Yu-Gi-Oh: Battle City 2003 By: Luey Bio: Based on the hit TV Show Yu-Gi-Oh! Just a story to make you laugh! Rated: R, for bad language, comedy, violence, and sex. (Thoughts) * Actions* /Side comments/ [Game shop] Grandpa Moto: All set for the Battle City Tournament, Yugi? Yugi: Yeah I'm already. Tea: I'm so excited! Triston: I can't believe Joey actually got in! Joey: You got a problem dick head! Triston: Grrr! That's it! * Gives him a purple nurple* Grandpa: Oh I'm getting turned on! Yugi: What? Grandpa: * Changing subject* my Tea, Mai, and Serenity, you've grown since I last saw you, especially your ass and bust. Tea: Uh. Mai: What?!? Serenity: Um, I've got to go! * They run away* Grandpa: Was it something I said? Yugi: Stop hitting on them, you're a 70-year-old pervert! * Leaves* Grandpa: Hey Joey want to "help" me clothes the shop? Joey: Uh, no thanks we've got to go! * They run away* Grandpa: "sigh", I might as well just watch TV. Ooh! Porn! Yes! [City] Joey: I feel lucky! Hey you loser what to duel? Bakura: What'd you call me? Joey: Ryou? Wuz up? Bakura: Ryou is not here. Triston: That's that freaky evil Millennium spirit! Yugi: I will duel you! Joey: No thanks Yugi, he's mine! Bakura: Bring it on homo! * They duel & Bakura: 8000 Joey: 0* Bakura: Your red eyes! Joey: Sorry I don't have it, it was stolen. Bakura: What! Fine I'll take all your cards! * Takes them and leaves* Joey: God damit! Tea: Your sad. Serenity: I don't know him! Mai: Me either! Pegasus: * Walks up* /Not that! / Hello, hello! Mai: * Whispers to Serenity* What a Fruitcake! Serenity: Yeah! * Laughs* Pegasus: That's it bitch lets duel! Mai: Fine fairy-boy! * They duel* I play Harpy's Lady in attack mode! Pegasus: I play Toon World and Relinquish! * Pegasus wins* Mai: Awh damit! Pegasus: Ha! * Takes her card* Paul: * Walks up* I'll duel you! Pegasus: Ok! (This boy will be easy to defeat!) * They duel the boy wins* Paul: Now I have two Relinquishes, Ha! Lynn: Ha! My brother is the best duelist! Ha! Malik: * Walks up* Ha! Try and beat me! Bakura: * Walks up* try and beat me! * They both duel him and they both loose* Paul: Ha! I will find Kaiba and destroy him! Ha! * The two lovers walk up* Weevil: Try and beat me! Rex: If you beat my lover I will destroy you! * They both lose* Rex: Awh damit! Paul: Now to find Kaiba! [Yugi and Paul both have 6 pieces to the puzzle; Kaiba] Mokuba: Seto, Yugi and another kid already have 6 pieces and are headed this way! Kaiba: That what's they're supposed to do! (What a monkey ass!) Yugi: * Walks in* time to duel! * They duel and Yugi looses* Yugi: I failed! Isis: * Walks in* actually your destiny was to loose, my pharaoh. Yugi: I thought you were on my side! Isis: I' am, you were just supposed to loose! Kaiba: Ha, now I' am the 1# duelist! Paul: * Walks in* hello, I'm here to duel! Lynn: * Stares at Seto with amazement* Kaiba: Is she all right? Paul: She'll be fine, but I'd like to even the score! Kaiba: What did you have in mind? Paul: You win you get my deck. Kaiba: Ok? Paul: If I win, you have to take sister away from me! Lynn: oh I feel so loved! Kaiba: Fine, I'll beat you anyway! * They duel, Kaiba shockingly loses* Kaiba: How the fuck did I loose! Paul: Do you believe in the heart of the cards? Kaiba: YES! Paul: Well I didn't! Ha! Bye sister, have fun! Ha! * Runs away* Kaiba: So. Lynn: So. Mokuba: Your brother doesn't like you or something? Lynn: You see a cop framed me and my brother had to watch me at all the time and thinks it's funny to give me away! Mokuba: What were you framed for? Lynn: Let's see stealing money, attacking someone, and some other crap. Mokuba: Cool, you're my new best friend! Do you play with Barbie's, I mean video games? Lynn: Playstation? Mokuba: Of course! Lynn: All right then! * They go play Playstation* Kaiba: * Calls the court* what do you mean I have to take care of her! You cock suckers! Burn in hell you father fucker! * Hangs up and goes home* Lynn: No way! Duke Nukem Time Kill is so better then Die Hard! Mokuba: What about Grand Theft Auto 3? Lynn: That is a sweet game! 007 Night Fire? Mokuba: Oh Yeah, even 007 Agent Under Fire? Lynn: You like the twins don't you? Mokuba: * blushes* yeah, big brother! You ok? Kaiba: I'm gonna kill her brother. * Goes to bed* Mokuba: Goodnight. Weird? Lynn: He must have called that courthouse, and found out that I have to be watched at all times! Mokuba: You too? Lynn: You're on probation? Mokuba: No, I lied. Kaiba: * Walks up to them* how many more months/days are you on probation? Lynn: Actually only three more days! Kaiba: Good, good, you can stay in my room. * Walks away* Lynn: Where's he gonna sleep? Mokuba: Don't worry he never sleeps in his room, he's always working. You should have seen where he fell asleep last night! Lynn: Where? Mokuba: He passed out in the bathroom! * Laughs* Lynn: * Laughs* that is pretty funny! Mokuba: * Yawns* Well see ya, I'm going to bed. * Goes* Lynn: Uh, which rooms Kaiba's? * Goes up the stairs* now which of these * Counts* 25 doors is his bedroom? Kaiba: * Walks up* are you ok? Lynn: Uh, which ones your room? Kaiba: oh, that would probably help. * Points* it's the one with the cobwebs all over it. Lynn: Thanks. Kaiba: Oh yeah I should probably warn you but don't go outside the dogs might think you're an intruder. Lynn: Good to know. * Kaiba leaves* Lynn: The one with the spider webs huh? This does have spider webs? * Opens door and turns light on* yikes Mokuba was right, he doesn't ever sleep in his room. * Seeing that the carpets are white and not speck of dirt on them. The walls are white also that proves the point even more, cause ever corner has a spider web and there's no dirt or any clothes in sight. Or he could be a clean freak, but the spider webs give it away, looks at his bathroom, seeing not one speck of soap scum anywhere, not even and the floor and walls were spotless. And there is a brand new toilet roll, and the soap was never used the Windex wasn't even open yet* whoa! * Goes to sleep* [Next day] Lynn: * Yawns* what was that noise? * Runs to go see* Mokuba: You'll never take me alive! Pegasus: I'm afraid we will! [Outside in a van] Police Officer: They're defiantly in there. Kaiba: We need more proof! [Mansion] Pegasus: Grab him! Mokuba: Help, there trying to kidnap me! Help! Pegasus: Get him Kaiba-boy will be home soon! Kemo: Yes sir! I'm gonna get you, you little brat! Mokuba: No you butt head! * Throws a lamp at him* Kemo: You little shit! * Grabs him* Mokuba: Let me go! Lynn: Yikes, what am I gonna do? What do I do? I surely can't take them all on! I can't attack anyone or it's jail-time for me! I'll call Kaiba! * Calls his cell phone* [Van] Kaiba: * Phone rings* Hello? Lynn, what's wrong? Cop: That's not Lynn Vipper is it? Kaiba: I'll ask her. Is your last name Vipper? She say's yes. FBI Agent: Give me that phone! * Takes it* where are you? Ok get a camera a record it all, and remember you attack anyone your in jail! * Hangs up* don't tell me her brother tricked you and gave her to you to watch? Kaiba: How'd you know? FBI Agent: He's done it before, and it's the only possible way you'd be living with her! Cop: She's one annoying millionaire! CIA Agent: Listen! [Mansion] Pegasus: Let's go already! Dox: We'll get a hell lot of money from kidnapping Mokuba again! Para: Yeah, Kaiba won't even know what hit him! Crowcae: Sir, how much money would you say we would get this time? Pegasus: Oh I'd say a cool billion! * They all laugh like evil scientists* Mokuba: You'll never get away with it! [Van] Police Officer: Let's go! * They charge in* [Mansion] Cop: Get down! Pegasus: Fuck! CIA Agent: Anything you say will be used against you in the court of law. If you do not have a lawyer we will provide one for you. FBI Agent: You guys will be passed around like currency! Dox: NO! Para: NO! Crowcae: Yes! I mean dam! Pegasus: You'll never prove any of this! Police Officer: Oh Lynn? Lynn: * Walks up* Not you again! Police Officer: * Grabs tape and breaks it* Kaiba: Why did you do that? Police Officer: Lynn tried to kidnap Mokuba and these fine gentlemen tried to stop her. Mokuba: What are you talking about? Police Officer: There are five witnesses to prove my point! Pegasus: Yup! Lynn: I'm really getting sick of you always framing me! Kaiba: What the hell is going on here?!? Lynn: He's the cop that always framing me! Kaiba: You look awfully familiar? Police Officer: Mokuba: That's it! * Rips his wig off* Duke Devland! Duke: No! * Is about to shoot Mokuba* Lynn: * kicks the gun from him* FBI Agent: * Tackles Duke* Anything you say will be used against you in the court of law. If you do not have a lawyer we will provide the crummiest lawyer in the world for you. [After all the cops leave] Mokuba: Thanks for saving my life. Lynn: It was no problem, well since I'm free I'll be leaving, bye! * Leaves* Mokuba: Who was she anyway? Kaiba: * Reading the paper* I don't know. Mokuba: Wait what was her last name? Kaiba: Vipper, why? Mokuba: That's a funny one! Kaiba: I'm serious. Mokuba: You mean to tell me that she owns Vipper COM? Kaiba: What? Mokuba: Yup, Vipper COM is one of the richest computer companies the world! Well except for Yours, Bill Gate's, * Says about 50 other companies* Kaiba: * Jaw drop* Mokuba: (Hmm?) Imagine if you two married? Kaiba: * Thinks about it and gets all dreamy eyed* Mokuba: I knew it you wanted to jump her bones! * Calls her* hello, is Miss Vipper around, I need to talk to her. Just Say Mokuba is on the line! Ok. Hey hi Lynn wuz up? Lynn: Hey Mokuba! Guess what? Kaiba: You little shnit! Mokuba: * Runs with phone* Kaiba loves you! He wants to marry you! And have lots of babies! And kiss you! And do you all the time! Kaiba: Give me that phone you little shit! Mokuba: Here he wants to talk to you! * Gives him the phone* Kaiba: Um.Mokuba is really drunk he thought that Pegasus was hot. Lynn: Uh.what did Mokuba say about babies? Kaiba: He wants to have babies with Pegasus. Lynn: Oh? (REALLY?) Kaiba: Yup! * Hangs up* ha! Mokuba: Jerk ass! Kaiba: HA! HA! HA! * Walks away* Mokuba: * Calls her again* hi, Lynn? Lynn: Wuz up? Mokuba: Kaiba was the one who was drunk! He was saying how he loved you and wanted to marry you and make babies with you! And wanted you body and later said it was all true! And I'm not drunk! I can prove it to! Z-Y-X-W-V-U-T-S-R-Q-P-O-N-M-L-K- J-I-H-G-F-E-D-C-B-A! Lynn: Oh. so Kaiba likes me? Mokuba: Nope, he LOOOOVES you! Lynn: Really? Mokuba: Yup! He said it himself! Lynn: What did he rally say? Mokuba: You have a nice rack and a great ass and he'd love to jump your bones! Lynn: Cool. I guess? Mokuba: Yup! * Hangs up* [Kaiba] Kaiba: * His cell rings* hello? Lynn: Hey it's me Lynn. Kaiba: What's up? Lynn: Oh nothing.just that mokuba called me again and sang the alphabet backwards! Kaiba: What did he excatly say? Lynn: that YOU said that I had a nice rack and a great ass and you'd love to jump my bones! Kaiba: WHAT! That little shit! Lynn: I thought you said he was drunk? Kaiba: Well you see he has a very strange imaganasion since you own Vipper COM that we should get married, so he called you to tell you that in his own words! Lynn: He is a liitle shit! Kaiba: Yeah he is. So you want to get even with him? Lynn: Uh, ok! What's the plan? Kaiba: I don't know, got any ideas? Lynn: Eh, nope? Kaiba: You'd think billionares would have ideas all the time. Lynn: Yeah, we should, or at least pay other people to. Kaiba: Yeah. Lynn: I got it! Kaiba: What? Lynn: Is this line safe? Kaiba: Yeah. Lynn: Ok, well I pretend to sue you for sexual harassment and Mokuba has to live in in a cardboard box! Kaiba: I don't need that rep! Lynn: Oh yeah. Kaiba: Or we pretened to go out and I totally neglect him and he ends up telling you he lied! Lynn: Hm, that's not a bad idea! Kaiba: Cool! See ya tommorow! Lynn: Bye! * They hang up* Mokuba: * Walks in* did she fall for it? Kaiba: Yeah, she did. Mokuba: I told you I was gonna get you laid! Kaiba: You were right! [Next day] Kaiba: * Doorbell rings* that must be her. Mokuba: I'llk get it! Now don't crack! * Opens door* Lynn, what are you doing here? Lynn: I'm here to see Kaiba. Mokuba: Why? Kaiba: Hi sweetie! Lynn: Hi. (Ok he's acting like a total fruitcake!) Mokuba: SWEETIE? * Runs away* Lynn: That worked too well. Kaiba: Uh, maybe he's just really bothered by it. Lynn: Probably. [Ok you see I'm a person who could care less about all the love in a realasionship even if it's fake! So it's One month later and the day after Kaiba and Lynn had sex] Mokuba: I told you getting laid and not calling her makes you more of a man! Kaiba: Yippee! Mokuba: Ok no more yippee! Try cool! Kaiba: Cool? Cool! Cool! Mokuba: Ok you said cool enough for today! Kaiba: Cool! Mokuba: "Sigh" [Lynn] Lynn: "Yawn". Bob: * Her Secretary* Um aren't you gonna call Kaiba? Lynn: Why would I do that? Bob: Because it's the nice thing to do. Lynn: Give me a break, when you have sex you end the relationship even if it's so called "fake". Bob: You mean to tell me that you used him? Lynn: Pretty much. Bob: This is just like that incident with Bandit Keith! Lynn: Shut up! Bob: And Bakura, and Malik, and Ryou, and Marik, and, and, and there's some one else? Oh yeah and now Kaiba! Lynn: Big deal! Bob: You're a whore! Lynn: Probably. Bob: I've seen you hurt to many men! I'm telling Kaiba! * Runs away* Lynn: Great now I have to get up and chase him! * Runs after him* [Mansion] Kaiba: * The doorbell rings* what if that's Lynn? Mokuba: Tell her I cracked! Kaiba: Good one! * Opens door* Bob? Bob: Kaiba I've gotta talk to you! Kaiba: About what? Bob: Lynn used you! Kaiba: Huh? Bob: She's used a hell lot of men and hurt them many times! Love means nothing to her! She's just in it for the sex! Kaiba: Really? Mokuba: * Jaw drops* b.b.b* Mutters* how come Kaiba gets the whores! Kaiba: SSSHH! Bob: I thought you'd like to know that! Lynn: * From distance* damit! That stupid little mother fucker made it! * Leaves* Kaiba: Thanks Bob. * Slams door in his face* Bob: Glad I got the point threw* Leaves* Mokuba: She used you! Kaiba: I thought I used her? Mokuba: She obviously has done this before and had a lot of experience, so she used you! * Smirks* Kaiba: Grrr! Mokuba: And ya fell for it! Kaiba: I will not let her get away with this! * Leaves* Mokuba: He'll never learn! [Lynn] Lynn: * throwing pencils at the ceiling* ha! That's the 5th in a row! Kaiba: * Storms in* Lynn: What do you want? Don't tell me pussy-boy told you how I use men. Kaiba: Yup! Lynn: What are you gonna cry? Kaiba: I thought I was using you! Lynn: * Laughs* what? Kaiba: Mokuba said if I followed his instructions you'd be in bed in about a month! Lynn: What? Kaiba: I was trying to use you! Lynn: That really worked. Kaiba: Yeah it did. Lynn: That's never happened to me before. Kaiba: What? Lynn: The guy come back mad because he was using me! Usually come back pissed that I used them and want to know why I didn't call. Kaiba: So you're only in a relationship for the sex? Lynn: Pretty much. Kaiba: So you want to go out but have relationship with just sex? Lynn: Huh? I never thought about that. OK! Kaiba: OK! Bob: * Runs in* you two have learned nothing from me! Both: SHUT UP! So they end up having sex for the rest of their lives! The End Yugi: I don't get it! Luey: You wouldn't! Yugi: What is that suppose to mean? Luey: You're a stupid pink haired freak! Yugi: What? * Runs away weeping* Lynn: Uh where am I? Luey: My castle and you are my sex slave!! Lynn: oh goody! Luey: I hope you liked my story! Well I must go tend to my Slave! Bye!