Author Note: Dear Diary will be out tomorrow, so please enjoy this in it's wake. I don't know how to explain my inspiration for this. You know there was this guy I was messing around with that absolutely trampled me and so I figured the only way to deal with it is to write about it. Hope you enjoy.

"I want to cuddle"

It was a simple request she had made of him so why did it take so much strength on her part to ask it of him? She sat next to him now with so much determination in her stance, in her eyes. He laughed at the picture she had painted before him; there was still so much of Granger he had to control.

Hurt by his laughter she immediately withdrew and went back to her position on the bed next to him committed to not letting his nonchalance affect her.

"What are you not talking to me now? Come here"

He gently goaded her into his arms with a confident smirk on his face. He had a way of making her feel so inferior, so unimportant that when situations like this arose they all but overwhelmed her. She kept herself utterly still for fear that her movements would shatter the action she had coveted for so long. He fell asleep relatively quickly leaving her in his room with her own thoughts. She gazed up to the ceiling with mixed feelings.

Was this what she really wanted?

She glanced at his face, taking note of his features, every scar, every pore she would remember from then on.

Was he what she really wanted?

She was trapped in this and she knew it. She wasn't sure what her standing was with him; there were so many other women she had no idea about. There was so much he wouldn't share with her. She had never felt so insecure in her life. She would never know unless she asked, and if she asked he simply wouldn't answer and leave her there as usual thoroughly lost and confused.

Was this her final chance at happiness?

She glared at him now, hating herself for the position she was in. Hating herself for being so damn attracted to him. She knew she deserved more from him, she also knew that he once gave his all to his past love. What she didn't understand is why he wouldn't do the same for her.

What was so great about that girl anyway? Did she put up with his ridiculous sex 3 days a week rule? Was she integrated into his illegal activities? Was she pure blood? Was she prettier than herself? What did she have that Granger didn't? And if the woman was so damn perfect why didn't he ever go to her?

What was she thinking? He did go to her he had to have. Malfoy didn't care enough about her to just fuck only her. With what she had heard he liked to fuck everything.

For the first time in her life Hermione Granger found herself drowning with no water present. There she was, that girl, that woman, that thing that had been placed so far above herself in the hierarchy of Draco Malfoy's life. She was absolutely gorgeous and stood in front of Hermione with her palm extended.

Hermione's hands suddenly felt very clammy she wasn't prepared to touch this girl; she wasn't prepared to encounter what she envisioned to be the smoothest skin on the planet. She wasn't prepared to feel a touch better than her own.

"Hi"

She smiled weakly as the world crushed her, the girl was every bit as perfect as she had imagined, Hermione's skin almost burnt when their hands touched.

"You're Granger right? I have heard so much about you? I was hoping you could help me with my potions work, if I don't pass that course I probably won't even graduate"

The girl was so happy, so bubbly it almost made Granger retch. She was a 7th year Granger noted with thick blonde cascading hair that framed her face with it's bright sparkling green eyes perfectly. Angelina Hausra stood a good 3 inches taller than Hermione, she exuded grace and beauty, and she was everything Hermione had aspired to be.

"Potions? But I'm not in 7th year so I wouldn't have any idea about the course curriculum…"

She quietly replied. Angelina threw her head back in laughter and took Hermione's arm in her own acting as if they had known each other for years.

"Oh come off it Hermione! Everyone at Hogwarts knows you are a natural for this sort of stuff, well I'm surprised Snape hasn't poisoned himself trying to give you a grade less than an A! So what do you say babe? Help a girl out? I'll pay you if you like."

Hermione blushed profusely at this and mumbled a "No that won't be necessary" as she looked down to her feet. "Wonderful!" Angelina squealed. "So I'll see you Wednesday afternoon then?"

Hermione could do nothing but nod; shocked at situation she had managed to find herself in.

"Oh I don't care what those other Slytherins say about you! You're an absolute sweetheart!!!"

Angelina hugged Hermione goodbye and all but glided down the corridor. Hermione Granger simply couldn't move, she knew she had Transfigurations next but at the rate her body was shutting down she highly doubted she would make the class. She wasn't exactly sure what she was feeling but it wasn't good at all. She felt herself choking as the tears began to overflow and without a sound she rushed to the astronomy tower.

And it was there she spent the rest of her day and night without a thought of civilization. She had no idea where to go from here and she had no idea what Malfoy had done to her. Every thought of moving on, every thought of putting on a brave face thoroughly disgusted her. For the first time in her life she wanted to be miserable as she had spent most of her teenage years faking her happiness now her misery felt an absolute necessity.

She had stopped crying now, having found that there was no water left in her system to contribute to her sorrow. Now she simply felt nothing. She wasn't exactly sure what was happening to her and she was too scared to find out.

The moon shone brilliantly in the dark night sky, stars around it twinkling in competition. It illuminated the dark and cold room enough for Hermione to make her way around without harming herself.

She gazed up at the moon with a feeling of hopelessness. She knew that nothing would get better; she knew that he simply wouldn't give her what she so desperately needed. So why on earth did she continue to do this to herself?

What exactly was she doing here?

She had papers to write, books to read, knowledge to acquire but instead she was here in the loneliest corner of Hogwarts wailing her heart out about God only knows what.

"Oh Hermione" she sighed flooded with disappointment.

She had been so eager in the beginning…she had been so happy. Every touch, every glance, every kiss had set her on fire. Any little thing he said to her benefit would keep her high for days. But now…now it seemed so different, he almost acted as if he had no time for her, as if she was nothing but a nuisance. It was becoming painfully obvious how in love with him she was, and his lack of feeling for her was also quite apparent.

"Hermione!" A baritone voice she was accustomed to reverberated through the cold room. She chuckled; her reveries had her hallucinating again.

"Hermione!"

Now she could hear footsteps as a familiar chill crept up her spine. Fear held her once more and she knew if she turned around she would be facing the dragon itself.

"So do you like to disappear like this often?"

His tone made her feel as if she had been backhanded, but she kept her back towards him, willing him to disappear. But she knew he wouldn't. Not until he had completely destroyed her. He wouldn't leave her until she was dead. A brief idea flickered through her mind as she stared at the fog beneath the window.

'One single jump and you'd never see him again'

That was enough for her, so in one moment of desperation Hermione Granger jumped out off the astronomy tower window leaving an utterly horrified Malfoy in her wake.

Authors Note: Hope you liked it. Please review and no flames. I'll update Dear Diary tomorrow. Promise!!!

Have a good day!