave me out here, would they? They would certainly not wish for my balls to freezeth.
(Missie appears on the balcony with Alister).
Marik: My sweeties hath arriveth! Shall I yell for them…or shall I wait? If I shall yell, the bastard law enforcement might wish to arrest me for a disturbance of the peace.
Missie: Alie, where hath our dearest Marik gone?
Alister: I don't know, but I wisheth he were here. He hath not screweth me since the sun's rising.
Marik: They speaketh!
Missie: I know not where he hath gone, but I feel that he still exists on this planet. I can feel his energy as if he were here.
Alister: We must wait for dear Marik's return, so we can feel his sweet embrace…
Missie: …his soothing and nimble fingers…
Alister: …massaging soft globes of human flesh…
Missie: A big screw it shall be, says I!
Alister: Says we!
Missie: Oh, yes, dearest Alister. We three shall do it like test bunnies in heat!
Alister: A test bunny sandwich!
Missie: Oh, Marik, Marik, wherefore art thou, Marik? Doff thou pride and apply thou condom, thou relations partners awaiteth thee!
(Marik can take no more and leaps into view).
Marik: Here art I! Thou sex beast hath arriveth!
(Missie and Alister jump in surprise).
Alister: Oh, handsome Marik, thou hast arriveth! Thou art here to give us sweet pleasure! But what hath thou been doing in the blanket of the Moon?
Marik: My house keys, I have losteth; stranded out here, I am. But I deeply wish to be with mine Sex God and Sex Goddess, such is the life of an incredibly sexy bisexual, such as mineself.
Alister: Cometh to thee, sex beast!
Missie: Cometh to we!
(Marik leaps into a nearby tree and climbs up until he can leap onto the balcony to Missie and Alister).
Marik: How greatly I hath missed thou both!
Missie: And how greatly hath we missed you! Now, thou hast appeareth, so let us begin our big screw!
Strange voice: Tamao? Alistratore?
Marik: Whose voices beyeth those?
Missie: Some Jehovia's Witnesses. They hath beeneth here since thou earlier departure. We lied that we headeth to the lavatory, but it apparently hath been too long an absence.
Marik: Cometh with me both. We shall escapeth in that yonder tree from whence I came.
Alister: Agreed, dear Marik.
(The three lovebirds climb onto a tree branch as the Jehovia's Witnesses continue their search. But their combined weight causes the branch to snap, and they all crash into the thorny bushes below and begin to bleed).
Marik: Oucheth.