Not What He'd Expected
AN
Yeah, I know, I should be updating my other fics… but this came to me in a dream and it's such a good story and it's just a one shot and- you know what, I don't give a smeg. I'm just gonna write it anyways.
TRIGGER WARNING: Self-harm is the basic theme of this
/AN
Another meeting, another day where Matthew had to suffer through being forgotten, ignored, and generally overlooked. After gathering his papers, mostly full of his carefully taken notes (that would probably end up being claimed by Alfred), he trudged through the snow back to the lodge. This year's meeting being in Russia, the nations had opted to stay all together in an old wooden lodge, rather than the usual hotels. And so Matthew, once again being disregarded, had ended up on the couch.
Arriving at the large timber cabin, the Canadian used his elbow to open the unlocked door, shuffling inside and dropping the stack of papers on the couch where he'd taken up residence. He quickly moved to the still-glowing embers in the fireplace, adding twigs and paper from the basket sitting alongside, and achieving a happily roaring fire.
Warming his hands against the dancing flames, Matthew looked around the suspiciously quiet room. Where was everyone? He contemplated calling out, but his instincts told him the house was empty. Instead, the blonde dug his phone out of his pocket and sent a short text to Alfred.
-Hey, where are you?
- prty. duh. y?
-What party?
-o shit, 4got 2 tell u
-Is everyone else there? The house is empty
-yea, evry1 xept u i gess. soz bro, i ment 2 tel u i promise
-It's alright, I'm not really in the mood for a party anyway
-no harm dun then? XD Probs wont b home til 2moz. dont w8 up 4 me
-I wasn't planning on it. Have fun
-thx bro, i sure will! bela is here 2 ;)
-Just don't get stabbed, okay? I'll talk to you tomorrow
-kk, c u 2moz. luv ya
-Love you too. Bye
A party. Of course. Where else would literally every other country be? He tossed his phone to the side, letting it flop dejectedly on the sofa. Still frowning a little from Alfred's terrible texting etiquette - he had a QWERTY keyboard on his i-phone, why didn't he make use of it? - he let one word stick in his mind. Harm… Sighing to himself, he stood up and made his way to the bathroom. It had been a while, but now seemed a good time to start it up again. Besides, he needed the stress relief.
He held his arm out over the sink, blade poised just inches above it. He shrugged. It never hurt anyway. Why delay it?
Slice
A cut for his papa, who had never even noticed. For in his eyes, little Mathieu was perfection, and could never do anything wrong. But he had forgotten too many times for the Canadian to actually believe it.
Slice
A cut for Arthur, who, if he was being honest, had caused the cutting in the first place. Taking him away from his papa, trying to take the role of father, that was what had pushed him to make those first scars, the ones that would never fade.
And when he had found out? He was furious. He yelled and raged and threw things across the room, but, in the end, he forgot. He let Alfred take up his time and left Matthew to his own devices.
Slice
A cut for Alfred, who was devastated when he found out. He cried his heroic tears, begged the arctic nation to stop, but Alfred had no power over him. And he too had forgotten, moved on to more important things. So the cutting continued.
Slice
A cut for Gilbert, always one for him. The albino had tried the hardest, had remembered the longest, long enough for the two to become close… too close. But that was their downfall; Gilbert tried to stop him. He took away the blonde's precious blades, reprimanded him whenever he saw the scars. And so Matthew had packed up and left, leaving behind the chance for the relationship that they both had hoped for.
The Canadian smiled, a little delirious, as the crimson rivulets ran down his pale, outstretched arm, splattering across the sink in crazed patterns. A strange sense of elation washed over him as he completed the ritual. Yet he felt as though he was missing some tiny detail, something both insignificant and of the utmost importance.
"It feels good, da?"
Matthew twitched, carefully keeping his back turned. He recognised everything about that voice, that little inflection at the end, the thick accent, the underlying tone of innocence.
"Ivan?"
"Da, it is me."
The metal sliver slipped from his pale hand, clattering loudly against the porcelain sink.
"I- I'm sorry, I was just…" just what? It was fairly obvious what he was doing, and yet he hastily wrapped his arm in a handtowel in an attempt to hide his marks.
"It is okay. It makes you feel better, da?"
"I…" he kept his head bowed, still refusing to turn and face the Russian. "Yes, it does."
"Okay. That is good."
Matthew frowned in confusion, trying to find any hint of malice in Ivan's angelic voice. Wasn't he going to stop him?
"Aren't you going to tell me it's wrong? That I shouldn't be hurting myself?" The blonde finally turned, still clutching his arm. Ivan simply sat there, on the edge of the bathtub, watching him innocently.
"Nyet. It does no bad to you, nor to me, so it is not problem."
Through the broken English, Matthew heard the message loud and clear.
I do not mind.
"Thank you," he smiled. The first person who accepted his actions, and it was the supposedly insane Russian. Funny how things work out.
"What is thank you for?" Ivan tilted his head in genuine confusion.
"For not stopping me," chuckled Matthew. For such a scary looking man, Ivan really was just a child. "Most people get angry, or upset, or try to stop me. You seem to understand though."
The Russian only shrugged. "If it helps, it should stay, da? I will not take happiness away from the sunflowers."
That was a curious thing to say. The Canadian moved to sit beside Ivan, leaning his head on the taller man's shoulder. Neither nation moved, simply enjoying the quiet, and the mutual respect they had found for each other in such a short space of time. It was nice to be understood. Though it was certainly not what he had expected.
AN
It turned out a little different to what I had intended, and the ending is kind of sucky, so I'll have to sort that out, but overall I think it went well. RusCan is just so smegging adorable, and Ivan is just the most adorable little innocent teddy bear EVER. As always, please review! And thank you for reading =^-^=
/AN