Cold Heart
Title: Cold Heart
Author: Lady Lawliet
Rating: Teen
Genre: Angst/ Tragedy
Warnings: Seriously anguished Kagome.
Disclaimer: No, I do not own the series or the characters. I freaking wish I did because it'd be sweet, but I don't. -Turns to macho-looking lawyers- For the last time, GO AWAY, DAMMIT.
Summary: Don't believe the lies inside telling you not to even try. InuKag. Sometimes, trying is better than not saying anything at all.
A/N: You guys are going to hate me. All you InuKag fans will in all foreverness and stuff like that. But I basically wrote this to vent out my anger because of something that my friend said to me on the phone. D: I do not hate Inuyasha or Kagome. But go ahead sending me reviews telling me I'm a horrible/terrible person. –L.L.
(Edit: I really want to thank the authors that have reviewed so far; I thought I'd only get one review for this story. So, I just want to say, I love you, reviewers. You guys give me confidence in my work. :) )
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C h a p t e r O n e: Wounding Protection
Inuyasha had settled himself at the edge of the plateau, keeping an attentive eye on his companions, his hands hidden away in the sleeves of his haori. But really, keeping a lookout wasn't the reason why he was where he was. He was there to mull things over that kept him awake and disconcerted.
He denied loving her from the beginning, pushing her away like he always did; he was trying not to love her. But she made it so goddamn hard.
One eye of melted gold peeled open, flickering over to the campfire and then over to the silhouette of her slumbering figure.
Every aspect of her enticed him, her chocolate brown orbs that held so much softness, so much love. Her blue-black hair, contrasting his colorless mane completely, that framed her petite features. Her strength, every bit of power flowing into those sacred arrows as she so gracefully and so fiercely launched them at the demons they faced.
"Inuyasha," An elfin voice yawned. He knew it was her, and he damned Lady Luck.
He tossed an askance look over his shoulder, attempting to look annoyed—and by the disgruntled expression on her face, he assumed it was working. "What?" He spat bitterly.
Kagome flinched at the verbal hostility he just snarled at her and sat down beside him slowly. "I wanted to ask you something…"
Inuyasha opened his other amber eye in sudden interest, but quickly concealed it. "What now?" He retorted, anger rising in his throat.
She seemed so tiny and fragile this night, every word he threw at her appeared as if it was going to break her at any moment. Finally, the priestess sighed. "Inuyasha, do you—do you hate me?"
That question took him by absolute surprise. His heart was practically screeching: No, I fucking love you! But his mouth betrayed his core. "No, I don't hate you." The traitorous, deceiving eyes led her to believe something else.
Those eyes, those brown eyes that were his weakness stared at him with hurt. "I won't break away from the fact that I'm just like her will I?" She spat out the name so venomously, like it was poison on her lips. She averted her eyes away from his and looked at the pale hands that were clasped in her lap. "I'm always the little girl in her shadow. So diminutive and trifling compared to her."
Kikyo.
The name of the dead woman that refused to let go of life. The soul that still lingered in the land among the living. The very name made him think of things—things he didn't want to think. Like the promise of escorting her to hell, forever spending an eternity with her.
He inwardly shuddered at the thought, he fell out of love with her. Little feelings still remained for the cold, withdrawn shell of the priestess.
But he never went back on his word, never.
Kagome must've been reading his thoughts, because for a split second, a look of unease washed over her. "You have frequent thoughts about her, don't you?" The inquiry was shaky, as if afraid to hear the answer he might give her.
He had no thoughts about her up until now. His scowl only grew and his glare turned cold.
Kagome was terribly confused and hurt, she didn't understand the mixed feelings that he was sending her. She reminisced on the question that had haunted her since the encounter with Kaguya, and now with the time that had finally come, she wanted to speak her mind. "I've been thinking a lot lately," Her voice quivered and shook, optimism rapidly leaving the schoolgirl. "And with Naraku killed and the Jewel reconstructed, I'm no help here now." She fidgeted with a blade of grass. "I was considering going home—for good."
Inuyasha's heart wrenched. A fear churned inside the pit of his stomach. "For… good?" He repeated the words, they echoed in his mind.
"Yes, and you've said it before, I don't belong."
He got a sick sensation in his stomach, as if his intestines were being knotted up, twisted, and ripped out. "Yeah, it's for the best, besides, you'll just end up dieing staying here."
Kagome winced visibly. Those words stung and pricked at her like a needle to the eye.
He couldn't take it. Hurting her in this way and rejecting her. But he knew he couldn't love her in the way that she wanted. Owing his soul to Kikyo, he would have to leave her at some point and he couldn't do that to Kagome, it wouldn't be right.
When Kikyo would come to harvest his spirit, Kagome's attendance would displease her. And Kagome might end up dieing like Inuyasha had stated moments before.
"Inuyasha," Her voice saying his name jerked him out of his thoughts and brought him to reality.
He growled. "What?"
She scrounged up every scrap of courage that rest within her body. "Did you ever love me? Was there even a tiniest fragment of affection that you felt for me?" Her eyes glimmered in the moonlight, crystal tears threatening to leak from the corners of her eyes.
Yes, I love you more than I ever could.
He didn't say it. His heart was cracking—the unbearable stinging pain was cultivating in his chest, he ignored it. "No."
And in that silence, her delicate, untainted heart shattered. He was breaking her. Her willpower, her happiness, her spirit died.
Inuyasha could smell the scent of salty tears that rolled down her cheeks. He wished he could stop her hurt. But this was the only way she'd be safe from Kikyo, who was a much more powerful archer than Kagome is.
Kagome was a strong girl, and with a sniff, she collected herself, stood up, and turned her back on him with trembling shoulders. "I'll be going now," She paused. "Goodbye, Inuyasha."
She began walking away; it took every ounce of strength to keep her going on her unstable legs. It took every ounce of strength not to collapse on the ground and sob.
She stopped, feeling Inuyasha's eyes penetrating her being. "I still love you." She craved for him to say something, anything that she could use as an excuse to keep her from leaving.
He loves her. He doesn't say it.
She begins walking down that familiar path that she took so many times before, she doesn't want to.
His heart freezes again.
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H.S.: Oh God, this got me crying while I was writing this. Goddamn these emotions. Anyways, flame or praise me as you will.