This is a silly little one shot inspired by kimchiicetofragrant on Tumblr. Sorry if the characters are a bit OOC.
It was a simple question, really. Xiao didn't understand what the big deal was, or why the old man was sputtering in irritation.
"Come on, teacher," he drawled. "Just tell us: Where do babies come from?"
"Aiyaa! Stop asking me that!" shrieked Yao. Mei flinched next to Xiao. She thought maybe they had done something wrong by asking. "Who put you up to this? Was it Yong Soo?" – His eyes narrowed in suspicion – "Was it Arthur?"
"No, old man, no one told us to ask you. We're just curious." Xiao sighed. If it was just him asking, he would tease him until Yao either answered or chased him off. But Mei really wanted to know, so the teasing would have to wait until later.
"Please, teacher, we just want to know." She chipped in.
Yao sighed. "Kids these days know too much about that stuff anyway, aru. I won't tell you." With that, he crossed his arms, as if to end the conversation. Xiao grabbed Mei's hand.
"Let's go find someone else to ask," he said, expressionless.
They decided to try Kiku, mostly because he was closest. They knocked on his door together and waited patiently as he came to answer.
"Hello? Oh, hello Mei, Xiao," he said, smiling warmly at the two. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"
They looked at each other then asked in unison: "Where do babies come from?"
"What?!" Kiku's calm countenance disappeared, and he blushed furiously. "Why would you ask me something like that?"
"We're curious, and teacher wouldn't tell us," Mei answered. She was always a bit braver around Kiku than Yao, whereas Xiao was just the opposite.
Like Yao, Kiku was now sputtering in confusion. His face continued to turn brighter and brighter shades of red. Finally, he gave a firm, "Sorry, maybe some other time," and slammed the door on them. They blinked at the door.
"I didn't expect him to do that," Xiao said quietly.
"Well, who do we ask now?"
"Yong Soo is older than us; maybe he knows."
"I don't really trust some of the things he says, but I guess we don't have any other choice…"
So off they went to their "big brother's" house. This time, they let him welcome them in before asking.
"So what's up?" asked Yong Soo before taking a sip of his tea.
"Where do babies come from?" asked Xiao, who promptly had tea spat all over him. This wasn't turning out to be a good day for him.
"Why would you ask me something like that? Go ask the old man!"
"We already did! He wouldn't answer! And we just came from Kiku's house, and he wouldn't answer us either! Is anybody going to?" Mei sounded pretty fed up, and Xiao couldn't blame her.
"No one will answer?" Yong Soo sighed. "Then I suppose it's my duty as your big brother to tell you."
Xiao had never seen him act this mature as he calmly explained something about bees and birds. Mei seemed to understand what he was saying, but Xiao was completely lost. When Yong Soo was finished explaining, Mei smiled and thanked him, and he looked nervously at his "younger brother."
"Do you understand everything, Xiao?"
"No."
"Well, uh, I don't know how else to explain it to you. Maybe you could find someone else, because I'm not very good at this stuff."
*One week later*
After calling Alfred multiple times throughout the week, Xiao had finally decided just to go over to his house.
"Uh, hey, Xiao, what are you doing here?" asked Alfred nervously when he opened the door.
"I think you know why I'm here," he replied coolly, pushing past him and entering the house. He turned to look at Alfred, who was still standing in the doorway. "Where do babies come from?"
"Jeez, fine," Alfred sighed. "Just wait on the couch for a bit, okay?"
Xiao sat obediently while Alfred went to make a phone call. In a few minutes, Yong Soo came to the door.
"Xiao, what are you doing here?" he asked.
"Your brother wants to know where babies come from," Alfred said. "Why don't you tell him?"
"I already did! It's not my fault he didn't understand!"
Alfred and Yong Soo sat on either side of Xiao on the couch.
"What is it that you don't understand?" Alfred asked gently.
"Well, I get that babies are made in flowers by bees and then hatched in eggs by birds, but I don't understand how they get in the eggs. And do birds bring the hatched babies to humans, or is that what people buy in the store by the dozen?"
Xiao didn't understand why Alfred was laughing so hard. He was pretty sure that was what Yong Soo had told him.
"Dude, you gave him the Birds and the Bees talk?" Alfred laughed.
"I don't know how else to explain it! Why don't you tell him, since you obviously know better?"
Alfred blanched. "Well, uh, see, Xiao, oh jeez, I can't do this!"
Just then, there was another knock at the door before the visitor walked in.
"Al, are you ready to play some baseball?" asked a quiet voice.
"Oh, hey, Mattie," he greeted offhandedly. "Wait a second…" Something clicked in Alfred's head, and he turned to his brother, smiling. "We've got a bit of a problem here. Xiao wants to know where babies come from, and—"
"And you two are too immature to give him a straight answer," Matthew cut in. He sighed. "Fine, I'll talk to him."
Alfred and Yong Soo cleared out of the room, neither one of them wanting to be there for the uncomfortable conversation. Matthew sat on the couch next to Xiao, muttering something about nations being mature enough to handle sex. He then proceeded to give the boy a detailed description of reproduction, leaving nothing to be confused about.
Xiao went home that day, glad that Mei had been satisfied with the Birds and the Bees talk. He didn't think he had ever blushed so badly in his life.
The End.