I really try to love you. How many times have I fought myself to stop comparing you? How many times have I put him aside and really thought about you?

You look at me as if I should love you. And you are so serious about it. And do you know the funny thing? I know I should. Ok, so it isn't funny, it's rather pathetic.

But how can you expect me to forget all of THAT? I know I shouldn't be doing this; but here I am, saying the truth: I miss him, I miss the rash beating of my heart and I miss the sound of my laughter and the sight of my smile. Ok, so you DO make me smile. What can I say? I'm not made of iron. But you're SO not him. You DON'T make me melt inside. You DON'T make everything easier with just a tender look. And you certainly don't leave me and break my heart.

So you stay here and I thank you. So you accept me in your bed though I bear his marks in my body and soul. I know you guess my feelings and still let me sleep in your arms without pulling me apart...

I won't love you; but I'm learning to be with you. I only hope you will stay forever as blind as today 'cause I need you and I don't want to be alone anymore.

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