Oneshot based on song 'Dear Old Nicki' by Nicki Minaj. Hope you enjoy! :D

"You've changed,"
It was those words that I'd been hearing too often as of late. And yeah, I couldn't deny it. I had changed. Somewhere along the line. Everyone would ask me where the 'Old Nattie' was. I was wondering the same thing. Maybe she'd died. I tried everything I could to channel her, in the hopes that I'd manage to steal her back and everything would get back to normal. But it wouldn't happen, it was like I was only just missing the chance to get back to normal. Everyone was waiting for 'Old Nattie' to reappear and I was hoping that this... new me... hadn't buried her six feet under.

I had always promised that I wouldn't change who I was.
"Promise me we'll always be this way," My boyfriend had whispered to me, his lips pressing against mine in the darkness of the room.
"I'll always be me Teej, I'll always be Nattie Neidhart," I'd murmured in reply. That conversation was always the one that stuck out in my head. Making sure that TJ was in his deep sleep, I slipped out of the bed we were sharing and I walked into the bathroom, flipping the switch on and staring at myself in the mirror. I started crying and pounded my fist against the mirror.
"Come back already!" I cried out, willing the old me to come back out and take over my body, like she was returning from a break. Once I became a WWE Diva, I knew that I'd changed. I'd been forced to. I wasn't what was considered a WWE Diva, and I blamed myself for that. That was a mistake, it was my rawness and my edge that set me apart from others. It was being different, being my own individual that had saved my life many times.

I opened my jewellery box, pulling out my favourite pair of earrings. They were made of bamboo and were the first present TJ had ever given me. I hadn't worn them in a long time, it was probably back when I had my long nails, which were now trimmed and manicured to perfection. I missed my old BMW, which had since been upgraded into whatever car everyone else was wanting to get. For a long time, it felt like the only person that I could rely on was myself. I was the one that never switched anything up, I was always the same. However, a time came where I felt I needed to grow, I needed to know what it was like to be a different person, to not be so reliable.

So I did it. I allowed the feelings and emotions I was feeling deep down inside rise up and show, changing me into a completely different person. So I just left old Nattie behind and brought in this new... shallower Nattie, who only cared about herself. I knew who I was in the back of my mind, but I'd given up on her. I wanted to be accepted and this was how it was going to be done.
"Come back old Nattie," I begged, staring desperately at the mirror reflection back into my own eyes.
"Please come back," I finished, a fresh round of tears pouring down my faces.

I'd always forewarned myself that if I'd ever gotten this bad, 'Old Nattie' would come back, when I needed her most. I believed that it would be easy to make happen, to just slip back into how my life used to be. Yet here I was, still desperately waiting for a little bit of my normal life to come back. I was holding myself to that promise. I had to, I had no other choice.

I walked into the bedroom again and looked over at my boyfriend's body, watching it rise and fall with every soft breath he took. I knew that he had been noticing the differences lately. Had I changed and started chasing the glitz, glamour, money, fame and power that came along with being a figure constantly in the spotlight.
"Baby?" TJ murmured. I started crying and I walked over to the bed. He sat up and pulled me into his arms.
"I can't do this anymore!" I cried.
"What's going on?" He mumbled, kissing my bare shoulder.
"I've let everyone get to me, all those nameless cowards online, everyone. The old me wouldn't have cared, they wouldn't have broken me down but now… now I can't cope anymore." I sobbed.

TJ stayed silent as I poured everything out.
"I had to change, the old me wasn't cut out to be a WWE Diva. I had to understand that and I had to change who I was. But I've done nothing but bad things since I've changed," I said softly.
"You've done some good things too," TJ murmured, speaking for the first time in a while.
"It was all so I could gain some mainstream attention though. Nattie Neidhart was underground before that. This is the life that I would daydream about before! I thought it would be everything that I wanted. I changed to get what I wanted and it's made everyone hate me. I even hate myself… who honestly hates themself?" I said, before bursting into tears.

"My only wish is, that I had managed to keep a hold on the girl I used to be so she could enjoy all of this with me. So I could actually be more responsive in conference calls with Vince and Creative, so I can be more helpful with our Lawyer and the Doctor and stuff. Not be as sheltered," I sighed. TJ started massaging my back and I sighed appreciatively.
"Do you miss me? Who I really am? Who I was before the money came and I tripled it, then I quadrupled it? When we could just have fun doing stupid stuff and not worrying about if people were watching or taking photos," I asked, turning my head so I could see his face.
"I know that the old Nattie is still in there somewhere baby, and I know she's fighting to get out. You've just gotta let it happen," He said, running his hand up and down my spine.

"I don't even understand why I decided to change. It's not as if anything has really changed. Who was I trying to impress? I'm still ridiculed, the media has never believed in me." I said.
"I believe in you, I always have. You used to believe in yourself too… it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. As long as you believe in yourself baby, you're gonna go far. I'm always gonna be right there to support ya. You might not be the exact same girl that I fell in love with but every day I fall in love with you a million times over," He said. I wiped away a few stray tears as I turned around to face him and he pressed his lips against my nose. I closed my eyes at the contact and tried to relax my brain, which was running a thousand miles a minute.
"I'm gonna stop caring what others think Teej. I'm just gonna make me happy. I'm gonna bring the old Nattie back," I said.
"That's my girl," TJ replied, lying down. I laid next to him and his fingers interlaced through my own.

I'd told myself that I would always be the same person and never change and it was time to keep that promise. I needed the person I used to be to come back and I was going to make it happen. I believed in myself enough that I knew that I would most definitely be able to. Right now, I didn't know how or when but I knew that it would happen. As I watched TJ fall asleep, I gently squeezed his hand, before closing my eyes.

I was going to be happy again.
I was holding myself to that.

Your thoughts? Hope you all enjoyed! :D :D