Chapter 1: Round one: begin!
"There's gotta be some way to get rid 'o' dat there Kirby!" said King Dedede. He was mad for 3 reasons. #1: His cereal had been in the wrong color bowl that morning. #2: He'd forgotten his prozac. and #3: Kirby had just left a little "Present" in the fountain outside. Escargoon said, Well,you'll never be able to sic a monster on him, he always eats it! And I bet he has a really high tolerance for alcohol. King Dedede shot up in his chair as a lightbulb appeared over his head. However, he'd gotten up so fast that he burned his head on the lightbulb. "Ow, son of a- Hey! I've got a brilliant Idea!" Escargoon sighed and sweatdropped. "It isn't the one about the rabid monkey again, is it?" "NO! this one's totally different!" Escargoon smirked. "Is it a rabid kitten this time?" King Dedede bristled. "I'm not the one who tried to stop him with a dead clown!" "Hey, you KNOW I was wasted when I thought of that!" Escargoon calmed down. "What is your plan?" King Dedede smiled evily. "I'll wait till the next paragraph.
Tiff, Tuff, and Kirby were playing outside. They were playing "Firing Squad" where two of them were the gunmen, and one of them was the victim, who was shot with water guns. Right now, It was Kirby's turn to be the victim. "Any last words before we kill you?" said Tiff. "Pyu pyo byo pyo pyu pyu byo, pyo pyo pyu byo, pyo pyu byo pyu pyu, byo byo pyu pyo." (Translation: I want chicken fried steak with gravy on the 'taters, I wanna sh*t in your shoe and have Ribbon sit in my lap, 'cuz I'm one horny Star Warrior." Tiff turned to Tuff. "Isn't it cute how he's too young to think of what his final words would be if he was gonna die?" So they got ready, when King Dedede came out. "Kirby!" He said "I challenge you to a drinking contest!" Tiff rolled her eyes, "Why the heck would you think up something like this? King Dedede said, "Because, If I didn't, there'd be no story.
The two were sitting at a table, ready to begin. Escargoon came by and poured them each a glass of wine cooler. "Round one: Begin! said Escargoon.
King Dedede swallowed his in one drink
Kirby did also.
Escargoon poured them two glasses of wine cooler again.
King Dedede drank his
So did Kirby.
Two more glasses of wine cooler were poured
King Dedede drinks his
Once again, so does Kirby.
Two more
King Dedede swallows his
So does Kirby
Blah blah blah blah two more shots
King Dedede blah blah blah
Blah blah blah Kirby
Escargoon held up his arms. "The second quarter of round one will begin after a quick intermission for more refreshments. Tiff turned to Tuff. "King Dedede will never win! There's no WAY he can drink more than Kirby! Tuff didn't look so sure. "I don't know, Tiff. I've seen King Dedede drink Escargoon under the table when THEY have contests. "That's because Escargoon isn't even tough enough to beat up Spongebob Squarepants." Lady Like and Sir Ebrum were watching the contest. Now they were placing bets on who was gonna win. "I think King Dedede!" said Sir Ebrum. "Kirby will win!" said Lady Like. "Hey! let's pool our money! said Sir Ebrum. So everyone in the room began to pool their money for the betting. Even Tiff and Tuff. They all began to talk about stuff like that, when Tuff yelled, I take on the winner! Soon, the little drinking spat turned into as full-fledged tournament for people to test their alcohol tolerances. One person would challenge the winner of the previous tournament, until there was one winner. It snowballed from there, and a prize was even put up for the winner. The prize was a trophy, a copy of SSBM, and a free full-length stay at the local alcoholics anonymous center. So after it was organized the second quarter of the tournament began.
Escargoon poured each of them a glass of beer. "Second Quarter: Begin!"
King Dedede drank his.
Kirby did too.
Two more glasses.
King Dedede swallowed his
So did Kirby
A couple more glasses
King Dedede finished his
Kirby also did
You know the drill by now
King Dedede you-know-what
Kirby also you-know-what
You'd have to be pretty stupid not to know what's going on by now
King Dedede did what needed to be done
Kirby continued to do what was being done before.
Escargoon held up his arms again. "The third quarter will begin after the halftime show." The halftime show consisted of the castle guards beating each other to death with their spears. Everyone clapped and cheered as they beat each other to a bloody pulp. One of them got a spear in the *ss, one of them was kicked in the head, one of them was b*tch slapped, and one of them was run through a cheese grater. Tiff turned to her parents and said, "They did something like this in ancient times, except they didn't grate people into ground meat with cheese graters. Plus, I don't think b*tch slapping was allowed. Tuff was sulking. "I wish it had been an exotic dancer." 'Me too" said Sir Ebrum. Lady Like took that oppotunity to beat him up. "Take that, Bee-yotch!" she said. This started a riot in the stands, until what remained of the castle guards were called in to stop the riot. Escargoon called everyone's attention. "The third quarter will now begin!"
Two glasses of Wine cooler were poured
King Dedede Sucked it down
Kirby followed suit
Two more
King Dedede emptied his glass
Kirby did the same
Again.
King Dedede finished his
Kirby drank his, too.
Once again
King Dedede did it again
so did Kirby
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah
Escargoon held up his arms again. Everyone began to talk. Metaknight was bragging about how he was going to beat out everyone. "How do you know that?" challenged Tiff. "What do you think us star warriors did when there wasn't a fight? We spent most of our time drunk off our *sses." "No wonder you lost the war." said Tuff. This started another riot, which the castle guards had to break up. Escargoon held up his hands. "Begin the final quarter!"
Two glasses
King Dedede drank it
Kirby did, also
King Dedede did it once again
Kirby did too
King Dedede chugged it
Kirby sucked it down
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
King Dedede blah blah blah blah blah
Kirby blah blah blah blah.
*Repeat*
*Repeat*
*Repeat*
Escargoon held up his hands. "Round two will begin in the next chapter!
End of round 1
"There's gotta be some way to get rid 'o' dat there Kirby!" said King Dedede. He was mad for 3 reasons. #1: His cereal had been in the wrong color bowl that morning. #2: He'd forgotten his prozac. and #3: Kirby had just left a little "Present" in the fountain outside. Escargoon said, Well,you'll never be able to sic a monster on him, he always eats it! And I bet he has a really high tolerance for alcohol. King Dedede shot up in his chair as a lightbulb appeared over his head. However, he'd gotten up so fast that he burned his head on the lightbulb. "Ow, son of a- Hey! I've got a brilliant Idea!" Escargoon sighed and sweatdropped. "It isn't the one about the rabid monkey again, is it?" "NO! this one's totally different!" Escargoon smirked. "Is it a rabid kitten this time?" King Dedede bristled. "I'm not the one who tried to stop him with a dead clown!" "Hey, you KNOW I was wasted when I thought of that!" Escargoon calmed down. "What is your plan?" King Dedede smiled evily. "I'll wait till the next paragraph.
Tiff, Tuff, and Kirby were playing outside. They were playing "Firing Squad" where two of them were the gunmen, and one of them was the victim, who was shot with water guns. Right now, It was Kirby's turn to be the victim. "Any last words before we kill you?" said Tiff. "Pyu pyo byo pyo pyu pyu byo, pyo pyo pyu byo, pyo pyu byo pyu pyu, byo byo pyu pyo." (Translation: I want chicken fried steak with gravy on the 'taters, I wanna sh*t in your shoe and have Ribbon sit in my lap, 'cuz I'm one horny Star Warrior." Tiff turned to Tuff. "Isn't it cute how he's too young to think of what his final words would be if he was gonna die?" So they got ready, when King Dedede came out. "Kirby!" He said "I challenge you to a drinking contest!" Tiff rolled her eyes, "Why the heck would you think up something like this? King Dedede said, "Because, If I didn't, there'd be no story.
The two were sitting at a table, ready to begin. Escargoon came by and poured them each a glass of wine cooler. "Round one: Begin! said Escargoon.
King Dedede swallowed his in one drink
Kirby did also.
Escargoon poured them two glasses of wine cooler again.
King Dedede drank his
So did Kirby.
Two more glasses of wine cooler were poured
King Dedede drinks his
Once again, so does Kirby.
Two more
King Dedede swallows his
So does Kirby
Blah blah blah blah two more shots
King Dedede blah blah blah
Blah blah blah Kirby
Escargoon held up his arms. "The second quarter of round one will begin after a quick intermission for more refreshments. Tiff turned to Tuff. "King Dedede will never win! There's no WAY he can drink more than Kirby! Tuff didn't look so sure. "I don't know, Tiff. I've seen King Dedede drink Escargoon under the table when THEY have contests. "That's because Escargoon isn't even tough enough to beat up Spongebob Squarepants." Lady Like and Sir Ebrum were watching the contest. Now they were placing bets on who was gonna win. "I think King Dedede!" said Sir Ebrum. "Kirby will win!" said Lady Like. "Hey! let's pool our money! said Sir Ebrum. So everyone in the room began to pool their money for the betting. Even Tiff and Tuff. They all began to talk about stuff like that, when Tuff yelled, I take on the winner! Soon, the little drinking spat turned into as full-fledged tournament for people to test their alcohol tolerances. One person would challenge the winner of the previous tournament, until there was one winner. It snowballed from there, and a prize was even put up for the winner. The prize was a trophy, a copy of SSBM, and a free full-length stay at the local alcoholics anonymous center. So after it was organized the second quarter of the tournament began.
Escargoon poured each of them a glass of beer. "Second Quarter: Begin!"
King Dedede drank his.
Kirby did too.
Two more glasses.
King Dedede swallowed his
So did Kirby
A couple more glasses
King Dedede finished his
Kirby also did
You know the drill by now
King Dedede you-know-what
Kirby also you-know-what
You'd have to be pretty stupid not to know what's going on by now
King Dedede did what needed to be done
Kirby continued to do what was being done before.
Escargoon held up his arms again. "The third quarter will begin after the halftime show." The halftime show consisted of the castle guards beating each other to death with their spears. Everyone clapped and cheered as they beat each other to a bloody pulp. One of them got a spear in the *ss, one of them was kicked in the head, one of them was b*tch slapped, and one of them was run through a cheese grater. Tiff turned to her parents and said, "They did something like this in ancient times, except they didn't grate people into ground meat with cheese graters. Plus, I don't think b*tch slapping was allowed. Tuff was sulking. "I wish it had been an exotic dancer." 'Me too" said Sir Ebrum. Lady Like took that oppotunity to beat him up. "Take that, Bee-yotch!" she said. This started a riot in the stands, until what remained of the castle guards were called in to stop the riot. Escargoon called everyone's attention. "The third quarter will now begin!"
Two glasses of Wine cooler were poured
King Dedede Sucked it down
Kirby followed suit
Two more
King Dedede emptied his glass
Kirby did the same
Again.
King Dedede finished his
Kirby drank his, too.
Once again
King Dedede did it again
so did Kirby
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah
Escargoon held up his arms again. Everyone began to talk. Metaknight was bragging about how he was going to beat out everyone. "How do you know that?" challenged Tiff. "What do you think us star warriors did when there wasn't a fight? We spent most of our time drunk off our *sses." "No wonder you lost the war." said Tuff. This started another riot, which the castle guards had to break up. Escargoon held up his hands. "Begin the final quarter!"
Two glasses
King Dedede drank it
Kirby did, also
King Dedede did it once again
Kirby did too
King Dedede chugged it
Kirby sucked it down
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
King Dedede blah blah blah blah blah
Kirby blah blah blah blah.
*Repeat*
*Repeat*
*Repeat*
Escargoon held up his hands. "Round two will begin in the next chapter!
End of round 1