To Infirmity, And Beyond
This was the coldest winter James had experienced. If it wasn't for the candles on the window sill, the panes of glass would be thick with frost. He was beginning to see his breath, so he threw some more lumps of coal onto the fire. Twelve Grimmauld Place was notoriously difficult to keep warm. As the fire grew larger, a pleasant wave of heat travelled the room; the old oak furniture creaked with relief.
"Ah! Much better" said Sirius, who was sitting in front of the fire. James rubbed his hands together as he fell back into the chair next to him. It was very late and the rest of the Order had gone to bed, straight after supper. The two men sat silently for a few moments, enjoying the fire, and then Sirius spoke again, "You were awfully quiet at supper. I know Molly's cocoa could put a thestral to sleep, but it wasn't that was it". At the thought of the cocoa he just had, Sirius let out a long yawn.
"Haha, it's not the cocoa" replied James, half yawning, half smirking. One of the portraits on the wall followed James with another yawn, but neither of them noticed. James gave a quick glance at Sirius, then looked back into the fire before he spoke again, "it's Lily"
Sirius' concern forced him to quickly sit up straight, "What? Is she ok?"
"Yeah, she's fine. It's just… she told me something today." James said reassuringly, but the last part didn't sway Sirius' concern. James stood up, and leaned on the mantel piece, still staring into the flames. He went in to a daze, almost a minute past. Sirius stamped on the floor to break him out of it, "Sirius… she's pregnant"
"She's what?! James, this is incredible news! I… I can't believe it! And you two kept this quiet all day lon-" Sirius was interrupted by an annoyed grunt from one of the portraits, reminding him how late it was. He was sitting so close to the edge of his seat, he almost fell off, so he stood up and walked over to James. Gave him a friendly pat on the back and shook his hand "Nice one James, congratulations!"
"Thank you, but it hasn't quite sunk in yet" said James. The two men realised that they were standing too close to the fire, so sat back down. Sirius smiled, looking at James, who returned the gaze, but wasn't smiling. "Sirius, what world is this for us to bring a child in to? Voldemort is still out there, reports of attacks becoming more frequent. And the Order isn't getting anywhere is it? When was the last bit of good news anyone ever reported? Even Dumbledore seemed on edge during supper. Remus has been away for weeks, and we've heard nothing! I knew he shouldn't have left, he was mad to get involved with Greyback. These are dangerous times, and I just can't stop worrying that something could happen to Lily". He fell silent, staring in to the fire once again. Sirius' expression was of sorrow. He surprised himself, as for the briefest of moments he forgot all the bad things James had just spoke of. It felt wonderful, he thought.
Now sharing the same worry as James, Sirius tried hard not to let him notice. He had to be strong for him, who else was there? It was surprising how alone one could feel, being in the Order of the Phoenix. Endeavouring to show no weakness, Sirius finally broke the silence, "have you told her how you feel?"
"Lily? Of course not! I haven't seen her this happy in so long, it would be selfish to tell her" replied James, his voice sounding distant, his mind on nothing but Lily. Without thinking, Sirius reached out and put his hand on James's shoulder. There was no use in pretending, he thought, James was right, these are dangerous times, far too dangerous to raise a child. A tear rolled down James' cheek, so Sirius stood up pretending not to notice. It was torture to see his best friend suffering like this, especially now when they should be celebrating the good news. Sirius couldn't remember the last time he cried. It was a mystery to him. What is wrong with me, he thought, how sad or happy does someone have to be to cry? Am I not sad enough? The thought of this was frustrating, but now was not the time.
"James, listen to me" demanded Sirius, he couldn't bear awkward silences. James wiped his eyes quickly and looked up at him. "There's no use feeling like this. The war is far from over, but that doesn't mean we're losing. Now, I hate to point this out to you, but you're going to be a father, and that's more than enough reason for any man to keep fighting. So don't you dare say that you're losing faith in the Order. How can you even think like this when the woman you love is carrying your child? I know you all too well, James Potter, and you are not a coward" He walked over to James who looked a bit shocked at what Sirius was saying. James stood up and without hesitation, hugged Sirius. This was not something he expected. His mind erupted with a mixture of emotions: the happiness of a new life, the anger at James' reluctance, the heartbreaking truth of bringing a child into such a dangerous world, the guilt of talking so harshly to his best friend, but he understood James better than anyone. This hug was for gratitude and forgiveness. It was overwhelming, and silently, tears began to stream down his face onto James' shoulder. Finally, the mystery was revealed. An almighty crash came from the hallway outside the room they were in, it was the front door. The two men ran out to see what had happened. The front door flew open and a body collapsed into the house.
"REMUS!" cried the two men.